


The Boss's Son

by please_give_me_that_pen_back



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Age Difference, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, OOC af, Past Abuse, Past Accidental Overdose, Past Cheating, Past Drug Addiction, Slow Burn, They love each other, alex is a cranky teenager, alex is also kind of a crybaby tbh, but it was still cheating, emotttiiiooonnnss, everyone's stupid, i mean it was to hide his gayness, im knew to this tag thing sorry, learning how to fucking communicate, lots of breakdowns, past attempted sexual exploitation, really gay, thomas is a cinnamon roll rlly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2018-09-18 13:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 83
Words: 152,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9387125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/please_give_me_that_pen_back/pseuds/please_give_me_that_pen_back
Summary: After returning from France, Thomas Jefferson is forced to live with his boss until he can sort his living situation out. Which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for his boss's annoyingly arrogant son who he thinks he might be falling for.





	1. Homeless

Thomas sat in the back seat of a taxi, watching the city roll by. He rubbed his face and sighed. What the hell had he gotten himself into?

** 5 Hours ago **

James Madison and Thomas Jefferson sat in their office trying to get as much work done as they could. Thomas had only arrived a few weeks ago so was still learning the ropes, but he was already growing rather fond of his job. Of course, it helped that he shared an office with his best friend. 

There was only one major problem: Thomas was technically homeless. 

He had yet to find a place he could afford to rent on his own and none of his friends had any rooms free. For the most part, he was either crashing at friends' houses or spending the night in his office. It wasn't so bad, but it wasn't exactly a sustainable plan either. He looked at James on the other side of the room typing away on his laptop and took a deep breath, trying to sum up the mental energy to say what he needed to say. “Look… James, don’t get mad, but I think I have to go back to Virginia-”

“No. No way. I’m not letting you do that.”

“I don’t really have another choice… ”

“I went out of my way to get you this job, remember?”

Thomas silently sighed, “Yeah, but is it really worth being homeless for?"

James rolled his eyes, "You're being melodramatic, and it’s temporary. You'll find somewhere eventually."

Thomas picked up a bunch of papers and scoffed, "Yeah, of course you'd think that. You'd rather I found a roommate on craigslist or something."

He shrugged in response, "All I'm saying is that it's an option. Look, if I can share an apartment with Burr, you can handle a possible psychopath."

Thomas shook his head and chuckled a little motioning to the papers, "Well I need to go get these signed by Washington so I'll see you around."

Thomas left the room and walked across the building to his boss's office. In truth, the papers didn't need to be urgently signed. He just thought that it would be a good excuse to talk to him about shortening his contract. James would no doubt be mad of him, but he was sure that he'd understand eventually. It was silly, they'd made a pact before Thomas had left for France that if he decided to come back, he'd live in New York for a year. But he didn't think James would seriously hold him to it.

And yet, just as he was boarding the plane he received a text from James reminding him. Figuring  _what the hell have I got lose_ he decided he might as well go along with it. Something he was severely regretting now that he was homeless in an overcrowded city. 

He arrived at his boss's door, the plaque saying 'George Washington' and he straightened up a little before knocking. "Come in," came a voice as Thomas awkwardly opened the door, entering and quickly shutting it behind him. He always felt quite anxious about talking to Washington, he always presented himself in such a sophisticated manner. But Thomas had also quickly learned that the best way to deal with feeling anxious in a social situation is to just act confident. So he smiled brightly and walked up to his desk praying for the strength to get through this.

"Good morning, Mr Washington." Washington stopped writing whatever it was he was doing and stood to shake Thomas's hand, "A very good morning to you too, Mr Jefferson."

"I just have some papers I need you to sign off on" Thomas said as he handed the papers over. "Ah, thank you Jefferson. I don't think these need to be in for at least a few weeks. I hope you're not getting too ahead of work, I already have one workaholic I need to deal with daily" Washington joked. 

Jefferson coughed a little stuffing his hands into his pockets to stop him fidgeting, "Urm... Well I was actually hoping I could talk to you about something while I was here."

"Of course!" He immediately responded. Washington sat down and motioned to the chair on the other side of the desk, "please." Jefferson sat down on the chair and despite usually radiating cockiness, he felt his confidence falter ever so slightly. 

"What's on your mind?" He finally inquired.

"Sir... You know I'm so grateful that you gave me this job. I know that there were a lot of applicants and I wasn't exactly the most qualified choice...-"

Washington swatted a little as if pushing the conversation aside "Don't fret about it. Madison asked for a favour and I know Madison well enough to know he wouldn't suggest someone unless he knew they were capable. And quite frankly you’ve been working a lot harder than any of the other applicants would have.”

Thomas grinned but inside he was internally screaming, somehow the compliments made this ten times harder. “Yeah… Well I’m grateful but…” Thomas paused for a moment before finishing his sentence. “I think I have to resign."

Washington’s eyes widened ever so slightly and Jefferson suddenly felt a lot more uncomfortable. “I see…”

He knew that he didn’t really have to explain himself, but he felt a need to justify himself to Washington. “Well… I don’t think I can stay in New York for much longer, so… It’s just- urm- I’m kind of in a difficult housing position now.”

Washington blinked a few times, “Oh, I see. That’s most unfortunate…” Washington paused before continuing, “Is there any way I'd be able to help?”

“Oh, not really, Sir. It's just, I’m having some trouble actually finding somewhere to stay and none of my friends have spare rooms so-”

“Well then, why not stay at my home for a while?”

Thomas almost choked on his saliva, thinking for a moment he misheard him “I-uh-I… W-what?”

Washington shrugged like it was no big deal, “I happen to have a room free in my apartment. You’re more than welcome to stay for as long as you need, you don’t even have to pay rent.”

Thomas couldn’t believe that his _boss_ was offering him a home. He did it as if it was such a small and insignificant thing. “I-I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering. Look Thomas, you’ve been here a few weeks and your work is already to the same standard as those who’ve been here for years. I have a good feeling about you and I would hate it if you left without seeing all the opportunities this job could give you. Consider it a friendly gesture.”

Thomas thought for a moment. He knew this was a terrible idea. Nothing sounded more awkward than living with his boss and this would likely lead to an unending pit of guilt and trying to repay his debt. And yet it was true that this job opened up a lot of opportunities, and James would murder him if he found out he left New York without trying out every alternative.

So despite his better judgment, “Well, if you’re sure.”

** 5 Hours later **

Thomas arrived at the apartment building with a small suitcase in his hands. (Most of his clothes were still in Virginia. It seemed presumptive to bring a large amount of clothes when he didn’t even own a home yet.)

He took a deep breath, half wanting to run away, summing up a scrap of courage. He raised his fist and knocked three times.


	2. Alexander Hamilton

Thomas stood awkwardly, tapping his foot and trying to keep himself calm. After a few excruciating moments, the door opened.

Thomas blinked a couple of times. He was expecting the door to be opened by his boss, but instead the door was opened by a short, unfamiliar teenage boy. He had long dark hair tied into a loose bun- with loose strands hanging around his face. He looked tired and wound up, like he’d just woken up and was wearing a loose sweater and pyjama bottoms.

Thomas wondered briefly if he went to the wrong house. “Pardon me is this- ”

“Thomas Jefferson?” The boy interrupted, not letting Thomas finish his sentence.

 “I-eh…”

Without another word, the boy shoved out his hand proclaiming, “Alexander Hamilton.”

Left speechless by Alexander Hamilton’s tenacity, Thomas raised a hand to shake his. Compared to the boy’s aggressive persona, his handshake was oddly gentle and it almost made Thomas want to laugh. They made eye contact for only a brief moment before Hamilton darted back into the house, leaving the door opened and shouting, “Dad, Jefferson’s here.”

Thomas froze, _wait, Washington has a son?_ Thomas felt a bad feeling that he was _not_ going to get on with this kid, and he really didn’t need to be on the bad side of his boss’s son…

Washington appeared a moment later, “Thomas, please come in. Make yourself at home.” He was wearing a shirt and dress pants; not quite in a full suit but not nearly dressed casually either.

 Thomas slowly walked into his home, taking in the surroundings. The home was nice, larger than most apartments in New York but not intimidatingly so. There was a joint living room and kitchen, with a corridor next to the kitchen connecting to several doors- presumably where the bedrooms were. If Thomas wasn’t feeling so awkward, he’d probably find the atmosphere to be rather pleasant and comfortable.

“Mr Washington, I hope you’re having a lovely afternoon,” George smiled and pondered over to the kitchen to lean against a counter, “There’s no need to be so formal, Thomas. You can just call me George.”

Urm… so that’s weird. “Yeah…. Okay, _George,_ sir.”

George scowled a little, “I don’t suppose there’s any way I can convince you not to call me _Sir_ either?”

“Probably not,” Thomas admitted and George chuckled a little.

“Well then, how about I show you your room?” Thomas followed as George led him down the corridor. There were four rooms, one of the doors were open to show a bathroom, meaning the other three were presumably bedrooms. George stopped outside one of the doors, “This one’s yours. Is it adequate?”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. Adequate? He’d been crashing at work for the past three days, a literal cupboard would have been adequate. The room was of an average size, which was way more than enough considering he’d been expecting a shoebox room. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s perfect.”

George clapped his hands together, “Good, set your bags down. I’ll make us some drinks.”

Thomas walked into the room and dropped his suitcase on the floor besides the bed. The room was quite bare, presumably a guest room- which makes sense considering he is, well, a guest.

There was a twin sized bed, a dresser and a full length mirror. He went to stand in front of the mirror to make sure he looked okay. It was nice to know that at very least it didn’t look as tired as he felt, and he still had his style thank god. He took a moment to straighten himself before exiting to join George.

Closing the door behind him, he left the room just as George was pouring a golden liquid into a glass. “Do you like whiskey?” He asked. As Thomas hummed in approval, George poured some into another glass. He picked up both the glasses and took them over to a small dining table.  Thomas followed behind and sat at the edge of the table closest to George.

“I wanted to thank you for letting me stay here. I don’t know what else I’d have done,” Thomas admitted.

“Don’t worry about it, you just need a little help getting on your feet.”

Thomas sipped some of the whiskey, it tasted expensive and reminded him of the whiskey he would drink in Virginia- back when he had money. Consumed by thoughts of the South and France, Thomas considered everything he could have done and everything he missed. “Jesus, when you were my age you were already starting up a company. You had your life all figured out.”

George smirked, “Yes well, I had a lot less pride than you do. I was perfectly content with relying off of my parent’s money. I didn’t even think twice about it.”

Thomas hummed for a moment, he had no idea how George found out about that. He supposed that James told him when he was convincing him to give Thomas the job. It wasn’t that he had anything against his family. It’s just, when Thomas first left home, he decided that despite his wealthy upbringing he wanted to be self-reliant. Though evidently the ‘self-reliance’ part wasn’t working out so well…

Just as Thomas was about to respond, there was the sound of a door opening. Thomas looked over to the sound just as Hamilton emerged from his room and shuffled over to the kitchen, briefly sparing a piercing glance in their direction before using the filter coffee machine.

George gave an oddly amused look and breathed a light chuckle, “Hello there, Alexander.” The boy simply paused for a moment and looked over to them, “Dad. Jefferson,” he acknowledged before grabbing the entire coffee jug and going back to his room. When Thomas heard his bedroom door slam shut, he left out a breath of relief he didn’t even realise he was holding.

A few seconds of silence passed before George spoke again. “Sorry about him, he’s not normally like this. I don’t think he’s been sleeping much recently.”

“It’s fine,” Thomas assured him.

Around half an hour later, Thomas returned to his room. He knelt on the floor and started to open his suitcase. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do with his clothes. He considered putting them in the dresser, but didn’t want George and Alexander to think he was making himself _too_ at home. So instead, he decided to take out the things he needed for tomorrow and left everything else.

Just as he was taking the things he needed out of the suitcase, he suddenly became aware that he was being watched. He immediately looked over to the door which he’d left half open where Hamilton stood, leaning against the doorframe and looking down with a slightly annoyed, yet ultimately unreadable expression.

“Hey…” Thomas slowly stood up.

“Hey,” Alexander responded calmly, distracting himself by tapping his fingers against the door frame. “Jefferson?” He asked, his voice a little bolder this time.

Thomas smirked, “You know you can just call me Thomas.”

Alexander looked at Thomas as if he’d said something completely absurd, “Yeah, I’m not doing that.”

_Okay then, Hamilton it is._

Thomas stifled a laugh, “Well, what can I do for you, Hamilton?”

Hamilton stopped tapping his fingers and slowly slid his hand down. He looked over to Thomas before asking, “How long are you going to be staying here for?”

With those words, the weight of having to find his own place suddenly got a lot larger. Thomas swallowed, “Not too long. The moment I can get my own place I’m gone, I promise.”

Hamilton nodded a couple of times, “Okay.” He went to roll up his sleeves a little (as the sleeves were obviously far too long for him), and Thomas suddenly became aware of how small he was. “You know, you’re pretty intense for someone so tiny.”

Thomas truly wish he’d taken a picture of Hamilton’s reaction. He was irritated beyond any reasonable measure, but on Hamilton it just looked adorable. “I’m not that small…” he muttered as he sulked away.

It was strange, but Thomas knew that for at least a brief moment, he was in Hamilton’s head. And for some inexplicable reason, that gave him a large amount of satisfaction.


	3. Realisation

Around a week had passed since Thomas began staying at George Washington’s apartment. He was gradually becoming adjusted to living with his boss and would even say that they were friends. They had a sort of routine, they would drink coffee in the morning and would go to work together. At work, they didn’t see each other much and since Thomas left much earlier than George most days, the next time he saw him would usually be late afternoon.

However, he’d seen surprisingly little of Hamilton. And there was a little part of Thomas that worried he was avoiding him.

He would occasionally see him during dinner, but for the most part Hamilton would just ignore him and instead talk to George. Though most nights he didn’t even eat with them at all. Just saying he was too busy, which George did not seem all that amused by considering school hadn’t even started yet. For the most part, Thomas found that eating dinner with them was just awkward. That was one of the major problems with living with George; he was very insistent that Thomas join them for dinner even though he always felt like he was intruding.

It went on like this until one morning, Thomas was sitting with George as they drank coffee. George flicking through some newspaper and Thomas on his phone because _come on dude, it’s the_ _twenty-first century._

Hamilton came out of his room rubbing his eyes and Thomas immediately noted that he was _not_ a morning person (not that he’d exactly seemed like an evening person either.) “Good morning, son,” George greeted cheerfully; to which Hamilton mumbled something incoherent as he leant against a counter and more or less dropped his head onto it. As Hamilton winced, Thomas smirked to himself and just abouts stopped himself from laughing. Hamilton raised his head and for no apparent reason said, “Fuck off Jefferson.”

“Hey, language,” George lightly scolded. Thomas raised his hands to show he meant no harm, “I didn’t do anything.”

“You’re sitting there, it’s annoying.” Hamilton responded as he grabbed his bag and slowly walked over to the front door groaning about something until the door slammed shut.

“Don’t mind him,” started George, “He’s just worried because the school year starts today. That’s probably why he hasn’t been sleeping so well recently.”

Thomas nodded slowly. That made sense, he remembered high school. He _wished_ he didn’t. From outsider perspective, one would assume he had a great time at high school. He was popular, could get with any girl he wanted, was invited to all the parties and had surprisingly good grades considering he never spent any time studying. But in truth, he hated it. He felt pressured into doing all kinds of things he now regretted, he was anxious all the time and he was constantly suppressing himself in fear of being called ‘pussy’ or ‘fag.’ It wasn’t until he got to college and made friends with people like James Madison that he realised that it was okay to dress flamboyantly sometimes, like other boys and seek out help when everything felt like it was too much.

Thomas couldn’t help but wonder what Hamilton’s high school story was, but didn’t want to pry into the life of someone he didn’t really know. So he didn’t ask.

George and Thomas left for work a little while later and Thomas arrived at his office to see James looking at him with a mocking smile. “Soo……” James drawled. “How goes living with the boss?”

Thomas ignored James’s obvious amusement and went over to sit at his desk, “Surprisingly well. I don’t think I remembered what sleeping in the same bed for more than a day felt like.”

Thomas was hit with a need to talk about what happened that morning, but hesitated before speaking again- pondering over whether it was acceptable to bitch about the son of not only his boss, but also the person kind enough to offer him a home.

“Oh my god though… He has this kid…” Thomas started, but was interrupted when James began to chuckle. “So I take it you’ve met Alexander Hamilton then.”

“Yeah, barely met the kid and I can already tell he’s going to annoy me,” Thomas admitted. “Have you met him?”

James nodded, “Oh yes, everyone around here knows Hamilton. Every so and then he comes around here, walks around like he’s the boss.” He scoffed before adding, “I hate him so much. You should’ve heard all that shit about him from last year.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow, so apparently this kid gets on everyone’s nerves. At least that means if he gets really annoying he’ll have someone to talk to about it. Thomas wasn’t quite sure what James meant when he said he hated him, the tone made it seem like an exaggeration as opposed to genuine loathing. Either way, Thomas couldn’t help but wonder if Hamilton was really _that_ bad.

The rest of the day went by rather uneventfully. Thomas was able to get even more done than usual thanks to having slept better than usual. George called him to his office about half way through the day to inform him he’d be staying at work late and handed him a key to the apartment. Something about accepting the key made the whole situation seem so much more real.

He left a little after James but before George (who presumably had a lot of work,) arriving at the apartment not too much later. When he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was that the lights were all on. Realising that Hamilton was probably home from school, he scanned the living room quickly but he was nowhere in sight. Probably in his room, Thomas supposed. Walking to his room, he passed a quick glance over to Hamilton’s room, but completely stopped in his tracks when he realised that the door was half open. Thomas hesitated, his brain trying to convince himself to just keep moving. Ignoring his head for a moment, Thomas moved to stand at the door, looking through the gap.

Hamilton was lying on top of his bed on his stomach, typing away on his laptop, the room dimly lit by a desk lamp which almost made the image seem almost unreal. This was the first time he’d been able to get a good look at Hamilton- most of the time he appeared and disappeared so quickly. And at dinner he usually felt too awkward to look at him.

 His hair had been quickly tied up as usual, but this time Thomas was able to take notice of the way every stray strand floated around his face- which was staring at his laptop completely inspired. His clothes was oversized and definitely not fashionable, but that only made him seem more small and adorable. And Thomas was hit by the horrifying realisation that he was beautiful.

Thomas froze, he quickly tried to block out any thoughts, disturbed by how much he wanted to go over and touch him (among other more inappropriate actions…)

He felt sick.

But of course, just as he was about to move away, Hamilton _had_ to turn to the door and notice him. Hamilton quickly sat up, moving his laptop to the side of his bed and looked up at him quizzically. “Yes?”

Thomas panicked, subtly scanning the room erratically for a reason for him to be there. He ended up making eye contact with Hamilton, and though Hamilton probably didn’t question it, it left Thomas completely speechless. “I just…” He coughed a couple of times quickly moving his eyes to the floor, not being able to bear eye contact after the thoughts that went through his head.

“How was school?” He decided on- knowing it was a stupid question but unable of thinking of anything better- his voice unusually gentle and uncertain. He raised his eyes again, and he felt himself drown when they met Hamilton’s.

Hamilton’s face was completely blank. Presumably he wasn’t very impressed by Thomas’s question- but it was hard to tell as he had a constantly judgmental look on his face. Hamilton was quiet for a few moments, briefly breaking eye contact to look him up and down.

“Fine. Better than I thought it would be.” He finally responded, the tone almost unusually casual; almost un-Hamilton casual.

Thomas was about to think of a hasty excuse to leave, but felt a question rising in his throat. He desperately needed to know just how creepy his odd attraction to the high schooler was. But a part of him was too scared to ask.

Apparently Hamilton noticed his odd expression and he scowled, “What do you want, Jefferson?” His voice was stern- decidedly more Hamilton than before.

“How old are you?” Thomas blurted out.

Hamilton looked a little shocked by the question, then just confused. “Well that came out of nowhere… Why do you want to know?” He asked looking like he was expecting, or at very least hoping for something.

When Thomas paused for a moment before lightly shrugging, Hamilton’s expression dropped. If Thomas had been a bit more self-confident, maybe he would have noticed the way Hamilton’s shoulders dropped in disappointment.

“Seventeen. Almost eighteen,” he finally answered. His voice quiet; before adding in a much bolder and characteristically self-assured way “but my mind is older.” A little smirk making its way onto his face.

Thomas chuckled in response, feeling ever so lightly relieved. It was reassuring to know that his thoughts no matter how messed up weren’t… illegal.

“Good to know,” he muttered, immediately praying that Hamilton didn’t hear that (and based on his face, he thankfully didn’t.) “Well, have a nice evening, Alexander” he said. Not even thinking about using his first name until he’d already said it. But before he could go back to correct himself, Hamilton responded “Goodnight, Thomas.” And Thomas felt the world get ever so slightly brighter. An uncontrollable smile passed over Thomas’s face and he quickly moved away before Hamilton could see.

Thomas shook his head, dismissing how he felt as an irrational infatuation which would go away in less than a week. And when Thomas goes to sleep, well, he _definitely_ wouldn’t be imagining Alexander Hamilton besides him.


	4. Lovesick

When Thomas awoke the next morning, he lay in peace for only a second before recalling the events of the evening before. His first reaction was to laugh. Just as expected, the light of day immediately confirmed his suspicions that his flirtation was nothing but a silly little thought. Like he could ever actually be into someone like _Hamilton._

He left his room and drank coffee in the kitchen with George as they always do. Not even sparing a thought for the night before. But then Hamilton actually appeared from his room and… _Oh fuck._ The moment Thomas saw him he felt the familiar little flutter in his stomach that told him ‘did you really think we’d just go away?’

Thomas went white, which George commented on, asking him “Are you feeling alright?” To which Thomas responded “Fine. Just fine,” far too quickly. Trying to insist he was fine whilst simultaneously speaking in a pace which said _hahaha kill me._

Thomas watched Hamilton from the corner of his eye as the boy poured coffee into a mug. Begging for him to not notice that he’s the reason for his sudden discomfort, yet, deep down, praying for Hamilton to pay attention to him. But Hamilton didn’t so much as pass him a look- not a single glance. And Thomas would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt a little bit. But of course he couldn’t say or do anything about it; George was sitting a meter away from him.

When Thomas arrived at work, he dropped his bag and paused for a moment, “Are you alright?” James asked, noticing how he stopped moving. “You look ill.”

Thomas thought for a moment, could he talk to James about this? James never judged him for anything like this before… But Thomas just lightly shook his head to himself. He couldn’t talk about what it was if he didn’t know what _it_ was. “I just feel sick,” he replied. I mean, he wasn’t lying.

Thomas and George were both able to get out of work on time for once, arriving back before Hamilton. There was a small balcony to the apartment which Thomas had noticed before, but never paid too much attention to. George suggested they go sit on the balcony and drink some wine since they had some spare time, which Thomas accepted.

They sat in the quiet for a little bit before George asked, “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? You’ve seemed a little off all day.”

Thomas shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away. He couldn’t exactly admit to George that he was feeling sick because he was attracted to George’s _son._ So instead he said, “I just haven’t been feeling that well.”

George nodded slightly, “I hope you don’t mind me bringing this up. But when James was recommending you, he mentioned that you occasionally have issues with anxiety and stress. Is this… at all related?”

Thomas thought for a moment unsure of how to respond. Yes, maybe that’s it. Maybe his anxiety was just causing him to overthink the tiniest issue. I mean, was it really _that_ strange to think a teenager was cute? Thomas tried to relax a little under the knowledge that George was probably right, and him thinking he liked Hamilton was probably just his anxiousness making him overthink everything.

“Yeah, it might be,” he assured both George and himself aloud.

A little while later, when it began to get a little too cold outside, they decided to go back in. They put on the news and did some work they’d brought back from work, sometimes stopping to talk about something or make a remark on world events. Thomas sat on the sofa with a bunch of papers. Making little corrections on his first draft of some work, when the front door opened and slammed shut.

Thomas turned his head just in time to see Hamilton walk into the house, slam a piece of paper onto the table and shout “Motherfucker!”

Thomas was startled to say the least, but George didn’t even blink twice- if anything he just looked bored. “What is it, Alexander?”

“I got a B on my paper. A fucking B! I spent so long on it, it was worth way more than that,” Hamilton buried his head in his arms on the table. If his reaction wasn’t so tragic, the overreaction would probably be funny.

George sighed and wiped a hand over his face. “Thomas, would you mind letting me talk to Alexander in private for a moment?”

Thomas quickly grabbed all of his papers “O-oh yeah. Of course.” He grabbed all his stuff and quickly walked over to his room shutting the door. Feeling the same humiliating sense that he was intruding in someone else’s life. He could hear muttering through the walls, but decided to give them privacy. He could guess that it was probably just George lecturing him about how he needs to stress less because it’s not healthy- which is an issue George had mentioned he had to Thomas.

Thomas sat for a while, waiting. When the voices died down around ten minutes later, he opened his door being careful to not make a sound. But he realised as he was doing this that they were still talking, only now in hushed voices. He was about to shut the door again when he flinched at hearing what sounded like his name. Of course, he knew better than to listen in… but that doesn’t mean he didn’t do it anyway.

As he stood, he tried to make sure he was breathing quietly and tried to catch pieces of their conversation.

_“Look, he just needs a little help-“_

_“I don’t even know why you’re helping him.”_

_“Alex, listen, he’s a friend in a difficult situation-“_

_“Friend? You’ve known him like a month and you’d never even mentioned him until you decided he was moving in.”_

There was a slight pause.

_“If you just spoke to him you’d know he wasn’t so bad.”_

_“I have spoken to him.”_

_“When? I haven’t seen you speak to him once, and don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you avoid him.”_

_“Yeah, but I have spoken to him.”_

_“When?”_

_“…It doesn’t matter. The point is I don’t like him. Plus, he’s a fucking Libertarian. I don’t want him here.”_

George seemed to just give up at this point. _“Look, just put up with him. For a while, okay?”_

Hamilton mumbled something, begrudgingly agreeing.

Thomas stood there for a moment, not entirely sure what to do. As he heard footsteps coming towards him, he remembered that Hamilton’s door was a little past his and not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, went back into his room as quick as he could hoping he hadn’t been heard. His heart stopped when he heard Hamilton pause a little in front of his door, but then he continued on down to his own room.

After a few numb seconds, Thomas lay back on his bed. Deep down he already knew that Hamilton didn’t like him, but he didn’t realise that he wasn’t prepared to hear Hamilton say it aloud. There was the smallest part of his brain that thought maybe he didn’t mind him, that maybe he felt at least an essence of what Thomas felt the night before. But now he realised how delusional he was.

He was delusional for telling himself that the tiny conversation they had meant anything, and he was delusional for thinking he would just get over it. Once again _it was all in his head._


	5. guys hELp me

Okay, so when his dad came home and told Alexander that a random stranger was going to be moving in, needless to say Alex wasn’t too pleased. His dad was way too charitable and he was more than aware that this was probably just going to be some random moocher. So Alex was admittedly pre-disposed to dislike Thomas.

The thing is, Alex hates it when things don’t meet his expectations. And he definitely wasn’t expecting to find Thomas Jefferson oddly endearing. And now _this…_

Alex entered his room and let his face fall into his hands. Knowing there was no way he could focus on work in his state, he went to sit by his desk and stared blankly at the wall. Tapping his fingers over the desk, he decided to take out his phone and message his friends. Already knowing deep down he was going regret this…

_Alex created group ‘guys hELp me’  
Alex added Laf, Laurens and Herc _

Alex: ok

Alex: so HYPOTHETICALLY lets say last night I was revising

Herc: dafuq is this chat?

Laurens: this isn't gonna be hypothetical is it

Alex: guys sHUT uP

Alex: so 

Alex: HYpoTHETIcalLY I was revising and a cOMPleTELY HYPOTHETICAL person was standing at my door

Alex: and he's like really quiet which is weird cos he's usually a FLASHY FRENCH FUCK tHat MaKes ME MAD. 

Laf: French?

Laf: Is this the new roomie you were telling me about?;))

Laf: omg pls tell me he's not gonna replace me as the french fuck of the group

Alex: NO

_Alex renamed Laf to stfuyoufrenchfuck_

Alex: This is HYpOTHETicAL 

Alex: and hes just being kinda weird and making small talk

Alex: then

Alex: he asks me how old I am out of nowhere

Alex: plus, hes really awkward about it

Alex: would that HYPOTHETICAlLy be a weird question or am I overthinking it?

Alex: OVERTHINKING IT HYPOTHETICALLY OF COURSE       

Laurens: I would “hypothetically” say that he likes you

Herc: OMG IS ALEX FINALLY GONNA GET LAID

stfuyoufrenchfuck: Mon amie I'm so proud :’) 

Alex: NO

Alex: so what if I then

Alex: HYPOTHETICALLY

Alex: screwed it up

stfuyoufrenchfuck: oh no

Laurens: heeeeerrreee we go

Herc: shiiiiiiiiit

Laurens: what did you do

Alex: so

Alex: dad started having a go at me for stressing too much again

Alex: ya know, telling me I need to sleep more and all that

Laurens: hes right tho

stfuyoufrenchfuck: listen to your father

Herc: dude I thought this was ment to be hypothetical

Alex: SHUT UP

_stfuyoufrenchfuck renamed Alex to gOToSLeePAlex_

gOToSLeePAlex: COULD YOU NOT

gOToSLeePAlex: annyywwaaay so you know how I can get a lil cranky when im tired?

stfuyoufrenchfuck: Oui.

Laurens: YES

Herc: tbh your not exactly a ball of happiness when your wide awake but yeh

gOToSLeePAlex: Rude.

gOToSLeePAlex: so I was just trying 2 change topic so I started complaining about this guy

gOToSLeePAlex: and he had a go at me for not talking to him and for avoiding him

gOToSLeePAlex: and I couldn’t tell my dad the truth

gOToSLeePAlex: so I just said it's cos i don’t like him

Laurens: …yeh…?

gOToSLeePAlex: and I think he MIGHT have heard…

stfuyoufrenchfuck: oop

gOToSLeePAlex: I said some really mean things…

gOToSLeePAlex: and I haven’t exactly been nice to him outside of that either…

gOToSLeePAlex: hes just sO ANNOYING

Herc: whats the issue then?

Herc: youve never had a problem before with ppl knowing how you feel?????

gOToSLeePAlex: well I mean yeh hes annoying but I don’t exactly dislike him

gOToSLeePAlex: not THAT much anyway

Laurens: wait wait

Laurens: go back a little

Laurens: what did you mean when you said you couldn’t tell your dad the truth

gOToSLeePAlex: my dads HIS BOSS

gOToSLeePAlex: I cant really just tell him my problems with one of his employees

Laurens: no no I got that bit

Laurens: what I mean is

Laurens: you said you couldn’t tell your dad the truth

Laurens: so you PRETENDED to not like him

Laurens: so

Laurens: what IS the truth????

gOToSLeePAlex: …

_Alex left the group_

stfuyoufrenchfuck: OH MY GOD

Herc: WHAT JUST HAPPENED

** Half an hour later **

_Laurens added Alex_

Alex: i LEfT FOR A REAsON

Alex: oh shit my name reset when I left the group

Alex: that’s good to know

Alex: well…

Alex: bye

stfuyoufrenchfuck: nonononon don’t go

Herc: we were talking while you were gone and we have a plan!

Alex: herc no

Laurens: herc yes

Laurens: but just to be clear

Laurens: how DO you feel about this guy???

stfuyoufrenchfuck: also whats his name???

Alex: I don’t feel anything

Alex: and im not telling you his name cos youll just look up his fb

stfuyoufrenchfuck: menteur

Laurens: COME ON JUST TELL US FOR FUCK SAKE WE’RE TRYING TO HELP

Alex: …

Alex: but I mean… that’s the thing

Alex: … I dunno

Alex: im rlly confused

Alex: hes super annoying. but like, also quite attractive and nice maybe???

Herc: DAMN SON

Laurens: tbh I think that’s nicer than anything youve said about most people so

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: follow your heart my child

Alex: Okay 1, its stupid. itll go away soon

Alex: and 2, I CANT even if i wanted to bcause hes not interested

Alex: and 3, hE wORKS fOR mY dAD diD yOU fORGET

Alex: jESuS

Alex: WHAT I NEED IS SOMETHING TO DISTRACT ME UNTIL I GET OVER THIS         

Alex: help

Herc: dude dude dude

Herc: what u need to do is GET LAID ffs

_Alex renamed Herc to HercNo_

stfuyoufrenchfuck: herc isn’t wrong…

Alex: guys I don’t wanna just go out and get laid WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

Laurens: ok ok ok guys no more talk of getting laid pls.

Alex: thanks john

_Alex renamed Laurens to Laurensisacutiepie <3_

Laurensisacutiepie<3: AWWW

Laurensisacutiepie<3: ANYWAY…

Laurensisacutiepie<3: So while you were gone, herc, laf and I came up with an idea

Laurensisacutiepie<3: u should go on a date with someone

Alex: ???

Laurensisacutiepie<3: So you haven’t dated anyone for over a year now and you need a distraction from this guy, so just go on a date

Laurensisacutiepie<3: only way of getting over somone

Laurensisacutiepie<3: and its about time you started dating again anyway

Alex: I don’t know if im ready

HercNo: yeh u are it was OVER A YEAR AGO

Alex: I know but I really screwed up my last relationship… I don’t wanna do something like that again

Laurensisacutiepie<3: you won’t :)

stfuyoufrenchfuck: you need to trust yourself again, mon amie

HercNo: yeh, I mean even elizas over it

_HercNo added Eliza_

HercNo: Eliza, should hammy go on a date?

Eliza: hoe do it

HercNo: SEE

Eliza: what is this????

stfuyoufrenchfuck: our good friend Alex made a chat to talk about a boy

Eliza: awwww that’s so cute

Eliza: can I add peggy and angelica?

HercNo: Hell yeah!

Alex: NO

Laurensisacutiepie<3: sure

stfuyoufrenchfuck: yesyesyes add my queen

_Eliza added Peggs and Angelica_

Alex: gUYS I wanted to keep this LOW-KEY

Angelica: Alex

Angelica: nothing about you is low-key

Peggs: is this the kinda chat im gonna end up muting???

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: probably

Laurensisacutiepie<3: Look alex, go on one date with this guy

Laurensisacutiepie<3: then youll know how you feel

Alex stared at his phone thinking the scenario over in his mind. There was no way that this was going to end well. But hell, what did he have to lose.

Alex: FINE


	6. Republican Debates

Alexander had grown used to going long periods of time with limited sleep. He could go weeks sleeping four to five hours a night no problem. But even _he_ knew that he was starting to push it. He was already sleeping badly because he was stressed over starting school again; that was a given and happened at the beginning of every year. But on top of that, he was also not sleeping because of Thomas fucking Jefferson.

After he messaged all his friends, it became even harder to sleep. He’d never been very good at hiding how he felt, so it was very relieving to be able to confess it all to his friends. But now there was this date to worry about. Hercules was going to set up a date between him and one of his friends, and Alex wasn’t exactly feeling optimistic about it.

He came out of his room the next morning to see Jefferson and George together again and Hamilton clenched his fists- both wanting to go to sleep and start a fight. He rubbed his eyes quickly, trying to act more awake than he felt because he didn’t want his dad to get mad at him again.

He walked over to the kitchen, eyes lowered to the floor. Still feeling reluctantly guilty about what he said about Jefferson. As usual, his dad greeted him and Jefferson stayed quiet; though admittedly in the context of today it was understandable.

He left for school, which was torture with his friends constantly teasing him and pushing him for more information. Hercules filled him in on the details of the date, it was for this Friday at a somewhat fancy restaurant. Making sure to mention that now it was ‘too late to back out.’

He got back late that night, after hanging out with Lafayette until quite late. He walked in far more stealthily than the day before, though similarly to yesterday, his dad and Jefferson were back before him. To avoid any awkwardness, he drew his mind to the news which was showing the Republican Party presidential debates. He slowly took off his bag, eyes fixed on the screen and accidently more or less ignored his father’s greeting.

The camera moved over to Carson to which Hamilton simply said, “Tsch, like there’s even a point to have all those people up there. It’s obvious Ted Cruz is gonna be the nominee.”

Jefferson, who had previously had his back to him, turned around and raised an eyebrow, “Seriously? Like he’d win, it’s probably going to be Kasich.”

“No one even knows what Kasich stands for” Hamilton argued, all embarrassment he felt from the other day fading away.

“Cruz is nothing but a joke-“

“Yeah, but he’s joke that people talk about.”

Alexander moved over to the other side of the sofa where they continued to argue, moving on to other topics and finding that they truly did agree on very little. Alex loved to argue, so of course he didn’t mind these debates. On the contrary, he was more engrossed in the conversation than he’d been in anything for a long time. Even if this was one of the most excruciating moments of his life.

After a while, the conversation began to slowly die down and he was left with a warm feeling in his stomach. There was a brief moment where Alex and Jefferson looked at each other- and Alex almost completely forgot where he was and who Jefferson was. He could only assume that Jefferson felt similarly, because Jefferson no longer looked like he was walking on eggshells. For at least a brief moment, he went back to his overly confident and flamboyant self. The anger of disagreeing only made the disturbing passion he had stronger. He had two very contradicting thoughts on his mind: on one hand, fuck this guy. On the other hand, _fuck_ this guy…

Alex jumped up, damn, he’d almost forgotten why it was he was avoiding him in the first place. “Well, I better go do some work now,” he announced as he left to hide away again. He made sure not to come out until Thomas was out of the main room and after he felt enough time had passed, he left his room to see his dad sitting on the sofa, doing work like usual.

“You work way too hard,” Alex commented as he jumped onto the other end of the sofa.

To this, George laughed and put his work aside, “like you can talk.”

Alex went over the sofa to hug his dad briefly before laying across the sofa with his legs dangling over the arm rest.

“I’m proud of you,” George began out of nowhere, before clarifying, “for trying to talk to Thomas.”

“All we did was argue…” Alex admitted.

“Still. You had a conversation with him, and you too seemed to get on alright.” Alex shrugged coyly. George sighed before adding, “Look, I know it was a lot to ask when I told you someone you didn’t know was moving in. I know it’s probably put you under a lot of stress, and maybe I haven’t fully appreciated that this must be difficult for you. But he really was in a difficult situation and I really am grateful that you’re trying to put in an effort.”

Alex shrugged again, “It’s…. fine. I don’t mind him.”  

George looked mildly uncomfortable for a moment, “Alex, is there…” he cut off what he was saying and shook his head. “Never mind.”

After a few comfortable seconds of silence, Alex remembered why he came out of his room. “Dad?” he called to get his father’s attention.

George hummed ‘hmm?’ in response. “Do you mind if I go out on Friday? I’ve kind of got a… date.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Oh really? Well that’s new. Do I know her?”

“Him,” Alex corrected on impulse before freezing. He only just realised this, but somewhere along the line he completely forgot that he never actually told his dad he liked guys. Alex opened his mouth to quickly clarify this but his father simply reassured him with a soft smile and an “Oh, I see.”

Alex smiled and moved to hug him again, thankful that he was adopted by someone he didn’t even need to come out to. “Urm, n-no you don’t know him. Actually… I don’t either. My friends are setting me up” Alex finally answered a second later.

George nodded a little, “It’s been a long time since you’ve even showed an interest in dating, what sparked the sudden need to date again?”

On the spot, he couldn’t think of a valid excuse so ambiguously answered with “Well, it’s like I said: my friends just decided to set me up.” His tone was uncertain, and he knew his father wouldn’t believe it. But nonetheless, he mumbled in approval and told Alex he should try to get some sleep that night.

Alex went to sleep smiling. No matter how weird his life was, he had the best dad ever.


	7. Home

The night before, Alex wasn’t the only person who had trouble sleeping- Thomas had trouble that night too. He couldn’t stop replaying everything he overheard that night, and he felt like an idiot when he started crying over it. He thought about messaging James, he always knew how to calm him down. But Thomas remembered he would be out with Dolley so decided to just leave it. He eventually fell asleep with stinging eyes and a numb brain, but his sleep was restless.

Nothing was more pathetic to him then getting wound up over the opinion of a teenager. And the worst part was that he couldn’t even blame Hamilton for his unfavourable opinion- Thomas was just some stranger staying in his house.

The next morning as he talked to George whilst getting ready to work, he felt a guilty pit in his stomach. It was messed up. He felt guilty for George, because he was having these thoughts about one of his friend’s sons. And he felt guilty for Hamilton, for staying in the house when he knew he didn’t want him there.

Still, Thomas knew he had way too much pride to sulk over this. So he splashed some water on his face and got around to doing his work. Once he’d finished all his work, he would go back to looking for apartments and wouldn’t stop until he found somewhere. Then he could force this whole ordeal to the back of his mind, maybe even create the foundation for a new life here. Else, he would go back to Virginia the moment the year he promised James was over.

When they got back, Hamilton hadn’t come home yet. To which George assumed he was just out with friends. Planning to have as little interaction with Hamilton as possible, Thomas planned to do some work whilst watching the debates and escape just before he returned. Though in the end, he just got distracted and lost track of time.

He hadn’t even noticed the door open or Hamilton walk in until George greeted him home. Thomas’s head snapped back, quickly adjusting himself to sit up. Not that Hamilton noticed, he stared at the television with his eyes completely transfixed. When Hamilton commented on something, Thomas tried to talk himself into just remaining silent. But of course, he ended up refuting it.

He'd half expected Hamilton to just give him a look or tell him he was wrong and walk away. Instead, Hamilton seemed to take this as a challenge and for whatever reason, he decided Thomas was a worthy opponent.

Thomas’s breath got caught when Hamilton came to sit opposite him. They debated over several subjects for a long period of time. In truth, Thomas was often apathetic about the subjects brought up- but instead of admitting this, he would just argue for whatever opinion was opposite Hamilton’s. Likely because every time they disagreed, Hamilton would get frustrated and try to change his mind. Hey, it was nice having someone obsess over his opinion for a change. To have _Hamilton_ try and get his approval. So that’s how they passed a couple of hours; Hamilton would passionately argue and Thomas would respond with a witty and self-assured retort. The conversation felt unnaturally normal and casual, as if they had been friends for years. 

After a while, Hamilton must have run out of subjects to argue about because he fell silent. They shared a silent look which seemed almost… intimate? He wondered if Hamilton could tell what the look meant…

 Without warning, Hamilton seemed to snap back to reality and ran to his room- leaving Thomas and George alone again. As usual, it seemed he couldn’t stay still for more than two seconds.

Thomas fought the urge to smile, feeling slightly triumphant over having an actual conversation with him- even if Hamilton didn’t like him or his opinions, at least he was worth arguing with. Despite this, he tried to act natural; losing his cool over Hamilton in front of George was _not_ an option. Especially since he now realised that George had been watching them this whole time with an amused look on his face.

George and Thomas both looked at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. “Wow, he really does have an opinion on everything,” Thomas remarked. “You have no idea…” agreed George.

Thomas stood up and walked over to the counters that George was leaning on. “So, I’ve been trying to find places online…”

“Is that so?” George said, nicely urging him to keep talking.

 “But it’s so hard to find somewhere I can afford. I might see if I can find someone with an empty room online, but moving into someone’s place when you don’t know them at all seems kinda sketchy, I don’t know maybe it’s just me- I know loads of people do it and it’s probably perfectly fine and safe but the idea just makes me feel kinda weird and-”

“Thomas, Thomas-” George interrupted with a hand motioning for him to calm down. “Breathe. You don’t need to justify yourself to me. It’s like I said, you can stay for as long as it takes- for as long as you need. I really don’t have a problem with you staying here, in fact, I rather like you here.”

Thomas rolled his eyes so George couldn’t see, he’d probably have to count on both hands the amount of times they’d had this conversation. But this time, Thomas let slip the real reason, “Yeah, well. Not everyone seems so happy about me staying here.”

George exhaled a slow and heavy breath, “This is about Alexander, isn’t it? I was wondering when you’d bring that up, it’s obvious it’s been bothering you. But listen to me, regardless of how he acts, he doesn’t mind you staying here.”

“Yes, he does,” Thomas insisted. “And I don’t even blame him. When I was his age, I’d have been pissed if one of my dad’s workers moved in.”

George looked for a way to try and explain it, “Look, he really doesn’t mind you. That whole hating you thing is just an act, he’ll come around. I actually think he quite likes you.”

Thomas bit his tongue and lowly mumbled, “I don’t know about that.”

“He will,” George assured. “He wouldn’t argue with you unless he liked you.”

Thomas decided to let the subject drop, but couldn’t resist the urge to talk about Hamilton a bit more. “If you don’t mind me asking, why do you and Alexander have different last names? And why do you both look so different?”

George chuckled, “Of course, I never told you… Alexander Hamilton’s my adopted son, not birth son.”

Thomas nodded dumbly, “O-oh right. Of course.”

“I adopted him when he was twelve. _How_ that happened is a long story…- maybe Alexander will tell you about it one day. At first he was very reluctant about the whole situation. He was always very distant and reserved, he didn’t want anyone to be close to him- including, hell _especially_ me. But then one day he accidentally called me dad…” George smiled fondly, “eventually it began to stick.”

George finished the summary with a final statement, “We might not share DNA, but he is my son.”

Thomas smiled, imagining what it must have been like. The kind of connection that George and Hamilton must have…

“Well, I should probably get going…” Thomas pardoned himself. Before he left, George stopped him by lightly grabbing his arm. “Don’t worry about Alexander, really. You’re home: it doesn’t matter if it’s three days, three months, three years or three lifetimes. This is your home for as long as you would like it to be. Don’t think for a second that you don’t belong here.”

Thomas felt completely overwhelmed with compassion. Unable to vocalise how he felt, he hugged George, who at first seemed surprised but then relaxed into it and patted him on the back.

Thomas broke away from the hug, feeling his body relax in a way he didn’t even know it could. “Goodnight, sir,” he said gently and began making his way across the room before stopping and turning back. “Sir?”

George hummed in response.

“You have a really wonderful son.”

George smiled, but he was unable read what kind of emotion was behind it. “I know.”


	8. Clothes

That Friday, Thomas left earlier than George again, who had a meeting scheduled with some of the higher ups in the company. When he arrived back, the apartment was lit up so Thomas came to the conclusion that Hamilton was home. He felt a sense of déjà vu to a couple of days ago, when he looked into Hamilton’s dimly lit room and first realised how beautiful he was. It unsettled him that this was the first time since that he’d been left alone in the apartment with him…

He didn’t dwell on it for too long, distracted by how exhausted he was from a particularly difficult work week. Resorting to sleep all weekend, he walked along the hallway to his room. Quickly peeking into Hamilton’s room as he passed by, he saw that it was empty. However he didn’t give this a second thought until he arrived at his room and saw that the door was wide open. His heart started beating uncontrollably as he turned to look into his room. Inside- Hamilton standing in front of the full length mirror. Scrutinising every aspect of his reflection.

Thomas waited a moment, but Hamilton didn’t seem to notice him. Hamilton slowly shook his head to himself and started unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing. Thomas quickly realised what he was doing and announced his presence by coughing a couple of times, not exactly wanting Hamilton to unknowingly strip in front of him.

Hamilton’s hands stopped and he glanced over to the door where Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Okay so I know this looks weird… but I can explain.”

Thomas walked into the room, looking at Hamilton suspiciously, “Uh huh, sure.”

“I’ve got this d-…” Hamilton paused, before rephrasing, “I’m going out. I wasn’t sure what to wear; the only full length mirror in the apartment is this one.” He looked over to Thomas’s bed which was covered with his clothes, having been hastily thrown off in a rush to try everything on. “I’ll move everything in a sec and get out of your way. Do I… look okay?” He bounced a little from foot to foot and looked down at the floor, as if not wanting to admit that he had so much as a fraction of self-doubt.

Thomas walked closer, looking Hamilton over; appreciating that for once he could openly stare at all his features instead of stealing glances. “Your clothes look crinkled beyond repair and cheap,” he responded honestly.

Hamilton mouthed an ‘Oh’ and pursed his lips. Thomas walked over to the bed and looked at the materials, “Is this all your clothes?” Hamilton shrugged, “Mostly.”

He looked over to Hamilton again, who was now staring at Thomas through the mirror’s reflection. He considered his next actions carefully, every logical section of his brain going against his emotions. He carefully reached out to pull at Hamilton’s arm, which Hamilton cautiously went along with- slowly stepping backwards towards Thomas’s touch. Gently, Thomas turned Hamilton by his shoulders to face him. Hamilton stood awkwardly and confused, waiting for Thomas to do something as - without explanation - he picked up a shirt from the bed and held it against Hamilton. Thomas raised an eyebrow, all of his clothes was clearly far too big for him. “Do you own anything that actually fits you?”

Hamilton shifted his eyes to evade eye contact. “Not really. I used to own some tight stuff but they were uncomfortable and don’t fit me anymore.”

“Hit a growth spurt?” Thomas half joked, to which Hamilton responded with a blank and stern “No.” He scanned Hamilton’s face for a moment which was cold as always. His replies were so unspecific and Thomas was left with the feeling that he did something wrong but wasn’t sure what.

“I think your shirts the wrong colour,” he said to break the silence. He got an idea and crouched by his suitcase looking for something. “You don’t have to help me…” Hamilton mumbled, only to be ignored by Thomas. Two seconds later he brought out a neatly folded green shirt and handed it to Hamilton. In response, Hamilton stared blankly at the shirt in his hands like he wasn’t sure what to do with it. The fabric felt expensive and Hamilton was certain that it must have cost more than all of his clothes put together.  

“Here, try this. And…” Thomas looked at his trousers before searching through the clothes and picking up a pair of black leggings- the only thing that wasn’t ridiculously baggy, “This.”

Hamilton mumbled something and took the leggings, exiting the room to change. Thomas moved the clothes so that he could sit on his bed and picked up his phone to flick through social media whilst he waited.

When he heard Hamilton’s footsteps again, he looked up from his phone and completely froze.

Wow, Hamilton looked… completely breath taking.

There was a weird combination between looking untouchable and tempting. Tearing Thomas between wanting to touch every section of his skin, but also thinking he was too good or pure for anyone to lay a hand on. Thomas’s shirt was way too big on him, but it only made him more captivating and charming. Green was _definitely_ his colour, and he couldn’t push away how hot the thought of Hamilton in one of his shirts made him. The way it was far too long and fell halfway down his legs. Images flashed through his mind of Hamilton wearing that shirt and nothing else, laid across his bed with the shirt slowly riding its way up his legs…

“Jefferson?”

Thomas snapped out of his embarrassing fantasy to see Hamilton looking at him confused. Thomas tried to speak but couldn’t form the words, “I-urm… well..-what?”

“Does it look really bad…?” Hamilton asked, obviously thinking that Thomas was staring at him because something was wrong.

“No, no, no. I mean… it looks perfect,” Thomas said quickly as he stood up. “I look like I’m drowning in it,” Hamilton remarked.

Thomas walked over to him in a daze, “Nah, it suits you. You look cute,” he said and stepped far closer than necessary before Hamilton could object to being called cute. “Just…” he reached over to roll the sleeves up a little, purposely grazing his knuckles against Hamilton’s upper arm slowly. He then raised a hand to adjust his collar, “…There.”  

Despite his better judgement, he then on impulse raised his hand higher to brush his fingers through Hamilton’s hair. His hair was soft and the feeling was addictive. He decided that he could quite easily go days doing nothing other than running his fingers through his hair purposelessly.

Thomas looked down to meet Hamilton’s eyes, who looked up at him innocently in return. Thomas was struck by the idea that in this moment, he would probably go along with anything that Thomas did. He would _do_ whatever Thomas asked him to. With that, Thomas felt like he had a lot more control over the situation. Which was a nice change considering that most of his life, he felt like he was just going along with the motions.

“What are you doing with your hair?” Thomas asked. Hamilton blinked a couple of times but before he could actually respond Thomas tore away from him and walked over to the bed.

“Sit.”

Hamilton scowled, “Why?”

“I’m going to do your hair, now sit.” He repeated as he sat down in the middle of the bed and patted the spot just in front of him. “Is that a command?” Hamilton mocked.

“Yes.” Thomas replied with a small smirk.

Hamilton looked a little confused and perhaps a bit amused, briefly wandering on whether or not he wanted to fight this, before complying and drifting towards the bed to sit where Thomas had told him to. He looked over his shoulder at Thomas who picked up a hairbrush from the bedside table. Thomas used a hand to gently turn Hamilton’s head away so he was facing away from him.

“How d’you want your hair?” He asked as he started brushing Hamilton’s hair. Hamilton shrugged. “Wow, for once something Alexander Hamilton doesn’t know.”

“Bite me,” he responded causing Thomas to burst out laughing. He had half the mind to say ‘maybe I will’ though resisted from actually saying it. At this point, Thomas accidently brushed his hair a bit too hard, causing him to tug Hamilton’s head back who accidentally let out a short, cut off moan. It was quiet and barely noticeable, but of course Thomas raised an eyebrow and faltered his movements for just a second. “You okay, darlin’?” Thomas asked, not realising what he’d called Hamilton until it came out.

“Darling?” Hamilton asked in reaction to the odd choice of words. Thomas didn’t respond, so instead Hamilton asked, “Where are you from? You have an… interesting accent.”

“Virginia,” Thomas answered. Hamilton made a noise of understanding, “Well that makes sense.”

“What makes sense?”

Hamilton shrugged, “Some of your opinions are very…Southern.”

“Southern?”

“Yeah, Southern.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, and they sat in silence for a moment.

“How old are you?” Hamilton asked out of nowhere.

“I… what?” Thomas briefly paused.

“I told you how old I was, so how old are you?”

Thomas continued brushing his hair and, as casually as he could, answered “Twenty-eight.”

“Oh,” Hamilton simply replied in a tone that suggested ‘oh no.’ To which Thomas just agreed with “Uh huh.” Thomas wished he could see how Hamilton reacted to this, but couldn’t see his face. Though his voice seemed to suggest he wasn’t exactly satisfied with the answer. Hamilton took a slow breath before adding, "You look younger than that."

Thomas smiled and let Hamilton lean against his chest. A minute or two of silence passed before Hamilton sighed, “I’m supposed to leave soon…” Hamilton sat up andThomas shifted his position to hang one leg off of the side of the bed. “Where are you going anyway?” He asked.

“To some stupid restaurant. He better not try to pay because I’ll flip him off if he does.” Thomas stopped abruptly, putting the hairbrush down and moving to put some distance between the two. “Wait… You’re going on a date?”

Hamilton’s speech faltered for a moment, realising his mistake too late. He hadn’t meant for him to find out. But now it was too late to take it back so he replied with “Urm, yeah,” before quickly excusing it with “But I don’t want to, my friends insisted on it.”

Thomas scowled for a moment, looking Hamilton up and down possessively. He couldn’t stand the idea of anyone else looking at Hamilton this way. It was so pathetic, getting jealous over a boy that didn’t even like him. Regardless of reason, he didn’t want anybody else threading their fingers through his hair or seeing how softly it fell around his face…

“Actually, I think you should tie your hair up.” He decided. “Can you pass me that hairband?” He asked motioning to a hairband at the end of the bed. Hamilton made no motion to move causing Thomas to roll his eyes, “You’re such a pain in the ass,” he said reaching over to get it himself.

He tied Hamilton’s hair up and hesitated before saying, “Okay, I think you’re ready.” Hamilton stood up and looked in the mirror again, but he still didn’t look happy. Based on the expression on his face, it was more than the clothes that was making him upset. Thomas wondered if maybe he had some issues with his appearance, but that would be ridiculous since Hamilton looked so perfect.

“I don’t really want to go,” Hamilton absently murmured. “I’m trying to get over something, but I don’t think it’ll work.”

“Is that so?” Thomas asked to which Hamilton nodded his head. “Well… I should go,” he decided.

Thomas opened his mouth, wanting to ask him to stay. But overwhelmed in the moment, slid of the bed and walked over to Hamilton, planting a kiss on the top of his head before saying “Knock ‘em dead. Whoever they are, they’d be lucky to have you.”

Hamilton looked up at him with a comforted smile and left the room reluctantly, briefly pausing to look back at him. Thomas stood still until the front shut and he was left alone, muttering “I would know…” to an empty room.


	9. Helpless

Alexander arrived home a couple of hours after leaving. The moment he shut the door he dragged himself to his room, dropping onto his bed without a second thought. He briefly thought over everything that had happened that day, before sucking it up and taking his phone out.

Alex: right lads

Alex: So…

Alex: the date

HercNo: o shit yeh

Laurensisacutiepie<3: omg did you just get back from it?

stfuyoufrenchfuck: sooo how did it gooooo?

Alex: Great.

Alex: The restaurant was nice but not too expensive.

Alex: perfect for a first date

Alex: He was nice and seems interesting

Alex: I liked the food

Alex: and now I wanna die

Peggs: …

Peggs: wat

Angelica: well that escalated quickly

Laurensisacutiepie<3: oh no, what went wrong?

Peggs: someone get the popcorn

Peggs: this is gonna be good I can tell.

Eliza: Peggy, be nice.

_Eliza renamed Peggs to BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad_

Eliza: what’s wrong Alex????

Alex: so like

Alex: I was getting ready for the date

Alex: but I wasn’t sure what to wear

HercNo: oh no

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: no offense but you have no sense of the fashion

Alex: rude.

Alex: and its ‘fashion sense’ not ‘sense of the fashion’ you french fuck

Alex: …and he might have walked in and helped me

HercNo: OMG

HercNo: LIKE HELPED YOU GET CHANGED???

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: kinky

_Stfuyoufrenchfuck renamed Alex to heyeveryonekinkshamealex_

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: am I old enough to hear this convo…?

heyeveryonekinkshamealex: WAIT NO thATS nOt WHaT i MeaNT

heyeveryonekinkshamealex: as in he helped me pick clothes

Eliza: Awwwwww!

heyeveryonekinkshamealex: and he gave me one of his shirts and brushed my hair

Angelica: thats so cute I might vomit

_Angelica renamed heyeveryonekinkshamealex to AlexIsTooInnocentForThis_

Laurensisacutiepie<3: soooo you went on a date with a guy… whilst wearing your crushes shirt…? And you rlly thought that was a good idea?

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: …yes?

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: alex, why just why

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: so I went on the date

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: and the whole fucking time

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: I just couldn’t stop thinking about

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: that FLASHy FrENCh FuCKer

Angelica: …

Angelica: BOI

HercNo: seeee I told you it would work, laf

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: ???

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: it did LITTERALY the eXACT OPPOSITE oF WORKK

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: im even MORE hung up then I was before

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: that was the point.

Stfuyoufrenchfuck:  now you KNOW you like him

Laurensisacutiepie<3: We just wanted to figure out how you really felt

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: Great.

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: so now I know I really do like the guy I cant be with

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: thanks guys

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: why not? Love is love man

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: HAVE WE NOT COVERED THIS ALREADY

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: One, he’s like really good friends with my dad and works for him AND THAT’D BE WEIRD

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: Two, hes TOO OLD FOR ME

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: Three, HE THINKS OF ME LIKE A LITTLE KID

Laurensisacutiepie<3: trust us, one day youll thank us

AlexIsTooInnocentForThis: whatever.

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: oh shit

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: alex is salty

Angelica: when isn’t he?

_BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad renamed AlexIsTooInnocentForThis to SaltyAlex_

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: aaaaaaaand he’s gone offline

HercNo: rip us

Eliza: he’ll get over it just give him time

Laurensisacutiepie<3: Ill talk to him tomorrow

Alexander let his phone drop to his carpet floor and fell onto his bed. Of course this would happen to him. He laid over the covers and took off his leggings and shoes, stripping down to his boxers and Thomas’s shirt. He felt so mentally exhausted, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep thanks to all of the thoughts now clouding his mind.

He hadn’t quite mentioned everything to his friends. He decided to leave out the fact that Jefferson had called him ‘cute’ and ‘darling’ and kissed him on the top of the head. Mainly because it embarrassed him, it felt condescending and patronising. Not that he objected to Jefferson saying and doing those things… But he knew Jefferson didn’t mean it in the way he’d hoped he meant it. That rather, he meant it in the way that close friends of parents would typically mean that sort of thing. That when he kissed him on the top of the head it wasn’t romantic- no matter he wanted to believe it- but rather the same affection that an adult would give a young child. And Alex did _not_ want his crush to see him as some kid…

The date went fine, but it felt like a train wreck because the entire time Alexander was sitting with this (admittedly not half bad) guy, he was wishing he was with someone else. Another thing he hadn’t mentioned to his friends- because he thought it would sound weird- was that he found himself weirdly fixated on the way Jefferson smelt. Okay, okay, okay- but he smelt really nice.  His shirt smelt like him, and for some reason that made him feel protected and comforted. It was already difficult to focus on anything going on around him all night, but it was made near impossible by the way wearing his shirt completely numbed his senses.

 He was blunt about it. After the date he told the guy he’d like to be friends with him- as he really did seem like a nice guy- but _only_ friends. He agreed with Alex, and from the sound of it he actually seemed to be in a similar situation to Alex. Perhaps that was why Hercules thought a date between them would work; they were both unwilling to actually start anything so neither of them could possibly end up disappointed.

He hated how he felt. Feeling lovesick like the child he wanted to convince everyone he wasn’t. He’d be okay- he just had to make sure that he could keep these emotions under his control. Of course, that didn’t stop him from curling up to sit with his face on his knees, breathing through the shirt which draped over his body. The material was thin and the night was unusually cold, but he didn’t even notice that it was freezing. Alex thought over every little thing Jefferson did or said that night, and despite the logical part of his brain knowing it was ridiculous, he flushed in embarrassment and wanted to jump around the room. It had been a long time since he’d felt so helpless.

Without reason, he stood up and walked out of his room. Before he even had time to think about why he was doing this, he walked over to Jefferson’s room. He stood outside his room, and with his heart beating in his ears, slowly opened the door. He wasn’t sure if Jefferson would be awake and immediately cursed himself when he saw that the room was pitch black- of _course_ he’d gone to sleep. Who the hell would stay awake this late unless they had plans or something. A little part of him considered doing something insanely stupid, but he immediately shook his head to himself and began closing the door. Just as he was closing the door and turning away, the room suddenly lit up. _Shit._

He turned back to see Thomas, who woke up from the sound of the door and had turned on the bedside light whilst rubbing his eyes. He looked so vulnerable, topless and having just woken up with tired eyes and messed up hair. It was the complete opposite of the usual artificial appearance and attitude he had. “Hey, Hamilton,” Jefferson said, his voice deep and raspy. And quite honestly, it almost made Alexander swoon. “Hi… Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up. I wasn’t sure if you’d be awake or not…” Hamilton swore under his breath, “I-ur… I’ll go.” Alex started silently panicking and didn’t want Jefferson to see it, so quickly turned to shut the door.

“Wait.”


	10. 3AM

“Wait.”

Alex paused, a hand still on the door and looked back over to Thomas who’s face was distant, “You can stay.”

Alex shut the door, trying to think of the reason why he came here. “I just wanted to know if…” Alex thought for a moment and bit his lip, “you wanted your shirt back.”

Jefferson scowled, obviously not entirely believing that _that_ was why he came into his room, but the scowl turned blank as he looked Alex up and down. “Keep it. It suits you better than me.”

Jefferson’s look was fixed and curious. Alex followed his eyes to try and figure out what he was looking at, only to realise he was staring at his legs. Oh no. He completely forgot he’d taken off his leggings, and was now standing in his boxers and the shirt. He went scarlet with embarrassment; he’d always been quite self-conscious about his legs. He moved over to kneel on the edge of the bed and pulled the shirt to try and cover his knees. “Has my dad gone to sleep?” Alex asked quietly, hoping it didn’t sound as suggestive as it did in his head.

“I think so. He got back not long after you left and he looked pretty exhausted. How was your date?” Jefferson asked, to which Alexander absently shrugged, “Alright. But…”

“But there won’t be another one?” Jefferson guessed. Alex nodded, confirming his assumption.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked when Hamilton still made no motion to leave.

“Not really,” Alex replied bluntly. He looked at his hands, looking back up a few seconds later to see Jefferson who was clearly irritated. He felt a small spark of anger go through him and snapped, “If you want me to leave, just tell me to go. But don’t look at me like that!”

Jefferson blinked a couple of times. “I-Hamilton, I don’t want you to go.”

“It’s fine if you do, I don’t mind. Just don’t pretend you don’t mind me being here if you do.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. _I’m_ not the one here who wants someone gone,” Jefferson said causing Alex to jump slightly. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Jefferson groaned and rubbed a hand over his face, “I’m not awake enough for this shit.”

“No. Tell me what you meant,” Alex insisted. Jefferson shook his head, “I _can’t_ talk about this right now. I just can’t.”

Alex bit his tongue (for probably the first time in his life) deciding to not start an argument whilst they were both half naked and his dad was a couple of rooms away.

“We went to a restaurant a few blocks away. It was kinda one of those hole in the wall type places, you know?”

Jefferson smirked, “I thought you weren’t going to tell me about it.” Alex slowly crawled over the sheets to him on all fours until he was right next to him. “I changed my mind.”

Jefferson smirked, pushing himself to sit up a bit more- putting himself closer to Alex as he continued talking. Alex rambled on about that night for some time, carefully evading details which he thought could suggest how he felt. So caught up in his hazy giddiness, he hadn’t noticed the occasional look of adoration from Jefferson or how close they sat and how they got even closer the more they talked, slowly leaning closer until their foreheads were almost touching.

“So… urm, yeah. That’s basically it,” he finished after recollecting the events. “Sounds fun…” Jefferson remarked softly, “What went wrong?”

Alex blushed and shrugged, looking down at the sheets. He briefly wondered if Jefferson could somehow tell what was going through his mind, but shrugged off the thought by asking, “What’s the time?”

Jefferson leaned over to grab his phone from the bedside table, “It’s 3 AM.” _Oops._ He’d lost track of time whilst talking, but didn’t realise it was _that_ late. “Oh… Sorry I didn’t realise how late it was. You probably need to sleep.” Alex shuffled to move off of the bed but stopped when a hand grabbed his arm.

“Stay? Just five more minutes.”

 Alex hesitated, slowly nodding and moving back to where he was. He shyly moved to put his head on Jefferson’s shoulder from the side. It was awkward and he was about to pull away when an arm wrapped around him holding him in place. His eyes began to flutter closed as Jefferson ran his fingertips up and down his arm.

He started to fall to sleep as Jefferson shook his arms lightly. Alex unintelligently mumbled “Hmm?” as Jefferson lightly turned Alex’s face towards him. Jefferson smiled softly and moved a few loose strands of hair behind Alex’s ear, slowly leaning in. Alex felt his heart stop as Jefferson kissed his cheek, just a little too close to his lips. It was only a kiss on the cheek. But it lasted so long that it left him breathless. Jefferson broke the kiss slowly, but held his face an inch away from Alex’s. His hands both on the sides of Alex’s face, his thumbs stroking his cheeks. “I hate to say this, but you should probably go to bed now. You wouldn’t want your dad getting the wrong idea.”

Alex nodded and moved away quickly, before he could stop himself or say or do anything he’d regret. He quickly walked over to the door, only stopping when he heard Jefferson call out, “Alexander?”

He stopped at the door and looked back, “Yes?”

Jefferson opened his mouth to speak and let out a shallow breath, “You look beautiful.”

Alex felt his breath get caught in his throat and leant against the door, marvelling at Jefferson as he responded with a dumbly meaningful “So do you.”

He then left the room, closing the door quietly behind him and rushing on his toes back to his room. He picked up his phone to send a quick message to his friends.

SaltyAlex: I love you guys

HercNo: omg u woke me up bitch

HercNo: but yeh ly2

Angelica: jfc go to sleep alex

Laurensisacutiepie<3: Love you too :)

Laurensisacutiepie<3: wait does that mean ur not mad anymore?

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: luv youuuuuu. what happened that changed your mind?

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: oh my

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: what did you do?

Laurensisacutiepie<3: Allllleeeeeeeexxx?

Alex smiled, deciding to let them keep guessing. He dropped his phone on the floor before lying down and trying to go to sleep.


	11. Self-Control

Thomas waited until his door shut. Sitting there in silence for a few seconds before letting his head fall back against the pillow. _What the fuck?_

When he woke up to see Hamilton standing at his door, underdressed in the middle of the night, his first thought was that it had to be a dream or ridiculously vivid fantasy. But then Hamilton spoke and he realised _this_ _was real._ He stopped Hamilton from leaving without a second thought, before his brain could even catch up to his mouth.

Once his head caught up with him and he was more awake, he realised that this was almost definitely a bad idea. He probably should have just let him leave- it would certainly make everything less complicated. But his self-control could only go so far.

They had both been in a rather revealing state; both physically and emotionally. And Thomas couldn’t stop a part of his brain from asking _how far could I take this?_  He didn’t do anything, of course. He cared about him way too much to use him. Besides, it wasn’t like Hamilton would have gone through with it if Thomas tried anything anyway.

And yet… it was _Hamilton_ who came to _him._ And Thomas wondered if that counted for anything.

What _did_ Hamilton want? Because no way did he believe he really woke him up half naked just to return a shirt.

Even though he was able to restrain from doing anything sexual, he was well aware that the whole situation was ridiculously inappropriate. Sitting on his bed, far too close to each other, too much skin showing and talking in hushed voices because his dad was a couple of walls away… The whole thing felt juvenile.

Despite this, he didn’t care. He didn’t care that it was late and time was still moving forward. He didn’t want him to ever leave but- knowing that would be impossible- asked for just a few more minutes. A few more minutes to trick himself into believing he had a shot, to forget the fact that he knows Hamilton doesn’t like him before it came crashing down on him. He held Hamilton close and begged for time to stop.

On impulse, he almost kissed Hamilton hard and asked him to lay down next to him. But then he turned his head, and looked at his face and into his eyes and was hit with an affection so much deeper than lust or an infatuation. He knew that logically, Hamilton wasn’t as interested in him as he seemed to be. Sure, Hamilton was sleep deprived now, but he’d wake up tomorrow wondering what the hell he was thinking. But as he looked into his eyes, he thought _maybe, just maybe,_ there was some way in hell that he stood a chance. And that tiny slither of a chance was enough for Thomas. So instead, he kissed him on the cheek and prayed it wouldn’t be the last chance he got. He didn’t do anything else. He couldn’t. He wanted Hamilton, but not enough to do anything that could possibly hurt him or make him regret. Nothing was more painful than regret.

So he let Hamilton go; as he knew he should. Ignoring the little part of him that wished he’d just let him fall asleep next to him.

When Thomas woke the next day, it was already eleven and all he could think was _thank god_ it was a Saturday. He walked into the main room to see a note on one of the counters saying, ‘ _Gone out to buy some food. Be back soon –George’_

He found himself hoping that maybe Hamilton would wake up before George got back. That way they’d have a few minutes alone after last night, maybe Thomas could even deduct how he was actually feeling about it. Unfortunately, he didn’t. He was probably trying to compensate for all the hours of sleep he lost throughout the week.

He wasn’t really sure what to do. He hadn’t made any plans and most of the people he knew in the city would be busy. Work had been stressful, so he considered just staying in the house for the entire weekend, but he also knew that staying in his room for too long would frustrate him.

A few minutes later, George arrived back with two bags filled with groceries. Thomas helped him take things out of the bag, mostly familiar with where the items were supposed to go. “So, what time did you get up?” George asked as he put several things into a cupboard.

“Not that long ago,” Thomas admitted. Adding, “I don’t think Alex is awake yet.”

George confirmed his assumptions by saying, “I didn’t expect him to be. He does that a lot; overworks himself and then completely collapses once it’s done.”

George paused his movements briefly, “I expected it from Alexander, but I didn’t expect you to wake up so late. Was something keeping you up last night?”

Thomas froze and hoped George didn’t notice the way his movements faltered briefly. He wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. There was no true answer which could possibly sound appropriate, no matter which way he tried to colour it. But he also couldn’t stand the idea of lying to George. To look him in the face and tell him something he knew wasn’t true.

“I was just… distracted,” he replied finally. That way he wasn’t lying, but he still had a place to stay. That’s an odd thought. Would George actually kick him out if he found out what happened last night? Probably not… But if he found out that Thomas was falling adamantly for Alexander Hamilton…? Or god forbid, if something _really did_ happen between them and he found out? Fuck. George was a surprisingly liberal parent, but he was also protective. This whole thing would be too much for even him. He’d probably be out on the streets _and_ out of a job.

His answer was profoundly vague and he was well aware that it would make George at very least curious and at worst suspicious. Luckily, George didn’t press him to explain.

As if on cue, Hamilton came out of his room just as Thomas and George finished putting the final items away. He was still wearing the shirt, but was now also wearing pyjama bottoms underneath it. He looked noticeably more rested and content, his hair messier than usual as a sign of his long sleep. Thomas couldn’t help but note how much he wanted to go over to mess it up a little more. Hamilton started making coffee, passing a peculiarly soft smile over to the other two.

“Back from the dead?” George asked jokingly. Hamilton poured some coffee into a mug and smiled holding it to his lips, “Something like that.” He looked over to Thomas for a moment, scowling in thought. Thomas swallowed. _Oh_   _god. He must be regretting everything that happened last night. He must hate me for it. Oh god, oh god…_

Hamilton suddenly shifted his attention, turning around and pouring coffee into another mug and sliding it over the counter towards him.

Thomas looked at the mug blankly before picking it up, “Urm… Thanks?”  Hamilton shrugged, “You look like you need it. Besides, from what I can gather you were up as late as I was.” He smirked teasingly at Thomas and all tension that could have been created from last night went away.

Thomas had to rub his lips together to stop from grinning, careful to not show too much of a reaction and, thankfully, George didn’t seem to notice. Hamilton on the other hand did and lowered his eyes biting his lip, clearly pleased over being able to make him react. He was kind of glad that Hamilton had brought it up, because that meant it was out in the open. There was no awkwardness on Thomas’s part on deciding whether or not to bring it up. Hamilton looked over to his father who was now on his laptop, pointing out “See. I can be nice.” George briefly looked up and chuckled absently

Hamilton then turned back to Thomas before looking around the room, looking for something to stare at. There was a curious silence, with Hamilton swaying slightly.

“You know…” Thomas started slowly, changing the conversation as Hamilton’s eyes darted back to him, “The caffeine probably isn’t doing anything…”

Hamilton raised his eyebrows, “What?”

Thomas put his mug down and leaned on the counter, “How many cups do you drink a day? I’m guessing it’s quite a lot,” Hamilton nodded and leaned in quizzically. “Well, if you drink too much regularly then it doesn’t really have the same affect because you become tolerant to it. Like, you just start needing it to feel normal,” Thomas casually explained.

Hamilton’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped, “That explains so much…”

They talked over the counter with each other for a while with George paying no attention just a couple of feet away on his laptop. They argued a little, but it was light-hearted and frivolous.

At one point, Thomas said something which caused Hamilton to laugh. It was the kind of laugh he’d never heard from him before. He doesn’t think it’s the kind of laugh he’s heard from _anybody_ before. It was higher pitched then normal and sounded so genuine. It sounded lyrical, like music. He looked so happy, free and flawless. It was the kind of reaction that assured there was no one else in the world he'd rather be with. It lifted his heart and he felt himself relax like everything in the world suddenly became a lot easier. The only thing Thomas could think was ‘oh my god. I am so screwed.’

Thomas snapped out of his mind when Hamilton tilted his head to the side and Thomas realised he’d been staring. Hamilton gave him a look, asking if anything was wrong. Thomas shook his head, though mainly to himself and Hamilton weakly smiled in return. Hamilton looked over to the clock and stood upright, “Shit, I’m meant to be meeting my friends in half an hour and I’m not even dressed. Gotta go,” he said quickly dashing down the hall and back into his room to change.

Thomas watched him go and smiled. When he turned back, he saw George had stopped typing and was looking right at him and he mentally slapped himself for being so tactless. George was looking right through him, deep in thought or concerned or both. “Is… Something wrong, sir?” Thomas asked.

George blinked a couple of times looking away, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just a silly thought that went through my head, that’s all.” He paused for a moment, apparently not entirely convinced by his own explanation and added, “It’s nice that you and Alexander are getting along.”

“I guess so,” Thomas said, purposely acting clueless. It seemed to work at least moderately well as George seemed to force himself away from the topic and went back to his laptop.

Thomas let out a silent sigh of relief and scolded himself. He was going to have to be more careful to keep his feelings in check. He’d have to stop acting like this, I mean, he didn’t realise straight away- but he was _basically_ trying to flirt with Hamilton whilst George was a couple of feet away. Okay… maybe not his brightest move.

He looked down at his coffee mug and realised that he’d completely forgotten about it. Still half full and now freezing cold. It must have gone cold when he was talking to Hamilton, He had gotten so immersed in their conversation, he almost forgot that the world actually existed. He picked the mug up to empty it, when he noticed Hamilton’s mug: also half full and freezing cold.


	12. Shawshank

Alexander wondered back into the house a little after 5pm. He’d just gone out with his friends for a few hours to get coffee and hang out at John’s house. His dad and Jefferson had gone out for drinks but arrived back before him. It made him feel weird that his dad and his crush were now really good friends…

“Hey Alexander,” his dad said casually as Alex walked through the door. “Hey,” he acknowledged before smiling back at Jefferson, who had quickly but unmistakably shot him a smile. He paused only briefly, before going back to his room. He hadn’t done any work yesterday because of the date and then… _what followed._ Nor had he got any work done that day yet. He felt weird and knew the feeling wouldn’t go away unless he got something done.

He started doing some work, taking a caffeine pill for concentration. Who really cares if he’s caffeine tolerant? They just help okay. Once he did some work and looked at the clock to see an hour and a half had passed, he contemplated getting a drink before finishing his work.

He walked out of his room just as Jefferson and his dad were on the sofas speaking about someone he didn’t know. His dad couldn’t see him because his back was to him, but Jefferson could see him clearly. He considered what he wanted to drink for a moment, before getting an idea and opening the fridge and taking a beer out.

He looked over to Jefferson and put a finger to his lips silently shushing. Jefferson casually put a hand over his mouth and grinned, nodding to pretend he was still paying attention to whatever his dad was saying. Alex smirked playfully and quietly shuffled back to his room as Jefferson started paying attention to George again.

After several failed attempts, Alex finally figured out how to open the beer bottle and drank some of it. Jefferson made him feel like such a kid; made him act like a lovesick teenager and he hated it.

The way he got awkward and flustered or- oh god- the way he made him laugh. When he laughed that morning it sounded like someone else. He felt so embarrassed thinking about the way Jefferson looked at him. The way even his dad looked up because that laugh did not sound like Alexander Hamilton.

Yet again he found himself flustered and overwhelmed just thinking about it. After five minutes of staring blankly at his work unable to actually do anything, he decided to finish it later. He picked up his beer and walked back into the main room.

They were now actually watching something, though he couldn’t figure out what. “Hey” he said and raised the bottle to his lips again as his dad gave him a look. Alex paused, pulling the beer away and melodramatically staring at it, “Oh my god! Who put that there?”

George shook his head to himself and rolled his eyes, “Alex, do you want to come watch this with us?”

Alex walked closer looking at the television, “Depends, what is it?”

“Shawshank Redemption,” Jefferson replied.

Alex shrugged, “Never seen it.”

Jefferson looked surprised and- honestly- a little judgmental, “What? You’ve seriously never seen The Shawshank Redemption?”

Alex awkwardly shook his head and bounced up and down on the soles of his feet. “Come over here and watch it then.” Alex’s eyes shot over to him, it didn’t seem like a question so much as a request.

“Okay…” He mumbled. He quickly left to grab a blanket before contemplating over whether to sit on the sofa with his dad or the other sofa with Jefferson. He hoped his dad wouldn’t think it was weird that he went to sit next to Jefferson.

He pulled his legs up and drank his beer slowly. Alex constantly interrupted the movie to add his input or pick a playful fight Jefferson. Jabbing his feet into Jefferson’s side whenever he said something stupid. Eventually Alex and Jefferson both stopped when George started getting frustrated at them.

Around three quarters of an hour in, Alex accidently brushed his feet against Jefferson’s thigh and quickly apologised drawing his legs back. When Jefferson didn’t really react other than mumbling a short “it’s fine,” Alex chewed on the inside of his lip as an essence of an idea formed in his head.

He slowly moved closer, only a little so that he could pass it off as just adjusting his position. When he still didn’t react, he used this as an excuse to move part of the blanket over Jefferson whispering, “You looked cold.” Eyes still fixed on the screen to avoid drawing too much attention but hyper-aware of everything going on around him. A couple of seconds later he felt Jefferson move slightly closer to him and pretended not to notice.

There was still a distance between them, but as Alex placed his hand on top of the blanket, he realised that their hands were only a few inches away. Jefferson’s hands were much larger than his, and his fingers were long and slender as opposed to Alexander’s short and stubby ones. He swallowed and tried to slide his hand over, but lost his nerve immediately withdrawing his hand back into his lap. God damn it, why was this so hard?

He twiddled with his hands in his lap for a minute before dropping them to his side again, resisting the urge to do anything.

After a minute had passed, he felt something shift under his hand and almost pulled away on impulse. But then he noticed Jefferson subtly pull the blanket from underneath his hand, moving it over his hand so it was concealed. He tried to figure out what he was doing, but kept his hand completely still. His hopes were affirmed when he felt warm fingertips on the back of his hand. The fingers slowly slid over his hand, tense and cautious, and eventually relaxing and stilling.  Alex suddenly found it difficult to breathe, feeling high off of the innocent contact.

He found himself considering what it would be like if Jefferson and him were together. If Jefferson was younger, if he was gay, if he was someone his dad would approve of him being with… What would that be like?

He would probably be sitting closer to him if that were the case. He’d rest his head against Jefferson’s chest and Jefferson would have his arm wrapped around him. Jefferson would play with his hair, kiss him and shamelessly whisper sweet nothings in his ear. They’d call each other ‘Alexander’ and ‘Thomas’ instead of ‘Hamilton’ and ‘Jefferson.’ Though, admittedly that last one came down to Alex’s stubbornness rather than circumstance.

But instead they were watching a movie- sat a foot away from each other, touching each other’s hands under a blanket so that his dad wouldn’t notice. And, oddly, that was enough. Because every so and then Jefferson moved his thumb along the back of his hand and it sent shivers down his spine every time.

Everything felt okay. He wasn’t itching his palms; afraid that the world would forget him when he was gone. For a fleeting moment he didn’t care what the world thought. The outside world would never know the way their fingers touched, nor would it care. But Alexander knew. And so did Jefferson. It didn’t matter if anyone else knew. Alexander had never been good at ‘embracing the moment,’ but he was actually able to just watch the movie and let Jefferson hold his hand, letting time slip by like it meant nothing.

When the movie finished, George stood up and turned the television off. “As lovely as this was, I’m going to go to bed now. Don’t stay awake too late, you two” he said as he passed by, kissing Alex on the top of the head and walking away.

As his dad was walking away, Alex swore he felt Jefferson’s hand tighten the grip on the back of his hand. There was an awkward silence as they were left alone in silence.

Jefferson coughed and pulled his hand away, causing Alex to frown, his hand now feeling cold. He got over the feeling pretty quickly, as less than a second later Jefferson put his arm on top of the sofa cushions around Alex. A little smile spread across his face as he used this as an opportunity to lean in.

It reminded him slightly of a stereotypical high school first date, where the jock would pretend to yawn to put his arm around the cheerleader’s shoulder. Jefferson seemed like the kind of guy who’d have been pretty cool in high school. Good at sports, friendly and cocky- though he couldn’t imagine him being as cruel as the stereotypical jock. And Alexander is certainly no cheerleader; he may be many things but cool is not one of them.

“So what did you think?” Jefferson asked. Alex blinked slowly, “What?” Jefferson raised an eyebrow and clarified, “The movie…”

“Oh… right… yeah, _duh.”_  He scrunched up his face in embarrassment, _of course. What else would he be talking about?_ “I uh, thought it was good…”

“Just good?”

“Okay, I thought it was _really_ good. I think it’s my new favourite movie.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it was _that_ good. There’s better, like Citizen Kane or The Godfather…”

Alex shrugged, “Never seen them.”

“Have you seen literally any movie ever?” He asked sarcastically.

Alex moved away and scrunched up, not liking how he seemed to be judged. “Don’t judge me. I just don’t have a lot of time, okay?”

Jefferson must have felt bad as he just moved in closer and moved his arm from the sofa to wrap his arm around Alex’s shoulder. Deciding to bite the bullet, Alex swiftly moved right next to him, putting his head on his shoulder again just like last night. “I just…” Alex breathed deeply. “I like the idea of there being this guy who suffers, but despite his hopeless position is able to get out.”

Jefferson stayed silent as Alex opened his mouth, considering telling Jefferson _everything_. But instead decided to wait for a better time. Jefferson pulled him in using his other hand, holding Alex in his arms. As Alex was pulled in, he quickly moved his right leg to the other side of Jefferson to sit on his lap facing him.

Jefferson tried to hide his expression, but Alex could see that he was clearly shocked. “Hey there...”

He mentally hit himself being so forward, responding dumbly with “Hi.” Offering no explanation.

Jefferson looked uncomfortable, so Alex tried to move away so that he could just make a joke about it and pretend it meant nothing. But when Jefferson placed his hands on Alex’s waist, he lost the will to move. “Hey…” He repeated.

Jefferson looked him up and down before raising a hand to fiddle with Alex’s collar, his knuckle brushing against his collarbone. “I think you look better in my shirts,” his voice low and soft and making Alex melt.

“Well not everyone can afford expensive shit,” he tried to wittily retort but his voice was uncertain and cracked.

“Well then, you can steal as much of my ‘expensive shit’ as you want.”

Alex slid his hands over the skin just above Jefferson’s shirt. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He traced a finger over his prominent collarbone. His skin was warm. Not unusually so, but enough to make him want to melt into the touch. “You’re so hot…”

Jefferson’s eyes widened and so did Alex’s when he realised what he’d said. “I-I-I mean like _literally_ hot- not like- as in you have an above average body temperature.” Alex’s face went red and he groaned, hiding his face in the crook of Jefferson’s neck- who was laughing at him. Jefferson reassuringly rubbed Alex’s back, who relaxed further into his neck- inhaling how Jefferson smelt. He eventually relented and drew back.

“If you’re dad walks in here right now, we’re so screwed,” Jefferson pointed out. Alex sighed and slid off of his lap, “You know, you don’t need to just use my dad as an excuse to make me go away.”

“I’m not,” Jefferson objected.

“Yeah, I know. But If you _were_ …” Alex slowly said standing up. He reached his hand out to Jefferson, “Walk me home?”

Jefferson smiled and chuckled, taking his hand and standing up. They walked the short distance to the front of Alex and Jefferson’s doors, standing in the narrow corridor.

“Well, goodnight I guess” said Alex, awkwardly swaying side to side. He motioned to his door, “If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

Jefferson actually passed a glance to Alex’s door, which made Alex smirk. He then raised Alex’s hand to his lips, holding it lightly and planting a kiss to his knuckle, “Goodnight, m’lady.”

As Jefferson dropped his hand slowly, Alex crossed his arms. “I’m not a lady” he grumbled and turned to open his door, looking back to smile, before shutting the door.


	13. Three Weeks

A few more weeks passed in a fashion that was almost too good to be true.

Thomas went out to get drinks with George every week and they actually became really good friends. It was awkward talking to him considering he’d usually have been fantasying about his son shortly before, but he always found a way to get over it. George was actually a really nice guy in his own way.

He also made some other acquaintances from around the city- he’d finally met James’s roommate, Aaron Burr. He seemed to be an alright guy, only he was very quiet. He gave off the impression that he was harbouring a secret and he never seemed to say what he wanted to say. 

He started feeling more comfortable with his living situation, even accepted the idea of living with George being a semi-permanent position.

Somehow he’d stopped worrying about what Hamilton thought of him. He seemed to like him… Or at least Thomas was beginning to assume he did. He would smile when he walked into the room, he would go over just to talk to him, and sure, they got into petty fights- but they weren’t serious and Hamilton would smile throughout them.

Thomas knew that George was getting suspicious, but he never seemed to quite figure it out. Either that or he just didn’t believe it. Or he _did_ know and just didn’t mention it, but that seemed very unlikely.

Though, he knew that this wouldn’t last forever. It was only a matter of time before George figured out how Thomas felt or, god forbid, Thomas accidentally told George himself or something. He knew there was no way he could both admire Hamilton and befriend his father, he lacked the subtlety required to do that.

Even James was starting to notice something was going on. When a week went by without Thomas losing his temper once or having anything to say about Hamilton, he became pretty sure that something was going on. “Do you have a new girl or boy you haven’t told me about?” He’d asked. To which Thomas just scoffed and said “No.” Well, he wasn’t lying. He didn’t _have_ Hamilton; wishful thinking couldn’t change that tiny detail.

Thomas started noticing his clothes slowly going missing, so called his family up in Virginia and asked them to send over some more of his clothes. It wasn’t until a couple of hours after the phone call that he realised where his clothes had been slowly disappearing to.

One day, when Hamilton walked out of his room wearing a plaid shirt which Thomas thought looked oddly familiar, his dad must have noticed and asked “I’ve never seen you wear that shirt before, where did you get it?” To which Hamilton just made awkwardly long eye contact with Thomas before muttering “Nowhere…”

That night, just before going to sleep, Thomas leaned over the counter where Hamilton was typing up something to ask in a whisper, “Tell me, how much of my clothes did you actually steal?” Hamilton bit his lip admitting “Three shirts, a t-shirt and a sweater.”

Thomas laughed, ruffling up his hair and leaning in to kiss him on his forehead before wishing him a good night and asking him to make sure to not go to bed too late. He hadn’t expected him to listen to him, but a couple of hours later when Thomas left to get some water, he was impressed to see that the lights to Hamilton’s room were off and he’d actually done what Thomas had asked.

Hamilton seemed to be healthier than he was when he first moved in. Still overworking sometimes, but that was an incurable quirk. He seemed to be getting more sleep and drank less coffee. He started sticking around the house more, not out or barricaded in his room like usual.

Most days, he wouldn’t really interact that much with Hamilton until after George was asleep. After that, Hamilton would sometimes bring his work out of his room and sit with Thomas- usually on the sofa but once or twice on Thomas’s bed.

Hamilton would do his work with Thomas sitting behind him, letting Thomas run his fingers through his hair. He gathered that he liked it, because every time he did it, Hamilton would relax into his touch and would sometimes make a little hum of approval. Thomas would stare at him, fixate on a patch of his skin- wondering what would happen if he just leaned over and kissed it.

Sometimes he gave up on work and would just start talking or ranting about something on his mind. Thomas never minded because he was in love with Hamilton’s voice. He could happily sit for hours intently listening to Hamilton’s words. Now that they got along, it was no longer cold, determined and reserved. Instead his voice had become warm, light and grounding. His words were still usually angry and strong, but now laced with a strong passion.

The more time that went by, the harder it was getting. He had so many pent-up emotions and they were _intense_. It was starting to become painful, a good type of pain, but still pain.

He had to talk to someone about it, he knew that much. His mind immediately went to Martha. They split up on pretty good terms; it was mutual and they’d agreed to stay friends. But he wasn’t entirely sure how acceptable it would be to talk to her about the person he was interested in. Eventually he relented and called her. He told her everything and thankfully she was understanding and willing to lend an ear.

Life was so good. It was almost too good to be true. It _was_ too good to be true. Thomas couldn’t ignore a nagging feeling that it was only a matter of time until something went wrong…


	14. Attempted Confrontation

Alexander arrived back from school, thinking over everything that had happened that day, hoping that he’d be able to hang out with Thomas that night and tell him everything. 

He held a book to his chest thinking about Thomas’s hands going through his hair and the feeling of his back against his chest. Trying in vain to focus on his work but usually ending up ranting about school- occasionally becoming distracted when Jefferson decided to add a word or laugh because he was just so captivating.

Surprisingly, his grades were actually going up. He was sleeping more and probably spent less time altogether doing work, but now he was more rested and not stressed all the time. It was easier to know his limits and he was able to focus more when he had work to do. He found himself actually enjoying work again, it no longer felt like a chore he had to fulfil to stop himself from losing his sanity. And okay, maybe the fact that he now did most of his work with Jefferson helped with that.

Every so and then, Jefferson would try and offer some advice or tell him he made a mistake. And every time, Alex would smack his hand away and say something around the lines of “Shut the fuck up I don’t make mistakes.” Then Jefferson would laugh at him, wrapping his arms around him tightly to hug him from behind. Alex would pretend he didn’t love it. But, well, let’s just say there’s a reason he never changed his response.

When he got back home that day, his dad was at the counter sitting on a stool. He was looking at the glass in his hands with a serious expression. “Hi dad,” Alex said quickly walking past to go to his room.

“Hold on, Alex,” His dad said, causing Alex to abruptly stop. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Alex turned around, slowly putting his books to the side and dropping his bag to the floor. His dad sounded serious and Alex suddenly felt a growing anxiousness. George motioned towards the stool next to him and Alex went over to sit on it. “What is it?”

George was visibly uncomfortable and Alex hurriedly thought back to the last three weeks, wondering if he’d done something wrong. He was sleeping better hours, eating healthier and socialising more- what could his dad be mad about?

“Alexander,” George started slowly. “Is there something going on?” Alex looked blankly at him, waiting for him to clarify.

When Alex’s only response was a confused look, George awkwardly continued. “It’s just, you’ve been acting… different. You’ve been doing a lot better, you’ve been nicer, you’re healthier, you-” As he spoke, he looked carefully at Alex’s face for some kind of recollection. Alex still looked confused and George sighed in defeat. “Look, what I’m trying to say is that if there’s something in your life… _someone…_  that made you happy, you know you could tell me… right?”

Alex realised what he was talking about. _Exactly_ what he was hinting at and wanting Alex to admit to.

“So… is there anything you want to tell me?”

Alex looked down at the counter and bit his lip, trying desperately to conceal his emotions and maintain a neutral face. “Dad… I-”

Alex swallowed and looked up at his dad. “There’s nothing new in my life.”

His dad knew he was lying.

Alex could see how disappointed he was when he didn’t tell him the truth. But he wasn’t ready to say anything, and he didn’t want to say anything that could possibly get Jefferson in trouble- especially since he hadn’t actually done anything.

“Very well…” was all his dad responded with, downing the rest of the spirit he was drinking. “Just know that if you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here.” His dad was irritated. That much was obvious from the sudden insincerity in his tone.

Alex nodded looking down again to twiddle with his fingers. An awkward amount of time passed before his dad abruptly changed his posture and voice to an almost unusual degree. “Are you doing anything on Friday?” He asked changing the subject.

Alex looked up and scowled, shaking his head. “I don’t think so. I have a couple of classes but they’re skippable.”

“Well…” Started George, “I was wondering if you’d like to come into work with me? Read through some proposals and tell me what you think. It’d be nice to get your perspective considering you…”

“Considering I’m a total genius that all your workers should aspire to be?”

“Don’t push it, son.” George said as Alex smirked proudly.

“That sounds good, I’ll make sure I’m free and get my teachers to email me the work from my lessons.” Alex said standing up. George patted Alex’s shoulder as Alex picked his bag up and quickly shuffled to his room.

His dad obviously knew something was going on. But… was anything going on? He’d like there to be, but wasn’t sure what that would mean for Jefferson. And he didn’t want to presume how Jefferson felt. Somehow Jefferson found a way to keep the assertive Alexander Hamilton always guessing.

Sure, he would hold him and kiss him, but always found an excuse for it and would always fall shy of kissing him somewhere where it would provide a definitive answer.

Just a kiss on the lips, that’s all he would need to know he liked him. But it was always a kiss on the cheek, forehead, hand; everywhere that wouldn’t tell him exactly how he felt.

Although Alexander wasn’t nearly as concerned about Jefferson’s feelings as he was his own. _His feelings scared him_.

He wanted to be the kind of person who could move past people, who didn’t need to rely on people and didn’t care about what they thought. But he found himself caring a lot about Jefferson. He cared about what he thought, how he felt and found himself emotionally relying on him.

He needed him. He needed him in his life so much he couldn’t comprehend it.  

Even when he was mad at him for saying something, he couldn’t bare the idea of Jefferson just leaving.

One night he had a disturbing realisation that made him feel sick: Jefferson could become a complete monster- he could hit him, kick him, say whatever he wanted and Alexander would probably take it as long as that meant he wouldn’t lose him. He knew that even thinking that was terrible. Deep down he knew he was stronger than that. But it was a thought he couldn’t stop going through his mind.

Besides, Jefferson would never purposely hurt him. He was always sweet and would fret if he did so much as accidently pull at a knot in his hair. Hell, whenever they argued, Jefferson was far less likely to say something unwarranted than Alexander was- who had far less restraint when debating.

He knew eventually he would just have to suck it up and ask Jefferson to stay. Otherwise he’d move out and Alex would lose all excuses to talk to him. And for all he knew, Jefferson still thought he wanted him to move out. He couldn’t let him think that. But more than anything, he didn’t want to hurt Jefferson. If his dad found out that Alex liked him, would he try to kick him out? He knew his dad was probably better than that. But what if he was wrong? The smallest part of Alex hoped that Jefferson didn’t like him back. That way his dad would never have an excuse to want him gone.

Alex picked up his phone humming in thought. He hadn’t messaged the group chat he’d made in a while. Recently he’d stuck to talking to his friends in person, eventually ceasing to tell them anything as it became pretty regular. But it would be nice to write down how he feels…

SaltyAlex: It’s just, I think I love him. He’s so sweet to me and he’s so beautiful and perfect (except his opinions which are a national disgrace.)  His hair’s amazing and there’s so much of it and omg it’s just so nice okay believe me and he has really nice flawless skin. He’s so tall and always just a little bit warmer than I am and I just want to curl up into his arms and stay there forever where I feel safe. He has a really beautiful accent and his voice is always just gruff enough to make me want to melt. His smile is so heart-warming and sweet and I like the way he looks at me. I used to hate how he treats me like I’m small… but I think I might be a bit into it??? He just makes me feel so protected and safe and I like how he takes care of me and seems so concerned about me, is that really weird? I literally don’t even feel normal in my own clothes anymore because his clothes are just so nice and they remind me of him. And omg he smells so nice.

Angelica: well that’s… telling

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: invite me to the wedding pls

 _Laurensisacutiepie <3 renamed SaltyAlex to AlexIsInLOVE_ _❤_

Laurensisacutiepie<3: IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

Eliza: MEE 2

Eliza: imma give u so many hugs when I see u

AlexIsInLOVE❤: im up for that

Alex smiled and putting his phone down, hoping he’d get the chance to hang out with Thomas again soon.


	15. Rejected

Thomas looked through his office blinds to the open office just outside. Hamilton had just exited someone's office and was shaking hands with one of the higher ups. He smirked as he noticed a grimace on the man’s face and wondered what tactless thing Hamilton must have said to cause it.

James wasn’t kidding when he said that everyone around here knew him, and he _definitely_ wasn’t kidding when he said that he walked around like he was the boss. He had a certain proud and determined posture and a total lack of nervousness or shame. Thomas supposed that most of the resentment came from the fact that he was still in high school, half the age of most of the people here, in an ill-fitting suit and yet was still as intelligent as everyone in the room. 

Thomas decided he needed some coffee and drew his eyes away. He walked down the corridor to the break room, which was empty except from one person who was pouring coffee into a flask. “Hey Aaron,” he said walking over, waiting for him to finish.

“Hey,” Aaron said with his smile that always made Thomas a little suspicious. It was like he thought the brighter his smile was, the more real it was. Aaron put the coffee pot back and moved to the side to give Thomas room.

“What do you think of Alexander Hamilton?” Thomas asked. Deciding he might as well start a conversation as he poured some coffee into a mug. Aaron shrugged. Thomas rolled his eyes, he wasn’t sure why he even bothered asking- Aaron rarely said how he felt and he didn’t bother voicing his opinion much.

Eventually, though, he actually did decide to answer. “He’s alright. Last year- you know, when he was kind of going through _that thing-_ we were kind of at each other’s throats. But I’m okay with him now.” Thomas nodded slowly, feeling too awkward to admit that he had no idea what he was talking about when he referred to _that thing last year._   He both wanted to know but didn't want to ask.

Apparently, even though Aaron never said much about how he felt he was pretty good at reading how others felt. As less than a second later he leaned over to explain in a whisper, “Okay, you didn’t hear this from me- but you know how he can sometimes overdo it with the stress and caffeine and work and all that?” Thomas nodded slowly, suddenly creating a pretty good picture of what Aaron was about to say next. “Well, _from what I heard,_ he basically went totally overboard last year and drove himself to have a breakdown.”

“Oh,” Thomas thought aloud and looked at the floor. That definitely seemed like the kind of thing he’d do. Hamilton severely lacked any kind of ability to take care of himself. He had a brief judgemental thought of ‘I wonder where George was when that was happening, oh yeah- probably working’ but he immediately pushed it aside. Feeling guilty for even thinking it. Besides, he was definitely in no position to try and judge George over his parenting.

“See you later,” Aaron said as he left and Thomas waited around for a few minutes before silently walking off himself.

He returned to his office with his coffee, working for another couple of hours before James opened the office door and stood there holding a letter in his hands. Thomas looked up and scowled when he noticed the frown and guilty look on his face. “What?” He asked, knowing immediately that something went wrong.

“So, urm, I’ve got some bad news…” He said walking in and pulling his chair along to put it closer to Thomas’s desk. “What is it?” Thomas asked suspiciously.

James sat on the chair so the back of it was in front of him, putting his arms over the top of the chair to put his chin on. Still holding the piece of paper limply. “So… You know how you’ve been working on that proposal for like… What was it, a month now?”

_Oh god._

“Yes…?” Thomas asked, prompting him to go on and not liking the direction this conversation was going in. “Well…” James sighed and rushed over the rest of the explanation, “Basically Hamilton had one look at the proposal and pointed out everything wrong with it and got it rejected.”

“What!?” Thomas shot up and snatched a piece of paper out of James’s hands. He looked down at the proposal rejection letter and put a hand in his hair. “That bastard, he can’t do that. He doesn’t even work here!”

Thomas dropped the piece of paper, letting it drift to the floor as he started pacing the room with his hands on the back of his neck. For the first time, he found himself genuinely angry at Hamilton. He could put up with him insulting his opinions, but this was his job. This was the only thing he thought he was good at. 

“I know, it sucks.” James noted blankly.

“I worked so god damn hard on that. I mean, I know it wasn’t perfect but it was _so good._ And now I’ve basically wasted a month of my life.”

James shrugged, “Yeah, and do you wanna know what the worst part is?” Thomas stopped pacing and raised an eyebrow, “What?”

“In not that long there’s a good chance he could be our boss,” James mocked with a cynical little smirk on his face.

“Oh god…” Thomas groaned, “I am going to _kill_ him.” James chuckled and a few knocks came to the door.

“Come in,” James said and the door opened was opened by- _of course…_ Hamilton. Thomas threw his head back and groaned, _“Oh god.”_

James looked at Hamilton then at Thomas. He awkwardly looked around before picking up a piece of paper and declaring “Well… I’m just going to go do that detailed, very explicit work thing that we discussed,” before dismissing himself from the room to avoid confrontation. Thomas didn't want to have to deal with this, he hated this kind of thing so much. 

Hamilton smiled at him, sweetly and completely oblivious. Thomas felt himself getting even angrier and clenched his fists.

“What do you want?” Thomas asked, both trying to disguise his anger but also wanting to make how he felt perfectly clear. He turned away from Hamilton to start dealing with files so he didn’t have to look at him, whenever he looked at him he got butterflies and at the moment those butterflies made him sick.

“I just wanted to see you,” Hamilton said lightly. Jefferson just hummed and resisted from turning around.

“Was that James Madison that left? I think I worked with him on something once, I don’t think he likes me much…” Hamilton said, trying to start a conversation. “Yeah.” Thomas deadpanned.

A few seconds of awkward silence passed but Hamilton still didn’t leave before trying again with “How are you?” To which Thomas blankly responded with “Fine.” Hoping desperately that Hamilton would just walk away, mad at him and himself for being so in love with him even now.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” Hamilton quietly asked. Thomas felt his heart ache but just couldn’t push down his anger. “Do you seriously have to ask?”

“Clearly, since I have no idea why you’re mad at me,” he said, and for some reason that _really_ pissed Thomas off. “You threw out what I’ve been working on for over a month, _that’s_ why,” he responded bitterly.

Hamilton fell silent, before muttering an “I didn’t know it was yours…” To which Thomas just rolled his eyes. “Just go away, Hamilton.”

Hamilton still didn’t move. “I’m sorry about your proposal…”

“Sure you are,” Thomas murmured.

“I am” Hamilton insisted.

“Of course,” Thomas said tiredly, clearly not believing a word he was saying.

“I don’t like it when you ignore me,” he whispered but Thomas went on sorting out a bunch of folders whilst pretending he wasn’t there.

Refusing to leave and apparently too stubborn to admit defeat, he walked into the room a little more. “You know, my dad says that if I wanted to I could probably work here in the future…” Hamilton said, beginning a one-sided conversation. “But I’m not so sure if I would want to work here. I haven’t decided yet. I think I’d make a pretty good businessman if I did come here though.” Thomas scoffed, “Yeah, that might not be a good idea.”

“Why?” He asked cautiously.

Thomas knew he made a mistake the moment he started speaking. “Look around, Hamilton. Everyone around here _hates_ you.”

The room fell completely silent. Thomas leaned over to put a folder away and froze as he realised how horrible what he said was.

Just as Thomas opened his mouth to make a slow and sincere apology, Hamilton asked plainly “Including you?” Thomas’s heart froze and he turned around to look at Hamilton for the first time since he stepped into the office. He had a brave and stubborn face, but he could see that he was hurt.

“I didn’t mean that,” he said. His voice slow and quiet. “I didn’t mean that,” he repeated.

Hamilton nodded slowly and bitterly, looking over to the wall. “Yes. Yes, you did. I mean it’s fine, you’re right.” He was trying to sound apathetic and strong, but Thomas could hear the way his voice wavered. “No, I’m not,” Thomas tried but Hamilton just shook his head, not accepting his denial.

“And it’s not just here,” he continued. “Most people hate me. You’ve probably noticed I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I’m obnoxious, loud and I never know when to shut the fuck up…” His voice trailed off. “Even my friends hate me sometimes. They won’t tell me, but I can tell.” His voice cracked towards the end and he was shaking slightly, his eyes reluctantly becoming red with tears he had too much pride to shed.

“That’s not true. You know that’s not true, right?” Thomas said, trying desperately to get Hamilton to understand that he didn’t mean what he’d said.

“It is. It’s fine, I don’t care. I don’t…” He said but choked on the last word. “I’m gonna go…” He said quickly turning around and leaving, not wanting Thomas to see how upset he was.

“Wait.” Thomas said reaching out to grab Hamilton’s arm. But this time he didn’t listen and just pulled his arm away to leave the office. Thomas caught one last glimpse of Hamilton's face, walking down the corridor trying to avoid eye contact so no one would see he was crying.


	16. Love and Hate

Thomas was left alone in his office. “Fuck,” he murmured rubbing his hands over his face. He’d done it. He’d fucked up everything that he’d managed to build with Hamilton. All the time he’d spent with him, every touch and every conversation was as good as swept away.

He sat down at his desk and buried his head in his arms as the minutes ticked away. He wasn’t sure how much time passed when he heard the door open and James Madison walk back in. “Hey…” James said looking confused. “What did you say to Hamilton? Because I was talking to one of the interns and apparently, they saw him running out in tears.”

Thomas groaned, “Oh no. What have I done?” James went over to rub him on the back, laughing slightly because he had no idea how serious this was for him. James went to sit on the side of Thomas’s desk. “Did you seriously rip into him then?” He asked, completely non-judgmentally.

Thomas lifted his head, putting a hand to his temple because of the headache he was beginning to get. “I told him everyone hates him.”

“Okay, yeah. That is very- well…” James tried, trailing off towards the end. “Yup…” Thomas agreed.

James sighed, “I can’t believe I’m saying this. But it might be a good idea to try and make things good with him. Probably a bad idea to get on his bad side considering you have to live with him.”

“Yeah, I know,” Thomas conceded. He started standing up and grabbed his jacket, “Sorry, I’m gonna leave early today. I need to go after him.”

“Later, Thom,” James said as Thomas quickly made his way out of the office. He rushed back to the apartment, though he wasn’t sure why he bothered. Hamilton left a while earlier and it wasn’t like he could catch up with him.

He only started to slow down when he was within the block; slowing to a stop outside the door. He stared at the door, finding himself unable to move completely. He felt a hesitation and deep reluctance which he hadn’t felt since he stood here for that first-time weeks ago.

He slowly opened the door, peering inside. He wasn’t entirely sure if Hamilton had even decided to come home, but slowly walked inside anyway. He slowly walked along the corridor and looked inside Hamilton’s room, getting an aching feeling as he saw Hamilton with his back to the door tying his hair up.

Hamilton turned around to face him, and Thomas felt the world get a lot heavier. Because Hamilton hadn’t looked at him with that belittling and judgemental look since the first week of knowing him. Back when Hamilton disliked him… Though now Thomas was beginning to wonder if there was ever actually a point when Hamilton _did_ like him. Was this all in his head the whole time?

“What?” Hamilton asked. His tone harsh and severe and causing Thomas to wince and briefly forget why he was here in the first place.

Thomas tried to mentally calm himself down. There was no way that the past weeks had meant nothing to him. _No way._ If he really didn’t like him, then why would he left Thomas kiss him, hold him and run his fingers through his hair?

And yet…

Thomas quickly stopped himself from letting his thoughts go too far. If he did that, he’d end up backing out of this conversation.

“Alexander-” He started slowly, but was completely interrupted by Hamilton snapping “Don’t call me that.”

Thomas’s entire mental state was thrown off, and he began questioning the carefully structured confession he had planned in his head. I mean, sure, they’d still been on a mostly last name basis. But to get mad at him for using his first name was… well, it was making Thomas rethink everything he thought he knew about him.

Thomas just wanted to leave. He didn’t want to have this conversation, he had never been good at saying how he felt. He just wanted to make everything okay, wishing he’d just bitten his tongue back in the office instead of losing his temper. He nodded his head slowly, praying for some courage. “I don’t,” he uttered quietly. Thomas dared to look over to Hamilton who just looked confused, so he said truthfully and so quietly that he could barely hear it, “I don’t hate you.”

Hamilton pursed his lips and looked away in response, a sign that he thought Thomas was lying. And that hurt Thomas because it couldn’t possibly have been more true. Even if he wanted it to be a lie, he knew it never would be. He just wanted to cross the room and shake Hamilton and scream ‘Believe me for god sake.’

But he didn’t do that, and the resentment just built in Hamilton’s eyes. With a new resolve, Hamilton turned back to Thomas and started walking towards him “You do. And it’s fine. Perfect actually. You wanna know why?” He walked closer to Thomas devoid of any caution until he was stood right in front of Thomas. His eyes lit with anger and his voice filled with malice. If he had any fear at all, he was doing well at hiding it.

Thomas opened his mouth to respond, but before he could get a single word out, Hamilton responded to his own question with “Because I hate you too.” The spite in his voice was clear, and that one sentence made Thomas want to die.

Hamilton stood silently, expectantly looking at Thomas. And it struck him then that Hamilton had been expecting Thomas to say something. Thomas looked in his eyes and could see a glimmer of what looked like hope in his eyes. He wanted something. An affirmation, a denial, anything. And Thomas realised two key truths at the same time.

One, Hamilton wanted him. His self-doubt relented for just a moment to realise that Hamilton _felt something._ Maybe he wasn’t in love with him in the same way Thomas was, but Hamilton _did_ like him as a friend at least. The look in his eyes wasn’t asking him for an affirmation of hate. He wanted Thomas to fight for him. He wanted Thomas to proclaim something truthful for once, to tell him he didn’t hate him. But…

He also realised something else. Hamilton would always be too good for him. He’d realised how remarkable an individual Alexander Hamilton was before. But it wasn’t really until this moment, when he saw him like this with his eyes filled with sixty emotions, that he realised how completely amazing he was. Hamilton would probably graduate top of his class, go to an ivy league college of his choice. After that he could either take over his dad’s company if he wanted to, if not, he could make it far in whatever career he wanted. Either way, he’d make history- everyone in the country would know his name. On top of all that, he could marry someone with money and a reputation that could help him get there.

And Thomas? Thomas would still be the man who was too proud to take his parent’s money and failed at self-reliance. The man who was a burden to his friends and only got a job because his friend got it for him. The man who followed wherever he was pulled, because he was too clueless to just make his own mind up. The man who couldn’t make his marriage last over a year because even Martha couldn’t put up with him after a while…

In the moment, based on some strange delirium or otherwise, he concluded that Hamilton would be far better off without Thomas in his life- as a friend or anything else. He felt like he’d just hold him back. Maybe everything would be simpler for him if he thought Thomas _did_ hate him.

Thomas sucked up his emotions, “I do,” he said firmly. Then he told the most convincing and terrible lie of his life, “I hate you.”

The hopeless expression on Hamilton’s face made him want to disappear. But Hamilton immediately replaced this with a blank expression again. Thomas repeated his logic in his mind, trying to persuade himself that he was doing the right thing so that he could stay firm on his ridiculous resolve. Then Hamilton pushed past him, muttering “I thought so” as he passed.

Thomas stared blankly at the wall, trying to comprehend what had just happened. “Oh and Jefferson?”

Thomas turned around to look Hamilton one last time as he said “I want you the hell out of my apartment.” And just like that, Thomas’s entire world shattered.


	17. Brokenhearted

Alexander walked into his home with tears pouring down his face. He leant against the door sobbing loudly and no longer bothering to hold it in. He ripped the hairband out of his hair, letting his hair fall around his face. Flailing around briefly, not knowing what to do, he gripped his hair and started pulling on it out of frustration. 

He was such an idiot. He was honestly starting to think that maybe…

Alex shook his head and ran to his room, slamming the door behind him. He hated him. Jefferson hated him. That was fine. Alex could hate him too.

He could. He could. He could. He could hate him. No. No. No he couldn’t.

Alex overheard the front door open and felt a heavy pit in his stomach. He tried to straighten himself out, using the bottom of his hands to wipe his eyes and taking deep breaths which he kept choking on. He grabbed a hairband, tying his hair up painfully tight as he heard shy knocks on his door.

“What?” He asked looking straight at Jefferson, his eyes red and puffy but overshadowed by the anger radiating in his eyes. He looked at Jefferson with a cold, dead stare. Jefferson looked sad and apologetic and the pity in his face only made Alex even more mad.

“Alexander-”

“Don’t call me that.” He immediately interrupted.

Jefferson paused briefly, nodding his head in sad understanding. “I don’t,” he mumbled quietly. Alex looked over to him like he was stupid, wanting to scream ‘if you have something to say, just say it.’

“I don’t hate you,” Jefferson said in a barely audible voice.

Alex pursed his lips and looked away. He hated this, he didn’t want Jefferson to just say things he wanted him to say. He wanted him to mean it. But his voice was covered in guilt and lies. If he does hate him then he’d deal with it; he would. But just man up and say it.

“You do. And it’s fine. Perfect actually. You wanna know why?” He said walking up to Jefferson.

Before Jefferson could respond, Alex stood right in front of him. “Because I hate you too.”

His hardened expression faltered for only a second. Giving Jefferson a final opportunity to just say something. Jefferson looked at him and Alex could see a realisation go through his eyes. _Please. Please tell me I’m wrong._

“I do,” He said firmly after a few seconds. Alex blinked a couple of times, feeling completely hopeless and clueless.

Jefferson looked at the floor. “I hate you.” His voice was firm and everything Alex didn’t want to hear. Just like that, Alex lost everything he thought he’d had.

“I thought so,” said Alex walking past Jefferson, shoving him as he past. “Oh and Jefferson?” He called turning back. “I want you the hell out of my apartment.”

He left the apartment, immediately taking out his phone as he walked blindly down the streets.

_Alex left the group_

_BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad_ _added Alex_

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

Alex: theres no point in having this anymore

Alex: I hate him

Alex: I hate him

Alex: I hate him

Alex: I hate him

Alex: he hates me

Alex: why cant I hate him

Angelica: alex has anyone ever told you that youre the literal embodiment of a rollercoaster

Alex: yes

Laurensisacutiepie<3: wait wait slow down

Laurensisacutiepie<3: what happened?

Alex: He hates me

HercNo: did he say that???

Alex: yes

Alex: im gonna cry

Alex: I love him so much

Alex: why can’t I just hate him

Laurensisacutiepie<3: do you need a hug?

Alex: …yes

Laurensisacutiepie<3: why don’t you come over so we can talk about this

Alex: I dont wanna talk

Laurensisacutiepie<3: come over and cry then

Alex: …okay im on my way

Alex: thank you

Alexander went over to John’s house and the moment he opened the door he burst out into tears. He stayed there for an hour crying on John’s shoulder. He kept asking about what happened but Alex didn’t want to say anything for the first time in his life. Poor John, he was trying so hard to be supportive and Alex knew he was being unappreciative. He could tell he was starting to annoy John after a ridiculous amount of time of non-stop crying and nonsensical ranting. One of the things his friends hated about him, one of the things Jefferson must hate him for.

John insisted on driving him home, but Alex refused consistently until John gave up. John looked down, annoyed at himself and Alex for not being allowed to do anything to help. Instead just made Alex swear to text him the moment he got home.

He walked home in the cold dark and it was sobering. When he opened the door to his house his dad was home and sitting alone at the counter. He shot up the moment Alex walked through the door, noticeably concerned. “Where the hell have you been? It’s dark and you haven’t been picking your phone up.”

“Out.” Answered Alex plainly, walking past and completely disregarding his dad’s concern.

“Is something wrong, Alexander?” His dad asked. Alex paused and looked over to his dad, something clicking in his brain. “Like you don’t know,” was all Alex said before leaving him alone.

He went back to his room, closing his eyes with his back to the door and taking a deep breath. Opening his eyes again, he surveyed the room and looked down at the small pile of clothes on his bed that he’d stolen from Jefferson. He crouched on the bed besides the pile, picking the plaid shirt up and looking blankly at it.

Hit suddenly with an emotional and violent rage. He rooted through his drawers to take out a pair of scissors. He cut the shirt repeatedly, tears running down his face again. He cut the shirt to shreds before doing the same to every single piece of clothing in the pile. He kept going until there was nothing left to destroy and pieces of cut up fabric were spread across his bed.

He was left with a dull aching feeling. He realised that there was still one shirt he hadn’t destroyed, the green shirt that Jefferson had given him. It felt so bittersweet looking at it now, remembering everything that had happened that night. He felt the fabric on his fingertips, it was so gentle and fine. If he tried hard enough, he could probably tear it in two with his bare hands. He held it in his hands, preparing to rip it. But try as he might, he just couldn’t destroy the nagging sweetness that the shirt gave him. He laid down, scrunched the shirt up and held it to his face. He sobbed into the shirt, inhaling deeply because it still smelt very faintly of Jefferson as he fell into a restless sleep.


	18. Another Melancholy Month

Thomas didn’t see Hamilton for the rest of the night.

Over the weekend, he made sure he was out early and didn’t come back until late. That way he didn’t need to bear seeing Hamilton or deal with the emotional turmoil that would surely cause.

On Monday morning, when Thomas walked into the kitchen- bags under his eyes and in a difficult mood- George offered him a small and sympathetic smile; almost as if he knew something he shouldn’t.

Thomas smiled back, pretending everything was okay and nothing was out of the ordinary. He talked to George, trying to pretend nothing happened. And George in turn wouldn’t bring up the fact that Thomas was definitely not acting like himself. They talked about the news, the weather, anything that was safe- Thomas speaking slower and more hesitantly than usual. A fact which they would both brush over.

He wanted to talk to George about what happened, he really needed to talk to a friend about it. In most circumstances, George would be the perfect person to talk to about this sort of thing. He was sensible, logical and non-judgemental… but he was also Hamilton’s father. Making him undoubtedly the exact wrong person to talk to.

In an odd way, talking to George about nothing in particular was reassuring. He was good at making you think everything was alright. He wasn’t sure he realised how much he appreciated George as a friend until now.

When the door to Hamilton’s door opened, both of them fell silent. Thomas lowered his eyes, waiting in agonising silence. George’s eyes were still on Thomas, watching his reaction curiously as Thomas tried unsuccessfully to suppress his guilt. As George shifted his eyes from Thomas, looking over to Hamilton who hadn’t spoken a word, Thomas preoccupied himself by drinking his coffee and staring at a crack in the table, tracing it with one of his fingers.

Hamilton poured some coffee and leant against the counter. A slightly unusual shift to his normal  behaviour as he didn’t rush back to his room or out of the house like he usually does. “Morning, Alexander,” George finally said. His voice far more gentle and cautious than usual. Thomas looked up, noticing the different tone in his voice. He scowled at George, noticing the look on his face. He looked almost… guilty?

Hamilton stared at his dad for a second with a cold expression- refusing to give a verbal response. He then looked over to Thomas and made eye contact for a brief moment, his eyes piercing and dark. He then stood up straight, not letting his expression give anything away, and left having not spoken a single word or expressed a single emotion.

George looked back at Thomas, who was giving him a questioning look. He knew it was risky, but Thomas dared to ask “Is he okay?” To which George just shrugged and sighed, “He’s probably just tired… or upset… or both.” George cut the conversation off by standing up, “We should probably get going now.”

The rest of the day drifted by in a melancholy haze.

So did the rest of the week.

Than the rest of the month.

Every day, barely speaking to him. He missed his voice so much. He missed how he felt under his fingertips. He missed his enthusiasm over ridiculous things. But every time he wondered if he did the wrong thing, he convinced himself that it was too late anyhow. And somehow, he felt like his desperate guilt and love for Hamilton only existed to serve as a reminder that he was just too good for him.

Hamilton went from ignoring him completely, to giving him death stares, and then… he started to pay attention to him again. Only, it was completely different to before. It was the exact kind of attention that someone _didn’t_ want.

If Thomas said something he disagreed with, instead of arguing like he used to, he’d give him a dirty and judgemental look and make a derogatory remark. Sometimes he purposely pushed into him or would start a fight just to annoy Thomas. Doing little things to make his life more difficult: ‘accidentally’ destroying all his work or dropping liquid on it, saying personal things to him just because he knew it would hurt… that kind of thing. The kind of things that his high school friends used to do to other people to torture them. Deep down, Thomas always felt like he deserved it so he never did or said anything.

Thomas was genuinely beginning to wonder if Hamilton was trying to start a _literal_ fight with him. Trying to get Thomas to just yell at him or hit him.

One time, Hamilton ‘accidentally’ dropped scolding coffee on his shirt. And when Thomas stood up on impulse, Hamilton flinched back as if he thought he was about to slap him. Thomas looked at him blankly as Hamilton looked back, waiting for him to retaliate. When Thomas didn’t do anything but lean over to grab a paper napkin from the counter to dry himself, Hamilton just scoffed and muttered “Pussy” before walking away.

It became more unbearable as time went on, but Thomas still just put up with it. No matter what Hamilton did to him, he just couldn’t lay a hand on him or say anything- well, say anything worse than what he’d already said, at least.

Thomas was starting to break. New York city had become even more impossible to live in than before. The lights of the city were at first intimidating, but overtime they became comforting. But now- they were just blinding.

George still went out with him for drinks quite a lot, but the more time that passed the more certain he became that George was becoming restless with him. Maybe he was mad at Thomas because he was starting to realise what was going on, maybe he was just concerned about Hamilton’s health which had become even worse, or maybe he was just becoming as aware as Thomas was that he’d long overstayed his welcome.

Either way he knew one thing for sure, he couldn’t stay for much longer. Otherwise, this city would surely kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virusap made a couple of art pieces based off of this. They've really amazing, here's the links to them if you want to see them :)
> 
> http://virusap.tumblr.com/post/159307686284/the-bosss-son-will-be-the-death-of-me-god-this  
> http://virusap.tumblr.com/post/157458940114/oh-my-god-this-fanfic-i-need-more


	19. Washington and Adams

George wasn’t an idiot.

He noticed things- who wouldn’t? He just wasn’t exactly sure what he was noticing, or what he should even do about it if… what he _thought_ was going on was right.

He had no idea how to react, or even how he was expected to react. I mean, this was his _son_ and the man he invited into their house; his _friend_.

He noticed looks, smiles, everything- pretty much right from the beginning. Ever since they first started talking to each other- or, at least conversations that they had in front of him. God knows what they would say to each other when they weren’t around him; he didn’t even want to think about it.

The first time he saw them properly talk to each other was when they argued over politics (for the first time of many,) they seemed to forget he was there completely. Alexander spoke more enthusiastically then he’d seen him in a long time. Then he fell silent and looked at Thomas; and it spoke louder than the entire conversation put together. He almost asked Alexander right there if anything was going on, but quickly decided that wasn’t a great idea. He’d built a relationship of trust with Alexander, and he wasn’t going to ruin it now.

He put it down to Alexander having a teenage crush, something he of course couldn’t blame him or punish him for. After all, Thomas was exactly the kind of man that a lot of teenagers would develop childish feelings for. So what if his son was mildly fascinated by a new man? As long as it was _just_ a childish crush, it’d be okay. Besides, at least that meant that Alexander stopped wanting Thomas gone. And if Thomas was also acting mildly weird? If he seemed overly concerned about what Alexander thought of him? Well, he’d just put that down to nerves.

Luckily, he trusted Thomas enough to know he’d never reciprocate those feelings. And he was definitely smart enough to at very least not engage in any inappropriate behaviour… right?

Either way, it was very relieving when Alexander then told him he was going on a date with someone, it meant he wouldn’t get invested in any silly infatuations. But that relief disappeared pretty quickly when just the next day they were giving ambiguous answers that wouldn’t stop echoing in his head. However Alexander felt about Thomas was clear now. The way he bit his lip, smiled a little too much and laughed at everything he said. It wasn’t really until he saw that look in Thomas’s eyes when he started to realise that this wasn’t unreciprocated. It was clear as day and left George feeling disappointed and sick: Thomas was in love with his son.

The weeks blended into each other, and he kept noticing things and his suspicions were only getting worse. He figured the best solution was to just talk to Alexander about it, maybe the whole thing wouldn’t be so aggravating if he could understand where he was coming from. But then Alexander looked him straight in the eyes and lied to him, and George snapped. Now… _this._

He was sitting with John Adams in a bar. Usually he’d come here with Thomas, but he couldn’t bear to look at him at the moment. He sat with his elbows on the bar and his face in his hands. “You alright, man?” John asked, noting George’s unusually worn down posture.

George let out a deep breath as he composed himself, sitting up to put himself in his usual proper position. Instead of answering the question, he simply asked “What do you think of Thomas Jefferson?”

John raised an eyebrow, a puzzled expression crossing his face. “Jefferson…? I guess he’s fine by me.”

George paused a moment, seemingly satisfied with his answer before asking far more seriously, “Would you trust him?”

John paused with a glass to his mouth, remarking “That’s an odd question.”

George didn’t acknowledge what he said, waiting for him to answer the question. John slowly placed the glass down, apparently understanding that this was going to be a serious discussion. “I don’t know. I barely know the guy. You should know. I mean, you’re friends, aren’t you? You live together, you get drinks together…”

“Yeah, well, that was before,” George reluctantly mumbled.

“Before what?”

George solemnly looked at the wall in front of him and leant on the bar. “Before I found out he was fucking my kid,” he responded uncharacteristically crudely.  

George heard John choke as he looked down at his glass, supressing a growing anger by taking a large gulp of his drink. He didn’t look at John, didn’t want to put up with his reaction as he sat in shocked silence with only the incoherent mutter of “What!? Thomas… and Alexander…?”

George rubbed his eyes, “Or… _was_ fucking my kid,” he corrected. “ _Jesus._ I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s never even touched him. But there’s something going on.”

John slowly shook his head, “Wait, so you’re just making assumptions? That’s quite a conclusion to jump to. How can you be sure?”

“You would understand if you were there,” George explained simply.

“Maybe you’re just being paranoid. Have you… I dunno, tried talking to either of them?” John asked.

“I tried talking to Alexander. He lied to me. He looked me straight in the eyes and lied to me.”

“Man… That’s rough,” John sympathised lowly. Turning back to face forward and picking up his glass.

George sat in silence for a moment, calming himself down. But as the anger went away, he was just left with a soft, numbing disappointment. “The thing is…” He began lowly and quietly, John putting his glass down again and turning because of the sudden change in his tone.

“I’d rather he had just slept with him. That way I could get mad. I’d kick him out of my apartment and fire him – no one would blame me. I could convince myself he was just a bad guy who took advantage of my son. But… he’s in love with him. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. But I mean, how the hell do I retaliate against someone for falling in love? I couldn’t do anything about it either way because Alexander loves him too. And I’ll be damned if I’m the reason he loses another person he loves. I just… I don’t know how to feel. Is that a terrible thought?”

John rubbed him on the back, “Of course not. You’re a father concerned about his son. You certainly are in a predicament… Well, to echo what you said earlier: do you trust him? As in, _theoretically,_ would you trust him to be with your son?”

George scoffed, “Hell no! He’s way too old for him and he’s my colleague who I accepted into my house. It’s beyond inappropriate. My son and one of my close friends, _Jesus,_ it’s ridiculous. Thomas has already been through a marriage. Most people his age have already had their own kids. And Alexander’s a high school student who isn’t even old enough to legally drink. It’s screwed up.”

John nodded slowly, “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this mad before. Or heard you swear this much.”

George put a hand to his temple, “I know…” he said slowly.

“I know,” he repeated more frustrated this time. Everything over the last few weeks crashing down on him, including what _he_ did.

“I’m a terrible father,” he breathed.

John sat upright “What? Come on, don’t say that. You know that isn’t true- Alexander loves you.”

“You don’t get it…” George began saying slowly, “I really screwed up.”

“Don’t be like that,” John said. Grabbing George’s glass and putting it just out of his reach. “You had no way of knowing that anything like this would happen if you let Thomas move in.”

George shook his head slowly, “That’s not what I was referring to. I… did something. I did something really awful.”

John scowled, “Okay, okay. Stop being so ambiguous. What did you do?”

He sat up a bit and took a deep breath, “I was just… so mad. You need to understand, the more time that went by the worse it got. It was just getting… so obvious. They were going behind my back; even if they weren’t actually doing anything. Then Alexander had the audacity to lie to me and- god- I just couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe if he’d just told me the truth…” George shook his head to himself. “I didn’t want Thomas to feel that way. I didn’t want him looking at my son like that. So…” George took a deep breath, rushing over the rest of the explanation, “So I got Alexander to read through Thomas’s work and when he pointed out a couple of flaws I shredded it so it looked like it was all his idea. I knew that Thomas would get mad at him and I knew they’d fight over it.”

There were a few moments of deafening silence. “So _that’s_ why you rejected his proposal,” John supplied slowly after a moment of silence. George nodded, avoiding eye contact.

“Did it work?” John asked cautiously.

George grimaced, “Oh yeah, it worked. Too well. Damn it, John. I just thought they’d argue and that would temporarily make him too mad to pursue anything. But now Alexander’s anxious all the time, he’s either sleeping three hours a night or twelve hours a night and nothing in between, he’s so miserable. Thomas isn’t much better, even though he’s trying much harder to hide it. And to make it worse, Alexander knows _exactly_ what I did and he won’t even talk to me.”

John shook his head, “Nah, I don’t care how into him he was. Neither of them would be that affected by each other.”

“Of course not,” George agreed. “Alexander’s mainly concerned about school I think. But…” George took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“Here’s the thing… Deep down, I think I was hoping it wouldn’t work. Alexander’s always been stressed, and that didn’t go away. But Thomas really helped him; in ways I don’t think he even comprehended. He’d been so happy. Thomas made him _so_ happy. He was good for him.”

George turned his entire body towards John, “Tell me honestly, how badly did I screw up?”

John looked a little reluctant, “Well, what you did wasn’t great… But give yourself a break, you made a mistake. You’ve never done anything like this before. You got mad and acted out. Besides, some stupid proposal wouldn’t be enough to make them _that_ miserable. If they really are torn up over it, it probably goes a lot deeper than just some proposal you rejected. So don’t be too hard on yourself.”

 John hesitated for a moment, as if not entirely sure whether to say something or not, before asking, “What will you do if you are right? If Thomas or Alexander tell you the truth, or you find out they really are doing… _you know…_ behind your back. What do you think you’d do about it?”

George shook his head in thought, “I have absolutely no idea. My instinct tells me that I’d get Alexander as far away from him as possible. But, that would be completely rash and ridiculous, right?”

George thought for a moment, before asking, “What about you? What would you do in my situation?”

John looked around awkwardly, “I don’t know if I should…”

“Just tell me,” George insisted.

John sighed, “Honestly? If I found out that he was trying to get with one of my kids, I’d probably kill him. No way would I let him anywhere near them again.” John hurriedly followed his answer with “But just to be clear, that’s not what I think you should do. I realistically think I’d do that because I act on emotions, not because I think it’s right. And you’re a lot better at doing what’s right and sensible than just about anyone I know.”

“Well, what do you think I should do then?” George asked instead with an exasperated sigh.

John remained silent for a moment, thinking things over, “You’re not going to like this. But honestly? I think you should just let them figure out how they feel. Your son loves you and Jefferson respects you more than half the company put together- I’m sure they aren’t actively trying to deceive you.  I’m sure once they’re on the same page you’ll be the first to know. And if I’m really honest, I think you kind of lost the right to interfere when you tried to ruin their relationship.”

George hummed, “You’re probably right.”

“Of course I am,” agreed John. “Give it some time, then you’ll know how you feel about this whole thing.”

George nodded in understanding. “I don’t know if I have any other choice. So…  I’ll have to try.”


	20. Broken Glass

Thomas woke up on Monday as he did every morning. He got dressed as he did every morning. He prepared all of his things and got ready the same way he did every day. It wasn't until he left his room that he began to notice something was different. 

George wasn't sitting at the table drinking coffee and holding a newspaper like usual; the room was completely empty. The only signs that he’d been there were that all the lights were on and, on the table, was an empty mug and a piece of paper.

Thomas walked over the table and picked up the note, scribbled on it hurriedly was ‘Had some urgent work to do so left early. Call me if you need anything.’

He looked down at the note blankly, of course he left early. Just like how he ‘had to leave early’ the majority of the last two weeks. He was beginning to get the feeling that George was avoiding him. And even when they did spend time together, he got the subtle feeling like George didn't really know how to talk to him anymore.

He scowled, there was something else on the note. At the very bottom there were various scribbles where he'd crossed something out, and just below it, cautiously written- as if he wasn't entirely sure whether he should write it or not- was a ‘P.S. please make sure Alexander is okay. I'm worried.’ 

Thomas bit the inside of his lip. Why was he so worried about him? Was that a general thing or is it specifically today? He lightly shook his head to himself, deciding to not dwell on it and moving over to pour himself a mug of coffee. He sat down with the mug, rubbing his thumb over the rim of the cup. Every so and then, he glanced over to the note again- unable to push it out of his mind.

He tried to distract himself by picking up the newspaper, skimming through the articles. He raised an eyebrow at one in particular: Donald Trump had become the Republican nominee. Huh, so him and Hamilton were _both_ wrong… Great, now he was thinking about Hamilton again.

Just as he was beginning to wonder if he should go knock on Hamilton’s door, he heard the sound of his door opening. He emerged a second later, walking at a slower pace than usual and wearing clothes he must have just thrown on -his face mostly covered by the hood of his hoodie. He was acting drunk, and Thomas knew something was wrong when a full minute passed without Hamilton saying anything or insulting him once. 

He paused at the end of the corridor, looking over to Thomas and the empty chair where his dad normally was. Thomas, after a moment, explaining it with “Oh, your dad left early.” Hamilton nodded slowly in understanding, still not making a sound.

Hamilton walked towards the counters, blindly bumping into one and wincing slightly from the pain.

 “Are you okay?” Thomas tried slowly. “You seem really out of it.”

“I’m fine.” Hamilton responded quietly. Thomas wasn’t entirely sure what to do, slowly standing up to walk towards Hamilton. Once he got closer, he could see that he was clearly exhausted beyond comprehension. He seemed sensitive, like any second he was going to snap and he was visibly shivering all over.  

“I really don’t think you are,” Thomas whispered as Hamilton rooted through the cupboards for something. When Hamilton didn’t respond, Thomas leant against the counter, trying again with “Maybe you should go back to bed. I can call your school and just tell them you’re sick.”

“I’m fine,” he repeated flatly. Hamilton pulled out a mug and picked up the coffee pot, with his hands even more shaky and fragile than before.

Thomas took a deep breath, slowly saying “Hamilton-“ before being cut off as the glass coffee pot slipped out of Hamilton’s hand, smashing against the floor. Hamilton jumped back, his expressionless façade breaking into a clear look of fear and sadness. He clasped his hands over his ears and burst into tears.

Hamilton completely broke.

Jefferson widened his eyes and, on impulse, quickly moved towards him. He grabbed his arms because he genuinely looked like he was about to fall down and pulled him away from the shards of glass on the floor, trying to make sure he didn’t step on any of it. “Yeah, no way. Sorry but I’m not letting you go anywhere.”

Hamilton flailed his arms as he hysterically sobbed, trying to push Thomas away. “No. Leave me alone. I can’t. I have to. I have so much I need to do,” he tried to say though it was barely comprehensible because of his sobbing.

Hamilton’s attempts to push Thomas away proved futile, as he was unable to amount even a small amount of strength because of his exhaustion. Thomas grabbed his wrists to prevent him from thrashing against him, gently shushing him until he stopped and drawing him into his arms. When he calmed down slightly, Thomas pulled the hood down and put his hands on both sides of his face- tilting his head up to make him look at Thomas.

“Listen to me, darling. You’re hysterical and sleep deprived and you need to go back to bed before you pass out. Your work can wait, okay?” Hamilton looked up at him, looking lost and confused. He shook his head as he choked on sobs, “No.”

Thomas used his thumb to wipe away a tear. “Please, baby,” he whispered softly. The whisper so quiet that no one further away than Hamilton could hear even if they were there. Hamilton looked conflicted, hugging Thomas tightly and burying his face into Thomas’s chest. Thomas stroked his hair and held onto him as he cried into his shirt, whispering quiet reassurances into his ear like “It’s okay,” “you’re okay,” and “everything’s fine.”

Eventually, when he thought he’d calmed down a bit, he pulled him away slightly. “I’m going to take you back to bed now, okay sweetie?” Hamilton’s eyes widened and he shook his head erratically, but Thomas turned him around anyway and lightly pushed him to make him walk. Hamilton stopped trying to physically resist, but continued to make incomprehensible protests. Eventually just repetitively sobbing “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much.” Thomas felt his heart ache, mumbling “I know” gently, as he kept pushing Hamilton towards his room.

He opened the door and ushered Hamilton inside, who conceded and went to sit on his bed. Hamilton froze remembering something, looking over to the shredded materials all over the end of his bed and floor. He looked over to Thomas, before lowering his eyes. As Thomas noticed them he raised an eyebrow, remarking “Wow, you really _do_ hate me.” He said it jokily, but when he noticed that Hamilton looked genuinely guilty about it he just sighed and gently said “Look, don’t worry about it. It’s just… _things.”_ That didn’t seem to do much for Hamilton’s guilt, who was looking at the hands in his lap.

“Jefferson?” He asked timidly, after a few silent seconds passed by.

“Hm?” Thomas hummed in response. Hamilton looked anywhere but at him, fiddling with his hands in his laps as he asked, “Do you think I could sleep in your room? All my work’s in here and it’s really stressing me out.”

“Of course,” Thomas replied simply, trying his best to appear supportive and composed as to not stress Hamilton out any more than he already was. He reached a hand out to Hamilton, who looked at it dumbly for a moment before hesitantly taking it. Thomas pulled Hamilton back up and lead him to his room, holding his hand until he shut the door and Hamilton let go, hastily crawling under the sheets. Thomas waited by the bed, looking for something to stare at as Hamilton obliviously started pulling off his hoodie and- with the sheets covering him, of course- also took off his top and pants. He looked around, looking like he wanted to ask something but not sure if he should.

Thomas mouthed an ‘oh’ to himself as he realised what he wanted to ask, quickly moving over to the suitcase to find a shirt that looked comfortable and handing it to him. “Here. Just do me a favour and try to not destroy this one.”

Hamilton put his chin on his knees, quietly asking, “Are you sure?” Thomas shrugged, trying to reassure him with “It’s like I said. They’re just things.”

After a second, Hamilton seemed to accept this and reached out to grab it. Quickly throwing it on and mumbling a quick and begrudging “Thanks.” Hamilton laid down and put his hands over his face as he moaned “My lessons today are really important.”

“Give me your phone,” Thomas said reaching his hand out and motioning for him to hand it to him. Hamilton was too tired to argue, simply picking up his hoodie from the floor and slipping his phone out of the pocket. Passing it to Thomas, he was asked “Do you have any friends in your classes I can text? I could just ask them to give you any work you missed outside of lesson.”

Hamilton thought for a moment before weakly answering “John Laurens is in one of my lessons, and he knows people in the rest of my lessons.”

“Alright,” Thomas said as he was about to leave the room. Suddenly Hamilton gasped and darted up, snatching his phone back to do something. Thomas smirked, “What? Need to hide your nudes or something?” he joked. To which Hamilton just grumbled “Worse” under his breath, before finishing whatever he was doing and handing it back.

Hamilton laid back down, no longer sobbing but his face red and puffy. Thomas quietly left the room, looking back briefly and smiling when he realised that Hamilton had probably already fallen asleep.


	21. Calls and Texts

Thomas quietly closed the door behind him and exhaled a slow breath. He tried to make a mental list of everything he needed to do: he had to call George and tell him Hamilton was sick, call up his school and tell him he wasn’t coming in, text ‘the friend’ he was told about and then clean up the glass on the floor.

Okay, so first thing’s first. He picked up his own phone and placed Hamilton’s on the table. Taking a deep breath, he dialled George’s number. He waited as the phone rang, thinking over what to say- feeling unnecessarily anxious over having this discussion. When the phone stopped ringing, Thomas felt a small pit in his stomach and found himself forgetting what he was meant to say.

“Hello?” Came from the other side of the phone. He sounded like he was in a rush which didn’t exactly help.

“Uh h-hey…” Thomas started. Trying to think about what to say next.

“Thomas? What’s going on?” George asked.

Thomas sighed, calming himself down before explaining, “Alexander really wasn’t feeling well so I told him to just go back to bed, I hope that’s okay. I just… He wasn’t coping so I didn’t know what else to do.”

He heard George curse under his breath before he said, “Don’t worry about it. Thank you, Thomas, you did the right thing.”

Thomas looked around, not entirely sure why since Alexander was fast asleep and there was no one else around, lowering his voice, “George, are you worried Alexander’s going to have another breakdown?”

He heard George sigh and honestly answer “I hope not.” There was the sound of shuffling as George started talking to someone else, though Thomas couldn’t distinguish what he was saying. He came back on the phone a few moments later saying, “Sorry about that. I don’t think I’m going to be able to get work. Do you think you could…” George trailed off, as if he wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to finish what he was saying. He heard him curse under his breath again before he reluctantly finished the sentence with “Do you think you could stay at home and look after him? Don’t worry about work, I’ll give you the day off.”

Thomas stuttered, “Y-yeah. I mean, of course I will.” He said, having been planning to stay behind anyway. “I’ll-er- call up his school and stuff. Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” he promised.

“Thank you,” George sincerely responded. “I have to go now, are you sure you’ll be alright?”

“Yeah, of course. See you later,” Thomas said as he hung up and exhaled a large breath.

Now he turned his attention Hamilton’s phone on the table, tapping on it with his fingertips before picking it up. Okay, he had to look for a John Laurens. He scrolled through the contacts until he came to one titled ‘Laurens<3’ He didn’t mean to pry, but couldn’t help but notice the amount of ‘x’s at the end of each message. He shook his head to himself, he had no right to be jealous. Especially after everything that had happened. He looked at the phone, opening up the phone keyboard and wondering how he should do this.

Alex: Hey, Alex isn’t going to be in school today. Do you think you could have someone from each of his classes collect his work for him?

He pressed send and sat awkwardly, not really sure what to do until he was startled by the sound of Hamilton’s phone vibrating. He quickly picked the phone up, opening the text as quick as he could.

Laurens<3: Yeh sure. Who is this?

Thomas hesitated, not really wanting to have an awkward conversation with a friend of the boy he’s in love. But he couldn’t exactly not respond so…

Alex: Thomas Jefferson

The response came immediately this time.

Laurens<3: who dat?

Ouch. Okay, it wasn’t like Thomas expected Hamilton and his friends to actually talk about him. But to have never even mentioned him despite living in the same apartment for two months hurt a little.

Alex: Nobody.

Alex: Absolutely nobody.

Alex: Just someone staying round his apartment.

Laurens<3: oh

Laurens<3: OH

Laurens<3: OHHH

Laurens<3: I mean yeh ill get his work dw, im friends with ppl from pretty much all his classes so tell him he doesn’t need to worry

Laurens<3: Just take care of him okay?

Alex: ill try

Alex: thanks

Thomas paused, and before he could stop himself, he found himself typing out:

Alex: so are you like hamilton’s boyfriend?

He immediately regretted it the moment he pressed send. Silently wishing to sink into the ground and immediately looking for a way to delete the message. _Fuck._

Laurens<3: ????????????

Laurens<3: No?

Laurens<3: I mean I love him but not like that. he’s like my best friend

Laurens<3: holy shit…

Laurens<3: alexs got everything so wrong

Thomas shook his head to himself, he knew asking was a stupid idea. He wondered what Alex got wrong, but he assumed it was some inside joke or something.

Alex: sorry its really none of my business

Laurens<3: its fine

Laurens<3: but Jefferson?

Alex: yes?

Laurens<3: TALK. TO. HIM.

Thomas looked at the phone blankly. Not entirely sure how to respond so locking the phone and putting it down.

Next Thomas phoned up the school, pretending to be Hamilton’s guardian because it just felt easier than having to explain his situation in the house. Which needless to say made him feel exceptionally awkward. Once that was done, he looked over at Hamilton’s phone again. What did John Laurens mean when he told him to talk to Hamilton? About what?

He pushed the thought away, reminding himself that Hamilton would probably want his phone back when he woke up. He went back to his room, slowly walking in being careful to not wake Hamilton up. He took a moment to absorb how beautiful Hamilton looked when he was asleep before slowly placing Hamilton’s phone on the bedside table.

Hoping to god he wouldn’t wake up, Thomas slowly went to sit on the side of the bed next to him. He looked gorgeous, some of his hair covering his face and looking so at peace. For a moment, he forgot he was supposed to hate him. He slowly bent down and placed a slow and soft kiss on his cheek. His cheek felt so soft and Thomas immediately felt so overwhelmed. He didn’t know how to deal with how in love with him he was.

He slowly stood up, still repeating in his head what he’d been telling himself over the past few weeks: _let him go let him go let him go._

As he was turning away, he was taken away from his thoughts entirely when Hamilton’s eyes shot open and he darted up onto his knees. Putting a hand on the back of Thomas’s neck to pull him back down to his level. Before Thomas could understand what was going on, Hamilton pecked Thomas on the lips quickly and swiftly, before immediately lying back down. Mumbling a “night” before Thomas had time to think about what had happened or react.

Thomas just stood there blankly, blinking a couple of times. Noticing in amazement that he’d already fallen asleep again. He stood there for a few more seconds before leaving. Numb to everything except from the slight tingling in his lips.


	22. Friends Like These

Thomas began doing some work, trying to occupy his mind. The more time that passed, the more he began to wonder if he’d just imagined what happened. It happened so quickly that it just didn’t seem real… But the feeling on his lips and in his chest didn’t fade, serving as a constant reminder of what had happened.

He briefly paused doing his work to eat something, making Hamilton a sandwich and putting it on the bedside table so he had something to eat whenever he woke up. He looked over to Hamilton and rolled his eyes at the fact that he was still sleeping before promptly going back to doing work.

When he finished doing some of his work, he remembered that he still hadn’t cleared away the broken glass on the floor. He quickly cleaned up the shards, accidently cutting his palm slightly leaving a small, fine scratch. Quickly moving over to grab a paper napkin to soak up the small amount of blood, he startled when he heard knocks on the door.

He wiped away the last of the blood before disposing of the paper napkin and going to open the door. As he opened the door, he stopped moving completely when he saw three people, all around Hamilton’s age. One of them was freckled, one wore a beanie and the other had his hair tied back and held an uncanny resemblance to him.

“Urm… H-hi?” Thomas stuttered, not entirely sure what to do.

The freckled one kept looking at him, whilst the one wearing the beanie looked around awkwardly before elbowing the one with his hair tied back who startled slightly. “Oh right yeah,” he said with a thick French accent. “Urm, we’re Alex’s friends from school,” he explained.

He looked Thomas up and down. “Are you… Thomas Jefferson" he asked? His face not entirely certain. Thomas awkwardly responded with “Y-yeah. That’s me.” Causing them to look at each other slightly surprised and amused.

He coughed a little to try and keep his face neutral before continuing, “I’m Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette- but you can just call me Gilbert or Lafayette or just Laf if you’d prefer.” He motioned to the one wearing the beanie, “This is Hercules Mulligan,” he said as Hercules offered an awkward wave and a quick “Yo.” Then Lafayette motioned towards the one with the freckles, “And this is John Laurens.” John Laurens smirked, “We texted earlier,” he explained just in case Thomas had forgotten.  Thomas dumbly nodded, “Urm, yeah, yeah of course.”

Thomas looked at them a little awkwardly before motioning towards the corridor, “Hamilton’s asleep if you were hoping to see him." Lafayette picked up his bag and rummaged through his things, “Oh we were just going to give these to you,” he said handing over a small stack of papers. “it’s the work he missed.”

“Right, thanks,” he said accepting them. They stood there in silence for a few moments, awkwardly wondering if there was anything else to say. Eventually Lafayette began saying, “Alright, I guess we’ll be on-“

But was interrupted by Laurens asking “Have you talked to Alex yet?”

Lafayette and Hercules froze and looked at each other before looking over to Thomas.

Thomas blinked a couple of times, “No, not really. Well, I mean, he’s been asleep for most of the day so…” he trailed off. Laurens rolled his eyes and muttered “Of course,” under his breath.

“W-what do I even need to talk to him about?” Thomas stuttered, to which Laurens looked at him like he was completely losing the plot. “Urm, I dunno. Maybe the fact that he’s miserable because he thinks you hate him.”

Lafayette and Hercules both looked at each other again, Hercules mumbling “Oh no” under his breath. Thomas could only stand in silence not really sure what to say as Lafayette lightly tugged on Laurens’s arm, “Maybe we should go now mon ami…”

Laurens pulled his arm away, persisting by asking, “Do you hate him?” Thomas leant on the door frame, staying silent wondering if they’d move on if he didn’t reply. But the feeling of Hamilton’s lips haunted him and he sadly whispered “Of course not,” half against his own will. Laurens smirked and looked over to Hercules and Lafayette, who were shocked silent, “I fucking told you guys.”

“Can we come in? I think we need to talk,” he said looking back at Thomas. Hercules looked reluctant saying, “Maybe we should just go. I don’t know how Alex would feel about- ”

“Oh shut up Herc, I just wanna talk,” Laurens said. Thomas stood there silently, not sure what exactly to do. Eventually he gave in and moved to the side slightly “Do you guys want to come in?”

Laurens smiled triumphantly and walked in, Lafayette and Hercules following after but a little more hesitant. “So…” Laurens began. “What in hell did you do to make Hamilton think you hate him and why?” He asked going to sit on the sofa.

Thomas looked around, desperately looking for an answer. “I… told him?” He tried. Hercules raised an eyebrow, leaning against a wall “You told him you hated him?” Thomas wanted to disappear, but admitted. “Yeah. Yeah I told him…”

They all exchanged confused looks. Thomas hurried to defend himself in vain saying “But I mean… He hates me too so it doesn’t matter.” Lafayette went to go sit on the counter laughing, “What would make you think that?”

Thomas looked at each of them briefly, looking for a sign of recollection before saying, “Well… because he told me as well.”

Laurens groaned and threw his head back “God damn it Alex…”

“He didn’t mean it,” Lafayette said certainly.

“I have a bunch of shredded shirts, a coffee stain and damp paperwork that would disagree with you,” Thomas said plainly.

Hercules shook his head and wiped his face “Oh Alex…” He grumbled. Lafayette swayed his legs unfazed, simply stating “He doesn’t hate you. He just has a funny way of showing it.”

Thomas hummed, tracing his fingers along his lips, replaying the millisecond long kiss over and over in his mind. “Anyway,” Lafayette began startling Thomas out of his thoughts. “You said you told him you hated him… but you also said you didn’t hate him… So why did you tell him that in the first place?”

Thomas looked at each of them blankly, not sure exactly how to respond. He sat on the sofa next to Laurens, suddenly too exhausted to stand. He sat there, trying to think of something to say. But he found his ability to lie fading away and his resolve melt as he whispered, “Because he can do better.”

Hercules and Lafayette who were further away from him asked “What?” At the same time, having not heard him. But Laurens- who was closest to him -opened his eyes wide and looked at him apologetically, suddenly getting a pretty good idea of exactly what was going on. “Oh Jefferson…” he kindly muttered. Thomas lowered his eyes. Of course, he just _had_ to go and tell the best friend of the only person he really didn’t want to know. “That isn’t true,” Laurens whispered to him.

Thomas didn’t respond and Laurens leant over to whisper “Talk to him,” his voice firm and stubborn but also reassuring. He then stood up, “Alright, let’s go now.” Lafayette and Hercules objected demanding to know what he’d said but Laurens refused to answer them and tried to pull them out of the door. Suddenly being hit with a wave of panic, Thomas jumped up and called out “Laurens, wait.” He walked over to him, grabbing his arm lightly, “Don’t tell him. Please. I’m begging you.”

“I won’t tell him anything,” Laurens promised pulling away. “But please, for both of you, tell him yourself.” He said, pushing a puzzled and curious Lafayette and Hercules out of the door. Laurens shut the door behind them, and Thomas could hear the three moving away from the door until he couldn’t hear them anymore.

Thomas was left alone in the apartment again, he looked up and scrunched his eyes shut. For the first time, he really began to feel like he made a mistake three weeks ago.


	23. Niceties

Alexander woke up a while later, groggy from having slept for so long. He reached over to grab his phone and check the time. It was around an hour after school would have ended. He groaned at the fact that he’d somehow found a way to sleep all day.

He opened his phone, remembering that he’d muted the group chat- afraid that Thomas would find all of his embarrassing love confessions… He opened it up and unmuted it.

He looked to his side and noticed a sandwich and shook his head laughing to himself. Only Thomas would be sweet enough to make him food whilst he was still asleep.

He spent a few minutes scrolling through social media as he ate the sandwich, lying down again as he felt himself drifting off again. He was half asleep, falling in an out of consciousness when his eyes shot open when he remembered something.

_Oh shit._

He’d kissed Jefferson. He covered his face in embarrassment and groaned. He thought he’d dreamt it to start off with, but he could remember the feeling of his lips way too clearly to be imagining it. His phone buzzed from the group chat and he quickly picked it up.

Laurensisacutiepie<3: Soooooooo

Laurensisacutiepie<3: Jefferson, eh? ;))))

 

Alex froze. What the hell, how did he know his name…

 

Eliza: who?

Laurensisacutiepie<3: Its the guy this chats about

Alex: wtf how did you find out

Laurensisacutiepie<3: He txted me on ur phone

Laurensisacutiepie<3: idiot

Alex: fuck

Alex: I forgot about that…

Eliza: oh shit

Eliza: Imma find his fb

Alex: good luck, theres probably thousands of jeffersons on there

Alex: youll never find him

Eliza: found him

Alex: …what

Eliza: Thomas Jefferson right?

Alex: fUCK

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: never underestimate elizas fb stalking skills

_BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad renamed Eliza to BestOfFBStalkers_

Laurensisacutiepie<3: also alex ur an idiot

Alex: why?

Laurensisacutiepie<3: im sure youll understand why one day

Laurensisacutiepie<3: but look at your texts between me and you

Alex: whyyyy?

Laurensisacutiepie<3: just do it

Alex: fiiiiiiine

 

He quickly closed the chat to open his texts with John and scowled. The texts were peculiar to say the least. And why did Thomas ask if he was in a relationship with John…?

 

Alex: urm… so that’s weird

Alex: why would he think we were dating????

Laurensisacutiepie<3: probably because he’s JEALOUS

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: I was gonna say because you guys act rlly gay

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: tru ^^^

Laurensisacutiepie<3: oh and dude he is so not getting back with his ex

Laurensisacutiepie<3: ur being paranoid

Alex: dude

Alex: I heard him talking to someone in french and calling them beautiful

Alex: I went on his phone and his ex’s number was at the top

Laurensisacutiepie<3: look

Laurensisacutiepie<3: I don’t doubt he was telling his ex that someone was beautiful

Laurensisacutiepie<3: but im just saying it wasn’t his ex he was calling beautiful

Alex: what are you saying

Laurensisacutiepie<3: if you wanna know ask him

Alex: im so not admitting to him that I stole his phone to check who he was calling beautiful

Angelica: okay since no one else is gonna say it I guess I am…

Angelica: Alex, isnt he a bit too old for you?

HercNo: Angie!

Alex: ive been saying this from the beginning

Angelica: no but like I thought you meant just finished college sort of age

Angelica: but his fb says hes 28

Angelica: that means hes literally closer in age to your dad then you

Alex: well I never thought about it like that…

HercNo: Angelica no offense

HercNo: but lay off

HercNo: you know hes already struggling with this ur just making it worse

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: oh no

Angelica: im just saying

Alex: its fine

Alex: shes right

HercNo: no shes not!

Angelica: come on

Angelica: im just pointing out what everyone here knows

HercNo: shut up I swear to god

_BestOfFBStalkers kicked Angelica from the group_

_BestOfFBStalkers kicked Hercules from the group_

BestOfFBStalkers: Before someone actually starts a real fight…

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: draaama~

BestOfFBStalkers: ill re add them when they’ve had time to chill

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: …

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: well I thought he was hot

BestOfFBStalkers: he looks just like you…?

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: exactly ;)))

 

Alex rolled his eyes and closed the chat. He already knew that Jefferson was way too old for him but it was so much worse having someone else tell him. He looked down and noticed he got a private message from John.

Laurens<3: Don’t worry about Angelica. She’ll get over it :) xx

Alex: Thank you <3

Alex put down his phone on the bedside table and stood up, feeling a lot more alert now. He decided _screw it_ and walked out, not bothering to put on trousers or anything. It wasn’t like Jefferson hadn’t seen him wearing this little before.

He walked through the hall, leaning on the edge of the wall to the kitchen. Jefferson was sitting by a counter, typing something on his laptop. Alexander stood silently watching him, rubbing his bare feet against the ground. When Jefferson noticed him he startled a little, before lightly looking him up and down. “Hey,” he said lightly. Alexander smiled softly, having slept for so long so not really thinking about how he should act.

He walked over towards the kitchen before Jefferson noticed he was barefooted and warned him, “Careful. I cleaned up the glass but there might be some shards left.” Alex nodded and walked to the other side of the counters instead so he was standing near Jefferson. Jefferson scowled, “Are you okay?”

Alexander nodded, “I’m fine.” He looked down at his feet, realising he didn’t sound convincing before rephrasing it as “I feel better than I was earlier.” He thought for a moment biting his lip before asking, “Jefferson, are you getting back together with your ex-wife?”

Jefferson narrowed his eyes, “What? Of course I’m not. How did… How did you even know about her?”

“It’s just… I heard you on the phone,” Alex began as he noticed Jefferson’s face go pale. “You used the word ‘belle’ which means beautiful, so I guess I assumed…” he trailed off, leaving Jefferson to fill in the blanks.

There were a few moments of silence before Jefferson dumbly responded with “Wait… you speak French?” Alex felt like his fears had been confirmed and he felt the tranquillity from sleep disappearing. “Oh my god… you _so_ are.”

Jefferson’s eyes widened, “What? No, no I’m not. I just…” He sighed, “I wasn’t calling _her_ beautiful.”

Alex calmed a little, “Oh okay.” He looked at Jefferson, waiting for him to explain. But when he didn’t he just rolled his eyes. “Well, why did you think I was dating John?”

Jefferson shrugged, he really didn’t look like he cared… Simply offering a “Your texts made me wonder.”

They stood in an uncomfortable silence for a moment, until Alex asked, “Are you staying in the city for Christmas?”

Thomas chuckled, “Oh, I totally forgot about Christmas… Probably not. I’ll probably go back to Virginia if I can if not…” Thomas sighed, “If not I guess I’ll have to stick around. Don’t worry, I’ll find a hotel to stay in for a few days so I won’t interfere with anything.”

Alex was about to make some kind of objection but lowered his eyes to Jefferson’s hand. He noticed the red on his palms and his eyes widened, “Is that blood?”

Jefferson looked at his palm immediately and muttered “oh,” moving to the other side of the counter to get another paper napkin. “How did you get that?” He asked. Jefferson shrugged, “It was just from when I was cleaning up the glass from… well… _you know.”_

Alex looked around a little guiltily, “Sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing really.” He replied simply cleaning the cut with his back to Alex. Alex watched his back as he sat on Jefferson’s chair.

He looked at the laptop, realising that Jefferson probably stayed at home to make sure he was okay. The home that he thought Alex didn’t want him in. Alex felt bad, every bad word coming back to him. He must have made Jefferson feel terrible… His guilt got even worse when he realised that the document open on his laptop was a second attempt at the rejected proposal. He stared at the document, quietly repeating “I’m sorry.”

“I told you it’s fine,” Jefferson plainly said. Alex looked down trying to find a way to vocalise that he wasn’t talking about a tiny cut, but couldn’t speak without getting emotional again. He clenched his fists to try and stop himself from audibly crying, but completely lost it when he repeated, “I’m so sorry,” and tears started falling down his face uncontrollably. Jefferson turned back to him and when he noticed he was crying a worried expression made its way to his face.

“Hey, hey it’s okay,” he said moving over to him so only the counter was between them. “What are you apologizing for?” Alex shrugged, choking on his breath. “I’m not really sure. Everything? For making your life hell? Whatever I did to make you hate me, I guess.”

A guilty expression washed over Jefferson’s face and Alex couldn’t bear to look at it, instead lowering his gaze to the floor. “Oh no, I promise it wasn’t anything like that.”

Alex rubbed his fist slightly, not wanting to make it obvious how upset he was, “Okay, so it’s just me then.”

“Alexander- _god-_ Hamilton, it’s not like that- I mean- it’s…” Jefferson stuttered over his words, trying to think of something reassuring to say that wouldn’t contradict what he’d already said. He took a deep breath, composing himself before saying, “It’s nothing like that. It’s just… It’s complicated okay.”

“There’s nothing complicated about it at all,” Alex said as he composed himself slightly. Jefferson tried to reassuringly touch his hand, causing Alex to quickly snatch his hand back and stand up, his little composure breaking.

“Why are you doing this?” He half shouted. “You can’t do this. You can’t tell me you hate me then act like this! It’s like you’re trying to make me have hope just so you can destroy it over and over again. Stop making me think you care. If you really hate me, prove it. Say something mean- stop being nice out of pity. Why can’t you see how much you’re hurting me?” He gave up and started loudly sobbing, feeling humiliated.

Jefferson came around to him quickly, holding him by his arms. Alex briefly tried to resist, but quickly melted into his touch and leant his head against his chest. A solid minute of Alexander sobbing passed.

Jefferson felt guilty, there were a million things he needed to say but he had no idea how to say them. He just wanted to stop Alexander from hurting. He wanted him to be okay. So he leant down to his ear and sucked it up, whispering, “I’ll go.”  

Alex scowled, “What?” he asked through the tears.

“I don’t want to make you feel like this, so I’ll leave. I know you don’t want me here and I’m so sorry I stayed this long. I’ll hand in my notice tomorrow and I’ll be out of the apartment in a week,” he whispered lowly. Alex looked up at him panicked, shaking his head erratically. But before he could vocalise anything, he heard the front door open. Alex quickly tore out of Jefferson’s grip and ran down the hall, going into Jefferson’s room and shutting the door. He went to go lie down again, burying his face in the pillows.


	24. Empty Suitcases

George stood there, immediately getting the sense that he’d walked into something. Thomas was looking down the corridor, his eyes lost. He eventually drew his eyes away to lock eyes with George. Thomas looked like he’d just given up. Like he didn’t care if George knew everything.

“What just happened?” George asked, his voice concerned and gentle. But this time, Thomas seemed to notice the slight accusatory tone to it. Not knowing how to respond, a sad and lost look crossed his face as he just slowly shook his head. Thomas quickly turned around, closing his laptop and grabbing his phone off the counter. “I’m going for a walk, I’ll be back in a bit,” he mumbled walking past.

As Thomas left, George finally decided to move. He moved over to sit on a stool, leaning on the counter in thought. He knew he should probably talk to Alexander about what the hell had happened today. But he gave it five minutes to compose himself and give Alexander time to calm down.

This all felt too familiar. He didn’t want to go through last year again, yet everything was too similar and every sign was far too recognisable. And once again, Alexander was struggling and George wasn’t even there to support him. Although, he supposed that at least this time he had _someone..._

When he felt like an appropriate amount of time had passed, he got up and walked along the corridor. He stopped as he passed by Alexander’s room and scowled. He wasn’t in his room, which made no sense since he’d definitely come down this corridor. He felt dread wash over him as he realised where he must be.

He took a deep breath and walked over Thomas’s room. He slowly pushed the door open and, just as expected, Alexander was in there. He was moving around the room and it took George a moment to realise what he was doing. Alexander was taking the clothes out of Thomas’s suitcase and carefully folding them to put them into the drawer. “Are you sure Thomas would want you moving all of his things?” He asked to break the ice.

Alexander sniffed to try and hide the fact that he’d been crying, “He’s been here for months, his things should be put away by now.”

George looked over to the bed, which had clearly been used recently and he had to immediately look away. Not liking the ideas that gave him. Alexander apparently noticed this, and looked over to the bed and then looked back at his dad rolling his eyes. “He didn’t fuck me if that’s what you’re worried about,” he said unamused, just because he rightfully assumed that saying it would wind his dad up.

George uncomfortably looked down and Alexander scoffed and supplied, “I couldn’t sleep in my room because all my work’s in there and it always smells like coffee so I slept in here, that’s it. So relax.”

George slowly nodded, “Are you still not talking to me?”

Alexander gave him a pointed stare, blankly responding with “What do you think?”

George sighed and went to sit on the end of the bed, patting the spot next to him. “Come on, we need to talk.”

Alexander looked down at materials he’d just folded, and went to sit next to his dad. Placing the materials on his lap and running his fingers over them.

“What happened today?” George gently asked. Alexander just shrugged.

“Should I be worried about you?” George asked instead.

Still looking at the materials, Alexander responded with “I’m fine. I just wasn’t feeling well” quietly. When George didn’t look like he believed him, Alexander said, “I’m not going to lose it again. This isn’t like last time, I promise.”

“If you think you’re going off the rails again, you know you could talk to me right?” George asked. Alexander nodded slowly. “Or…” George paused before reluctantly saying, “You could always talk to Thomas.” Alexander just awkwardly looked away and tensed up.

George took a slow breath, before finally asking “Did you and Thomas get into a fight?”

“Isn’t that what you want?” Alexander spitefully responded.

“Of course that isn’t what I want.” George muttered.

George sat there in silence not really sure what else to say. “Alexander, you’re going to have to talk to me eventually.”

Alexander didn’t respond. He sat twiddling with his hands on top of the fabric, he slowly opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. Eventually he opened his mouth again, tears beginning to fall down his face again and falling against the fabric. “Why did you do it?” He asked, not clarifying what _it_ was but knowing that George knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Because I didn’t know what else to do… Because I was mad… Because… I don’t know…” George tried to weakly explain.

Alexander scrunched his eyes shut causing more tears to stain the fabric. “I get it, alright? I get it and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I fell in love with him and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But why? Why did you have to punish Thomas for how I feel? He didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t do anything and now he hates me.”

George scowled, “What? Alexander, he doesn’t hate you.”

Alexander nodded, “He does.”

George rolled his eyes, “You only think that because you don’t see the way he looks at you.”

Alexander gave him a questioning look, but George couldn’t explain it.

George took a deep breath, “Alexander, listen. I know you’re kind of going through a thing right now but work… it’s been so…” George sighed, “I think I-“

“Let me guess, you need to leave the state on business again” Alexander interrupted. George guiltily nodded.

Alexander gritted his teeth and lowered his head. “Whatever. It’s not like you’re ever here anyway,” he excused.

“It’s not like that, Alexander. You know I want to be here. It’s just- ” George began but was stopped by Alexander shouting, “No. No I don’t know. I needed you today but you weren’t here. I felt like the world was ending and you weren’t here but Thomas _was._ He was here for me and…” He said, trailing off at the end.  

Alexander looked down at the damp spots in the fabric, before quietly uttering, “He’s leaving.”

“What?” George asked quietly. 

“I said Thomas is going back to fucking Virginia.” Alexander snapped.

George closed his eyes and sighed, not really sure how to reassure Alexander. And feeling bad at how relieved he was at the news.

“Dad?” Alexander shyly asked.

“Yes?”

“Please try to convince him to stay,” Alexander pleaded. Before George could respond, Alexander quickly continued. “He won’t listen to me because he doesn’t like me. But he respects you. Please dad. I know I’m asking for a lot and I know you probably don’t trust me, but I need him so much. If you could understand how I felt you would understand why I need him here. Please. I’ll completely forget everything that’s happened if you just do this for me.”

George considered for a moment, but he knew there was only really one possible response he could give. “I’ll see what I can do. I might be able to convince him to stay for a while… _maybe_.”

Alexander nodded, “Thank you.” He looked around a little awkwardly before saying, “I’m going to put the rest of his things away and go to sleep, if that’s okay.”

George nodded and started walking towards the door, before pausing and turning back “I don’t want you going into school this week.”

Alexander’s eyes widened but George interrupted him before he could protest. “I want to make sure you’re really okay. Spend the rest of the week at home, try and do some work if you can but just focus on resting. Okay?”

Alexander groaned but nodded, “Fine.”

“Goodnight,” George said as he left the room.

Alexander finished putting the things in the suitcase away, hoping but in all honesty not really caring whether or not Thomas would approve. He paused when he came to a see-through bag, inside it were presumably important documents and his passport.

Hit by an idea which he was well aware was beyond stupid and without taking more than a millisecond to consider his actions, he took the passport out of the bag and rushed into his room. He looked around his room, tapping the passport against his hand before shoving the passport in a random drawer. He then went back into Thomas’s room, deciding to spend just a little bit more time in the room before he went back to his own for the night.


	25. Long Walks and Late Nights

Thomas left the apartment and went out into the streets. It was starting to get dark when he left and he wondered around the city until his feet hurt, and by then, the sky was pitch black. The only source of illumination was the skyscrapers and street lights that dotted across the city.

A little part of him wanted to go straight to the airport, get the soonest plane- whenever that was. Hell, maybe not even to Virginia. Just to somewhere. Once again, he was just going to avoid his problems through his flighty tendencies. He looked to the lights and realised for the first time that he was going to miss the city.

Then again, maybe it wasn’t the city he’d miss.

He’d miss James. Once he wasn’t in the same city they wouldn’t be able to hang out all the times. He used to be the perfect person to talk to about things, maybe it would have been easier to cope with everything if he’d just told him what was going on.

Surprisingly, he was actually going to miss Aaron. He was friendly and a little part of him wished he got to know him better. Find out if there’s more to him than meets the eye.

He’d miss George. Who was nice enough to give him so many opportunities even though this entire time he’d been in love with the only person in the world he wouldn’t want him to fall for.

There were multiple other people who he’d also miss, but none of them were nearly equivalent in his mind to how much he’d miss Alexander. Those lost weeks of spending time with him that he just couldn’t quite bring himself to regret.

His phone started buzzing, and he looked down to see he was getting a call from an unknown number. He hesitantly picked it up, “Hello?”

“What the fuck!?” The voice screamed from the other end of the phone, causing Thomas to pull the phone away from his ear and wince. “What? Who is this?”

“Who the fuck do you think it is?” The voice angrily responded and Thomas closed his eyes and sighed, “John Laurens…” He opened his eyes a second later, “Wait, how the hell did you get my number?”

“Does that matter? Jesus, when I told you to talk to Alex this was _obviously_ not what I meant.”

Thomas paused, “Look, Laurens…”

“No, you _look_ Thomas. You told me you didn’t hate him. And we both know exactly how you really feel about him. So why the hell didn’t you tell him?”

“I’m…” Thomas felt himself go completely numb, “I’m hurting him.”

John made a frustrated noise, “Jesus fucking Christ. You’re hurting him _because_ he thinks you hate him. And for the love of god, leaving is _not_ going to help that. You want to make him feel better? Tell him the fucking truth. You’re both idiots and I literally can’t deal anymore. So man up, or woman up, or whatever you need to do and go back to him _right now._ ” The noise of him hanging up giving a finality to his speech and leaving Thomas completely speechless and frozen.

Despite a strong reluctance, he eventually listened to Laurens and made his way back to the apartment, taking a deep breath before going in. George wasn’t in the room, and Thomas didn’t particularly want to see him at the moment, so he quickly went to his room in case he would show up.

Thomas opened the door quickly, but then paused, slowing down and walking into his room and shutting the door as quietly as he could. The room was lit by the bedside lamp and Hamilton was lying there, peacefully asleep. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do… He couldn’t exactly go to sleep with Hamilton there, but he didn’t want to wake him up either.

He concluded that Aaron and James probably wouldn’t mind if he crashed with them for just one night. So, he went over to the suitcase and tried to quietly take some clothes out. But when he opened the suitcase, he stopped dead when he saw there was nothing in it. It was completely empty. He looked around, making sure he hadn’t mistaken the suitcase for a different one but no, that one was definitely his.

He paused as a thought came to his head. It was just a little idea, but he stood up and went over to the dresser and opened one of the drawers. Inside it was his clothes, neatly folded and put away. He glanced towards Hamilton, had he really…?

He tried to close the drawers silently, but that proved unsuccessful and the noise of it shutting caused Hamilton to wake up. Hamilton opened his eyes and turned over to face Thomas. Sleepy and a little confused.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Thomas said.

Hamilton looked around, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep…” he whispered sleepily. Hamilton blinked a few times, trying to wake himself up and moving to get up. “I’ll leave and give you your room back now.”

“Don’t,” Thomas said, motioning for him to stop. Hamilton stopped and looked over to him confused. “Just go back to sleep, it’s fine.”

Hamilton paused before lying down again on his side, watching him. “What’s the time?” He asked. Thomas looked at his watch, “it’s almost 10PM.”

Hamilton looked at the pillow, “You were out for a while.” Thomas shrugged, “I needed to clear my head.”

Thomas looked around a little awkwardly, as Hamilton was still watching him. He eventually moved, picking his bag up and taking some clothes out of the drawer, stuffing them inside. “Go back to sleep, it’s fine. I’ll find somewhere else to sleep,” he said as he started walking out.

“Wait,” Hamilton said sitting up suddenly. Thomas stopped at the door, looking back at him with a hand on the door handle.

“There’s no point in going anywhere, just come and lie down,” Hamilton said patting the spot on the bed next to him. Thomas’s eyes widened and he found himself unable to function. “I… er what?”

Hamilton shrugged and put his chin on his knees, “Come to bed. There’s enough room for both of us.”

Thomas knew he should have just insisted it was fine and left, but instead he found himself looking back at the door again before saying, “I don’t think your dad would exactly approve.”

Hamilton smirked a little, “Well screw him, besides, who’s going to tell him?” The mischievous tone unnerved Thomas a little, but was also oddly convincing. He looked around, not really sure what to do. He _really_ wanted to go along with it, but every sensible section of him told him that was a terrible idea.

“Please?” Hamilton insisted. When Thomas still didn’t respond, Hamilton sighed and rolled his eyes, “Look, I just don’t want to go to sleep alone. I’ll wake up really early and go back to my room to make sure my dad doesn’t find out.”

Thomas knew he should have said no, but he found himself walking towards the bed anyway. Hamilton smirking a little knowing he won. Thomas sat on the bed without a word and took off his shoes before lying down, still wearing all of his clothes and facing away from Hamilton because he had to do _something_ to keep this moderately appropriate.

Hamilton waited until he was lying down before slowly lying down next to him. Thomas gradually got over the discomfort of wearing his clothes in bed and let his eyes drift shut, until he was startled by Hamilton asking “Jefferson?”

“Hm?” He mumbled. Hamilton paused for a second before asking, “Why the fuck are you wearing your clothes in bed?”

Thomas tried to supress a laugh but ended up snickering. “Because you’re here,” he responded obviously.

“So? It’s not like I haven’t seen you in your underwear before,” Thomas smirked from the memory. “You know, Hamilton, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were trying to seduce me.”

“Maybe I am,” Hamilton bluntly responded. Thomas turned around to look at Hamilton, they looked at each other with a serious expression for a few seconds before both bursting into hysterical laugher.

“Okay, Okay, maybe not. I just want you to be comfortable,” Hamilton explained through his giggles which Thomas found unbelievably adorable. Thomas bit his lip, “Are you sure that’d be okay?”

“Of course.”

Thomas hesitated before unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off and taking off his pants and socks and dropping them off the side of the bed. More than ever he was now praying George wouldn’t find out about this.

He laid back down, facing away from Hamilton again. A few seconds later, the room went pitch black as Hamilton turned the light off. Thomas stared at the dark room, still wide awake. Just as he was beginning to relax, Hamilton asked “Jefferson?” again.

Thomas sighed, “Yes, Hamilton?”

There was a moment of silence before Hamilton quietly asked “Do you think my dad still loves me?”

The question hit Thomas hard and made his chest hurt. His eyes widened and he turned around to Hamilton, who was staring straight at the ceiling, “What are you talking about? Of course he does. Why would you even ask that?”

Hamilton shrugged, “I don’t know, I’m just being silly, I guess. It’s just… I disappoint him a lot. And he’s not here very often and….” Hamilton just sighed, not sure how to finish that sentence.

“Alexander… you’re dad loves you so much. You haven’t disappointed anyone, I promise,” Thomas responded, hoping to god that his answer would reassure him.

Alexander paused again before nodding, showing he’d acknowledged what he’d said. "Okay," He mumbled quietly.

There were a moment of silence before Hamilton muttered “Night,” closing his eyes to go to sleep again. Thomas watched him for a moment, feeling like he should say something or make sure he was really okay. But after a few seconds he gave in and turned around to try and sleep again.

Just as he was beginning to drift off again, he was again woken again by Hamilton whispering “Jefferson?”

Thomas sighed, how many times could this happen in one night? “What’s it this time, Hamilton?”

There was a pause, even longer this time, before Hamilton muttered, “I’m sorry.”

Thomas scrunched his eyes shut, not this again. “I told you, it’s fine. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Yeah I have,” Hamilton said lightly. “I’ve been trying to make your life miserable for weeks just because I was mad. You were just trying to be civil and I was lashing out because I didn’t like how you felt and that was wrong. I shouldn’t have blamed you for how you felt, I’m sorry.”

Thomas had no idea how to respond, staring dead ahead with his eyes wide open. What John Laurens had said to him kept repeating itself in his head. _Talk to him. Talk to him. Talk to him._ And before he could think twice about it, he found himself saying “I’m sorry too.”

He heard Hamilton turn around before asking, “For what?” Thomas thought for a second. _For everything_ , was all he could think. But deep down he knew exactly what he was apologising for, and before he could question it, he found himself confessing “For lying.”

Hamilton was silent for a second before asking “What did you lie about?” Thomas rolled his eyes because it could not possibly have been more obvious what he was talking about, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually say it. Especially since he was going to be gone so soon. “It’s not important,” was all he said.

Peculiarly, Hamilton didn’t say anything else. After a couple more minutes, Thomas started growing desperate to actually look at Hamilton. He slowly turned around onto his other side. Freezing when the moment he turned around, Hamilton was already looking straight at him. Eyes wide open and a small compelled look on his face.

He looked into his eyes unblinkingly, their faces virtually touching and his heart beating so loudly he was scared he could hear it. Thomas shifted slightly, causing their noses to brush against each other. They laid there for a moment, even though they could feel each other’s breath on their skin. After a second, Hamilton shifted to move slightly closer and so did Thomas. Their bodies were right next to each other and their faces lightly touching, and it numbed all of Thomas’s thoughts. Thomas only had to lean in a millimetre closer to press his lips to Hamilton’s. As their lips brushed against each other’s, his eyes drifted shut- finally breaking the eye contact. It was gentle and experimental, and excruciatingly slow. Hamilton’s lips were so gentle and unlike before, he had time to try and memorise the feeling and every sensation.

Thomas slowly pulled away and his eyes fluttered open. Hamilton looked at Thomas again, only this time more innocently than before. Hamilton finally gave up, shifting his eye contact so that he could move into Thomas’s arms. Thomas wrapped his arm around him and Hamilton put his head into the crook of Thomas’s neck, and after a moment or two, they went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone's interested, I uploaded a deleted section to the last chapter on my tumblr: http://please-give-me-that-pen-back.tumblr.com/post/161036320560/deleted-version-of-chapter-24-of-the-bosss-son


	26. Morning

Thomas woke up the following morning before Hamilton did. Hamilton curled up in Thomas’s arms with a hand on his chest and Thomas’s arms wrapped tightly around him.

He smiled down at him, not moving Hamilton from his embrace. Adoring the feeling of Hamilton’s bare legs tucked into his own. But his smile faltered slightly when he realised that he couldn’t be sure if anything like this would happen again. He planted a kiss on the top of Hamilton’s head and reached over to grab his phone, being careful to not move Hamilton at all. He looked at the time to see that they had around half an hour before George would be waking up.

Thomas put the phone down and moved his hand to stroke Hamilton’s hair. Hamilton hummed lightly and Thomas smiled, feeling himself falling for him all over again. After a second he took a deep breath and despite what he wanted, moved a few strands out of Hamilton’s face and lightly shook him. “Hey, baby, you need to wake up.”

Hamilton groaned in protest and squeezed his eyes shut. Making some incoherent protest. Thomas chuckled but persisted, “Come on, your dad’s going to wake up soon.” Hamilton groaned again but this time complied and started sitting up. “Morning,” he said.

It was very obvious he’d only just woken up, and he had serious bed hair from having been in bed all day yesterday and last night. Thomas sat up beside him and stroked his fingers through his hair, undoing some knots. “Morning, beautiful.”

Thomas smiled at him, appreciating but also feeling nervous at how much the scene reminded him of a couple waking up the morning after. He stared at Hamilton’s face, imagining all the things they’d do if they were a couple.

Hamilton blushed and covered his face, “Stop looking at me.”

Thomas smirked, “Why?”

“Because I’ve only just woken up and I look gross,” Hamilton groaned. Thomas couldn’t prevent a wide smile going across his face and a slight laugh. “You look fine,” he reassured, pulling Hamilton’s hands away to look at his adorable and embarrassed reaction before pulling him in without thinking to firmly kiss him on the cheek. Thomas gave him an utterly adoring look, trying to memorise every one of his facial features. But his expression slowly changed as he began to frown.

Hamilton looked away from his gaze from embarrassment. After a minute, he looked towards Thomas’s face again and looked to him in concern, “Why do you look so sad?” He asked, raising a hand to cup Thomas’s cheek. Thomas tried to neutralise his expression and shrugged, taking Hamilton’s hand into both of his. “I guess I’m just going to miss you.”

“Then don’t go,” Hamilton whispered. Thomas shook his head and brought Hamilton’s hand to his lips to softly kiss his knuckles. “I think I have to.” He dropped Hamilton’s hand to wipe his face, “And now you need to go, before your dad realises you’re not in your room.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes and pulled his hand back to his own body, “If you mention my dad one more time I will set fire to your hair and don’t test me on that.” He went to stand up, but changed his mind and turned around. He hesitated, like he wasn’t really sure if he should really do it, before leaning back to Thomas to place a casual kiss on his lips. He then pulled away slightly, but was still staring at Thomas’s lips and started biting his own lip.

“Do something for me?” He politely asked.

“Anything,” Thomas responded.

Hamilton raised his eyes to look at Thomas’s, “Promise me you’ll talk to me about this before you leave for good?”

Thomas looked down uncertainly, not entirely sure whether he could grant that one request or not. “I promise,” he weakly answered. Hamilton didn’t look completely convinced, but stood up anyway to sort his shirt out. He walked over to the door, and Thomas couldn’t resist looking at his bare legs as he walked.

He opened the door that was cracked open and paused, biting his lip. “My dad won’t let me go to the school for the rest of the week, so I’ll be here all day for the next few days. So if you wanna talk or do… anything else, I’ll be here,” he said coyly, biting on his lip.

Thomas shamelessly looked him up and down, responding with “Of course…” Hamilton turned around to leave again but stopped once again when Thomas called out “Hamilton.”

“It’s just… I wanted you to know you can use this room whenever you want.”

Hamilton smiled, looking down considering something before gently saying “Alexander.”

Thomas scowled, “What?”

Hamilton looked back up to Thomas and said, “Call me Alexander.” Before walking out of the room.


	27. Madison and Burr

For once, Thomas left before George that morning.  Mainly just because he was wide awake after Alexander left his room and didn’t see the point in waiting around.

Thomas walked through the building and into his and James’s office, where James and Aaron were talking- ceasing their conversation as Thomas walked into the room.

“Oh, hey Thomas. Where were you yesterday?” James asked.

Thomas went to sit down, “Oh, right I forgot to text you. I worked at home because Hamil- ” Thomas smiled a little and casually corrected himself with “Alexander was ill.”

James and Aaron gave each other a knowing, almost sceptical look.  “What?” Thomas asked concerned.

James and Aaron looked like they were having a secret conversation, or they had some kind of inside joke. Though they didn’t seem willing to tell Thomas whatever was going on. James eventually relented and turned to Thomas, outright stating “Dude, you so got laid last night.”

Thomas’s eyes widened, “What? No I didn’t.”

James smirked, “Dude, we’ve known each other for years. I always know how to tell when you’ve gotten laid. You’re smiling way too much.” Thomas tried to frown, but James was right, he was smiling way too much.

“I don’t know what to tell you, I haven’t gotten laid in months,” Thomas admitted. James and Aaron gave each other a look again, before Aaron tried and failed to inconspicuously whisper “Are the rumours true?”

Thomas’s expression dropped, “Rumours? What rumours?” There was no way that people around the office could have any idea of what was going on… It can’t possibly have been that obvious.

James and Aaron smirked, James slowly supplying “You’ve been arguing with Hamilton, calling him Alexander, taking care of him when he’s sick… And you’ve been going to get drinks with Washington every week, you’ve been ‘temporarily’ living with him for months…”

Thomas felt like he couldn’t breathe, “Guys, it isn’t what you think.”

Aaron chuckled, “Look, all I’m saying is _if it is true,_ then you won’t be the only person in America sleeping with his boss.”

Thomas’s eyes widened and he went pale. _This did not go where he thought it was going._

“What!? N-n-no guys that’s actually really not true…”

“If it is we won’t judge you,” James assured.

Thomas scrunched his eyes shut, of course there had be a rumour going around that wasn’t only untrue, but also just about as far away from the truth as it could be.  The reality only making the accusation a lot more awkward.

He didn’t mean to admit anything, but he was so desperate to refute the rumour he didn’t even think twice before saying “Why the hell would I be sleeping with Washington!? I’m in love with his son.”

James and Aarons eyes widened and they both monosyllabically asked “What?”

Thomas sunk his head into his arms “Oh god…” Wondering why in hell he thought saying that aloud would be a good idea.

“But… you _hate_ him…” James slowly said, waiting for some kind of denial or ‘just kidding.’ A few seconds passed, as if all three were considering how the conversation was supposed to proceed, before James broke the silence.

“Thomas, _please_ tell me you are kidding…” James said seriously. The words hitting Thomas hard and hurting a lot, because since when had James been the one to judge him?

When Thomas sat back up and just shook his head by way of a confession, James threw his head back. “Jesus Christ, you’re screwing our boss’s son!?” He said angrily. And even Aaron looked surprised at how mad he was.

“No, I haven’t been messing around with him.” Thomas sternly replied. Before more hesitantly admitting “I mean… yeah, I kissed him once… o-o-or maybe twice… but…”

“But what? Jesus, Thomas, Washington is going to kill you! And then he’s going to kill me for bringing you here. What the hell were you thinking!? He’s _seventeen years old.”_

Thomas sat there speechless, feeling his world fall apart. The weight of his own words heavy on his tongue and encountering a sudden difficulty to speak. “He turns eighteen in less than a month now… Besides, it’s legal…” He tried to hopelessly justify himself.

James rolled his eyes, “Great, so you go under the category of ‘barely legal.’ Why the hell can’t you see how disgusting what you’re doing is?” Aaron now stepped forward to grab James’s arms, “Calm down,” he whispered, offering a sympathetic look towards Thomas. James pulled away from Aaron and walked out of the office door in outraged silence.

Thomas felt completely frozen. He couldn’t do anything; he couldn’t move at all. The one person in the world that he thought might show him compassion towards this thought he was disgusting. His best friend thought he was disgusting… And if that’s how his best friend reacted, how the hell would the rest of the world react?

Aaron stood there awkwardly, “Well…”

Thomas stared dead ahead, feeling like he couldn’t breathe properly. James was the only thing that was constant in Thomas’s overwhelmingly uncertain and constantly shifting life. He barely saw his family anymore, none of his relationships worked out, every single friend he made he fell out of touch with, even his marriage didn’t last. But James was always there for him. James was always the one to reassure him, tell him everything would work out, that nothing was wrong with him. The one person in the world that never judged him. But if even James lost faith in him, what was the point of even trying anymore? Everything he built for himself always seemed to just fall down through no one’s fault but his own. He just wanted to give up and run away again. He started to shake and began tapping his foot. Oh hell, he hadn’t gotten like this in years.

“Breathe slowly,” Aaron kindly advised and Thomas nodded, trying to keep his breaths calm.

“Why are you still here?” Thomas asked, not meant in any malice. But just curious as to why James was so disgusted that he had to leave but Aaron was willing to stick around.

“Because I know that not everything is so simple.” He said. “Come on, grab your things. You can sit in my office today. Avoid any… more awkward situations like that.” Thomas hastily grabbed his bag and put all the work he was really going to need in it, “Are you sure that’s okay?”

“Sure, besides I don’t share an office with anyone so I have plenty of spare room.”

Aaron took Thomas to his office, it was smaller because it was meant to be a single office, but there was enough room for both of them. Aaron got an office to himself because somehow he managed to become a higher up of the company pretty early on.

“Why are you being so nice?” Thomas asked suspiciously as he pulled a chair from the side of the room to the edge of the desk. “Don’t you normally stay out of this kind of thing?”

Aaron looked down and Thomas wasn’t sure how to react, he looked like he was in genuine emotional turmoil. Not like his usual artificial emotions. “Because… I guess I empathise with you.”

“What do you mean?” Thomas asked. Wondering if he would be lucky enough to actually find out something about Aaron.

Aaron sighed, “Okay, I’m only telling you this because you’re going through something kind of weird as well. No one knows, not even James and I live with him so…”

“No one will hear anything from me,” Thomas promised.

Aaron took a moment before asking, “Do you know… Mark Prevost?”

“I think so. He’s like a higher up in one of the company’s rivals right?”

Aaron nodded. “Well… I’m seeing his wife, Theodosia.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow, “Oh.”

Aaron rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “So… You’re not the only one in a super complicated relationship, for whatever that’s worth.”

Thomas crossed his arms, “Well Alexander and I aren’t in a relationship…”

Aaron slowly supplied “So… you love him but he doesn’t know? Is that about right?”

Thomas nodded. “But I will admit. Finding out I’m not the only one who likes someone they shouldn’t is oddly reassuring.”

Aaron smirked, “Yeah.”  Before shyly adding, “I know I’m not in any position to give you advice really, but you should tell him. Tell him you love him.”

Thomas picked up a pen and started doodling on a scrap piece of paper, “I can’t. I’m going back to Virginia.”

“Wait, what?” Aaron asked.

Thomas shrugged, noticing he’d drawn a small heart and shaking his head to scribble it out. “I can’t stay. I’m hurting Alexander and the only reason I was here in the first place was James and… well…”

“James will get over this in no time. And what do you mean you’re hurting Alexander? You love him, don’t you? You said you kissed him…”

“Yeah, and I’ve been telling him I hate him for over a month now.”

Aaron narrowed his eyes, “Alright. Now I really feel like I’m missing a plot point.”

Thomas put the pen down with a thud. “I-I told him I hate him because I didn’t want him to settle for me. I’d just hold him back and he can do so much better. A-and…” he tried to frantically explain, but his words fell short.

Aaron sighed, “Look, I know I’m the last person to give you any advice. But don’t have a one-sided conversation about this. If you feel that way, then Hamilton’s the one you should be talking to about it.”

Thomas nodded, shyly admitting, “I’m scared.” Aaron raised an eyebrow, prompting Thomas to clarify, “What if I finally tell him the truth and he still hates me? Or what if he doesn’t and then I screw it up? I’m terrible with this kind of thing I just know I’d do something wrong. Or what if he realises that he can do better and doesn’t care about me in the slightest? And I fall completely in love with him and then Alexander just changes his mind? I mean he _is_ still young. And if his dad finds out he’ll literally kill me, James was right about that at very least. Jesus, George has been so nice to me over the last few months. It would be so unfair to him.”

Aaron’s expression suddenly changed as if he had some revelation, looking down uncomfortably and fidgeting with his fingers.

“What?” Thomas asked, giving an Aaron a look to show he knew he was hiding something.

Aaron shook his head, “Never mind, it’s nothing.”

“Aaron…”

“I really don’t want to start anything.” Aaron insisted.

“Aaron, if you don’t tell me what’s up I will throw a brick into every window of yours and James’s apartment.” Thomas said giving Aaron a serious look. Aaron looked at Thomas, trying to tell if he was kidding or not.

“It’s just… Do you think Washington… knows?” He asked. Finally relenting.

Thomas scowled, “I don’t think so… but… maybe? It would explain a lot…”

Aaron sighed, “It’s just… so you remember last month when your proposal got rejected?”

Thomas nodded, “Of course I do, my life basically went downhill from there so it’s hard to forget.”

“Well…” Aaron slowly started, trying to figure out where to begin. “Okay, so here’s the thing. I was in the room when your proposal was rejected. Basically, there’s these small meetings with just a few higher ups who know what they’re talking about to look over proposals. Because Hamilton’s relentlessly critical and has a good mind for finance, he’s occasionally allowed to sit in these meetings and offer advice and point out flaws. But… well, no proposal he’s ever pointed out the flaws of has been outright rejected. Normally they just take his advice and maybe make some adjustments. But in this meeting, he pointed out literally just a couple of things wrong with it, and Washington decided that it would need to be changed to be further discussed – or something like that anyway. Literally no one was expecting it, hell, I saw Hamilton’s face and even he was surprised.”

Thomas’s face slowly went expressionless, “What…? So you think…?”

Aaron shrugged, “I don’t want to make any accusations. But… well, I mean… if he knew do you think he’d…?”

Thomas shook his head, “No, no way. George is way too sensible and kind. He wouldn’t do that.” He insisted. Though the more he tried to defend George the more he was beginning to see the signs.

“Are you sure?” Aaron sceptically asked.

Thomas looked at the floor, feeling lost and betrayed. Finally accepting the situation. “I can’t believe this…”


	28. Notice

Thomas stared at his resignation letter. He’d written it out and printed it off, now all he had to do was hand it in…

He wondered how George would react when he did. Would he be mad? Well, if he really knew as much as Aaron seems to think he knows then he’ll probably be relieved. He put it to the side, deciding to think about it later. Besides, he _had_ promised to talk to Alexander about it first. 

He tried to look at his work but none of it seemed to make sense anymore. The air felt too thick and he had to focus on the way he was breathing. He couldn’t push his mind away from everything and it wouldn’t stop clawing at him. James was mad at him. George was mad at him. Now more than ever he felt like he had to leave and he wasn’t entirely sure if he would have a choice if he left it for much longer.

A solid half an hour passed of Thomas staring at his screen, tapping his leg and trying not to freak out before Aaron finally came behind him and said, “Hey, so I know this probably isn’t the best time, but Washington wants to see you.”

Thomas finally looked away from the laptop screen, “What? Why?” Aaron just shrugged, “Like I would know.”

“I really don’t want to see him right now…” Thomas awkwardly admitted.

“I know,” Aaron said patting his shoulder. “But it’s gonna get worse if you avoid him.”

Thomas stood up, “Yeah, I know. Wish me luck.”

Thomas made his way across the building and he raised his fist to knock on George’s door but stopped, lowering his hand and just opening the door and walking in.

George looked up from his work, a little surprised that Thomas would just walk in like that.

“Sir, you wanted to see me?”

“Thomas. Would you like to sit down?” He said motioning to the chair.

Thomas looked to the side of the room and awkwardly put his hands in his pockets. “I think I’d rather stand if you don’t mind.”

George looked at him suspiciously for a second before standing up as well. “Are you okay, Thomas?”

Thomas nodded uncertainly, “Sure.”

George looked at him concerned for a few silent seconds before saying “Alexander told me you wanted to go back to Virginia.”

Thomas closed his eyes and exhaled a long breath, Of course Alexander just had to go and tell his dad. “Alexander told you…” He muttered.

“Well what I’m wondering is why didn’t you talk to me first. I mean, haven’t we been over this enough times?” George tried.

Thomas opened his eyes and scowled, and he couldn’t stop himself from angrily saying “When the hell could I have told you? You don’t talk to me anymore, George.”

George thought for a moment, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Thomas paused for a second because George looked like he needed to say something.

“Just… don’t go just yet. Please. Wait until…” George sighed, “Wait until Alexander’s better. If you leave now it will completely destroy him.”

“Alexander will get along without me just fine,” Thomas said simply.

George opened his mouth to object but Thomas quickly added without thinking twice, “Besides, you probably don’t trust me around Alexander, right?”

George’s posture suddenly became a lot more proper and defensive, “What are you talking about?”

Thomas shook his head, “Never mind. It’s nothing.”

George looked at the floor for a moment, “I have to go out of state for a while.”

Thomas scowled, “How long?”

George closed his eyes and reluctantly admitted, “Probably about a month.”

Thomas widened his eyes, but George quickly interrupted with, “Look, something came up really last minute. I need someone to stay with him. I am begging you to just stay until I get back. He’ll never talk to me again if I just let you leave. And he really needs someo-”

“Yes, he needs his damn _father_ ” Thomas interrupted, becoming increasingly frustrated.

George guiltily mumbled, “I don’t want to. But I don’t have a choice.”

“Yes. Yes you do. Say no, stay at home with your fucking son because he needs a father right now.” Thomas snapped.

George started to look a lot more stern, losing his politeness, “Are you really trying to criticise my parenting right now? Because I really don’t need that from you of all people.”

“Damn right I am. And you wanna know why? Because your son was falling apart yesterday and you weren’t there. He needed you and you weren’t there because you’re never there. Can you honestly tell me that you haven’t wondered if maybe Alexander wouldn’t have had a breakdown in the first place if you were ever around?”

“Watch it,” George warned.

“Or what?” Thomas shouted, stepping closer. “You’ll reject my proposals? Try and make me hate your son?”

There was a moment of silence before George asked, “How did you find out about that?”

Thomas pulled at his hair. Oh god, so it was true. He hoped he’d been wrong, he didn’t want to believe that George would ever do something like that.

“Christ, if you don’t trust me, if you hate me or want me out of Alexander’s life than _fine._ Fire me, kick me out of your apartment, _anything_ but that. I don’t appreciate having my emotions messed with like that. Jesus, I can’t believe you went behind my back…”

“Yeah well I don’t appreciate it when my employee fucks my son behind my back,” George snapped back.

Thomas’s eyes widened, “What!? I’ve never… I didn’t sleep with Alexander. I wouldn’t do that to him.”

Thomas knew he should’ve stopped, but he was angry and upset and before he could stop himself he said, “And for the record, it was Alexander who kissed me. Alexander who crawled into my bed. Alexander who came into my room in the middle of the night half naked.”

George looked absolutely furious, “If you ever want to step foot in this office or my apartment ever again you will stop speaking right now.”

But Thomas was far too gone now. “I never fucked your son. And believe me, it was not from lack of want or opportunity. So fuck you and fuck this whole damned city.”

It happened so quickly that Thomas could barely process it, but George snapped and raised a fist, punching him hard.

Thomas froze completely, and after a couple of silent seconds he raised a hand to his lip and pulled it away with a small amount of blood on.

He raised his eyes to look at George, all anger from both of them gone. George looked at his fist and softly said, “I can’t believe I did that…”

Thomas was now shaking all over; his eyes were beginning to sting with tears and his lip throbbed. He walked out of the office and ignored the stares from the people in the open office, not bothering to dignify their worried glances or immature gossip with a response. He walked straight into Aaron’s office, Aaron shooting up in concern when he walked into the room. “Thomas? Oh my god, what the hell happened to your lip?”

Thomas picked up his bag and shoved everything in it, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’m leaving for the day, see you later.”

He turned to leave, but then paused, turning back. He stormed back towards George’s office, walking straight in. George was sitting at his desk, looking up depressed as he entered. “Thomas? Please, can we start this conversation again? I’m so sorry I-”

Thomas took a piece of paper out and placed it on the desk.

“What is this?” George slowly asked.

“My notice,” Thomas responded and left again. Walking into the busy streets of New York and rushing back to the apartment. Wanting to see no one in the world except Alexander Hamilton.


	29. Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, quick warning. (Skip this if you don't need warnings cos minor spoilers.) This chapter alludes to sexual exploitation and violence (?) (I dunno how to explain it) If you don't want to read it for whatever reason that's fine. You'll probably be able to skip to the next chapter when it's uploaded without missing too much. If you don't want to miss anything then you can contact my tumblr at http://please-give-me-that-pen-back.tumblr.com/ I'm more than happy to post a quick chapter summary or even post the chapter with the parts that may make people uncomfortable edited out. You can ask anonymously if you're at all worried about judgement.

Thomas walked back into the apartment, and at the sound of the door closing, Alexander who had been sitting on the sofa with a collection of sheets from school darted up and walked over to the door. “Thomas?” He asked.

Thomas’s eyes were bloodshot and lost and Alexander immediately noticed something was wrong. “Thomas what’s wrong? Oh my god, what the hell happened to your face?” He asked, and his voice was so innocent that it pained Thomas. Alexander reached up to touch Thomas’s face but Thomas pulled away, “Nothing. Nothing happened.”

Alexander gave Thomas a look, because his lip didn’t exactly get bloody on its own. Thomas tried to evade eye contact, because the emotions he felt when he looked at him brought back every word from James and George. He tried to turn his face away to stare at the corner of the room but Alexander reached up to cup his cheek and turned his face to look at him. “Hey, it’s alright. Tell me what happened.”

Thomas didn’t reply and began to feel like nothing mattered anymore.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

He was starting to freak out, he knew it. Thomas, completely numb and terrified, on impulse pulled Alexander’s hand away. He walked past Alexander to his room and opened his suitcase, taking things out of the drawers and putting them in the suitcase.

Alexander stood at the door to his room. “Thomas, what are you doing?” He asked afraid. Thomas didn’t respond and kept moving around, panicking and just wanting everything to stop. “Thomas? Please talk to me.”

“I have to go,” Thomas simply responded. “No you don’t,” Alexander protested.

“I do. I have to. I need to leave.” 

“Oh Jesus Christ. What’s going on? Please just talk to me,” Alexander begged.

“Do you know the quickest way to the airport?” Thomas simply asked as a response.

There was a silent moment, as Alexander tried to process what was going on. “You lied to me… You fucking promised you’d talk to me first,” Alexander said, his voice deep with betrayal.

“Things changed.” Thomas explained, his voice not betraying his emotions. He flicked through his important documents and paused, looking around the room, “Where the fuck is my passport?”

Alexander shrugged, “No idea.”

“Fuck,” Thomas mumbled under his breath and started frantically searching through the room.

“If you can’t find it, why not wait until tomorrow” Alexander tried. Desperately trying to buy himself time.

“I can’t. I can’t I have to go.” Thomas started to pull at his hair as he began panicking and Alexander was becoming desperate.

“Please stay.” He whispered.

Thomas shook his head. 

Alexander walked into the room, mad at the world and completely desperate, “Please stay… I’ll do anything. _Anything.”_

When Thomas didn’t take notice, Alexander stepped closer, the tone of his voice changing completely. “If you stay, I’ll make it worth your while…”

Thomas stiffened, but still avoided looking at him, “What do you mean?”

“I’ll let you use me however you want. I promise I can make you feel so good,” he whispered as he put a hand on Thomas’s chest.

Thomas’s eyes snapped onto Alexander when he finally clocked what was going on. Alexander was _really_ trying to convince him to stay in the city by offering him sexual favours… “A-Alexander I don’t- ”

Alexander became more desperate, dropping to his knees and starting to undo his belt. “It’s okay. No one would need to know. I can be your secret. Your bitch. I’ll lie to my dad, I can even lie to my friends. Use me, fuck me until I bleed if you want. I don’t expect you to love me. I won’t expect impossible things. But you kissed me so you must like me in that way, right? You probably detest me and that’s fine, I can live with you hating me as long as you’re here.”

“Alexander, stop.” Thomas tried. Snapping into reality when Alexander started undoing his pants, trying to lightly pull him off and horrified at himself for getting weirdly aroused by this whole situation. It felt so unreal seeing Alexander so afraid and vulnerable. He was normally so strong, yet now he seemed weak and desperate, willing to give his own body away. It made Thomas so scared and question his whole perception of Alexander.

Alexander loosened his grip, a disappointed look coming across his face. “I’m such an idiot. You don’t want me…” He slowly whispered. “Not even like _that_.” He shook his head to himself.

Thomas opened his mouth to object, needing Alexander to understand that he wanted him more than anything in the world… just not like _this._ But Alexander started speaking again.

“That’s fine,” he asserted. “You’re probably mad at me and I can see why.” Thomas scowled at the fact that Alexander had started speaking oddly calmly again, before Alexander suddenly said, “Hit me.”

Thomas completely froze, trying to understand what he was getting at as Alexander grabbed Thomas’s hands. Thomas was completely speechless, and for some reason powerless to pull away from Alexander’s hands.

“You hate me, right? So, hurt me. You want to, you must want to. Slap me round the face, punch me, kick me, pull my hair out, I don’t care. I can put up with the pain.” He raised Thomas’s hands and placed them around his own throat, “You want to choke me? That’s fine. I don’t mind. I bet that would shut me up.”

Thomas finally found it in him to pull his hands away from Alexander’s neck, alarm bells going off in his head. “You’re acting insane,” he said. Begging for Alexander to calm down, but he just kept going. “You can make me bleed and bruise. If you do it under my shirt or on my legs no one would know. Or if you do want to beat me up where everyone can see I could just tell my dad I got in a fight. I get into fights so often I just know he’d believe me.”

Thomas looked down at Alexander, he looked so small and abused. It destroyed Thomas seeing him like this. He wished he could go back in time to last month, when everything was alright and Alexander would relax into his touch carefreely. Hell, he’d even be okay with going back to a few days ago when Alexander used every opportunity to insult and belittle him. Anything but this.

Thomas didn’t want to hear anymore, and he found himself afraid for Alexander in more than one way. He dropped to his knees and put a hand on both sides of his face, “Alexander, please stop.”

Alexander looked into his eyes, and Thomas watched as a face of horrific realisation appeared as if he only just heard what he’d said. He burst into tears and buried his face in Thomas’s neck. “I don’t know why I said that,” Alexander sobbed.

Thomas pulled him away just far enough so that he could make Alexander look directly at him. “Promise me you will never say anything like that to anyone ever again. Not to me, not anyone. Got it?” He demanded, just stern enough to show he was completely serious.

Alexander nodded.

“Promise me,” Thomas demanded again.

“I promise,” Alexander meekly replied.

Thomas sighed and pulled Alexander back into a hug, “Jesus, what am I going to do with you…” He muttered.

Alexander slowly stopped crying and sat besides Thomas, both of them sitting with their knees up on the floor with their backs to the foot of the bed.

“You know I don’t want to actually hurt you right…?” Thomas quietly asked in his ear.

“Then why do you keep doing it?” Alexander asked in return. Thomas felt his heart ache and he sighed muttering, “Because I’m an idiot.”

“Are you okay?” Alexander asked. Thomas shrugged, “I don’t think so,” he honestly replied, as he was still shaking uncontrollably. In response, Alexander moved closer to him and put his head on Thomas’s shoulder.

Thomas shyly placed a hand on top of Alexander’s knee. He used his thumb to rub circles into his knee and bit his lip. “Well… I guess I can’t go anywhere until I find my passport anyway.”

Alexander was silent for a second, before conceding with “That makes sense.”

Alexander stood up and offered Thomas a hand, “Come on.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow and Alexander motioned to his lip, “I’m going to fix your lip up.” Thomas sighed and stood up, taking his hand.


	30. Clouded Feelings and Clarity

Alexander sat Thomas on the couch, carefully cleaning the blood away from his lip in an awkward silence. Thomas stared at the edge of the couch, only occasionally allowing himself to make awkward eye contact with Alexander.

“What happened?” Alexander asked to break the prolonged silence.

“Nothing,” Thomas mumbled passively.

Alexander smirked, “So, what? Your lip got in a fight with the rest of your face or something?”

Thomas didn’t respond and Alexander chewed on his lip. “Wow, and my dad has a go at me for getting into fights.”

Thomas suddenly looked away, evading eye contact even worse than before. Alexander noticed this and paused his movements for a moment, looking shocked as he began to figure out what happened. “If my dad did this then he was way out of line,” he said plainly.

Thomas shook his head, “No, it wasn’t like that. I kind of had it coming, I said some things which went way too far. He must be so mad…”

Alexander looked concerned, but let it go by saying, “Okay, I think it’s clean now. I’ll be right back,” He said taking the supplies away.

Thomas sat awkwardly. Alexander was grounding and the moment he left he felt himself freaking out again. “Oh Jesus,” he mumbled as he started breathing weirdly and fidgeting. He shouldn’t go anywhere until he found his passport – not unless he wanted to risk identity fraud or something. So he had no idea what to do. Was he meant to be like ‘Hey, I know I quit my job and you hate me because you think I’m sleeping with your son and I basically called you a bad parent, but can I spend a night or two more in your house?’

Thomas scrunched his eyes shut, trying to think clearly for a second. How did everything in his life become so god damn messy?

“Thomas, are you okay?” Alexander asked as he appeared again. Thomas was shaking uncontrollably and shook his head. How could he be okay? George hated him. James hated him. He was in love with a seventeen-year-old. James thought he was disgusting for it. He felt beyond fucked up.

Alexander looked panicked, “Oh god, are you having a panic attack or something?”

Thomas nodded, feeling himself getting worse. Everything felt like too much; overwhelming like the world was moving too fast for him to keep up.

Alex quickly came over, “Oh right… Okay I’ll…” He looked around erratically, trying to find a way to help.

“Shit. I don’t know what to do…” He admitted.

“You don’t have to do anything. I’m fine really. Just… I don’t know… go to your room or something. Don’t worry about me.” Thomas said in a quiet shaky breath.

Alex looked at him reluctantly. “No. Tell me how I can help. Tell me what to do.”

“There’s nothing you can do. Don’t worry about me, just go and do something I’m fine really.”

Alex looked annoyed. He really wanted to be able to help somehow and it was frustrating that he didn’t know how. “Yeah, yeah okay. Sure…” He said beginning to walk away.

Thomas began to regret what he said the moment Alex started walking away. He wasn’t really sure what he needed, but he desperately wanted Alexander to stay. “No, wait. I’m sorry, don’t go.”

Alexander stopped, smiling lightly and instead carefully walking over to sit next Thomas. “Can I touch you?” He asked lightly. Thomas nodded and Alex reached for his hand, entwining their fingers.

Thomas swallowed and then quietly asked, “Talk to me?”

Alex looked at him confused and Thomas clarified, “Tell me about something. I don’t know… Tell me how school is. Tell me about some stupid high school drama. Distract me.”

Alexander’s eyes lit up, “Oh right. Yeah, yeah I can do that. Urm… Oh, did I tell you about what happened with Charles Lee? Well…”

Thomas listened to Alexander hastily explaining his silly high school drama. Not really listening to what he was saying so much, but just focusing on his voice and the feeling of his hand. Thomas gradually calmed down, until half an hour later Alexander finished his story, “Urm so yeah… that’s about it.”

Thomas smiled and raised their entwined fingers to kiss the back of Alexander’s hand. “Thank you. That really helped… _you_ really help.”

Thomas screwed his eyes shut and let go of Alexander’s hand to wipe a hand over his face, “Tell me to leave… Ask me to leave just one more time and I’m gone. I don’t need to find my passport. I just don’t want to-” Alexander hushed him, and Thomas complied and stopped speaking. Alexander swiftly moved so he was sitting on Thomas’s lap and put his forehead against Thomas’s and whispered “No.”

“Why do you want me to stay so bad?” Thomas gently asked looking at Alexander with worried eyes.

“Because… I like having you here…” Alex explained with a shrug.

“But you want me to leave. I mean, you’ve been wanting me to go since I first came here.” Thomas slowly supplied.

Alexander stroked his cheek. “I haven’t. And I didn’t mean anything I said or did to make you think that.”

Thomas looked down concerned and Alex put his index finger under Thomas’s chin to tilt his head back up to look at him. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t stop… thinking about what you said…” Thomas admitted. He really didn’t want to bring it up. But at the same time, it wasn’t the kind of thing he could just ignore.

Alexander looked away awkwardly, “Oh… you mean when I…” He looked back at him suggestively, “Why? You considering it?” At Thomas’s alarmed expression he raised his hands to show he meant no harm, “kidding, kidding.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and Alexander cupped Thomas’s face, “Look, don’t think about it. I just said some stupid shit when I was hysterical.”

“Alexander… You basically told me if I stayed I could rape you or beat you up… It’s not exactly easy to forget.”

Alexander felt humiliated at himself. “Well that’s a melodramatic way of putting it… Besides, I knew you wouldn’t have done anything like that..”

“What if I did though, Alexander?” Thomas asked, trying desperately to get Alexander to see how serious what he said was. “What if you said that to someone who really did want to hurt you?” Alexander didn’t respond and looked down.

“If I…” Thomas began slowly, knowing he was treading on fragile ground, “If I _had_ … done it. If I accepted your offer, would you have… gone through with it? Would you have really… had sex with me just to stop me from leaving?”

Alexander was quiet and Thomas quietly promised “It’s okay, you can tell me. I won’t get mad I promise.”

Alexander nodded, ashamed of himself. Thomas sighed, stroking his fingers through Alexander’s hair. “Oh, Alexander… You don’t need to do that kind of thing to keep people around.”

Alexander looked at him puzzled, “Then why do people never stick around?”

Thomas looked at him, heartbroken that he would feel that way. He wasn’t really sure how he was supposed to respond, and before he could, Alexander scowled putting his hands against Thomas’s chest and saying “You’re still shaking.” He jumped off Thomas’s lap to grab a blanket and came back to him. “Lie down,” Alexander said and Thomas lightly chuckled, lying across the sofa on his side with Alexander lying down next to him, with his back pressed against Thomas’s front. Thomas wrapped an arm around him as Alexander draped the blanket across both of them. They laid there in silence for a moment, eventually- not entirely sure whose hand touched whose first- they ended up with their hands entwined again.

Thomas put on the news with his other hand, but paid no attention to it. Instead he watched Alexander watching the news. After a minute or so had passed, he let go of Alexander’s hand to stroke a hand through his hair in a way he hadn’t been able to in so long. Admiring how soft his hair felt and feeling a flutter in his chest when Alexander let out a small hum in approval.

He propped himself up a bit so he could see Alexander’s face, he was staring at the news with a concerned face. Which began to make more sense when he saw Donald Trump on it. He was saying something ridiculously untrue about immigration, causing Thomas to scoff and mutter “bastard…”

Alexander took a slow breath and said “I’m an immigrant.” Thomas raised an eyebrow. He didn’t mean to be surprised, but he’d always just assumed that Alexander must be American by birth.

Thomas kissed Alexander’s neck and said, “You’re beautiful.” Alexander looked away from the TV and turned to face Thomas as Thomas picked up the remote and turned it off, so they wouldn’t have to listen to whatever pessimistic nonsense they’re saying now. Allowing him to focus completely and totally on Alexander.

“Do you really think I’m beautiful?” Alexander asked, his voice softer than usual. “Yes,” Thomas confirmed in a whisper. A second later, Thomas slowly added “Tu es belle.” Alexander looked confused for a moment before going expressionless when he realised what he was referencing, “Oh.”

Alexander pecked the side of his lips which wasn’t bruised and Thomas closed his eyes, the gentle feeling of Alexander’s lips ecstasy in comparison to how sore his lip still felt. “I think you’re beautiful too,” Alexander whispered.

They laid for a short while in silence, Alexander lying down and Thomas leant slightly over him. Using his fingers to push stray strands of hair behind his ear to look at his face. Sparing little thought for consequences, he leant down to softly kiss him. This time it was sweet and innocent, the perfect product of pure adoration. Thomas reluctantly broke the kiss after a few seconds and moved to lie next to Alexander again.

For the next few minutes, they laid next to each other, occasionally muttering something irrelevant to each other and fiddling with the fabric of the blanket, or each other’s hair and clothes. Alexander’s eyes began to drift shut and he was fighting to keep his eyes open, Thomas smiled at how sweet it was and whispered, “You can go to sleep if you want to.”

“I don’t want to open my eyes to find out you’ve left,” Alexander refuted.

Thomas smiled, “Don’t worry. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”

Alexander began to give in to sleep, and Thomas was going to make sure he kept his promise this time.


	31. Trying

Thomas didn’t remember when he’d started drifting off, and he definitely didn’t mean to. He’d just been watching Alexander, with a stupid smile on his face every time Alexander made a small noise or hummed in his sleep. Mindlessly combing his fingers through Alexander’s hair and planting small kisses around his face every time it would scrunch up a little.

Eventually, he must have fallen asleep though. As he woke up holding Alexander tightly with his face in his hair when he heard the sound of the door opening. Panic rushed through him, but it was mostly lost on him. He didn’t make any sudden move to sit up or make it look like he was doing anything other than _exactly_ what he was doing. He just kind of gave into whatever was about to happen without resisting.

George paused as he opened the door and entered, catching sight of Thomas and Alexander straight away, before slowly closing the door behind him. Thomas slightly raised his head to catch eyes with George, a completely blank expression on his face, before letting his head drop again. He felt caught. Like everything was over now.

“I’ll be gone by morning. Just please, let me stay until Alexander wakes up,” Thomas pleaded quietly. At this point having accepted the situation. I mean, he’d been caught quite _literally_ sleeping with Alexander. He was finished here. He just desperately wanted to keep at least one promise in his life time.

George turned away for a minute to try to compose himself and hide his distress. Thomas thought for a moment that he was going to shout or hit something, but instead he got a small sense that George just wanted to cry and give up. Eventually he just sighed in defeat, moving over to the table to put his things down. “You don’t need to do that. Leave, I mean…”

Thomas didn’t respond, but slowly moved to sit up, being careful to not wake Alexander up. Alexander’s face scrunched up and he moaned in protest, trying to stop him from moving- although he didn’t wake up. Once Thomas settled into a sitting position, Alexander adjusted to hug Thomas around his middle, with his head nestled against his legs. Thomas couldn’t help but smile at Alexander’s unconscious movements of compassion. George, of course, took notice of this and seemed conflicted, like he wasn’t sure how to react.

“How’s your lip?” George asked after he’d found some grounding. Thomas raised a hand to his lip, it still ached but that was mainly because it was sensitive from having just woken up.

“It’s fine. Alexander cleaned it up for me…” Thomas said half subconsciously, wincing at himself for saying it immediately because bringing Alexander’s name up was likely far from wise.

George walked over to the other sofa and gradually sat down, Thomas sitting in silence but shocked that George was managing to be so calm with him.  George sat down leaning forward, finally saying “I’m glad you’re still here… I was worried you’d be gone by the time I got back.”

Thomas shrugged, mumbling “I meant to. I couldn’t find my passport so I was persuaded to wait” with his eyes still completely transfixed on Alexander.

There were a few seconds before George spoke up again, saying “I’m sorry that I hit you, I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that.”

“Don’t apologise,” Thomas said blankly. “I would have hit me too.”

George smirked and shook his head to himself, “No you wouldn’t have. But it’s sweet that you think you would.”

Thomas smiled a little, but still didn’t shift his line of sight. The air was tense, but with Alexander here everything felt a lot easier.

Thomas didn’t verbally respond and George continued speaking a moment or so later. “Besides, you were right. I haven’t been around as much as I should be; not now and definitely not last year when he needed me the most.”

Thomas briefly drew his eyes away from Alexander. “That’s not true, I was wrong. You’re a great father.”

George sighed, “I try to be. I swear, when I first adopted Alexander I was a much better parent. But as he got older and more independent and work became more complicated, things just… got in the way. I didn’t even notice when he started breaking, how awful is that? He got into _so_ much trouble and I swore to myself I’d do better. But, well, evidently I’m pretty good at falling back into old habits. But I’m still trying.”

George paused for a moment and took a deep breath, “Thomas…”

Thomas looked over to George, finally making eye contact with him. “I’m begging you to please understand that I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to be a good father, just like I’m trying to understand… whatever _this_ is. I’m trying to be okay with it, I really am. But as much as I wish I was, I’m just not quite there yet.”

Thomas dropped the eye contact to look at Alexander again, “I don’t expect you to be okay with this,” he whispered.

“I know. But I think I have to be.” George admitted. “But I think I need some time to figure out how I feel about all of this. And you need some time to decide how you feel as well, because contrary to what Alexander believes I know you don’t hate him.” George wiped his eyes, as if that would clear his head. “I’m going to leave the state for a while.”

Before Thomas could object, George quickly followed that up with “I heard what you said and you were right. I do need to be around more. But I think it would be best for everyone if I gave you and Alexander some time to… figure out what’s going on. And I think I need some time to really decide how I want to approach all of this. Just stay here until I get back, and then maybe we’ll be able to talk about this like adults. And if you still want to leave, then I won’t stop you.”

Thomas looked down in consideration.

“Okay?” George asked.

Thomas wasn’t sure how to respond. Just as he was about to make an effort to formulate words, he was distracted when he felt Alexander slightly move and groan. Alexander looked up at Thomas with sleepy, confused eyes, turning around to look at his dad and scowling. “What? Come to give Thomas a black eye to match his lip?” He asked blankly.

He looked between his dad and Thomas a few times in silence. “So… are we like busted or what?”

George looked down guiltily, but with a small smirk “Actually, I was just trying to convince Thomas to stay in New York until I get back.”

Alexander’s eyes lit up and he looked up at Thomas, hopeful but with a gleam of scepticism that was still prepared to fight and argue. Thomas looked between Alexander and George looking for an answer, but he knew there was no way he could possibly refuse Alexander when he was looking at him like that. “Well, it would be irresponsible to leave without my passport anyway…” He conceded. “So… Okay. I’ll stay for a while.”

Alexander smiled and Thomas bashfully smiled back before lowering his head flushing lightly.

“Great,” George said in relief standing up. “Well, now that I’ve done what will hopefully be enough to stop Alexander from holding this against me for the rest of my life, I think I’m just going to go out for a little while so I can clear my head. Alexander, can I just have a quick word? Alone.”

Alexander squeezed Thomas’s hand under the blanket, standing up and following his dad over to the counters.

“I’m sorry I hit him…” George whispered. Alexander just shrugged and preoccupied himself by fidgeting with his sleeve.

“Will you be okay with me gone for so long? This means I won’t be here for Christmas or your birthday…” George asked. Alexander smiled and nodded, “Yeah, I’ll be fine. We can do stuff when you get back.”

George smiled and hugged Alexander, “I really am trying, here.”

“I know.” Alexander said. “I know…”

George pulled away but kept a hand on his shoulder, “You do know I love you more than anything in the world, right?” he asked.

Alexander nodded, “I know.” He repeated.

“I’m supposed to leave on Saturday. I’m going to take the next few days off of work so I can spend some time with you, will that be alright?” Alexander smiled and nodded, “Yeah that sounds great.”

George sighed, kissing him on the top of the head and moved over to the table to grab his wallet, turning back to Alexander with a suspicious look as he realised something. “You stole his passport, didn’t you?”

Alexander smirked playfully and nodded. George in turn rolled his eyes and chuckled deeply, ruffling Alexander’s hair up and leaving. Calling out, “I’ll be back soon,” before leaving.

Alexander turned back to Thomas, who was in his own world and smiled, “Well that worked out a lot better than I thought it would.”

Thomas smiled and raised a hand, moving his finger to tell Alexander to ‘come over here.’

Alexander slowly walked over to Thomas and climbed to sit on his lap. Thomas looking at him with a dazed expression and raising a hand to trace the side of his face.

“You’re being quiet,” Alexander noted and Thomas shrugged, “I don’t know what to say. I have so many things I want to tell you but I have no idea how to.”

Alexander leaned in to give him a quick kiss, “Then you can tell me when you’re ready. I can wait.”

“Really? Because we both know patience isn’t really your strong suit…” Thomas said with a malicious little smirk. Alexander playfully pushed his chest, “Hey, I can try.”

Thomas laughed at him lightly and Alexander stood up, “Fine, laugh at me. I need a shower.”

Alexander started walking towards the shower but paused at the corridor, to turn back to say “Feel free to join me…” suggestively. Thomas gave him a look and Alexander raised his hands, “Oh my god I was totally kidding.”

Thomas smiled to himself, “Just go have your damn shower, Alexander.”

Alexander laughed and walked down the corridor shutting the bathroom door and locking it behind him.  


	32. Prayers and Bisexuals

Alexander spent longer in the shower than usual, just trying to process everything that had happened and relax his mind. He felt endlessly embarrassed and ashamed over his own hysterics. He wasn’t sure why he said those stupid things, he was just so distraught at the concept of losing someone else he loved. It was a stupid and self-destructive thing to say. But as much as he logically understood that what he said was terrible, he couldn’t shake the fact that he was uncomfortably aware that in that moment he would have gone along with anything Thomas wanted.

Alexander stepped out of the shower and dried himself, putting on one of Thomas’s large t-shirts. He walked out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel and looking over to Thomas’s door with a brief touch of hesitation. Thomas was the kind of person who needed some quiet time to himself sometimes, and after everything that had happened today, he probably would want to be alone for a while.

Though Alexander wasn’t exactly the most considerate person in the world, and he really just wanted to see him. So, he walked straight into the room without a second thought.

Opening the door and lightly swinging it shut behind him, Alexander walked into the room raising an eyebrow “Hey…”

Thomas was knelt on the floor by the bed, with his elbows on the mattress and his hands entwined and his eyes shut. As the door swung open and shut, Thomas cracked his eyes open and smiled. “Hey there,” He responded.

Alexander crawled onto the bed, “Are you praying?”

Thomas smirked and sarcastically responded, “Well I _was.”_

Alexander looked away awkwardly. “Sorry, I should have knocked. Do you want me to…” He motioned to the door but Thomas shook his head and sweetly responded with “You can stay. Can you just… give me a moment?”

Alexander nodded and Thomas closed his eyes again. Alexander watched Thomas in silence for the next minute, twiddling with his hands in his lap.

Thomas eventually opened his eyes and lowered his hands. “Alright, you can laugh at me now.”

Alexander rolled his eyes and snickered, moving over to the edge of the bed and draping his legs over it. “Why would I laugh at you?”

“I don’t know,” Thomas said putting his hand on top of Alexander’s bare upper thigh, watching cautiously for Alexander’s reaction to make sure it was okay. “Because you think my religion is stupid.”

Alexander grimaced a little, “Oh believe me, I’m already planning an essay telling you why you’re wrong. But… I don’t think it’s stupid because it’s important to you.”

Thomas chuckled lightly, “Well that’s big of you.” He mocked, squeezing his thigh lightly.

Alexander rolled his eyes, “Hey, I’m trying here.”

Thomas smiled, mumbling “I know” and resting his head on Alexander’s lap.

“I didn’t know you prayed,” Alexander noted as he drew his fingers through Thomas’s hair.

“I used to all the time. I haven’t so much recently. But today I kinda felt like I should count my blessings.”

They sat in silence for a minute, Thomas’s head in Alexander’s lap and Alexander twirling Thomas’s hairs around his fingers.

Thomas kissed Alexander’s thigh before lifting himself again, rising on his knees to put himself at a closer height to Alexander. Alexander spread his legs slightly and moved forward so Thomas could kneel right in front of him.

Thomas cupped his face, briefly using his index finger to push some damp hairs behind his ear. “You look cute in that top,” Thomas noted and Alexander coyly lowered his gaze.

Less than a second later, Alexander bluntly asked “You’re bisexual, right?”

Thomas raised an eyebrow and Alexander’s eyes widened in panic, “Oh god, was that a really stupid thing to ask? I’m so bad at knowing what I’m supposed to say and-”

Thomas shut him up by pecking Alexander’s lips for just long enough to stop Alexander from tensing up.

“Yes, I am,” he responded simply after breaking the kiss and Alexander nodded.

Alexander looked around evasively, looking quizzical but also cautious. Like he wanted to ask something else but wasn’t entirely sure if he should.

“What is it, doll?” Thomas asked.

Alexander shook his head dismissively, “I don’t want to mess this up by saying the wrong thing.”

Thomas placed a hand on Alexander’s thigh again to reassuringly rub it, “Sweetie, you don’t have to worry about me. You always speak your mind, that’s one of your best qualities. Besides, recently it’s been me who’s pretty bad at saying the right thing.”

Alexander smirked and this seemed to be enough to assure him enough to speak openly. “It’s just… How can you be bisexual and a Christian? Don’t Christians kind of hate people who aren’t straight?”

Thomas pulled Alexander closer to him and Alexander shuffled closer, tightening his legs at Thomas’s sides.

“I used to wonder that too. Especially when I first started college, which was admittedly a while ago,” Thomas briefly avoided eye contact and cringed at the uncomfortable reminder their age difference, but quickly recollected himself.

“Well, long story short I wasn’t out yet. People were far less okay with this kind of thing when I was in high school, especially down south. So, when I got into college I went to talk to James Madison; I’d heard from people around the campus that he was very religious so I thought he’d be a good person to ask. I went to his dorm and -Damn- I was a shivering, nervous wreck. And I asked him what he thought about homosexuality, and he told me he was fine with it. Then I asked him if he thought it conflicted to be both religious and in a same sex relationship. And he just shrugged and asked ‘what’s more religious than love?’”

Thomas’s look had gone completely blank, “What he said always stuck with me.”

“He sounds like a good friend,” Alexander whispered.

“He was,” Thomas agreed.

Noticing something was wrong, Alexander stroked the side of Thomas’s face, “Is something wrong?”

Thomas shook his head, “Me and James are just kind of arguing at the moment. It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

After quickly dismissing it, Thomas pulled Alexander into a possessive kiss, using his hands to pull Alexander by his thighs to bring him as close as possible. Alexander complied, tightening his legs around Thomas to pull their bodies closer together and putting his arms around Thomas’s shoulders to deepen their kiss.

Thomas pulled away to stand up, lifting Alexander from under his thighs to place him further on the bed. Thomas crawled over to him and laid down, pulling Alexander with him. Alexander laughed and smiled, “My hair’s wet, I’m gonna get your bed damp,” he whined half-heartedly. “I don’t care,” Thomas said pulling Alexander towards him. Alexander cuddled up against him and Thomas wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. He felt so small and gentle that Thomas almost didn’t notice that his clothes and bed sheets were now wet.

Alexander leaned up to kiss Thomas’s jaw, “I’m going to go back to my room now.” Thomas reluctantly let go of Alexander; Alexander crawling to stand up and smiling back at him. “Good night,” he said starting to leave the room. “Night, baby,” Thomas responded and Alexander smirked to himself as he left. He would never get sick of those silly pet names.


	33. Fathers

George walked into the bar and immediately went over to John Adams, taking the drink out of John’s hand and downing a good portion of it.

“Hello…?” John said looking at him quizzically. George handed the drink back to him and ordered his own drink, “Sorry, but I needed that drink more than you did.”

John chuckled, “I suppose you did. I was kind of surprised when you texted me. It sounded like you had… _stuff…_ to deal with.”

George groaned, “Oh god… Is everyone talking about it?”

The bartender placed a drink on the bar and John waited until he wasn’t too close before answering, “Of course they are, George. You smacked one of your employees around the face _in your office._ And there were already rumours about you two. It was kinda a dumb thing to do…”

“Fuck…” George mumbled.

“What actually happened?” John asked. “I want the full story.”

“God, where do I start…” George began. “So, long story short, Alexander asked me to get Thomas to stay in the city. So I tried to persuade him to stay for a while… Although that was kind of hard because he found out about what I did to his proposal…”

John interrupted with, “Wait, how did he find out?”

George shrugged, “I don’t know. Probably Burr, but I don’t really care. He probably deserved to know. But he was so mad at me, and he just _wouldn’t stop talking._ And I just kind of… snapped I guess. I hit him, and then he handed me his notice.”

“Wait, so he resigned?” John asked, his eyes widening in tragic shock.

George shook his head, “Not quite. At the end of the day I was able to talk to him, luckily he hadn’t left yet. I walked into the apartment and Thomas and Alexander were sleeping together-”

John’s face suddenly looked alarmed, “You walked in on them!?”

George gestured that he got it wrong quickly as he realised the miscommunication, “No, no, no not like _that._ As in they were _literally_ sleeping together. As in, asleep next to each other.”

John sighed in relief, “I was gonna say… So, how did you feel about that?”

George sighed, “I still don’t know how I feel. I just don’t know. I was able to convince Thomas to stay until I got back in the state though, so at least I managed to do something.” George went silent for a moment before saying, “You know, when Thomas first saw me he thought I was going to kick him out. Hell, a little part of me really wanted to. But he begged me to let him stay until Alexander woke up.”

He sighed and stared at his drink in resignation, “They love each other so much…”

He let a couple of silent seconds pass by. Then, mostly out of nowhere, he noted, “I was Thomas’s age when I first adopted Alexander…”

John scowled in thought, “Oh yeah… I didn’t realise that.”

George lightly shook his head to himself, “I think that’s partially why this is so hard for me. But as hard as it is there’s no way I’m going to let myself destroy something that makes Alexander so happy. I know what it’s like to have feelings for someone you shouldn’t. Suppressing love is painful and I wouldn’t wish it on Alexander for all the world; he’s been through too much already. He deserves to be happy.”

John smiled and nodded, not pressing George for details he didn’t quite understand.

After a minute or so of silence, changing the subject ever so slightly John asked “So, are you really alright with leaving them alone for like a month? Aren’t you worried they’re gonna… uh… _ya know…_ ” George gave him a look and John quickly shut up.

“I’m worried as hell. But… I don’t know, I think I miscalculated whatever’s going on between them. And I think I trust Thomas enough.”

John smirked, “I’ve gotta say, I think you’re dealing with this all really well. Well, besides the whole punching Thomas in the face thing. You’re a good man, George Washington.”

George smiled but shook his head, “No, I’m just a father. I know you told me I’m more sensible and better at doing the right thing than you, but I don’t think that’s right. I think you’d do exactly the same thing for your kids, it just doesn’t feel like it.”

John hummed in thought, “Maybe.”

“I’m going to take the rest of the week off to spend time with my son, then I’ll be gone for a month. Do you think you’d be willing to step in and take over the company here whilst I’m away?” George asked.

John smiled proudly, “Sir, it would be my honour.”

George laughed and shook his head, “Thank you, it means a lot. The workload will probably be a bit overwhelming, so if you need to allocate tasks to make everything a bit more manageable go ahead… I think Thomas would be happy to help.”

John nodded, “Yeah sure, but… I should probably keep that kind of thing on the down low.”

George scowled, “What do you mean?”

“I’ve got to spell it out for you? One day you punch an employee who’s been living with you around the face and he quits, next day he’s back at work like nothing’s wrong and being given work way above what he’s qualified to do. Let’s just say that’s going to make people come to some pretty weird conclusions.” John explained.

George raised an eyebrow, “Think I should be worried?”

“No. You’ll be fine as long as this story doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. I just think you should be careful.”

George nodded in understanding, “I see.”

George took a drink and thought in silence for a moment, before asking “Can you do me a favour?”

“Of course, what is it?” John replied.

“Look out for him while I’m gone. Make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble or anything like that.”

John nodded, “Sure…” He scowled, “Wait, who are we talking about? Thomas or Alexander?”

George smirked and answered “Both.”

John laughed, “Of course, I’ll look out for both of them. You probably don’t have anything to worry about though, I think they’ll probably look out for each other as well.”

George bit the inside of his lip, “I really hope so.”


	34. Gossip And The Art Of Letting Things Go

As he promised, George didn’t go into work for the next few days to spend time with Alexander. They went out for coffee and food, talked for ages about economics and politics, played cards and watched movies…

Meanwhile, Thomas returned to work the next day. Before he left, George pulled him to a side to make sure he was alright, (which of course he insisted he was,) and to ask if he’d be willing to help out with the workload whist he was gone, which he quickly agreed to.

He walked into the office building and tensed up. Becoming immediately and acutely aware that people were staring at him. Surprised and questioning glances towards him which were no doubt wondering what he was doing back there. Thomas felt an invisible weight on his lips; self-conscious of the bruise which served as a reminder or the prior events. He felt like everyone could see it and it brought with it a feeling of humiliation and shame.

Pushing past the looks, stares and judgments he started walking to his office- eyes still flickering to and away from him in a failed attempt to be discrete. He paused outside the door to his and James’s office, before turning around to walk in the other direction. He couldn’t talk to James right now, he just wasn’t ready.

Luckily, he didn’t have to evade him for long, because Thomas bumped into John Adams who was trying to sort a bunch of papers into a folder.

“Sorry,” Thomas apologised just reaching out in time to stop the folder and sheets from falling to the floor.

“Thanks, don’t even worry about it.” Adams said trying to sort out the papers. “I’m actually glad I ran into you. I was just looking for you.”

“Me?” Thomas stuttered, a little confused since he could probably count on one hand the amount of times he’d actually had a conversation with Adams.

“Yeah… Washington told me that if I needed any help managing things I could ask you. You up for it?”

Thomas looked a little surprised, he knew he’d agreed to help out but he didn’t know it would be this soon. “Y-yeah sure… What do you want me to do?”

“There’s this big meeting…” He began, walking down the corridor with Thomas walking behind him. “I just need you to sit in it.”

Thomas briefly panicked, he wasn’t good in meetings. He didn’t like having to speak in front of people he didn’t know. Especially today with his anxieties running so high. As if sensing his concern, Adams quickly assured him with “Don’t worry. You don’t have to do anything, I just need you to sit there. Since I’m filling in for Washington by presiding over the meeting, I need someone to fill in for me. You just need to sit there. As it is some of the people are going to use Washington’s absence to challenge him, I just need someone else to be there to show things are being kept together.” Adams hesitated for a second before adding, “It also wouldn’t be a bad idea to dissuade any rumours. With what people are saying about you, it would reassure them a lot to see you’re alright and working like normal.”

“Sure,” Thomas agreed hesitantly.

“Thank you so much, you’re a lifesaver. The meeting starts in ten minutes. That alright with you?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. I’m just going to take a minute and then I’ll be there,” He responded.

Adams and Thomas split ways, Adams still walking at a brisk pace through the building and Thomas stopping at Aaron’s door. He knocked and opened the door.

Aaron looked up from his desk and his eyes widened. “Thomas! You’re… _here.”_

Thomas grimaced a little, “Yep, I’m still here.”

Aaron shook his head lightly to himself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just… honestly, I wasn’t sure if you’d be coming back. I’m glad you’re here though. What happened yesterday?”

Thomas walked in, closing the door and hovering at the door. He hastily explained everything to Aaron, who looked bewildered to say the least. As he finished the story he looked at his watch. “Oh, and I offered to help out by sitting it a meeting. I’m kinda stressed about it to be honest… I don’t really do meetings.”

Aaron stood up, “Don’t worry about it. I’m supposed to be in that meeting too, so you won’t be alone for whatever that’s worth. We can walk up together.”

Thomas agreed and they walked out of the office.

“Oh, one thing though…” Aaron warned. “You’ve probably heard that there’s some people in the meeting who will use anything against Washington. They’ll probably say or do things to try and make you react. My advice would be to just ignore them.”

Thomas nodded in understanding. “If they’re such a risk to Washington, then why do they have a job?”

Aaron shrugged, “I guess it’s because no matter how dangerous they are, they’re less of a threat when they’re on your side. What’s the quote? ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.’ If Washington let them go the first thing they’d do is run to a rival company.”

Thomas nodded and fell silent as they walked into the room where the meeting was to be held. The only person there already was John Adams, sorting frantically through the files and offering Thomas and Aaron a brief courtesy nod. He felt kind of bad for him, he was obviously stressed and not entirely prepared for the new roles he was taking on.

One by one the other people attending the meeting trickled in. Most notably, Samuel Seabury walked in and Thomas passed a surprised look to Aaron. Seabury had a somewhat infamous reputation in the workplace for speaking negatively about the company and especially about Washington in particular. Why on earth he’d allowed in one of the most exclusive meetings was beyond him.

The meeting began a couple of minutes later, and Thomas sat awkwardly, trying to stay as still as possible and not draw any attention to himself. John Adams spoke calmly and controlled as the meeting progressed, as ideas were thrown around the room and the occasional unhelpful comment by the more ignorant in the room.

Thomas was mostly unhelpful, but at one point he actually had a vague notion of an idea in his head. So, without thinking twice he suggested it aloud. He stuttered over it and he wasn’t sure that it was comprehensible or made any sense, but most people looked surprised to hear him speak at all and Adams looked pretty impressed with his suggestion.

Samuel on the other hand rolled his eyes, simply asking “What the hell are you even doing here anyway?”

Thomas opened his mouth to respond but wasn’t really sure what to say since he himself didn’t really know the answer. Luckily he didn’t have to because John responded with “Because I’m filling in for Washington and Washington decided Thomas should fill in for me. If you have a problem with that then you can take it up with Washington, else you can be quiet and put up with it.”

Samuel scoffed and quietened down. Before sarcastically mumbling to the person sitting next to him, “I wonder what he did in bed to convince Washington to do that…”

“You know, you’re such an ass, Seabury. Just shut your damn mouth,” Thomas loudly snapped in response. Everyone startled at his sudden change in character and Aaron gave him a look to remind him ‘what the hell did I tell you literally half an hour ago?’ Seabury on the other hand looked proud, triumphant over being able to extract a reaction from him.

Thomas gave Aaron and Adams an apologetic look and sat quietly again. Adams quickly defused the situation standing up before things could escalate any further, “Well I think we’ve made good progress today. We should adjourn now before someone says something they can’t take back.” He said giving a slight look to Thomas.

Everyone departed. Aaron quickly went over to help Benjamin Franklin, as his age and back troubles sometimes made standing difficult. Thomas waited as everyone left and Aaron helped Benjamin out, leaving him alone with Adams who was putting a bunch of sheets used in the meeting back in a folder.

“Hey… I’m sorry I snapped a minute ago,” Thomas apologised.

Adams smiled, “Oh don’t worry about it. We’ve had a lot worse in these meetings. Just try to be a little more careful in the future, it’s worth remembering who’s in the room when you talk. You wouldn’t want people like Seabury finding out the truth.”

Thomas’s breath got caught in his throat and his eyes scowled in confusion. Was he referring to what it sounded like he was referring to?

“Oh, I probably should have told you earlier,” Adams excused quickly. “Everything George knows, I know. Don’t worry. No one will hear anything from me.”

Thomas looked down a little awkwardly and nodded. “Oh…”

“Thomas, I really don’t care. It’s not my business to have an opinion, I’m not involved,” Adams assured. But Thomas couldn’t help but feel a little dissuaded by his own mental judgments.

“Well, most people seem pretty keen to share their opinions on my personal life” Thomas mumbled passive aggressively, James half in his mind when he said it.

Adams gave him a reassuring look and patted him on the back and they left the room.

Thomas spent the rest of the day assisting Adams in filling in for George. It gave Thomas a whole new perspective on what George’s job was, and he started to feel kind of bad for suggesting George was neglectful. Thomas was only carrying out a small fraction of his tasks, and as it was he was completely overwhelmed and wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to sleep again. No wonder George had trouble being there for Alexander sometimes, the work never seemed to end.

He didn’t get out until after it was dark and wondered home with his head throbbing and overwhelmed from being around so many people. He opened the door and walked in quietly. He smiled softly when he saw Alexander and George, at the table playing a card game that George had taught him. Alexander was looking at the cards intently, trying to figure out what he should do next.

“Alexander?” George asked waiting for him to play his hand.

“Hold on, I’m thinking,” Alexander responded.

Thomas watched, amused, as George offered help Alexander and Alexander snatched his cards away saying, “No, that’s cheating.”

Thomas went over to the table, standing behind Alexander and pointing at three cards silently. Alexander smirked smugly and picked the cards out and placed them on the table. George chuckled noting, “Okay, that actually _is_ cheating.”

He put his cards down and turned to look at Thomas, “How was your day? I hope it wasn’t _too_ stressful.”

Thomas nodded and avoided looking George in the eye, “Yeah, yeah… It was fine. It was a bit exhausting, but it was alright.” He looked down and started moving his hands awkwardly.

George scowled, “Are you sure?”

Thomas nodded again, but still didn’t look at him.

“John Adams told me Samuel Seabury said some things,” George said. Of course Adams would’ve told him about that…

“Y-yeah,” Thomas stuttered. “It was nothing. I didn’t mean to respond, sorry I know I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s alright, it really doesn’t matter. Just, remember that you don’t owe people like him anything. When it comes to gossip, it’s usually best to just let it go. Silence can’t be used against you,” George advised.

Alexander rolled his eyes, “Okay, yeah. _Or…_ alternatively you could roast him in front of everyone in the office and it would be super funny.”

George gave Alexander a look and Alexander raised his hands in defence, “Or you could just do what my dad says…”

George rolled his eyes and Alexander stood up, “I’m going to make some tea. I would make coffee but that doesn’t seem very possible at the moment so…”

Thomas smiled a little, reminding himself to buy a coffee machine at some point to replace the broken one.

George was still watching Thomas, but Thomas was still acting awkward and avoiding any kind of eye contact. George gave up a few seconds later, speaking in a low voice so that Alexander could only hear if he was purposely eavesdropping. “You’re doing it again.”

Thomas suddenly became alarmed, “W-what?” He felt like he’d been caught doing something, only he had absolutely no idea what.

“Acting like everything around you is going to break. You haven’t acted like this since you first moved in, I thought you’d gotten past that. You’re acting like…” George tried to think of how to explain, sighing and awkwardly saying, “Like I’m about to hit you.”

“Oh…” Thomas muttered.

There was a short deafening silence. “I know this is awkward…” George said slowly, “But we were friends not that long ago. You don’t need to act like this.”

Thomas shrugged. George was right, they had become friends. And maybe it was naïve to believe they could stay friends considering the circumstances, but he really wanted to. But that did nothing to cure his anxious disposition. And at the same time… “It’s kind of hard to pretend nothing’s changed,” Thomas melancholically muttered.

“I know,” George admitted. “But there’s no point in obsessing with the obvious here. I’m giving you space. A month of space, actually. Can’t we try to put everything on the side until then?”

Thomas accepted this, conceding with “Yeah… Yeah of course.” Finally trying to let himself look at George. There was no denying how painfully awkward and guilty this made him feel. And there was also no point in denying how obviously distressed George was. But he’d promised to talk to George about it when he got back, and until then, there was nothing to be done. He just had to wait out the next few days. Then he would have a month to figure everything out. And he had no idea what would happen after that. But as Alexander came back to the table and sat down, offering an innocent smile to Thomas, he had a pretty good feeling that it would all be worth it.


	35. Goodbye, For Now

The next day passed mostly the same way as the day before. Thomas went to work, George didn’t, and Alexander stayed off of school. Thomas just about struggled through the day and came home, this time to see Alexander and George talking about politics. Thomas bit his tongue, being careful to not share his opinion to avoid interrupting them. The last thing he wanted to do was interfere in father-son bonding.

As for Thomas and Alexander, they spoke excessively little over the past two days- and never alone. They’d become far more conscientious about the way they acted and talked in front of George. Because although they may be in the clear for now, they were still on thin ice and they no longer had the benefit of hoping George would be unaware of what was going on. So needless to say, it was wise to avoid doing anything that could possibly make him uncomfortable in any way.  

There was one exception to this rule. That night, when Thomas was asleep, he heard the door open and someone scurry into his room. Alexander quietly went over to him, and before Thomas was even slightly awake, he leant down to peck him on the lips and left again. As Alexander left, Thomas was left touched but also slightly confused as he silently laughed, shaking his head to himself.

The next day was Saturday; the day that George was supposed to leave to attend to business out of state. George packed a suitcase early in the morning and by midday, all three of them were stood outside where George was saying goodbye.

He gave Alexander a hug, and it was clearly visible that this was difficult for him. He looked more worried and sad than most people who knew George would ever get to see. “I’m going to miss you so much. I love you so much, Alexander.”

“I love you too, dad,” Alexander sincerely parroted.

“Stay safe. Try and take care of yourself and don’t get into any fights. I’ll call you every day to check in,” George promised. Alexander nodded, “Yeah, okay. You don’t need to worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

George reluctantly pulled away from Alexander, a look of hesitation still in his eyes, and presently turned his attention to Thomas, stepping a little closer to him. “Take care of him, okay?”

“Yes, of course I will,” Thomas responded.

“I’m serious. Make sure he’s okay. I’m trusting you…” George said, also serving as a subtle warning in it's own right.

“I’ll take care of him, don’t worry about it. I’ll make sure he’s okay and I’ll call you if anything’s wrong.” Thomas promised.

George smiled somewhat reassured and patted Thomas on his arm, departing on somewhat friendly terms. George briefly looked back before reluctantly getting into the taxi. Alexander watched as the car drove off and faded into the distance, although Thomas’s eyes were firmly rooted on Alexander. Once Alexander couldn’t see the car anymore, he slowly turned back to Thomas. They stared at each other for a few dreamlike seconds, not really sure what to do.

There was really only one lingering thought in their minds: This was it. This was happening. They were really going to be alone for a month and there was nothing they could do to stop this now. Whatever would happen over the next month, and perhaps even further than that, was already set in motion.

Then time started to move forward again. Alexander moved first, drifting into Thomas’s arms to let himself be held. Thomas’s hands brushed past his hair to hold his neck gently, tilting Alexander’s face to look up. Alexander smiled up at him and went on his toes, placing his hands lightly on his shoulders for support. In turn, Thomas leant down to meet him halfway so they could kiss.

It was beautiful and affectionate, and for a time, nothing else mattered at all. It spoke louder than a thousand words but more gently than any song. Every melody in existence could not hold a candle to how they felt. The only painting Thomas ever wanted to see again was the way the sunlight lit Alexander’s face. And the only symphony Alexander wanted to hear was the sound of Thomas’s heartbeat; which he could faintly feel as he slightly lowered his hand to cover his chest.

As Alexander pulled away, a light reassuring smile graced his lips. Neither were naïve enough to believe every moment of this month would feel like that, but it was those kinds of moments that made them feel like they had the resilience to work through it. Like maybe it would all be worth it in the end. The cherished moments which stick out in your memory as if existing in a completely different time frame to the rest of your life.

“Take me home?” Alexander asked.

Thomas smirked, dropping his hands to Alexander’s shoulder’s, then letting his hands glide down his arms until they reached his hands. He took his hands and gently pulled him back towards the apartment building; dropping one hand but keeping hold of the other so they could walk back to the apartment with their hands entwined. Thomas led them back into the apartment silently and they sat down on the sofa, their hands still tightly joined.

They sat motionless for a moment, then Alexander’s hand loosened and slipped out of Thomas’s grip for a brief moment so he could climb into his lap.

“So… this is happening,” Alexander said in a whispered attempt of comprehend the situation. “We’re really going to be alone for a whole month.”

“Yep,” Thomas dumbly agreed.

“You know this is going to be really complicated, right?” Alex asked cautiously.

Thomas thought for a moment and nodded; he was most likely right. “Probably. But I’m not scared,” he noted reassuringly.

Alexander smirked and leaned in to kiss Thomas again. Bolder and far more self-assured. Thomas pulled Alexander closer as they kissed carelessly for an almost embarrassingly long time, revelling in their newfound privacy. Alexander's hands were wondering over Thomas's chest, before clutching at the fabric of his shirt. And Thomas was tightly holding onto Alexander's waist. He loved feeling Alexander so close to him, and he felt a sense of security from the possessiveness of the kiss which made him really feel like Alexander was his.

Alexander broke the kiss, his breaths a little heavier than usual, and Thomas smirked over how obvious it was they’d been kissing from his pink and slightly swollen lips.

“You’re so cute,” Thomas mumbled, causing Alexander to look at him adoringly.

“Thomas…?” Alexander whispered.

Thomas hummed, prompting him to go on.

“Can you make me some food? I’m hungry,” he asked, completely ruining the moment.

Thomas chuckled, kissing him on the cheek. “Anything you for, cutie pie.”

Alexander smiled proudly as he stood up and dragged him over to the kitchen, rummaging through cupboards to find something he wanted and leaving Thomas to cook it.

They sat by the counters as they ate, arguing over how Pennsylvania was supposed to be spelt before Thomas gave up and looked it up on his phone, waving it in Alexander’s face. “See there’s two ‘n’s, not one.” Alexander pushed the phone away defensively and just told him to “Shut up.”

They didn’t leave the house again that day. They didn’t really feel the need to. They spent most of the day doing nothing in particular, a period of much needed calm after the stress of recent events. By early evening, they were just listening to the radio in the background and doing their own thing. As Alexander stood up to get a drink, Thomas asked him to wait, standing up and turning him around to hold him for no other purpose than to just look at him. They just stood there in the middle of the room for a few minutes, and as if perfectly timed a song came on that Thomas just so happened to adore. A hundred butterfly kisses and a few dozen whispered sweet nothings later, there was a knocking at the door which knocked them both out of their fantasy like state- though it did nothing to lessen their high.

“I’ll get it,” Alexander offered and practically skipped over to the door to open it.

Standing there was John Laurens, dutifully fulfilling what Thomas had asked him to do and offering Alexander his work from the rest of the days he missed. Alexander took the work and John scowled, “You’re bright red. Is something wrong?”

Alexander shook his head and smiled, “Nothing’s wrong. I’m great, actually.”

Apparently getting the picture, John looked over Alexander’s shoulder and smirked at seeing Thomas. “Thomas, what a great day to see you’re still in New York.”

Alexander gave him a look and hastily said goodbye, telling him under his breath, “I’ll tell you everything on the chat later, now piss off.” To which Laurens relented, chuckling lightly and letting Alexander shut the door.

After that, they basically spent the rest of the day just talking. Not about anything serious, they weren’t totally ready to talk about that kind of thing yet, just about the more frivolous things. When Alexander started to feel tired, he kissed Thomas goodnight and went to his room. The moment he shut his door, he jumped around his room for a full minute because of how hyper and happy he felt. It took him a while to fall asleep because every so and then he'd just start giggling out of excitement. He was so happy, and it made whatever pain he'd been through and was no doubt going to go through worth it. 


	36. Friends Are Lovely But Stress Sucks

The next day, Alexander remembered promising John that he’d tell him what happened over the chat, which thus far he’d forgotten to do. So intending to keep his word, he pulled out his phone and opened the group chat.

_Alex added Hercules_

_Alex added Angelica_

Alex: oh gee where should I start

Alex: okay so very brief summary, thomas almost left but then he didn’t. then we kissed. My dad punched him round the face but its kay cos now hes left for business for a while and thomas is a great guy with great lips and I can kiss him lots.

Angelica: oh wow okay

Angelica: good for you

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: wow angie wanna tone down the passive aggression a smidge?

BestOfFBStalkers: did anyone else read that really sarcastically?

Angelica: jfc im actually trying to be happy for him

Angelica: everything I say just comes across as sarcastic because im me

Hercules: touche

Laurensisacutiepie<3: im really really happy for you

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: oooooooooh so youre together now, yes?

Alex: urm…

Alex: I don’t know

Angelica: yes because nothing in alexanders life is that simple

Angelica: okay yeah I see what you guys mean, that time I heard it

Alex: Well I mean… we just haven’t talked about that kind of thing yet

Hercules: I don’t wanna be that guy, but if you haven’t talked about it how do you know he’s not just using you?

Alex: he isn’t.

Hercules: cos he doesn’t deserve to be with you if hes just gonna mess with you. You deserve to be with someone who really cares

Laurensisacutiepie<3: I wouldn’t worry about that.

Laurensisacutiepie<3: He cares.

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: hm? How can you be sure?

Laurensisacutiepie<3: Because like usual I know things

Laurensisacutiepie<3: But Alex you should talk to him sooner than later. No offence, but you’ve got more things to talk through than Britain has with the EU.

Alex: yeah yeah I know

Alex: but I know that at very least he isn’t just using me

BestOfFBStalkers: he better not be

BestOfFBStalkers: how do you know he isn’t though? I doubt hed just tell you if he was

 

Alexander paused, thinking on what to say- the greatest benefit of text is that it gives you the power to think before saying anything. He knew Thomas wasn’t trying to use him because he’d given him plenty of opportunities to do so, and he never did anything. But he wasn't exactly willing to divulge that kind of information to his friends right now. Alex almost shivered as he realised how horrible his situation could have been. If Thomas had been as bad as some men Alexander had the misfortune of meeting, he would have all kinds of physical and mental scars already.

 

Alex: I don’t wanna talk about it. But if he was trying to use me, believe me, I’d know by now

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: ??????

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: whaaaat now you’ve gotta tell us

Alex: its unimportant

Laurensisacutiepie<3: Anyyyyway, are we still meeting today?

BestOfFBStalkers: Yes :)

Hercules: yup

Angelica: still in London rip

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: I cant id already made plans with my friends that aren’t… ya know, my sisters friends

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: yes im down

Laurensisacutiepie<3: sweet

Laurensisacutiepie<3: alex if you want I can let you skip this once

Alex: ??? why would I wanna skip???

Laurensisacutiepie<3: figured you might wanna spend some more time with your future boyfriend. You guys seemed preeeetty busy yesterday

Alex: nah man im coming. I’m not gonna be that guy who would abandon his friends to hang out with the guy he likes

Laurensisacutiepie<3: alrighty if you insist

 

He jumped up, locking his phone and quickly getting dressed. As he left the room, he smiled towards Thomas who was sat by the counters with a laptop. He gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving to meet with his friends

They hung out for a few hours. Mainly just talking about everything going on in their lives. Hercules talked erratically about his new job which he’d recently been informed he got, Eliza was ecstatic that Angelica would be coming home from university for Christmas, opposite her Laf was happy that his parents weren’t going to make him come home for Christmas… Everything was going great in his friend’s lives.

When he got back, he smirked when he saw that Thomas had replaced the broken coffee machine. “I had nothing to do today so I thought I’d do some shopping,” Thomas explained.

The rest of the day passed with Alexander trying to prepare for Monday; his first day back at school. The weekend passed too quickly and Alexander was dreading having to go back. His dad called him and that reassured him a lot, his dads voice was always calming.

When he woke up on Monday morning, he knew that the day was going to be hard. Missing school for a while always made it a lot harder when he had to go back, and it didn’t help that he woke up with a painful stab of anxiety. Alexander sometimes had days when everything just felt so overwhelming, and this was one of them.

He didn’t say anything about it, but Thomas almost immediately noticed he wasn’t feeling well. Probably because he was far more argumentative and disagreeable then he had been the past two days. Before he left, Thomas hugged him, and when he pulled away he stayed close to put a on his upper arm to reassuringly rub it.

“Are you sure you’re alright? If you need more time-“

Alexander shook his head, “No, no I’m fine. I need to go in or it’ll just get harder.”

Thomas nodded in understanding, “Just take it easy, alright? Try not to stress yourself out too much. Call me if you need absolutely anything.”

He kissed Alexander on the forehead and they left.

The day was hard, but Alexander got through it. At one point, he really needed some air so he left the group he normally sits with to go outside. Eliza came with him so he wasn’t completely alone, and he really did feel blessed to have her as a friend. He really felt like he could rely on her and she was so helpful in times like this. She sat with him until he felt ready to go back in, and insisted she didn’t mind missing part of her lesson.

When he got home, he was so glad the day was over and quite proud of himself for managing to get through it. He briefly panicked when he couldn’t see Thomas in the main room, but quickly calmed down when he noticed a light was on which implied someone had to be home. He walked down to Thomas's bedroom and smiled when he saw sitting in bed reading. The sight was so tranquil and adorable that it soothed him immediately. He quickly went over and practically crawled into his arms, resting his head on one side of Thomas’s chest as he listened absently to his heartbeat. Thomas wrapped an arm around Alexander, holding his book in the other hand. He stayed there for what must have been over an hour, only getting up because he was afraid he was about to fall asleep.

He resolved to try and get some of the work done, so he could try and reduce how stressed he'd be on Tuesday. So, he sat on the bed with all of his work spread out frantically going through it all. Jesus, how did things pile up so quickly?

Noticing he’d started stressing again, Thomas came to sit behind him to lay a hand on his arm, slowly stroking his arm to soothe him. “Hey, hey… It’s alright. You have time.”

Alexander sighed, “I have so much to do…”

Thomas thought for a moment before asking, “Is anything due tomorrow?”

Alexander nodded, “A couple of things.”

“Then do them first. There’s no point worrying about other things just now. Try and just take each day as it comes.”

Alexander screwed his hands up into fists, his obsessive and perfectionist behaviour made that kind of mentality hard to go along with. But he knew Thomas was right, so he grudgingly nodded, whispering “Okay…” and setting aside the work that wasn’t urgent.

He asked Thomas to tie his hair up, and handed him a hairband. He focused on the work in front of him and simultaneously relaxed into the hands going through his hair. Once he finished the work he really urgently needed to do, he felt a massive weight removed from his shoulders. Like it had become at least a little easier to breathe.

As night started to approach, Thomas asked Alexander if he wanted to stay with him for the night since he’d had a rough day. But Alexander declined, giving Thomas a kiss and retiring to his own room. Though he started to question his answer only a few seconds later because his bed felt too cold on his own.


	37. Midnight Anxieties

Alexander first went to sleep alright. But woke up abruptly in the night, shaking and suddenly frightened of every shadow in his life he thought he was unfazed by. He really wanted to see or talk to someone, but everyone would be asleep. He started regretting turning down Thomas’s offer to spend the night with him like all hell.

He started to contemplate just going back to Thomas’s room and seeing if he’d mind him just crawling in next to him. Though that thought made him feel awkward and he started to overthink that scenario. Would he mind? Would it really be alright to wake him up over something so small? He did have work tomorrow. Maybe he could just slip in without Thomas waking up, but if he did, would Thomas get mad at him? Or would he be confused if he woke up and just found him there?

The questions led to even broader fears and paranoia, and an insensible thought pattern began to emerge which was familiar, but no less incomprehensible or strange. He wanted to be close to people and was afraid of losing them, though he was in deep denial of this fact. This led to odd behaviour where he felt inclined to do things and make commitments he was completely unprepared for. Though he was in too much of a distraught position to figure any of this out at the time, and he didn’t appear to even realise if there was a purpose to any of his actions.

Seemingly without reason, he slowly slid his shirt off. He felt suddenly exposed and cold; he always just felt safer when the top half of him was covered. He crossed his arms across his body, trying to cover up as much skin as possible as he was painfully aware that over a long period of time he’d been gradually putting on weight.

He stood up and paced, and as he calmed his breathing to what was just about a normal pace, he left his room and went over to Thomas’s. He walked silently into the room, shutting the door and submerging himself in darkness. He walked silently over to the side of the bed, and hesitating for a moment, reached a hand out to shake Thomas slightly.

“Thomas?” He whispered, trying to lightly wake him up.

Thomas hummed in response as he stirred.

“I changed my mind. Can I sleep here?”  He whispered almost incomprehensibly, trying to avoid letting his voice show how shaken he was.

Thomas nodded and shuffled along, giving Alexander plenty of space to clamber in besides him. Alexander climbed in, laying on his side to look at Thomas, though he could barely make him out at all. They laid a few inches apart, giving them sufficient space. Still half asleep, Thomas reached out to touch Alexander’s arm. Furrowing his eyebrows as he noticed something, he put his hand on Alexander’s waist to check he was right. “You’re not wearing a top…” he noted in sleepy confusion.

“Yeah… Is that alright?”

Thomas nodded, “It’s fine. I’ve just never seen you topless before. Are you feeling alright?”

Alexander nodded, but couldn’t quite bring himself to verbally answer. He thought for a moment, feeling a bit like an idiot with a part of him telling him to not do anything impulsive- a part which he promptly ignored.

He closed the gap between them without any explanation, kissing Thomas expectantly. Thomas was surprised but kissed him back, the part of him that was still tired now completely awake. Both of them being only in their underwear, it was bound to be riskier than almost everything that had happened between them.

Alexander could feel Thomas’s skin against his, and it still didn’t feel like enough. He felt so desperate to keep Thomas close to him, to keep him by his side. And he was willing to do virtually anything to make that happen.

He tugged Thomas even closer, pulling him to lie virtually on top of him, their bodies entwined and when Alexander felt Thomas pushing him into the mattress, he felt like he’d really got him. He slid his hand down Thomas’s bare chest, before removing it to lower his hand and press it over Thomas’s underwear.

This seemed to snap Thomas back into reality, who pulled away but didn’t move off him. “We really shouldn’t do this…”

“What? Why? I want you,” Alexander half whined, half sobbed, trying to disguise his panic.

“Because…” Thomas sighed, he was definitely not awake enough for this kind of discussion. “You’re only seventeen-”

Alexander quickly interjected with “It’s completely legal. I looked it up,” leaning up to try and kiss Thomas again.

“Legality isn’t my concern,” Thomas admitted, causing Alexander to back down, before adding, “And let’s just agree that if you had to look up whether or not it was legal, that’s probably a bad sign either way.”

Alexander looked down and Thomas used his fingers to move some hairs out of his face. “I’m concerned about you and-” Thomas cut off what he was saying, instead to note, “You’re shivering,” which he hadn’t noticed before because it was dark.

Alexander’s defences were starting to collapse, and he felt his eyes go watery as a tear started to fall sideways down his face. “I just want to feel close to you,” he pathetically confessed.

Thomas wiped away the tear and stroked the side of his face, “Baby, you don’t need to have sex with me just to be close to me.”

Thomas leaned over to turn the lamp on, Alexander briefly recoiling over the slight distance.

“Do you… not want to be with me like that?” Alexander asked, almost pitifully.

The room flooded with a dim light, and Alexander began to feel self-conscious, putting his chin on his knees to try and hide his body. Thomas moved back, but gave him a little bit of space, not wanting to make him at all uncomfortable. “No, no- I mean I do. _God,_ I do. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But I care about you and your wellbeing way more than I care about having you. I need you to be safe.”

Thomas paused, trying to collect his thoughts, carefully reaching out to touch Alexander reassuringly. Alexander didn’t flinch away and seemed okay with it, so Thomas slowly put his hand on Alexander’s knee. “Alexander… you’re so young. For whatever fucked up reason, that doesn’t change the way I feel about you. But it does mean we should be careful. Not because of the law but because I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for. I really don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’ve never hurt me,” Alexander interjected. “I know you would never hurt me.”

“If I went through with this, I think I would be. I don’t think you really want to do this and I know you’ll regret it if we do.”

Alexander stayed silent, and Thomas took a slow breath. “Listen to me,” he said lightly turning Alexander’s face with his other hand to get him to look at him. “I would really like to be with you like that. _One day._ But we have so much we need to talk about first.”

Thomas thought for a moment, and then suggested, “We should at least wait until you’re eighteen-”

Alexander protested with “But why? It’s just the difference of some weeks. What’s the purpose in that?”

Thomas shrugged and simply said “Peace of mind. And that few weeks would give us time to talk about things, figure out where we are. And by then, maybe you’ll know whether or not you really want to do this. Because I can tell you don’t really want to do this right now. And no offence, but the fact you’ve suggested sex every time you’ve gotten scared or stressed makes me think you have a really troubled and messed up attitude towards sex.”

Alexander looked down guiltily, _okay, maybe he had a point there._

Thomas used his fingers to draw gentle circles into his skin, softly saying, “It’s just… after what happened a few days ago, I just think we should be cautious. Even if you were a lot older, it just wouldn’t be alright for us to do anything. You’re upset and emotionally vulnerable and…” Thomas drifted off, not really sure what else to say.

Alexander nodded and mumbled, “Okay…” Knowing deep down that Thomas was completely right.

Thomas smiled sadly, then he suddenly noticed how exposed he was and how he must be feeling after what had just happened. “Oh… urm do you want some clothes?” He didn’t mind Alexander not wearing much, but he just thought he’d feel more comfortable covered up.

Alexander coyly nodded, “Could you get my shirt?”

Thomas nodded and got the shirt from his room, Alexander pulled it on, feeling relieved and a lot more secure.

“Do you want anything on your legs? Like sweatpants or pyjama bottoms?” He asked, really doing his best to make sure Alexander was comfortable.

Alexander shook his head, “I’m fine like this.”

Thomas looked down, remembering he was still in his boxers. That was how he normally slept, but now he worried that his state might make Alexander at all distressed. He went over to the drawers and took out some sweatpants, putting them on. He thought about also putting on a top, but decided that probably wasn’t too important. Alexander had seen him enough times without a top on and if he wanted him to put one on, Thomas would be able to tell.

“Do you want me to make you a drink or anything?” He asked.

Alexander shook his head, still looking down stubbornly.

“Are you mad at me?”

Alexander shook his head again. “No. I’m mad, but not at you. Why? Are you mad at me?”

Thomas sat on the edge of the bed, “Baby, of course I’m not mad at you.”

Alexander was still staring down, and he started fidgeting with his fingers again. Thomas looked around awkwardly, “Do you want me to leave? If you need some space, I can leave.”

Alexander shook his head again, more erratic then last time. And his panicked look was enough for Thomas to realise that was definitely a bad idea.

So, Thomas sat there. Silent and not wanting to get too close because the last thing he wanted was to make any kind of unwanted physical contact. Though that mostly went out of the window though Alexander asked, “Thomas?”

Thomas hummed in response and Alexander shyly requested, “Can you hold me?”

Thomas moved more onto the bed and Alexander moved into his arms. Thomas held onto Alexander, who nuzzled his head into his skin. Thomas kissed the top of his head as he sobbed into his skin, waiting until Alexander calmed down.

“What do you normally do when you feel like this?” Thomas asked.

Alexander shrugged, muttering “I normally talk to my dad… but he’s not here.”

Still holding tightly onto Alexander, he reached over to grab his phone. “I’ll call him.”

Alexander pulled away and shook his head, his dad was probably asleep and he didn’t want to bother him. Something felt so childish about having to call his dad up because he was having a bad night. But Thomas called him anyway before Alexander could object, reassuring him by muttering “He won’t mind,” and kissing him on his forehead.

Thomas put the phone to his ear and Alexander could only sit awkwardly as he listened to Thomas on the phone. “Hello, George… Sorry, I know it’s late… Alexander’s not feeling well and he’s kind of stressing out, I thought it would help if he could talk to you…?”

 A few completely agonising seconds passed and Thomas passed Alexander the phone. Alexander took the phone and put it to his ear, mumbling “Hello…?”

“Alexander? Is everything alright? What’s wrong?” His dads voice came from the other side of the phone, his voice tired and having obviously just been woken up. But also, undeniably concerned and attentive.

“Yeah, I just… I’m just really not feeling well right now,” he said. His dad’s voice entirely broke down whatever emotions he was trying to withhold and he started crying through the words by the end of the sentence.

His dad talked to him for a while, which calmed Alexander down a lot. There are times when there really is nothing quite as soothing as a parental figure. The whole time, Thomas kept one arm around Alexander and held Alexander’s hand with the other.

As Alexander was taking deep breaths to calm himself down, his dad asked, “Do you need me to come home? I can get a flight the first thing in the morning.”

Alexander smiled but shook his head, “No, no. I’m fine. It’s just a bad night. Besides, I have Thomas. I’ll be fine.”

His dad paused for a moment before saying, “Okay… Just try to stay calm.”

Alexander nodded, before thinking silently for a moment. “Dad?”

“Yes?” His dad asked patiently.

Alexander opened his mouth but paused, as if deciding whether or not to say anything. Before slowly and simply stating, “Thomas makes me so happy.” Of course, this sentence didn’t even begin to explain how Alexander felt. But the sincerity and weight of the way he said it spoke far louder than the words alone did.

His dad was silent, and Alexander had no idea what he was thinking, but he could still feel Thomas’s hand on his so he wasn’t worried.

“I know,” his dad finally responded. His voice still conflicted, but with a quiet resignation and acceptance.

“I’m going to go to sleep now. I feel a lot better from talking to you, thanks. I love you, bye.”

“Goodnight Alexander, I love you so much,” His dad responded, and Alexander smiled as he hung up the phone.

He handed the phone back to Thomas, who took it and placed it on the bedside table. Thomas looked at him adoringly and it was impossible to not just melt into that look. Alexander’s eyes were sore and his head was numb, in a new state of calm. He moved to lay down, pulling lightly on Thomas to make him lie down too. Thomas got the message, turning the light off and lying down next to him, Alexander curled up against him with his eyes closed and already half asleep.

Thomas stayed awake for a few more moments to allow himself time to watch Alexander’s face. Alexander’s face was red and puffy, and he looked exhausted. But even then, Thomas refused to believe that anyone in the entire world could compare to Alexander. “Goodnight, my love,” he whispered, just in case Alexander was awake enough to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My wonderful HamTrash4Ever made some really beautiful art! You can find it here: http://please-give-me-that-pen-back.tumblr.com/post/163573073700/beautiful-art-made-by-mcwaffle-d-their-ao3-is :D


	38. Ex-Best Friend

Waking up as the alarm went off, Thomas’s hand went to his phone quicker than usual, trying to turn it off before it woke Alexander up. Alexander made a startled mumble, but luckily Thomas turned it off just quick enough to prevent him waking up. Thomas brushed Alexanders hair as he allowed himself a minute to wake up, before slowly sitting up. He smiled down at the sleeping figure, pausing to lean down and kiss Alexander on the cheek.

He walked into the kitchen, opening his laptop to quickly check his emails to make sure there wasn’t anything too urgent. Most of it was just John Adams asking if he could do a couple more things and Thomas couldn’t help but sigh, it seemed this was going to be another over-scheduled day.

He looked at the time, he had about ten minutes before the time Alexander regularly woke up. He almost considered just letting him sleep since he’d slept so little and because of his mental state yesterday, but he quickly dismissed this. Alexander would definitely not react well to missing another day of school without his consent, or waking up alone half-way through the day feeling abandoned. So instead, Thomas decided he might as well wake him up gently with some coffee.

He walked back into the room with two mugs of coffee, setting one down on the bedside table on the now vacant side of the bed, and the other on the side Alexander was sleeping on. He sat on the bed and moved the hairs out of Alexanders face to kiss him lightly, somewhere between his cheek and his mouth so that it just grazed the corner of his lips.

Alexander opened his eyes, blinking a few times as he sleepily smiled at him. He moved to sit up; his hair beyond messy and his face paler than usual. But the smile was the most heart-warming sight ever, it felt like everything in the world became softer and meaningful. It was a shift in the emotional connection between them, subtle but definitely there.

“Morning, honey” Thomas whispered.

Alex nuzzled his face into Thomas’s neck and mumbled, “Morning, Tommy.”

Thomas smirked, “Tommy?”

“You have like a billion nicknames for me, can’t I have one for you?”

Thomas squeezed him slightly, “I guess that’s fair.”

Alexander pulled away slightly so he could lean over to pick up his coffee, blowing it before taking a small sip. “God I miss morning coffee,” he muttered before taking another sip.

“Are you going to be alright today?” Thomas asked, brushing through some tangles in his hair.

Alexander nodded, “I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. I’ll be fine.”

He put the coffee down and looked at his knees awkwardly for a moment, before saying, “Thankyou… I think you were right.” It was awkward and without explanation, but it was also genuine and Thomas knew exactly what he meant. He wasn’t thanking Thomas for anything he did, rather he was thanking Thomas for what he _didn’t_ do.

Thomas smiled down to Alexander and kissed him. “You’re so precious, Alex.”

Alex smiled and rested his head on his shoulder, “just give me five more minutes,” he said with a yawn.

Thomas chuckled and spent the next few minutes trying to convince Alex to wake up otherwise he really would be late, with Alexander whining and trying to go back to sleep anyway. Eventually he relented and started getting up.

Although he was tired, Alexander was far happier than he’d been the day before, giving Thomas a deep kiss before leaving.

That day went fine for both of them. Alexander was starting to readjust to school and Thomas was starting to get used to having absolutely no time to spare. Or at least it was going alright, until he was left for just a brief second to his own devices.

He’d been with John Adams, just finishing sorting out some things involving certain clients.

“…Urm, so I think that’s about it. There’s a couple of things involving James Madison’s clients that needs to be dropped off so he can finish them. Are you guys still on bad terms? I can drop it off if that would be better. Oh, shit. I’ve got to be at a meeting in five. I think if I hurry I can-“

Thomas interrupted with, “It’s fine. I’ll take it to him, don’t worry about it.”

John let out a sigh of relief, “Oh thank god. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I swear, the stress of this job is second only to being the president.”

Thomas chuckled, “Yeah, I know right.” He took the files and said he’d give to James, pausing outside the door to take a deep breath. This was not going to be fun.

He walked into their shared office- which he hadn’t even stepped foot in since they got into the fight. “I was asked to drop these off,” he said handing them to James. James took them without any kind of expression, which somehow unnerved Thomas even more.

But then he passed a glance to Thomas and asked, “So, what? Are you the new Washington now?”

“No,” Thomas said. “Adams is. I’m just helping out.”

James then paused for a second, before gravely asking “Are you still with him?”

Thomas blankly responded with “Yes.”

James rolled his eyes, “Well I guess if Washington trusts you with anything at all, yet alone such high-level work, he still doesn’t know.”

Thomas found a certain amount of malice beginning to grow in him as he refuted James with, “Actually, he does.”

James gave him a profoundly judgmental look before plainly stating, “Then he’s a fool.” Before a second later adding, “And so are you.”

Thomas sighed, giving in and allowing himself to stop being cold, “James, can’t we just stop this? We’re best friends, you’ve always been there for me no matter who I’ve been with. I don’t understand why you’re being like this.”

James stood up and glared at him, “You don’t understand? Really? Look, I’ve supported you through every insane decision you’ve made, but I won’t support your infatuation with a damned kid. It’s perverted.”

Thomas was silent, and he could only just find the power to mutter, “I’m not a pervert.”

James’s voice suddenly became calmer, yet somehow even more cold. “You’re with a _child._ And he embodies everything you hate about New York, and one day you’re going to realise that and he’s going to break your heart if you don’t break his first.”

Thomas clenched his jaw, before saying “Well, if that’s how you feel. Fine.”

Thomas walked out of the room on that note, and tried to ignore how fogged his mind had become. He went back to work, and mostly he was unchanged. But every so and then he just suddenly paused and stared in the distance, replaying everything James had said to him. Then, when someone asked if he’s alright, he would simply say he was fine and return to work like nothing had happened.

For James on the other hand, the day took an interesting and unexpected turn.

Not long after his argument with Thomas, he left the office with dark eyes and a clenched jaw, feeling the need to punch a wall. It only got worse when the printer in the open office jammed again for the second time that week. He slammed the printer with the bottom of his fist before looking around for someone who would know how to fix it. He scowled when instead he caught sight of a woman who he’d never seen in the office before. She looked sick; leaning against a wall with her eyes closed and trying to fan herself with her hand.  

James may have been wound up, but he wasn’t so mad as to ignore someone in trouble. So, he took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes, waiting a few seconds to calm down. Afterwards, he grabbed his water bottle and walked over to her.

“Hey, are you okay? You look kind of ill.”

The woman opened her eyes and smiled gratefully, accepting the water bottle he was handing her. “Thanks. I’m fine, I’m just jetlagged. I only just got back from London- I go to university there.” She explained.

“Oh, I see. Did you come home for Christmas?” James asked.

She nodded, “Yeah. I’m just waiting for my dad.”

James thought for a moment, “Schuyler, right? Philip was always boasting about how one of his daughters got into a British university.”

“Oh god, that sounds like him. Yeah that’s right, Angelica Schuyler. I’m sorry, you are?” Angelica asked reaching out to shake his hand.

James shook her hand and answered, “James. James Madison.”

James’s expression changed suddenly, and he asked, “Wait… Your family’s close to Washington and Hamilton, right?”

Angelica shrugged, “Well my dad’s pretty close to Washington because he’s worked here pretty much since the beginning. Me and my sisters are friends with Alex… I guess. My sisters are closer to him than I am for the most part, though.”

James scowled, getting the sense that there was a story behind that. And a story he wanted to know. “Why’s that?”

Angelica looked a little apprehensive, like she knew she shouldn’t tell him. But she started speaking anyway. “It’s nothing really. It’s just he dated one of my sisters for almost three years, but it ended last year because he started seeing this other girl behind her back. My sister’s completely over it, so I know I should be too. But… I don’t know. It’s just so hard for me to be happy for him. Is that really weird?”

James shook his head understandingly, “Of course not. It’s natural to be defensive of your sister.”

“Yeah… Either way I think I need to just deal with it though. They’ve moved on and they deserve to be happy. So, I’m trying to just get over it.”

“Well, good luck with that. It was lovely to meet you, Angelica Schuyler. Tell your dad I said hello,” James said before turning around. A malicious smile making its way to his lips once she could no longer see his face.

There is no one in the world who can destroy you quite like your friends can. They know exactly what makes you tick; they know everything that can hurt you. And knowledge is not always good. It can sometimes be used to give people the power to destroy. And James now knew two things: One, that Alexander Hamilton had a history of cheating. And two, that Thomas Jefferson had an irrepressible jealousy that destroyed numerous relationships in the past. And there was no way he would last two minutes with someone he knew had cheated.


	39. Antique Law Books

Thomas didn’t get back until late, and the moment he walked through the door his eyes went to Alexander, who was on the sofa writing. He went towards the sofa and pulled his work away from him.

“Hey, handsome,” he whispered in his ear causing a blush to go across Alexander’s face as he responded with, “H-hey.”

In an odd way, James’s comments only made Thomas want to be closer to Alexander out of spite.

He walked around to kneel on the sofa and pull Alexander into a long and deep kiss. Thomas pushed him to lie down across the sofa and Alexander obliged, liking every moment of this. Once he was lying across the sofa with Thomas on top of him, he paused only briefly to ask, “Woah… What brought this on?”

Thomas placed some kisses just under his jaw, not wanting to say anything about his argument with James in risk of making Alexander upset. Instead he just muttered, “I just couldn’t stop thinking about you today.” And by all means that wasn’t a lie. Only, he hadn’t really been able to stop thinking about Alexander since he first met him. Really, it was only a slight alteration of the truth.

They kissed for another minute, passionately making out on the sofa, holding each other as close as possible as if it was impossible for them to get enough of each other. Alexander eventually pulled away, flushed and practically weak from the kiss to say “Okay, I really, really like this… But if we don’t stop now, I’m not gonna want to stop at all. And my body’s reaction to this is going to make this situation very awkward, if you know what I mean.”

Thomas chuckled and sat up, giving Alexander some room. Alexander spent a minute trying to calm himself down before sitting up. Thomas gently stroked his arm saying, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to come across as so intense. I was just a bit stressed.”

Alexander shook his head and moved closer into his arm, “It’s fine. I liked it. A lot.” Alexander thought deeply for a moment before adding, “I like _you_ a lot.” Sensing the deep meaning behind these words, Thomas gave him a look that could only be described as the most vulnerable type of concern and solemn happiness.

Thomas wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulders, drawing him close. “Did you want to do anything for Christmas? And are we buying stuff for each other? What kind of things do you like?”

Alex shrugged, “I’m not too bothered. I’m not really a festive person and I’ll probably do things with dad when he gets back, so I don’t care. And oh god, don’t buy me anything. My dad’s probably going to feel so bad about missing it that he’ll spend the cost of a house on me. Just stay with me and hold me like this and that’s all I need.”

Thomas smiled and hugged him, “I think I could do that.”

The next few days passed by peacefully. Mostly without anything specific to note, but happy and content nevertheless. Alex alternated between sleeping in his own bed and sleeping with Thomas, though he usually ended up in Thomas’s bed. And, of course, Thomas never once turned him away and was always more than happy to let him stay. Thomas was beginning to get used to someone sleeping next to him again, and something always felt off if he was trying to go to sleep without being able to touch his skin or hair.

As Christmas came along, it was a quiet affair. They messed around the apartment, listening to music and enjoying being with each other. They tried to cook, and it only went slightly disastrously. A permanent blush on across Alexander’s face throughout the entire day. They would argue about politics or whatever came to mind, until one of them got fed up and said they should stop arguing since it’s Christmas. Of course, they ended up talking about something else just as stupid less than ten minutes later.

They watched some things on the TV as it got later, both drinking a little whiskey. Thomas poured them both some and when Alexander noticed that one was for him he raised an eyebrow and jokily asked, “Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me? Because if you are, I’m okay with that.” Thomas rolled his eyes, already used to Alexander’s admittedly worrying humour and kissed him on his forehead.

They sat on the sofa, a little too close to each other so their knees were touching, a perfect level of tipsy where every light touch feels like ecstasy. Thomas lightly stroked his fingertips over Alexander’s arms so it made him shiver whilst Alexander traced a finger across his jaw. Gently whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.

Thomas bit his lip, before saying, “I have something for you.”

Alexander’s eyes widened, “What? But I said… Why did you…? I didn’t get you anything…”

Thomas leaned over to grab something, “I already owned it, so it’s not like I went out of my way to get it. I don’t expect anything in return, don’t worry.”

He handed it to Alex, who looked cautiously apprehensive. It wasn’t properly wrapped, but it was presented in thin tissue paper and Alex handled it carefully, getting the sense it was delicate. He slowly unwrapped it to show a small, old fashioned book. It must have been from the nineteenth century. Alexander looked up to Thomas for an explanation.

Thomas lowered his gaze embarrassedly, “Urm… Well you’re going to be starting college next year, and you told me you were thinking about law… So it’s an antique law book.”

Alexander raised an eyebrow and smiled. “So, you had an old law book and you decided to give it to me because I might do law at college? That’s so sweet.”

Thomas hesitated for a second before saying, “Well, you see, when I turned eighteen, I was absolutely terrified about starting college. So my step-dad gave this to me… just like my step-grandad gave it to him. It really calmed me down and it made me feel like I could handle everything. Like maybe college wouldn’t be so hard after all. I know you don’t exactly have the same problem, but I figured you might like it anyway.”

Alex’s eyes widened and he shook his head, shoving it back towards Thomas, “What? I can’t accept this. It’s of sentimental value, I couldn’t take it.”

Thomas held Alexander’s hands over the book, persuading him to keep hold of it. “Please. I really want you to have it.”

Alexander felt his hands go weak under Thomas’s, which were large and comforting and impossible to resist, persuading him accept the book with a tender smile. He took the book and placed it on the side. Before leaning back in to give Thomas a brief, tender kiss. “It’s perfect.”

Alexander laced their fingers together, looking intently at the way their hands linked together and nothing else. “I know this probably goes without saying at this point. But I don’t hate you.”

Thomas smiled absently. Virtually throwing away a month of coldness by simply admitting “I don’t hate you either.”

“When did you change your mind about me?” Alexander asked.

When Thomas didn’t respond, trying to understand what he meant, Alexander clarified with, “You told me you hated me. But now you’re telling me that you don’t. So when did you change your mind about me? And why?”

Thomas paused, he felt guilty and almost cowardly as he admitted, “I never did.”

Alexander looked up at him confused, “What do you mean?”

Thomas looked around awkwardly, feeling the intense gaze. “I said I hated you… But I didn’t. As in… I mean… I lied. I lied to you.”

Alexander reached up to put a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at him. “Why did you lie to me? Why would you tell that kind of lie to me?”

Thomas tried to respond, but every time he tried to find the words they failed him. And Thomas was reminded of the reason why he told that terrible lie in the first place. He started to wonder if maybe he was right when once upon a time he decided it would be a disservice to let himself love Alexander. Maybe the error was kissing him that night, letting himself believe they were really meant to be together, not taking the first chance to leave him forever. It was a dark thought, and definitely not one he wanted to get whilst Alex was in his arms. “Can we… talk about it some other time? When it’s not Christmas?”

Alexander looked frustrated as hell, but sighed and said “Fine. Fine. But another day we’re coming back to that.”

Thomas nodded and tried to push away all thoughts as he pulled Alexander close and buried his head in his neck. And Thomas couldn’t help but take solace in the fact that no matter what happened, he always had this day to look back to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried rip. I love you all very very much. Everyone's so nice and ahh thank you


	40. Labels

The day after Christmas, things already began to escalate…

It was night time and they decided to watch some stupid TV show.  Alexander had been acting slightly nervous all day. It wasn’t particularly obvious, but he looked concerned about something which Thomas couldn’t quite put his finger on. He was agitated, inattentive and he looked like he was in deep thought throughout the entire day with furrowed eyebrows and worried eyes. Thomas almost asked about it a couple of times, but changed his mind deciding that if Alexander wanted to talk about it, he would.

It seemed his curiosity was about to be answered when after a couple of episodes, Alexander reached for the remote and the television turned it off. Thomas didn’t move to stop him, and he didn’t say anything. He just decided to wait to see whatever Alexander had to say or do. There was a short awkward silence as Alexander let himself sink further into Thomas’s arms whilst Thomas pretended to not notice how he trembled.

“Thomas?” He asked eventually, breaking the silence.

“Yes, baby?” Thomas replied nonchalantly.

Alexander warily tapped a finger on his leg a few times, and Thomas realised that this was going to be one of _those_ moments. One of those defining moments when whatever they say or do would affect whatever direction this whole thing would go in.  

That moment began when Alexander asked, “What are we?”

Thomas found himself completely speechless, and not really sure how to respond.

This lack of response evidently didn’t bode well with Alexander at all, who asked, “Are we like… a thing? I mean, we kiss, we talk, you take care of me… And I- I really, really like you… So, do you maybe, err, want to make this more… official? Like, urm… Do you maybe wanna be sorta my boyfriend?”

Thomas felt like time had stopped, and Alexander was looking to him with an innocently hopeful look.

He wanted to say yes. Every fraction of him wanted exactly what Alexander had suggested. He was always a person that felt very secure with labels, he found them comforting and reassuring. Once he could really call someone his, it made him feel so much safer in their relationship. Like it made it more real and solid.  

But in that moment, everything came back to him. James turning his back on him. George’s accusations and the pain in his lip from where he was punched. The whispered gossip in the office. But worst of all was his own mind. As much as he thought he’d gotten over it, he still felt the unshakeable sense that Alex was completely out of his league.

When Thomas didn’t respond, Alexander looked immediately dismayed. Withdrawing back into himself and saying, “Never mind, forget I said anything.”

Thomas stuttered and tried to think of an excuse, “I-it’s not that… It’s just… We don’t really need labels, do we? It’s just… not important.”

Thomas knew he was speaking nonsense. Labels may not be important to everyone, but they always had been to him. And evidently, they were to Alexander as well.

It was impossible for Thomas to ignore the fact that Alexander was deeply insulted. He seemed to be going through a million thoughts and none of them were good.

There was an immediate and sudden coldness to Alexander’s attitude. But he didn’t say anything. He tried to conceal his hurt and just mumbled, “Sure.”

Thomas sighed and said, “Alexander, I’m so-”

Alexander stood up without warning, “It’s fine. I have to finish my work.” He said going to his room, not looking back or slowing down for one second.

Thomas wiped a hand over his face, if this really was one of their relationship defining moment, then he’d really screwed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know this chapter is reeaallly short but I'm gonna update again really soon I promise. Much love :)


	41. Revelation

Thomas didn’t get much time off for Christmas because of how demanding the job was. So, a few days after Christmas, he was back at work. He didn’t really mind. As much as he loved being with Alex, something changed since he turned down becoming official.

Alexander pretended he was perfectly alright with what was going on. But it was obvious he wasn’t. It was subtle, but he was more reserved then he had been. When he kissed Thomas, it was obvious he was holding something back. He avoided eye contact more often than not. He was more closed off and he didn’t talk as much.

His attitude was more reflective of when Thomas first moved in, in contrast to how he’d been the past week. But whenever he tried to fix it or apologise, Alexander would just insist he was fine or excuse himself.

Thomas was at least somewhat aware that he was acting differently as well. He was quieter, far less bold in his actions. And though he never meant to, the way he looked at Alexander was beginning to become more and more disdainful and scrutinising. Alexander always took this to be an insulting look, it didn’t even occur to him that he wasn’t the subject of Thomas’s scrutiny. Alex hid it the best he could, but he was terrified that he said or did something wrong. Was it asking Thomas to be his boyfriend? He felt like such an idiot… Maybe his friends were right, maybe Thomas never wanted anything serious, maybe he just wanted someone to mess around with…

Thomas decided to get someone else’s opinion. So, he thought it would be a good idea to talk to Aaron. But Aaron wasn’t in work that day, and when he texted him he said he was with Theodosia - which of course he didn’t want to interfere with. And he didn’t want to talk to John Adams, because he was at least ninety percent sure that anything he told him would immediately go to George. But then he realised there was only one person he really wanted to talk to.

He looked over to James’s office. If he could just sort out things with him, maybe everything would be easier. He needed him to understand. And if that didn’t work, then that was that, he just needed to be able to stick up for himself. If he could stick up for himself, maybe he could also look Alexander in the eye and tell the truth. He paced around a couple of times before walking in.

“I don’t get it,” he began as he burst in. Causing James to look up at him confused.

“You always said you supported me, but for once I’m happy with something, and now you’re not okay with me anymore? Something is actually going right for me. I’m happy. He makes me so happy, why don’t you get that?”

James scowled and interrupted with, “Oh please. You complained about him non-stop when you first met him. You hated him then and beneath this delusion you’ve told yourself, I’m pretty sure you still do.”

Thomas clenched his fists, and basically shouted “No. It’s not like that. I never hated him. I complained about him because I wished I did. I wanted to hate him because loving him is complicated, but I loved him then and I still do. I love him. I love him so much. And I don’t know how to tell him because my head is fucking me up. I’m slowly ruining the best thing in my life and I don’t know how to stop doing it. I’m screwing everything up. _Again._ And I need to talk to my best friend about it, but you haven’t been here for me and that’s killing me.”

James didn’t seem to show any reaction to what was basically begging, instead calmly saying, “So, what? You want me to take everything back? I can’t do that.” James put his pen down, putting all his attention on Thomas as he emboldened his voice. “I stand by everything I’ve said. You’re being stupid. Alexander’s a toxic mess and a terrible person and I’m just trying to make you realise that. He’s everything you hate and the sooner you realise that the better.”

Thomas scowled and plainly stated, “I _love_ Alexander. Unconditionally. Yeah, he has his problems, but that doesn’t change anything for me. No one in the world has ever made me feel the way he does. I need him and maybe it’s stupid, but I can’t imagine living without him anymore. I wish I could put how I feel into words, but I can’t because it’s ineffable. I love his smile, I love his stupid comments, I love how passionate he gets about things, I love-”

Thomas cut himself off as if he suddenly had some kind of revelation, instead rambling- mainly to himself- “Holy shit… what the hell am I saying? I need to find him now, I need to tell him everything. I have to beg him to be mine, tell him I love him, sort everything out.”

“You’re making a mistake,” James calmly warned.

“I don’t care what you say anymore, there is nothing you could say that could possibly change my mind about him,” Thomas half laughed and turned around to leave.

James smirked, knowing he had the upper hand. And he undid every epiphany Thomas had by simply asking, “Did you know Hamilton cheated on his last girlfriend?”

Thomas froze. He felt every part of him telling him to just leave. He didn’t need to hear this. If there’s anything to know, Alexander would tell him with time. But he couldn’t move. He turned back to James, waiting for him to continue.

Thomas wanted to hit James over how triumphant he looked over this.

“Last year, Hamilton started seeing some girl behind his girlfriend’s back. They’d dated for _three years._ And if he’s willing to cheat on his girlfriend after being with her for three years, he will _definitely_ cheat on you. You can talk about how much you love him all you want, just don’t expect him to stay loyal.” James then went back to writing, as if he hadn’t just dropped the worst thing Thomas could possibly hear.

Thomas stood there for a few seconds before leaving quietly, his resolve completely obliterated and lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay things get worse before they get better but things are happy later I swear. Love you guys so much <3


	42. Jealousy

Thomas walked into the apartment slowly, letting his feet guide him whilst his mind was preoccupied. He leant against the door as it closed behind him and stared into the room blankly, not finding it in himself to move.

Alexander walked out of his room and into the kitchen, smiling down at his phone. When he got to the main room, he looked up as he noticed Thomas was just standing there. He raised an eyebrow as he looked at him quizzically, “You alright over there?”

Thomas’s eyes very briefly flickered on Alex before moving away to focus somewhere else. “Yeah,” he mumbled moving away from the door.

“Bad day?” Alexander asked.

Thomas absently replied with “I guess you could say that.”

“Tell me about it?”

Thomas shook his head, “It’s not important.”

Thomas moved over to the counters, trying to change the subject with “What did you want to eat tonight?”

Alex shrugged and crossed his arms, clearly aware that something was wrong with Thomas. “I’m not hungry. What’s wrong? Are you high? No judgment if you are, it’s just you’re being really cold to me.”

Thomas let out a deep breath, turning to face Alexander. He was trying to not let James win. This time he didn’t want to let his emotions destroy him. He put his hands onto Alexander’s hips and kissed him on the forehead. “I’m sorry. It’s nothing.”

Alex looked up at him concerned, “Alright…” Alex tried to catch his eyes, but Thomas was staring at the ground. They were right in front of each other, but they could not have possibly felt further away.

An hour later, they were sat at the counters doing work. After not too long, Alexander abandoned his work and took out his phone to start texting. Normally this wouldn’t have bothered Thomas at all. Although on this particular instant, the paranoia in him was beginning to assume the worst about absolutely everything.

It occurred to Thomas that ever since he told Alexander he didn’t want labels, Alexander had started texting all the time. No matter what they were doing, at some point he would turn his attention to his phone. Did the person on the other side of the phone make Alexander happier then Thomas did? Every sensible part of Thomas was telling his paranoia to just shut up; to not be that guy that got suspicious about everything.

A text was just a text.

But it didn’t drive Thomas any less insane, “Who are you texting?”

Alexander shrugged nonchalantly, “Just some friends.”

 _Thomas don’t do this._ “Oh. You’ve been texting your friends quite a lot recently.”

“Yeah, well I like texting.”

 _Jesus Christ, don’t do this._ “Which friend is this?”

Alexander gave Thomas a confused look, “A bunch of friends, why do you care?”

 _Let it go._ “I just do. Who is it?”

“Nobody.”

 _Stop._ “Would you just tell me who the fuck it is!?” He snapped.

“It doesn’t matter. God, what the hell’s your problem?”

Thomas calmed himself down moderately, but couldn’t prevent the passive aggression in his voice when he said, “I don’t get why you feel the need to text so much.”

Alexander blatantly rolled his eyes and simply said, “Well, I guess it’s just a kid thing then.” The mockery in his voice obvious.

Thomas sat there in silence, panic going through him. He felt like he was really starting to lose it. “Well, call me old fashioned but I just think people should talk to people in real life instead of just texting all the time.”

Alexander put his phone face down on the counter. “Oh I’m sorry Tommy dearest, I didn’t realise I had to live my life the way you think I should.”

“What? I’m not saying that.”

“Sure,” Alexander sarcastically deadpanned, turning back to his work.

They barely spoke a single word for the rest of the night.

The tone of the next two days was unusually cold and distant, and the patronising comments and jealousies were really piling up. It was reaching new levels of ridiculous. If Alexander was out late with his friends, Thomas would basically pace with worry until he got back. If Alex was texting, he’d stare at him wondering who was on the other side. If he said he had plans with someone, Thomas would always ask a dozen questions.

Everything was tense and building up. As Thomas lay in bed alone that night, he burst into tears when he realised just how badly he’d screwed this up. He didn’t think there was any way any of this could have a good outcome. It felt like he just found out someone broke up with him, but without a single word being spoken.  

Then, every problem they ever encountered collided on the third day.

Thomas went to work, and only a couple of hours into the day John Adams gave in and asked, “Okay, you’ve been acting off. What’s going on?”

Thomas opened his mouth to respond, but couldn’t quite find the words, “I just… I don’t think Alexander and I are going to work out.” Thomas was well aware that by telling John that, it was only a matter of time before George also found out. But he was too far in despair to care.  

John looked down awkwardly, “Oh… I’m sorry to hear about that.”

Seeing it wasn’t his place to say anything, John quickly moved the conversation back to business. “Urm… So did you print out those files?”

Thomas nodded, “Oh, right of course I did.” He went over to his bag and looked inside and froze. “Damn it, I think I left them in the apartment. I’m gonna have to go back for them. I’m so, so sorry.”

He felt so bad. How was he managing to screw over so many people at the same time? He knew how stressed out John was today and this must have made it so much worse.

John gave him a worried look, “Oh god, you don’t have it? Okay, just hurry. Please?”

Thomas nodded and left, rushing back to the apartment. Although he ended up getting held up…

Thomas entered the apartment, scanning the room to find where he left the files. However, instead his eyes landed on Alexander, who was standing outside on the small balcony.

He narrowed his eyes to try and see what he was doing, only to feel his breath get caught in his throat when he saw that Alexander was holding a cigarette. _Oh hell._

Why would Alexander be smoking? Thomas had dated smokers before. He knew the smell of lingering cigarette smoke and he knew how to recognise the taste from kissing a smoker. If Alexander had been even occasionally smoking before, Thomas would have figured it out. So he must have started recently. But why would he even think about starting smoking? He was smarter than that.

Thomas took a deep breath as his protective and bordering on controlling instincts started kicking in, before bracing himself for a confrontation.

He walked over to the balcony and opened the balcony door. Alexander jumped and turned around, a look of shock on his face as if Thomas was the last person he expected to see. “Thomas, I-”

“What the hell is this?” He asked, taking the cigarette out of Alexander’s fingers. “You’re a fucking smoker now?”

“No, it’s not like that I swear,” Alexander tried. It pissed Thomas off, because he was acting so much like a child trying to get out of trouble.

“Oh, so this isn’t a cigarette?” Thomas mocked, putting it out against the balcony rails behind Alexander.

“Well, I mean n-no it is. But I don’t… I mean I’m not…” Alexander tried.

“Jesus, your dad is going to kill you,” Thomas snapped.

“Oh my god, please don’t tell my dad,” Alexander begged.

“What? Are you kidding me? You can’t seriously expect me to hide something like this from him.”

Alexander narrowed his eyes, “Well you didn’t have a problem hiding a lot of things from my father. Why is this any different?”

Thomas didn’t respond and looked at him in disbelief and guilt, feeling betrayed that Alexander would really use that against him.

Suddenly catching on to the fact that he must have only made it worse, Alexander grabbed Thomas’s arm, “Wait, please don’t. Come on, this is the first time I’ve done it in over a year. I don’t have an addiction or anything. I don’t even like it, it tastes disgusting.”

Alexander added quietly, as if an after-thought, “I hate it, actually.”

Thomas’s expression turned quizzical as he asked, “Why do you do it then?”

Alexander looked around awkwardly, before muttering “Unimportant.”

“You’re under the legal smoking age so I’d say it’s pretty fucking important.”

Alexander rolled his eyes and went to walk past Thomas, but Thomas grabbed his arm.

“Why the hell are you so mad about this?” Alexander snapped.

“Because I don’t want you to fuck up your life from stupid shit like this,” Thomas responded.

“Like you care. You’ve barely talked to me for days.” Alexander cynically responded. Alexander went to move again, but Thomas just tightened his grip.

“Fuck you, Thomas. You’re such a god damn hypocrite.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Thomas asked.

“Are you really going to pretend you didn’t do worse when you were my age? Do you seriously think I’m stupid enough to buy that?”

Thomas pursed his lips, not knowing how to respond. It was true, he had done way worse than smoking. “That was different…” Thomas slowly said.

“How?” Alexander challenged.

When Thomas didn’t respond, Alexander shoved at Thomas’s chest and gripped the fabric. “ _You_ can’t lecture me on how I’m fucking up my life. You lost all right to give me a lecture about anything when you decided you didn’t want to be with me. I don’t need to listen to someone who’s so god damn hopeless that they’re living with their boss, with a job their friend got them and couldn’t even make their fucking marriage last. Wake up, Thomas. You’re a divorcee with no prospects and your self-esteem is so low you decided to lead people on for no reason.”

Alexander let go of his chest and tried to pull away but Thomas held onto him. “Well, you’re probably going to get a lot of lectures in your life, kid. Because evidently you’re too stupid to take care of yourself.”

Alexander scowled, he pulled out of his grip successfully this time and screamed, “Screw you. I wish I’d never met you.”

“I wish you’d never met me too,” Thomas echoed. There was a second of silence as Thomas processed everything and tears pricked his eyes and he muttered, “Hell, I’m starting to wish I’d never been born.”

They didn’t know what to say after that. They’d said the worst things they could possibly say to each other, and there was no way they could un-say anything. In a moment of tenderness, Alexander reached out a hand towards Thomas in an attempt at reconciling. Thomas pushed his hand away.

Sucking up his tears, Thomas asked plainly, “Did you cheat on your last girlfriend?”

Alexander’s eyes widened in fear, before gradually neutralising and being overtaken by a withdrawn guilty admission. “Yes.”

Thomas half laughed, half cried as he repeated, “You cheated. You’re a cheater. You’re a fucking cheater.”

“Is that why you’ve been acting crazy!?”

“So all those people you were texting, all those _friends,_ are you seeing any of them? Are you cheating on me too?” Thomas realised the mistake in his question too late, and how he gave Alexander the advantage.

Alex’s eyes lit up as he refuted him with, “I _can’t_ cheat on you, Thomas. We’re not together, remember?”

Thomas couldn’t respond, and he began to feel overwhelmingly caught.  

“And for the record,” Alexander continued. “I was texting my friends because _you weren’t talking to me._ You were being cold and I needed someone to talk to about it. I was in pain and I was feeling lonely and they were helping me through it. So well done, I was wrong. You’ve hurt me.”

Despite being mad at him, Alexander grabbed the collar of Thomas’s shirt and pulled him down to kiss him. Thomas completely lost self-restraint, kissing him back as he pushed him against the wall of the building. The kiss was rough and hard and every kind of inappropriate, but it only lasted a few seconds before Thomas recollected himself and pulled away. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths to calm himself down, still holding Alex against the wall who made absolutely no move to resist or move.

“Thomas, please look at me,” Alexander whispered after thirty seconds or so.

Thomas’s hands slowly fell away from Alexander as he softly said, “I need to go.”

He walked back into the main room and grabbed the files. Alexander followed right behind him in a panic.

“Wait, Thomas please don’t go. Please stay so we can talk about this,” Alexander protested trying to grab onto his sleeve. 

“I have to go back to work, Alex,” he said pulling away.

“No, no, no, no. Please don’t leave. Don’t leave me.” He begged.

Thomas sighed, “I’m not leaving you. I’ll be back in couple of hours.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Stay and just talk to me about this, Jesus Christ you’re such a hypocrite. You say you want to talk to me. You say there’s things we need to talk through. And the moment we start talking you’re ready to fuck off?”

Thomas didn’t respond, just took a deep breath and started walking out.

Alex felt like time had been suspended, and could barely find his voice to ask, “Are we over?”

Thomas stopped, feeling as if all meaning for anything was slowly slipping away. “Well, we were never really together to begin with.”

Alexander grabbed his arm in alarm, desperately trying to make Thomas look at him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Don’t go. Please, please, please don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Don’t do this to me. Please. I love you.”

Thomas froze completely, finally looking Alexander in the eye. This could not be happening. “No… Don’t say that.”

Alexander’s eyes were glistening with tears, “W-what? I lov-“

Thomas shook his head. “No. No you don’t. Don’t say that. You might think you do, but you don’t.”

“Don’t tell me how I feel!”

“Hamilton, you’re wrong. You may think you love me, but you don’t. You really shouldn’t love me,” he said, swallowing the word love.

Alex looked up at him tragically and angry, “Alexander! My name’s Alexander.”

“I’m sorry, but I need to leave. We can talk about this later,” he said walking out, hearing Alexander screaming after him, “No, I Love you, please don’t leave me. I’m sorry, I need you. Stay.”

The moment the door shut, Alexander dropped to his knees in tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well  
> urm  
> sorry  
> I love you all very much


	43. Avoiding Problems

Thomas left with the files, shaking all over as tears immediately started streaming down his face. As he walked out of the apartment building, he took the phone out of his pocket and tried to hold it still. He dialled George’s number and held it to his ear, taking long breaths to try and stop himself choking.

“Hey, Thomas. Is something going on?”

Thomas took a deep breath and choked out, “Urm… I-I saw Alexander smoking. I just thought you should know.”

George took a moment to process what he’d been told. “Oh god… Well, thanks for telling me. I’ll talk to him. Are you alright? You sound upset.”

Thomas paused to take another deep breath. Although it was obvious he was crying, he tried to have enough dignity to not openly sob over the phone. “It’s nothing…” He breathed.

Thomas forced himself to stop choking and sobbing, taking several long and deep breaths. The expression on his face neutralised and he became completely numb to the world. “But sir? You made a mistake.”

George trying to understand what he was talking about apprehensively asked, “What do you mean?”

“You shouldn’t have trusted me,” he said slowly, stressing each sound and hanging up.

He put his phone away and ignored it when his phone rang five seconds later. It took a while for the buzzing to cease.

By the time he got back to work, his mind had become so preoccupied that he almost forgot what he was supposed to be doing. As he looked around him lost, he was well aware he probably looked either homeless or hungover. His clothes were unusually disorderly in comparison to usual and there were water stains from his excessive crying. His face made him look straight up like a crazy person.

He then looked down at the files and shook his head, reminded of what he was supposed to be doing. He stumbled over himself and went to find John Adams, who was stressing out over how long he took. Once he found him, John let out an exasperated sigh as he took the files, “Oh thank god. You took a while. Did you get held up?”

“I guess you could say that,” Thomas responded.

Noticing how he’d obviously been crying John asked, “Oh no, what happened?”

Finding his voice and trying to keep his voice levelled, he admitted, “I think me and Alexander just broke up.” He shook his head, “Or… not broke up. I mean we were never together. We just…” he wiped his face, “We got into a really, really big fight.”

“I’m sorry, that sucks,” John said apologetically.

“It’s fine… Just give me something to do. Please, I want to keep busy.”

Complying with his request, John gave him plenty of things to do. This meant he was rushing around doing things all day. As bad as he felt, he couldn’t help but feel relief when he realised that the workload was going to keep him until late. He decided to quickly send a text to Alexander informing him he’d be back late. Texting him was ridiculously hard and it felt strange, but considering how worried Alex was of Thomas leaving he didn’t even think about just leaving him guessing.

After rewording and deleting the text several times, he finally sent a simple and plain text.

Thomas: I Just thought I should tell you I’m going to be back late.

The response came five minutes later, and in that time, Thomas didn’t feel like he let out a single breath.

Alex: kay

Okay, it was stupid, but those three letters kind of made Thomas want to cry.

He went back to his own office for the first time in a while and sat down at his desk. He didn’t feel the need to avoid the room anymore since James could hardly do more damage then he’d already done. James couldn't exactly interfere with a relationship that didn't exist anymore, so why bother avoiding him anymore? Nonetheless, he hadn't seen James once.

He went back to work and didn’t stop until past 10pm. He normally carefully paced his workload over a long time, but this time he did a ridiculous amount all at once. Sitting at the office he tapped a finger on the wood of the desk, he had absolutely no reason to stay any longer. Though simultaneously, he was absolutely terrified of going back and having to face Alex. His mind was playing over every possible scenario, the one that hurt the most being the possibility of a ‘break up talk.’ He could imagine it so vividly that it felt as if he could hear Alex's voice in his head. 

So, he may have let his dread overtake him, and instead of doing the responsible thing and going back, he texted Alex.

Thomas: I’m so sorry, I’ve still got so much to do. I don’t think I’m going to make it home tonight.

This was a blatant lie. If he left now, he would get back at a not too ridiculous time and he had nothing to stop him from doing that. His guilt had numbed any sense in him. He was so mad at himself for hurting Alexander so many times, and he didn’t know how to stop.

The text back was just as blank and empty as the first. 

Alex: fine.

Every emotion he tried to supress throughout the day now hit him and he burst into tears. He spent a while acting like the typical person dealing with heartbreak. Pathetically whining and sobbing, scrolling through pictures of Alex on his phone, recalling every memory with him and hating himself for every mistake he made.

He was wallowing in his self-pity and guilt with his head buried in his arms, when the door to the office opened.

“Thomas?” James asked as he walked in, looking at him confused.

“Hi James,” Thomas greeted weakly, rising his head. “What are you doing back here?”

“I forgot my laptop,” he said picking his laptop up. “What’s wrong?”

“You were right,” Thomas said with a tear falling down his face. “You thought it was going to end with someone getting hurt? Well, well done, you were right. I screwed it up. I screwed _another_ relationship up. I thought it would be different with him, I’ve never felt the way I do about him before and I never will again. I’ve fucked up any chance I had with the one person who I’m truly and completely in love with because of something _you_ told me.”

James was about to make a response, but Thomas interrupted him before he could.

“I don’t even blame you. I have absolutely no one to blame but myself.”

James lowered his gaze guiltily, in situations like this it makes someone feel a lot worse when they’re _not_ yelled at. Partially out of guilt and partially out of genuine concern, James went over to his desk, “Do you have anywhere to stay tonight? If you don’t, you can crash at mine.”

Thomas shook his head, “No, no way. I am not going anywhere with you.”

“What? Come on, you can’t just spend the night in your office or out on the streets,” he reached out to touch Thomas’s shoulder, but Thomas swatted his hand away and stood up.

“I’d rather be out on the streets all night then trust you for even a second. I don’t want anything to do with you, I _never_ want to see you again.”

“Thomas, come on. I’m not going to let my friend-“

“Hell no. We are not friends anymore. Friends don’t do what you did.”

James rolled his eyes, “I think you’re being a little melodramatic.”

Thomas grabbed his jacket and left the room, “Stay out of my life, Madison.”

He left the building and walked around in the freezing cold. Eventually, he decided to stop at a bar so he wasn’t wondering the streets for the entirety of the night.

He sat down at the bar, asking the bartender for whiskey. Staring at his whiskey, he realised that he was the perfect picture of the typical sad drunk sulking at the bar alone. This was what his life had become.

His state of sombre was interrupted when a girl came over and sat next to him. After an awkward introduction between the two, she asked, “So, what are you doing here? I come here when sometimes when I can’t sleep and I’ve never seen you before.”

“Urm… well I think I just went through a breakup. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that. Can I buy you a drink?”

Thomas saw no reason to refuse, so accepted the offer. They got to talking and it was nice. Simple. He almost forgot how complicated everything had gotten, beginning to notice how unnecessary all the mess of the last few months should have been.

Half an hour later, she bit her lip before asking. “Would I be able to give you my number?”

Thomas looked down at his drink guilty, it would be so easy to just accept, to put everything behind him. But without even thinking twice he said, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend.”

He didn’t catch onto the fact he called Alexander his boyfriend until he said it; it just rolled off his tongue. The word sounded nice and simple, and he frowned at himself over forfeiting all right to use it.

“Oh… I thought you said you just broke up?”

“Yeah, I think we did. But even though we’re not really together, I still kind of feel like I’m his even if he isn’t mine. Does that make any sense?”

The woman smiled understandingly and asked, “Tell me about him?”

Thomas let out a deep breath, “Well, for one thing I work for his father. Although, I’m pretty sure I’ll be fired when he gets back considering everything that’s happened. He’s still in high school and wouldn’t even be old enough to drink here, how fucked up is that?” he laughed as he spoke, but there was nothing funny about how he was feeling or what he was saying. “He’s beautiful and intelligent. He gets mad and passionate about the most ridiculous things. He’s a perfectionist and he’s always stressed, keeping up with him can be hard sometimes, but it’s totally worth it.”

“What went wrong then?”

Thomas just gave her a lost look, there was no way he could possibly explain everything he felt and everything that had happened.

She seemed to understand anyhow, as she softly replied to his look with, “I get it. It’s complicated.” She picked up her bag, “Well, I think I’m going to be able to sleep now, so I’m going to leave now. I hope you get your boy back.”

He left the bar and walked back to the office, getting a few hours of broken sleep at his desk until he heard the early birds entering the building. There were less people at work today than usual, but Thomas couldn’t place his finger on why.

He got up and went to the bathroom, trying to make himself look presentable and wishing he was the kind of person that kept a change of clothes at work. Afterwards he went to make himself some coffee, he was going to need a lot of caffeine to get him through the day. He was standing with the cup of coffee when John Adams walked into the office.

“Thomas? I didn’t think you’d be in today. And I swear you don’t normally get here this early,” he said when he caught sight of him. John was the type of person to arrive excessively early most mornings, so he wasn’t exactly expecting Thomas to be here at this time.

John looked down at Thomas’s clothes and scowled, “And weren’t you wearing that-“ His eyes widened when he figured it out, “Oh Jesus Christ, Thomas. You didn’t go home?”

Luckily, just in time to avoid having to explain himself, someone else came over to John. John reluctantly turned his attention to them but gave Thomas a look that said, ‘don’t be an idiot. This is not over.’

Not really sure what to do, Thomas loitered around the corridors and break room for a while.

When Aaron walked in, he felt an overwhelming sense of relief. They stood in the break room with coffee – both notably down. Thomas briefly explained what happened to Aaron.

“Man, that sucks. I’d say you could’ve crashed at mine but… Well, y’know, I live with James so…”

“It’s fine,” Thomas insisted.

“I keep a change of clothes at work, you can have it,” Aaron offered.

Thomas sighed in relief, if he had to wear his clothes from yesterday for another five minutes he was going to lose it. “Thanks, man. That means a lot. So, what happened with you? You seem kind of down.”

Aaron shook his head, “It’s nothing. It’s just…” He let out a deep breath. “I was with Theodosia, and everything went fine. But then she told me she had to leave early in the morning to get back before Mark got back from Georgia. And it was as if something just clicked, and I realised that I’m just her guy on the side. She keeps telling me that she’s just waiting for the best time to tell Mark she wants a divorce, but I don’t think it’s ever actually going to happen.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Thomas apologised.

Aaron tried to push the subject away, putting his mug down with a thump and saying “Anyway, let’s get you some new clothes so you don’t look quite so homeless.”

After changing into Aaron’s spare clothes, he went to work at his own office. He no longer felt like he had anything to worry about as far as James was concerned. Firstly because James would be in a meeting until 1PM. But more importantly, because nothing James said could really affect him anymore. As far as Thomas was concerned, James was dead to him.

He looked at the calendar on his computer to fill out the date on some paperwork, when he realised it was New Year’s Eve. Somehow, he’d totally spaced on that fact. That must be why a lot of people usually at work weren’t around. Most people who were here likely had a meeting to attend, or a small amount of paperwork to finish, or they just came in to help with the preparations for the party tonight, which he’d also completely forgotten about.

He put it to the back of his mind, only taking consolation in the fact that since everything had fallen apart in his life, next year could only get better. He worked until eleven, pausing every so and then because he started running out of things to do. But that became irrelevant when at twelve, there was a knocking at the door.

Thomas hummed and raised his head, immediately sighing when he saw two people: John Laurens and a girl he’d never seen before

“John… I really can’t take a lecture from you right now.” He said weakly.

“Fine. But there is someone you should talk to.”

Thomas scowled, surprised John wasn’t trying to rip his hair out after everything that had transpired.

The girl shyly put her bag to the side and walked forwards to reach out a hand to shake his, “Thomas Jefferson?” She asked.

Thomas nodded dumbly, and she smiled and sweetly said, “Hi, I’m Eliza.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo, I love you all very very much :) Thank you everyone for reading you all make me so so happy.


	44. Alone And Lonely

Alexander sat in front of the door on his knees after what felt like forever. Hysterically sobbing as a small puddle of tears began to form itself on the floor in front of him. Eventually he found it in himself to stand up, stumbling a little as he continued to sob and choke.

He heard his phone ring and walked blindly towards it, picking it up and fumbling with it in his hand as he tried to pick it up. He put it to his ear and choked out, “H-hello?”

“Alexander? What’s going on? I just got a call from Thomas, what the hell happened? And what the hell is this about you smoking?” His dads voice came through firm and aggressive.

Alexander looked around as if he could somehow find some strength through observing the objects in the room. “I-I may have smoked a cigarette. But it was just one cigarette I swear, I won’t do it again.”

“You better be telling the truth. You’re not relapsing, are you?” George asked carefully, a warning in his tone.

Alex shook his head erratically, “No, no, no, I’m not I swear. It was just a cigarette. That’s it, I promise.”

His dad made a quiet hum, like he wasn’t sure whether he believed him or not. Letting the subject drop for the moment, his dad slowly asked, “What did Thomas do to you?”

Alexander sniffed, wiping his eyes. “We just had a fight,” he said with his voice wavering slightly.

“I swear to god, if that son of a bitch so much as laid a hand on you-“ George warned, the spite in his voice apparent and already decided.

Alexander interrupted him with, “Please don’t do this, dad. I know you want him to be the villain here, but he didn’t hurt me like _that._ You know how it is, most of the time things just don’t work out,” Alexander paused to let out another little sob.

George was silent on the other end, before suddenly declaring “I’m coming home tomorrow.”

Alexander startled a little, “What? Why?”

“Because my son’s losing it again and I don’t trust Jefferson anymore,” George fumed, his reasoning blunt and precise.

“Please, please don’t. Dad, I’m begging you. Don’t make a big deal about this. I’m just trying to get through everything. I’ll be fine, just please stay where you are and pretend everything’s normal. If you come back now it’ll just make everything worse. Please?”

George took a deep breath and conceded, “Fine. But this is your last chance. If I get worried about you one more time I’m on the next plane out. And if that boy so much as breathes wrong, he is never stepping foot in New York again. Got it?”

Alexander nodded, hyperventilating slightly and begging “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please stop shouting at me.” He just wanted his dad to stop sounding so angry. It really wasn’t what he wanted from him right now.

His dad took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down, gently saying, “It’s okay, Alexander, calm down. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Just promise you’ll call me if you need anything. Everything’s going to be alright. I love you.”

“I promise. I love you too, dad,” Alexander responded, really hoping he was right.

He hung up the phone and put it down. He sat down and rocked slightly as he tried to stop himself from crying. It would be okay. He just needed to talk to him. Apologise. Everything would be alright.

He tried to preoccupy himself, though he was wildly unsuccessful. Hit suddenly by a wave of adrenaline and desperation, he left the apartment only just remembering to grab his keys on the way out. He ran to the office building as fast as he could, bumping into multiple people on his way.

When he got there, he walked directly to the office, hoping it didn’t look too strange. Although he was stopped when he knocked into a confused looking James Madison. “Woah, slow down. What’s the rush?”

Alexander’s face brightened up. Madison was Thomas’s best friend. Sure, since last year Madison and Alexander had been on pretty bad terms. But last year they got along alright. And in spite of everything, Alex had always thought him to be sensible and kind. If Thomas was really his friend, he’d be willing to help him out. He wouldn’t begrudge him happiness over some silly feud. Right?

“J-James. I need to see Thomas.” Alexander said, still stuttering over his words slightly.

“You look upset,” James plainly stated.

“Yeah, w-well it’s just because of the fight. Thomas told you, r-right?” Alexander said, presuming Thomas must have told him.

“Yeah, he did,” James lied.

“Is he upset?” Alexander sheepishly asked.

“He’s fine. But he doesn’t want to see you,” James responded. Even though he hadn’t seen Thomas all day.

Alex’s eyes widened, “W-what? B-but I need to see him.”

“Thomas needs some space. Just don’t text him or call him for a while and don’t try to find him. Then he’ll be willing to talk. Believe me, I’m his friend I know what works,” James suggested. Fully knowing that if they really wanted to solve their problems, more communication was needed, not less.

Alex looked around like a lost puppy. He really wanted to talk to Thomas, but if James thought he shouldn’t then he should probably listen to him. James knew Thomas best. Alex looked around and grabbed a blank piece of paper and a pen, hoping the owner of it wouldn’t mind.

He wrote out quickly in the nicest handwriting he could muster in his state:

My dearest, Thomas

What happened? How did we get here? I was so happy not even a week ago. I don’t want us to be over. Please don’t let us be over. I’m sorry if I was trying to move too fast, I’m sorry I smoked a cigarette and I’m sorry I told you I love you. However, I’m even more sorry that I can’t take it back. I love you. You make me feel alive in a way no one else does, I see the world in a completely different way to how I used to. I feel safe around you and I want you to keep me safe forever. Although if you don’t feel the same way I can deal with that. I want you to be happy and as much as I don’t want us to be over, if you need to leave me to be happy I can live with that. If you feel anything I do, please come home so we can talk about this. I still think we can work everything out and I really want to make this work. If you can take me back I swear I will be nothing but faithful to you. I won’t ever do what I did to my ex last year I promise on my life. I will never love anyone but you. If that promise isn’t enough I understand. I don’t expect you to trust me. So, if you need to leave me I’ll understand, it was wrong of me to try to guilt you into staying with me. If you stay in our home then I’ll be civil and I won’t bother you, I won’t lash out like I did before. And if you need to go back to Virginia, then I’ll respect your decision and I hope you have a wonderful life. I will never stop loving you.

Yours forever, Alexander

It wasn’t particularly eloquent, but James was starting to look frustrated about waiting for him so he quickly folded it in half and handed the piece of paper to James, “Can you give this to him?”

James paused for a second, his morality making him hesitate before he took it, “Sure.”

Alexander smiled, feeling like maybe things might be alright. He left the building after that, reassured that Thomas would read the letter and then everything would be alright.

Needless to say, Thomas never received that letter.

He arrived home and decided that Thomas would probably be home soon, and then he could try to fix everything he broke. That hope was broken when he received a simple text:

Thomas: Just thought I should tell you that I’m going to be back late.

Alexander burst into tears again. He could only see this to be a rejection of his letter. Otherwise he would have mentioned it, he would have brought it up. But he was just pretending like it didn’t exist. He poured his heart out onto that page, and it felt like Thomas just screwed it up and threw it away. Mainly out of spite, he could only find it in him to respond with ‘kay’.

He walked into his bedroom and collapsed on the bed, punching his mattress repetitively. He tried to stop sobbing again, and tried to reassure himself that this wasn’t a rejection and Thomas really was just going to come home late. Coming home late wasn’t equivalent to leaving somebody. All he had to do was stay awake until he got back. He could do that.

He went to sit on the sofa, fidgeting around and trying to do something to keep his mind occupied. But every time he started doing something, he got distracted or changed his mind. He couldn’t focus at all. After sitting mindlessly for a few more hours, he got another text.

Thomas: I’m so sorry, I’ve still got so much to do. I don’t think I’m going to make it home tonight.

The first text broke Alexander’s hope, but this one utterly shattered everything within him. He barely stopped himself from lobbing the phone across the room. He started to pace, pull at his hair, bite at the insides of his mouth – a nervous habit he thought he’d grown out of. He picked up his phone after five minutes and simply responded with ‘fine.’ Hoping that somehow the message would translate to ‘I’m not fine. Why would you do this?’ in some mysterious way.

He stayed awake all night.

Even though Thomas had already told him he didn’t plan to come home that night, Alexander was terrified of missing him. Like if he stayed awake for long enough maybe he’d come home anyway. Was this a sign that Thomas read the letter and took the latter option? Was Thomas going to leave? He knew he said that he’d understand, and he did, but he really thought that Thomas would pick him.

He stared at his phone for hours, hoping for Thomas to text him or call him, but he never did.

Throughout the night, he was constantly trying to convince himself to just call or text Thomas himself. He kept writing texts out and deleting them, desperately wanting Thomas to see he wasn’t fine and he needed him. But he was too afraid. After all, James told him not to do exactly that.  

He felt like he was really beginning to go crazy.

When it started getting light outside, he felt like he was becoming delirious. Stuck in his own head, he felt and looked like a mess but was too tired and upset to care. He remembered that most of his friends would be going to the Schuyler house. Although he considered just ditching, he decided that he may go completely insane if he spent another day inside his house alone.

He walked outside into the freezing cold and walked through the streets, he was shivering and didn’t bring a coat but couldn’t find it in himself to care. As he came to the block that their house was on, he paused and considered going back. His friends were probably having a good time and he would just bring them all down. As he came close to the door, he lost his nerve and turned back. But just as he was about to walk away, the door opened. Eliza’s eyes widened as she stepped out and saw him, “Alex!”

She walked over to him and looked him over, “I was wondering if you were going to come today, everyone’s in the living room. What’s wrong?”

Alexander tried to respond, but just started crying again. Without another second, Eliza rushed over and wrapped her arms around him, quietly shushing him. “Shh… Shh… It’s alright. Let’s just step inside, okay?” She said, her voice sweet and reassuring with its high pitched and gentle tone.

Alex nodded and let Eliza lead him into the house with an arm wrapped around his shoulder. He sniffed as he quietly cried, and felt his chest hurt a little as he walked through the door and could hear laughing and talking from the other room. He just knew he was going to ruin the mood the moment they saw him and couldn’t shake the guilt of feeling like a burden.

Eliza walked into the living room with a tearful Alex, and just as expected, the atmosphere of the room completely changed.

“Guys… We’ve kind of got a situation here…” Eliza started apprehensively.

On the nearest couch, Lafayette dutifully stood up to sit on the floor next to Peggy, giving Alex space to sit down. Eliza perched on the armrest next to him to keep close to him, and Hercules who was sitting next to him rubbed his arm reassuringly.

“What’s going on, bud?” Hercules asked.

“I-I-I think me and Thomas are over. I ruined it. I ruined everything.” He just about choked the words out and started crying again, Eliza wrapping an arm around him to comfort him.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Alex,” Herc apologised  

Alexander closed his eyes for a few seconds and took deep breaths, stuttering as he painfully confessed, “I told Thomas I loved him and he just said I was wrong. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t love me. He’s never going to-“ Alex broke off into sobs again, starting to feel faint.

“Just because he didn’t say it doesn’t mean he doesn’t,” John said quietly but certainly, though no one else seemed to hear him or consider what he said.

“How long did you sleep last night?” Eliza asked, noting that he was on the verge of passing out.

Alexander shook his head, admitting “I didn’t. Thomas spent the night away and I thought that maybe he would come home. But he… he didn’t.”

Angelica suggested, “Why don’t you just sleep here then? Before you fall over or something.”

Alex shook his head but Eliza sighed and stood up, “Peggy, can you take Alex up to my bed? He can sleep there.”

 Peggy nodded and stood up, being briefly taken aside by Eliza. “You guys tell each other stuff, right? Find out as much as you can.” Peggy smirked and nodded. Pulling Alex’s arm, who reluctantly followed her whining as he went along.

The rest of the group continued to mess around, until half an hour later Peggy came back down from the bedroom. Alexander had poured his heart out to Peggy and told her everything, and now she recited everything to the group in front of her. Trying to roughly make sense of everything that had conspired the day before.

“Oh my god, poor Alex,” Lafayette muttered.

Eliza crossed her arms almost defensively, “I don’t get it. He made it seem like Jefferson was really into him. And I don’t get how him cheating on _me_ should create a problem between them.”

Hercules shrugged, “I guess Alex thought he was really into him because he _wanted_ him to be into him. Our minds let us believe what we want to believe. And I hate to side with him, but I mean, I kind of get it. It can be hard to trust someone who’s cheated.”

Eliza rarely got angry, but she was clearly frustrated when she responded with “No way. What happened is nothing to do with him and he doesn’t get a say in it. It’s between Alexander and I, the rest of the world has no right to an opinion.”

Lafayette sighed and admitted, “I think I’d want to know if someone I was with cheated in the past.”

Peggy tapped her foot and said, “Apparently Alex was going to tell him about what happened eventually. He just wanted to wait for a good time to bring it up.”

Eliza blinked a couple of times and shook her head, “Hang on a second. Alex didn’t tell him? How the hell did he find out then?”

“He didn’t say,” Peggy said. “Maybe that’s why Jefferson has been acting cold and distant recently. I guess he found out somehow and got suspicious.”

Angelica’s eyes widened as she clocked what was going on. She dropped her head into her hands, “Oh motherfucker.”

Everyone looked at her confused, and Angelica slowly raised her head, “Guys… I think I might have indirectly destroyed Alexander’s relationship.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda feel like this chapter was badly worded? So if it's kinda hard to read I'm very sorry. Thanks for being so wonderful and perfect o: <3


	45. Persuasion

“Wait, what do you mean you ruined Alexander’s relationship?” Eliza asked suspiciously. No one having any idea what she was talking about.

“I didn’t mean to,” Angelica excused hastily. “It’s just, while I was waiting for dad at the office, I started talking to this guy. And, well, I might have told him about how Alex cheated on you…”

“What!? Why would you do that?” Eliza asked.

“I don’t know. I was just irritated and needed someone to talk to. He seemed nice, I didn’t think he’d tell anyone,” she responded.

“Wait, who did you tell?” John asked.

Angelica thought for a moment, “I think his name was… James something. Urm, I think his last name began with an M.”

“James Madison?” John guessed.

“Yeah, that was it,” Angelica confirmed.

John sighed and scratched his head, “Oh Jesus. You told Jefferson’s _best friend_ that Alex had cheated.”

“Well I didn’t know that,” Angelica retorted stubbornly.

John stood up, “We have to fix this. We have to go and sort this out.”  

Angelica looked around awkwardly, “Maybe… we shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” Peggy asked, prompted by the confusion of Angelica’s statement.

“Look, hear me out,” Angelica began, making her case as the rest of the room assumed the place of jury and tried the case of Thomas Jefferson.

 “This guy has messed Alex around from the beginning. He spent weeks leading him on, just to tell him that he _hated_ him. And over what? Some stupid work thing? He completely destroyed Alex, and for some reason, in the next month he just changed his mind and decided he was interested again. He made Alex think he actually cared but then the moment things got serious, he decided he didn’t want to be in a committed relationship and became cold and controlling. And now he thinks he has the right to get pissy over one of Alex’s past relationships?”

Angelica sighed, finishing what she was saying with, “I know I’ve had my problems with Alex. But he deserves someone who isn’t going to fuck around with him. Weren’t you guys all saying that Jefferson better not mess around with him? Well, that’s what he’s done. Jefferson obviously doesn’t love Alex. So maybe we should just let their relationship crumble.”

No one said anything for several moments, looking around in guilty concession.

“What!? No.” John protested as he observed their silence.

“Angelica has a point,” Hercules admitted.

“This guy does seem like a bit of an asshole,” Peggy conceded.

“You guys can’t all agree with her,” John said, looking around for anyone who disagreed with her. But they all seemed to be in reluctant agreement.

“No, you guys don’t get it. Thomas does care, he just doesn’t show it in the right way.”

“Well, I don’t see it,” Peggy objected.

“How would you know anyway?” Lafayette asked.

“Because I know things that none of you guys know. They both tell me things.” John admitted. He knew he was in no way entitled to divulge most of what he’d been told, but there was one thing that he was pretty sure he’d get away with. After all, he promised he wouldn’t tell Alex, he never said anything about the people in this room.

As he made his case, he turned to Hercules and Lafayette, “Do you guys remember the time when Thomas first told us he didn’t hate Alex?”

They both nodded reluctantly.

“Well, what you _didn’t_ hear was his explanation. He told me Alex can do better. _That’s_ why all of this happened; he thinks Alex is out of his league. No wonder Alex having cheated in the past made him anxious, he’s already convinced himself that Alex could get someone way better than him. He really loves Alexander, he just needs a bit of a nudge to realise Alex _does_ love him too.”

John pleaded, “Please guys. I’ve never seen Alex as happy as when he’s with Thomas. I know he’s screwed up big time, but I still think he might be Alexander’s soulmate. I know things that have happened between them, and I don’t think there’s anyone in the world as good for them as each other. I know you guys don’t see it, but please just trust me on this.”

“Wait so… Thomas really told you that? He really feels that way?” Laf asked gently.  

John nodded, “Yes. Now do you guys get why I need to save this for them? They’re perfect for each other, they’re just also super damn stupid.”

“We could go to his office to talk to him?” Hercules suggested, the entire group at least moderately convinced by John’s words.

“That’s a good idea,” Eliza said. “But maybe not all of us. It would be weird if a crowd of high schoolers just showed up at his office.”

“Well I’m going,” John asserted immediately. “I think he’ll be at least sort of comfortable with me being there.”

“As Alex’s ex and the only one who can talk about the whole cheating thing, I’ll go too,” Eliza offered.

 “I’m going too,” Angelica said picking up her bag, in a voice that said this was not up for discussion.

“I think two people’s enough, we don’t want him to feel ganged up on,” Eliza said to try and nicely convince Angelica not to go. Not wanting to admit that she just thought Angelica was way too intense for this kind of thing.

Angelica just smirked maliciously, “Oh I’m not coming to fix Alex and Jefferson’s relationship. I’m coming because bitches don’t use my gossip against my friends.”

After Eliza and John gave each other a worried look, John shrugged and relented, “Fine. Let’s go.”

The three walked to the company building and looked up at the many floors; John and Eliza looking particularly apprehensive.

“How likely is it we’re going to actually find him?” Eliza asked as they realised they hadn’t planned this far ahead.

Angelica rolled her eyes, “I got this,” she said waving them inside.

Angelica strolled in confidently, walking over to a random desk in an open office and asking them some questions. John and Eliza stood awkwardly waiting for her to finish as she thanked the person at the desk and walked back.

“Alright, so Jefferson shares an office with Madison but recently he’s been either working with Adams or staying in Burrs office, so he could be anywhere.”

Eliza and John gave each other a look, not exactly wanting to have to look in every room of the building.

“But at the moment he’ll probably be in Burr’s office,” Angelica finished, causing Eliza and John to relax a bit. At least that gave them somewhere to start.

“Madison on the other hand is in a big meeting, so I’m going to crash it and drag him out by the throat to give him a lecture.” Angelica declared in a worryingly confident tone, leaving with an overly cheery “Ta-ta.”

John and Eliza walked to the place where Burr’s office was, getting lost a couple of times along the way. As they passed by John Adams, he looked at them confused and opened his mouth to say something but then just shook his head to himself saying “I don’t even want to know.”

They arrived at Aaron Burr’s office and briefly argued over who was going to knock before Eliza was pestered into doing it. She awkwardly knocked and slowly opened the door. But much to their dismay, only Burr was in the office.

“Urm excuse me,” Eliza politely called, causing Burr to look up.

“Hi, it’s Eliza right?” Burr asked, having met her before from when she was Alexander’s girlfriend.

She nodded, “Urr… yeah. I was wondering if you knew where Thomas Jefferson was?”

Burr scowled and looked her over suspiciously, “You’re not here to make everything worse, right?”

Eliza smiled reassuringly, “Actually, I think we’re here to try and fix everything.”

Burr smiled knowingly, “Well in that case, I think he’s in his actual office.” He gave them the room number, and as Eliza and John turned to leave, he called out “Get them back together. If Thomas mopes for another second I’ll become homicidal.”

They walked over to Jefferson’s office and stood in front of the door. “You knock,” John said.

“No way. I knocked on Burr’s door. It’s your turn.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“Neither do I”

“I’m too scared.”

“So am I. You do it.”

“You do it.”

“ _You_ do it.”

“Fine.” John gave in and walked towards the door, raising his fist to knock against it. Afterwards, he opened the door to reveal Thomas at his desk.

Thomas looked completely destroyed and wrecked, his messy state speaking volumes before he even said a word. John was almost reassured by how distraught he looked. Because that meant he was right; Thomas really wasn’t messing with Alexander. John took this as affirmation that Thomas really did care, because why would anyone be this upset over a fight unless he was totally and completely in love?

Thomas looked up to them and sighed, letting out a strained voice as he said, “John… I really can’t take a lecture from you right now.”

John just looked straight ahead stubbornly, he figured if he wanted to solve anything he needed to stay resolute and not lose his temper.

“Good, because I’m not here to tell you anything. But there is someone you should talk to.” He said, prompting Eliza to walk in.

She took her bag off and placed it by the door, shyly walking towards him and gingerly reaching out a hand as she asked, “Thomas Jefferson?”

Thomas shook her hand and nodded, lost and confused.

She smiled, introducing herself with “Hi, I’m Eliza.” There was a short pause before she elaborated with, “Eliza Schuyler… I used to date Alex.”

Thomas’s eyes widened as he realised what she was talking about, blankly letting out an “Oh.” Before taking a moment to recollect himself and murmuring, “You’re the girlfriend…”

“Yeah, that’s me,” she awkwardly confirmed. “Urm… I was- _we_ were,” she quickly corrects motioning to John, “hoping to talk to you about Alexander.”

“I take it you heard we got into a fight…” Thomas heavily noted.

“We did,” she admitted.

Trying to just move past the small talk, she grabbed a chair and put it in front of the desk. “Thomas- can I call you Thomas?- Last year Alex was going through a really hard time and during that he started seeing a girl named Maria behind my back. When I found out, we broke up. It was kind of hard to stay bitter at him when it turned out he was gay, so I forgave him and now we’re really close friends,” she explained.

“That’s the whole story. I get that finding out Alex cheated on me must make it hard to trust him, but it isn’t going to be like that with you. Can’t you just look past this for once? He cheated on me with a _girl_ and later told me he was gay, so I’m not exactly losing sleep over it and neither should you. It sucked that he did it, but it’ll be different for you. Believe me.”

Thomas tried to avoid eye contact, his mind fuzzy and nothing making sense in his head. “He can’t cheat on me. We’re not together,” he recited to avoid having to divulge any of his feelings. “If Alex wants to be with someone, he’s free to,” he said, lying through his teeth.

“What the hell are you saying? Are you seriously trying to say that you wouldn’t have minded if Alex just went off and fucked another guy?” John asked, standing against the wall.

The words alone made Thomas cringe, but he supressed any physical or verbal reaction. “No… Well, not really. Maybe he should have just seen someone behind my back,” he said

Eliza shook her head, “What are you talking about? That makes no sense. You’re making it sound like you don’t care about him. You do care don’t you? You’re just scared about what it will mean if you do. What’s the real problem here, Thomas?”

Thomas looked for John for help, he didn’t know how to explain anything in his head. He didn’t _want_ to explain everything. John and Eliza only had two eyes each, but he felt as if all the eyes of the whole world bore into him. Like there were a thousand people watching him and no way to hide all his secrets. As he began to crack under the fear, his soul began to seep through the cracks, “Alexander should never have settled for me in the first place. He can do so much better than I’ll ever be and I’m just a jealous idiot that drove him away. If he was to see someone else behind my back – someone that could give him the things I could never give him – then good for him. I would’ve had it coming,” he said as his emotions started pouring out and tears began to fall down his face.

John immediately snapped, “Jesus Christ, can you hear yourself right now? This damn martyr complex isn’t going to get you anywhere. What are you even trying to say?”

This made Thomas virtually fall apart as he said, “I was an idiot for thinking I should be with Alex. I’m saying that I was bound to mess something up because I always do. There are so many people better suited for Alex and at some point, he would’ve realised that and either left me for someone else or seen someone behind my back. And I wouldn’t blame him.”

Eliza took a few seconds before carefully saying, “You can say that kind of thing as much as you like, but it’s not worth anything. You say he’s out of your league, but at the end of the day there’s only one thing that matters.” She took a deep breath and gently asked, “Do you love Alexander Hamilton?”

“Of course I do,” Thomas answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Then that’s all that matters. Why can’t you tell him that?”

 “Because I can’t do that to him.” Thomas wiped his eyes, feeling so small. He was being lectured by high school students, and they had the moral high ground. “I’ve hurt him so many times. And I make everything in his life more complicated. I’m _eleven_ years older than him, I work for his dad, I got a divorce less than half a year ago, and if the position I put him in wasn’t enough, apparently, I can’t even get myself to tell him the truth… I can’t do _anything_ right. If I tell Alexander I love him, then I’ll screw everything up.”

“What!? But Alexander loves you. And now he thinks that you don’t. If you love him, go for it. He wants to be yours, all you have to do is ask. Nobody thinks he’s too good for you. Alexander _definitely_ doesn’t think he’s too good for you. So why do you? You’re so scared of screwing up that you’re going to destroy something wonderful before it even begins.”

Thomas shook his head, “He doesn’t love me. He might think he does, but one day he’ll realise that he doesn’t. It’s an-an- an infatuation. That’s all it is.”

John interrupted with, “That’s bullshit and you know it. He loves you.”

Thomas shakes his head in denial, unwilling to hear them out, “No, no, no. You’re wrong. He doesn’t love me. He never will.”

Eliza stood up, “Thomas, you’re so scared of showing weakness that you’re going to destroy the best thing in your life. I can’t say exactly how he feels, but I know that what you two have is rare. Most people spend their entire lives trying to get what you two have. Don’t throw this away over some stupid paranoia.”

Even this didn’t seem to convince Thomas and Eliza was becoming increasingly frustrated.

John now stepped forward to say “We came here to try to help you two. But the truth is neither of us can fix anything. If you want Alexander back, you need to start believing what everyone’s saying and step the fuck up.  If neither of us can convince you to do that, then I don’t think anyone can.”

This was met with silence that seemed to drain any hope left in the room.

Suddenly, Eliza gasped as she was hit with an idea, “Wait. No. If neither of us can convince you, then there may still be one way we can change your mind. ”

She rushed to the door to grab her bag, and John looked at her in confusion. She took her phone out of her bag and John’s eyes widened as he realised what she was going to do, “Urm… Eliza, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Eliza scrolled through her phone as John stared at her agape, “Alexander’s going to kill you,” he murmured.

“He cheated on me, I think this makes us even,” she wittily responded with a shrug.

She walked over to puzzled Thomas and shoved her phone towards him with a simple command, “Read.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo, I hope this is alright. I might be a little slow with updates for a while because I've got to hand in the first draft of a few essays and a dissertation in like a month :) I love you all and hope you have a lovely day.


	46. Guilt

Angelica walked through the halls of the building and stormed straight into a meeting room without a care in the world. The door slammed open so hard it hit hit the wall and she announced herself with “Listen up you son of a bitch.” She walked up to Madison and slapped him hard on the arm. “If you’re so god damn interested in what I’ve got to say, then why don’t we take a step outside and have a little talk. Now.”

Everyone in the meeting room were frozen solid, having completely ceased what they were doing to stare at her in confused silence. She turned around to walk straight back out, only briefly pausing to turn to the people in the room and awkwardly saying, “Sorry, dad,” to a very embarrassed though not overtly surprised Philip Schuyler.

It took only a second for James to stand up in resignation and follow her out of the room. The moment the door shut she slapped him round the face and hissed, “What the hell? You tattled on me? Are you a fucking child?”

James just rubbed his sore cheek and scoffed, “Oh please, all I did was pass on what you told me. He deserved to know and you know that. All I did was tell the truth.”

“No,” Angelica said firmly as she moved closer to him, speaking in a firm and intimidating voice. “If it was about telling the truth, you would have told him the moment I told you. But you didn’t do that. You waited until you knew the truth would completely shatter them and you dropped the worst thing you could possibly think of on them when they were the most fragile. I know when someone tries to manipulate a situation, believe me.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t act on high and mighty. You wanted them to break up just as much as me.” James spat back bitterly and defensively.

“You think I want them to be together? I don’t. I have a horrible feeling about their relationship and I think it will end in heartbreak. But I suck it up. You wanna know why? Because that’s what you do when the people you love take paths you don’t want them to take. Because love means sacrificing what you think would be best for them and letting them live their god damn lives, even if you think it’s going to end in flames. I think Thomas and Alexander are making the biggest mistakes of their lives by being together, but I truly hope that they’ll prove me wrong.”

Angelica looked him over with scrutiny, “If Thomas is your friend you’d feel the same way. So stop complaining about how fucking hard their relationship is on you and deal with it. Otherwise you’ll lose Thomas and your dignity; all in a pathetic attempt to prove you were right.”

Angelica raised her hands like she was about to hit him again, but changed her mind, just letting her arms fall to her side. She shrugged with a huff, and simply let out an exasperated “He’s your friend, James,” in a gentle tone. Without another words or action, she walked back down the corridor leaving James standing there.

James composed himself and went back into the meeting, pretending he hadn’t been chided by a college student.

He quickly dismissed the whole thing to the back of his mind, still faintly believing that he was in the right. He saw this as a situation where the end justified the means. Once Thomas was married to someone with a kid on the way and the life he’d always wanted, he’d realise that it was for the best that the flirtation he had during his quarter-life crisis didn’t work out.

Once he got out of the meeting, he began to head back to his office, pausing when he saw Thomas was with Eliza and John. That was strange, what could they be talking about? He assumed it must have been about Hamilton. He considered interrupting them, but for the first time in a while, he decided to just mind his own business. Finding an abandoned room, he perched at a table he could temporarily use until he could go back to his office. He filled in some files regarding one of his clients, listening to audio recordings of their conversation as he went along. As the conversation finished, there was several seconds of silence before James sighed. He sometimes had a habit of forgetting to stop the recording and leaving it record silence until it filled the storage space up.

He picked it up to delete the file but stopped as he remembered something. This was the client he met with on the day he got into a fight with Thomas and told him about what happened with Alexander and his girlfriend. He hesitated briefly before cautiously reaching over to fast forward through the recording, stopping every so and then to see if it captured the moment when Thomas and himself got into a fight. He felt his chest become heavier when he heard the door swing open and Thomas’s voice. He listened to their conversation, really hearing what they were both saying for the first time. He felt guilt rise in him as he heard everything he didn’t hear before. He hated the way he sounded. And not just in the way people usually hate the sound of their own voice.

As he felt his phone buzz, he picked it up to see a text from Dolley.

She was the most wonderful woman James had ever been with. They’d been dating for just over a year now and they were perfect together. They were taking things slow, which was exactly what James wanted from a relationship.

Even though they had slightly differing opinions on religion, they both broadly agreed that it played an important part in their lives. Early on in the relationship, James told Dolley that despite having a more lenient attitude towards religion than a lot of people, his religion was very important in his personal life and he wanted a more traditional relationship. He didn’t want to have sex before marriage, he wouldn’t be able to be in a relationship unless there was a good chance it was headed to a monogamous marriage and once he did get married, he would like to have children. This was a lot of pressure to put on an early relationship, but he felt like he should be honest about what he wanted early on. For reasons he completely understood, this level of commitment in an early relationship put many women off of being with him. Dolley was the first woman he’d been with who smiled when he told her, and who agreed with full sincerity on his idea.

Very few things in his life brought him as much joy as her. But wallowing in the shambles of his closest friend’s relationship when he was in a happy committed one made his happiness feel so wrong. She was asking them if they were still getting dinner tonight, and James really needed to get out right now, so he shot a text back asking her if she was good to meet early for lunch instead.

They went to a nice restaurant and ordered their food, Dolley looking just as magnificent as ever and radiating comfort.

“What’s wrong, James?” Dolley asked politely.

James knew there was no point in denying anything, Dolley knew him pretty well and she didn’t play around when she asked a question. Saying ‘it’s nothing’ was not the kind of answer she was ever satisfied with.

James sighed and asked, “You remember my friend Thomas?”

Dolley nodded, “The one you were best friends with in college? Yeah, I remember. We haven’t talked much, but he seems nice.”

“Well, you know Alexander Hamilton? The son of my boss?”

Dolley nodded again, “Yes, of course I do. You complained about him non-stop when he started getting on your nerves last year.”

“Okay, well for some reason Thomas started seeing Hamilton. Which is completely ridiculous. Hamilton’s only a teenager and Thomas works for his dad. And here’s the kicker, he lives with him. So, if Washington decides he doesn’t like it, he could just kick him out onto the streets- honestly I’m surprised he hasn’t already.”

Dolley so far looked pretty unfazed, she had a pretty strict principle of trying not to judge people based on circumstance. Within reason, of course.

“But the worst part is, he knows _nothing_ about Hamilton. He has no idea how manipulative and unfaithful he is. So, I just gave Thomas a little nudge to realise the kind of person he is by telling him about how Hamilton cheated, and well, Thomas now hates me, Hamilton got one of his friends to basically hunt me down. I’m just feeling kind of guilty about it.”

There were a few moments of silence as Dolley didn’t say anything.

“Should I feel guilty?” James asked honestly.  

“I don’t want to tell you how you should be feeling,” Dolley calmly responded. Instead asking, “How do you think they feel?”

James thought about it, “Thomas is miserable. He’s had a really difficult romantic life. He’s been in a lot of relationships, but it’s never worked out. Sometimes he ended up getting too serious too quick, or doing things before he was ready and that never ended well. He jumped into a marriage before he was ready and, well, we know how that ended. Or he would get really jealous and ruin things. I swore I wouldn’t tell anyone this, so please don’t repeat this to anyone, but once he got so scared his girlfriend was seeing someone behind his back that he got really controlling and demanded to see her phone and check all her messages. It’s the one thing that Thomas is most ashamed of above everything else in his life. Telling Thomas that Hamilton had cheated… that must have completely destroyed him.”

James moved his thoughts to the other person, and practically changed his mind so fast he got mental whiplash. “But I couldn’t care less about how Hamilton feels. He should have thought about that before he made everyone his enemy last year. Thomas is really better off without him. Thomas is just rebounding after his divorce, that’s all it is. It isn’t _‘love’_ love. Even if none of the circumstances of their relationship existed, they’d still be awful together. He has no idea how bad he can get.”

Dolley opened her mouth slowly, and gently and completely unjudgmentally asked, “Have you ever considered that maybe you have no idea why he got that bad? What if everything that happened last year is what _Alexander_ is most ashamed of above everything else?”

James didn’t reply.

Dolley contemplated silently for a second before slightly altering the conversation as she leaned forward to kindly ask, “Do you remember how we met?”

James scowled, not getting what this had to do with anything, before replying, “Of course. It was at John Jay’s wedding. I’d never seen you before, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. I briefly caught your eye, but I was too scared to go over and talk to you. Luckily for me, you came over to talk to me instead. And we happened to be seated on the same table, so we talked basically all night. I don’t remember very much of the wedding, I just remember you. At the end of the night we exchanged numbers.”

Dolley smiled at the sweet recollection, “This was before you started hating Alexander, right? You guys were still on friendly terms at the time?”

James shrugged, “Yeah, I guess so.” He was actually pretty alright with Hamilton to start off with. They got along perfectly fine and they worked well together. The two of them had made pretty decent work for the company, before Hamilton started losing the plot just later that year.

“Well, there’s one thing about the night that you don’t know about,” continued Dolley. “I didn’t just come over and talk to you out of nowhere. A boy came over to me, introducing himself as Alexander Hamilton, and told me about how his friend had been staring at me all night and it would mean a lot to him if I went to talk to him. And we weren’t seated at the same table because of coincidence. Alexander asked to switch places with me because he thought we’d get along.”

James’s expression had completely changed. He looked like he’d seen a dead person. “Wait… Are you saying Alexander Hamilton's the only reason I met you?”

Dolley nodded.

James went silent and put a hand to his mouth. Just like that, the pretence of Alexander being a devil began to slide away, and the human elements of his character began to emerge.

“God damn it,” James swore under his breath. “I’m sorry, I think I have to go.”

“That’s fine. Can I have the rest of your food?” Dolley asked.

James chuckled a little, “Of course, doll.” He leant over to kiss her and stood up, “Thank you, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

James went back to the office building as quick as he could. He’d only been gone half an hour in the end, and Thomas was still talking to John and Eliza. So James went back to an empty room and quickly opened his laptop, re-listening to the conversation he accidently recorded.

Ignoring a few confused looks, he went to a shredder and removed all the shredded paper. He looked down at all of it and sighed. He couldn’t just throw it in the bin or tear the letter up like a normal person, he had to shred it. He took all of the shredded paper back to the room he was in, trying to sort through it to find the fragments of Alexander’s letter. But it quickly became evident that it would take a while. He didn’t have that kind of time.

He had another idea. This wouldn’t solve everything, hell, it might even make everything a lot worse for James. But it might just be able to set the record straight.

He brought up the audio file on the computer and cropped it to just show the conversation it inadvertently captured. He then opened his email, attaching the file and searching through his contacts to find one he hadn’t used in a while: Alexander Hamilton.

He then went back to the shredded paper, searching through every single shred to try to put the pieces back together. He finally managed to put the letter back together, it was slightly deformed and some words were very difficult to read, but he did his best. He walked out of the room and looked around, the office was now empty; neither Thomas, Eliza or John were there anymore.

He asked someone sitting at a desk if they knew where Thomas was, and they told James that he just missed him. Thomas had gone home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this alright? I hope it's alright aha. I love you all :)


	47. He Loves Me?

Thomas scowled in confusion, but took the phone from Eliza.

“What is this?” He asked, but Eliza just motioned to the phone, prompting him to look for himself.

He looked down at the screen, which displayed a long series of text messages between a group of people. The phone had been scrolled all the way up to the top, and as he saw the timestamp of the first text, he hastily looked back up. “There’s months’ worth of text here, it’ll take forever to read. Can’t you just tell me what they say?”

Eliza just motioned to the phone again, “Read it and you’ll find out. Take as much time as you need. Then try to tell me Alexander doesn’t love you,” she challenged.

Thomas didn’t understand what the hell was going on, but looked back down at the texts.

* * *

 

Alexander woke up in Eliza’s bed, looking around at the hazily lit room. Hercules was sitting at the end of the bed as Lafayette was spinning around on a swivel chair. As Alex started to sit up, both of them switched their attention to him.

“Hey, bud. You feeling alright?” Herc asked

 Alex nodded. He still didn’t exactly feel great, but he felt at least a little better with some sleep. There was still a nagging sorrow that made him feel like his heart and head were downing, though now it wasn’t mixed with the sensation that convinced him he was losing it. “I’m fine. Where is everyone?”

“Eliza, Angelica and John went out. Peggy said we could stay, so we decided to wait with you until you woke up,” Laf explained as he came to sit on the side of the bed.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to,” Alex sincerely thanked.

“Yeah, we did. You’re our friend, Alex,” Laf cooed, playfully nudging his arm.

Alex smiled at his friends, leaning over to pick his phone up, “Where did the others go then?”

Lafayette and Hercules looked at each other, unsure whether or not they should tell him. “Urm… well,” Herc began, but Alexander was already distracted from the conversation by something on his phone.

“Why did James Madison email me?” Alexander asked aloud.

Laf and Herc stiffened up. “Don’t open it,” Herc advised.

Alex looked between them in confusion “Why shouldn’t I open it?”

“Alexander… Madison was the person that told Thomas about how you cheated on Eliza. He tried to destroy your relationship,” Laf delicately explained.

Alex mouthed ‘oh’ and looked down at his phone blankly. Any feelings of betrayal or sorrow over James Madison trying to destroy his relationship were completely nullified by the relief that this must mean Thomas never received his letter. After all, Madison wouldn’t try to destroy their relationship and then help Alexander fix it. Madison never gave Thomas the letter. That _must_ be it. Thomas hadn’t read the letter and made the conscious decision to break his heart, in fact, he was likely woefully ignorant that the letter existed in the first place.

He looked up at his friends, then back down at his phone, and clicked on the email.

“Alex, don’t,” Herc said warily.

Alexander didn’t listen and looked at the email. The subject was blank and there was no text in the email, all it contained was an audio attachment.

“There’s just an audio clip,” Alex explained.

“Don’t do it. What if you regret it?” Laf said, trying to convince Alex not to play it on the presumption that Madison was just trying to meddle again.

Alexander, with his little to no impulse control, clicked on the attachment.

“Alex-“ Laf apprehensively protested, but was shushed by Alex.

The clip started, Lafayette and Hercules sitting nervously and Alex listening intently.

He felt the breath get caught in his throat when he heard his love’s voice through his phone’s speaker.

_“I don’t get it. You always said you supported me, but for once I’m happy with something, and now you’re not okay with me anymore? Something is actually going right for me. I’m happy. He makes me so happy, why don’t you get that?”_

Alexander chewed on his lip with his eyes wide, breathing quietly as if he was scared he’d miss something.

_“Oh please. You complained about him non-stop when you first met him. You hated him then and beneath this delusion you’ve told yourself, I’m pretty sure you still do.”_

There it is, Alex thought as his heart momentarily dropped. This is why Madison sent him this clip. For the briefest of seconds, he really thought maybe Madison was trying to be nice.

Alexander paused it. “He complained about me when he first met me? I created such a bad first impression on the man I love that he hated me enough to talk behind my back,” Alex muttered, looking down at his hand. Thinking back to every horrible thing he said to Thomas when they first met, the way he pushed him aside and tried to supress his feelings by belittling Thomas and freezing him out. Somehow, he completely forgot that his actions had consequences. That his words and attitude must have hurt Thomas, and Thomas had plenty of grievances from their early interactions to complain about. And whatever Thomas said about him must have been bad enough to convince Madison that Thomas could never _not_ hate him.

“Alex… you don’t need to hear this,” Hercules said, desperately wanting Alexander to stop listening to the clip.  

Alexander was hurt, but he had to hear the rest, so he continued playing the recording.

_“No. It’s not like that. I never hated him. I complained about him because I wished I did. I wanted to hate him because loving him is complicated.”_

Alexander startled and his eyes widened. Herc and Laf gave each other a look again, “Did he just say…?” Laf muttered quietly. Alex was deeply in denial, feeling like he surely misheard him. As if trying to disprove Alex’s thoughts, Thomas immediately said,

_“But I loved him then and I still do. I love him. I love him so much. And I don’t know how to tell him because my head is fucking me up.”_

Alexander broke out into a grin of disbelief, “H-h-he… loves me…?” he muttered, as if saying it too loudly would ruin it.

_“I’m slowly ruining the best thing in my life and I don’t know how to stop doing it. I’m screwing everything up. Again. And I need to talk to my best friend about it, but you haven’t been here for me and that’s killing me.”_

_“So, what? You want me to take everything back? I can’t do that. I stand by everything I’ve said. You’re being stupid. Alexander’s a toxic mess and a terrible person and I’m just trying to make you realise that. He’s everything you hate and the sooner you realise that the better.”_

Alexander didn’t really care what they were saying at this point. Maybe Madison was right. Perhaps he wasn’t a good person, and a lot of people would consider him to be a toxic mess. But if Thomas loved him, then he could work through everything else. For once, he didn’t care what anyone else except his love thought of him. The world could hate him for all he cared. If Thomas loved him, then it was all worth it.

He looked between Laf and Herc, wondering if his mind had made something up and not wanting to get his hopes up if it was just going to get crushed seconds later. As if Thomas somehow knew he was listening to this, he dispelled any remaining doubts residing in Alex. It felt as if Thomas was speaking straight to Alexander’s heart as opposed to unknowingly confessing to a recorder.

_“I love Alexander. Unconditionally. Yeah, he has his problems, but that doesn’t change anything for me. No one in the world has ever made me feel the way he does. I need him and maybe it’s stupid, but I can’t imagine living without him anymore. I wish I could put how I feel into words, but I can’t because it’s ineffable. I love his smile, I love his stupid comments, I love how passionate he gets about things, I love-… Holy shit… what the hell am I saying? I need to find him now, I need to tell him everything. I have to beg him to be mine, tell him I love him, sort everything out.”_

Alexander wrapped his arms around himself and felt tears in his eyes. “He loves me. He loves me, he loves me, he said he loves me. He’s always loved me,” he said repetitively. He was so happy. Thomas really loved him. He loved him! Why couldn’t he have just said all of this to him in the first place?

_“You’re making a mistake.”_

_“I don’t care what you say anymore, there is nothing you could say that could possibly change my mind about him.”_

_“Did you know Hamilton cheated on his last girlfriend?”_

There was an agonising pause. So that’s how it happened…

 _“Last year, Hamilton started seeing some girl behind his girlfriend’s back. They’d dated for_ _three years._ _And if he’s willing to cheat on his girlfriend after being with her for three years, he will_ _definitely_ _cheat on you. You can talk about how much you love him all you want, just don’t expect him to stay loyal.”_

The clip ended and the three were submerged in silence. Alexander sat there speechless, hugging himself with tears in his eyes.

“Alex, are you okay?” Laf asked slowly, unsure about how Alexander was feeling.

Alexander burst into tears and laughter at the same time. “He loves me. He really loves me,” he squeaked and jumped to hug Lafayette and Hercules. “Thank you, thank you, thank you for staying with me. But I think I have to go now. I have to go home and talk to Thomas. I have to swear to him I’ll be loyal. I have to apologise for our fight. I have to tell him I love him.”

Alexander jumped up, pulling his pants back on in a frantic rush and almost tripping over at least three times. After that, he virtually ran out of the Schuyler house to go home.

As he got home he skipped around the house. He was in an elated mood; motivated to write a million essays. But at the moment, there was only thing he wanted to work on, and it wasn’t even slightly school related.

He jumped into the shower for five seconds, and then went to root through the laundry. There were a million things he could wear, but he was looking for one very particular article of clothing.  

Once he sorted everything out, he took a deep, slow breath and sent a text.

Alex: Please come home. I miss you. xxx

* * *

 

Thomas stared at the texts as he read through them. The first few messages didn’t arouse much suspicion but then he came across:

_Alex: HYpoTHETIcalLY I was revising and a cOMPleTELY HYPOTHETICAL person was standing at my door_

_Alex: and he's like really quiet which is weird cos he's usually a FLASHY FRENCH FUCK tHat MaKes ME MAD._

Thomas scowled, “Is he talking about me?” He muttered.

He read through the messages as Alexander recited the events of their early days of knowing each other.  Every single moment came flooding back to him in vivid colour and detail, only this time he could also see them through another’s eyes as well.

He remembered the hazily lit room when he fell in love with Alexander for the first time, but now he knew it really did mean something to him too.

He remembered overhearing Alexander tell George he didn’t want Thomas living with them, and he remembered how it broke his heart. Only, now he knew that it wasn’t how Alexander actually felt, that it was a meaningless attempt to diverge the conversation, and whilst he may have considered him to be moderately annoying, he never disliked him.

He read through the texts as Alex admitted to his friends that he was confused about Thomas in the most awkward and adorable way that made Thomas smile. The suggestions that Alexander date someone else to get over Thomas, which even now months after the event still made Thomas uncomfortable.

He remembered how beautiful Alexander looked in his shirt. If there was any doubt in his mind that he was in love, he knew for sure when he saw Alexander in his clothes. He badly wanted to hold onto him and ask him to stay. God damn it, why didn’t he just do that in the first place?

The gap between messages that night, which made Thomas smirk as he realised that it was because Alexander was with him, sitting on his bed talking to each other intimately for the first time with just a little too much skin showing, and Alexander looking dreamy in his green shirt.

But the one message that struck him more than any other was a little further down.

_SaltyAlex: It’s just, I think I love him. He’s so sweet to me and he’s so beautiful and perfect (except his opinions which are a national disgrace.)  His hair’s amazing and there’s so much of it and omg it’s just so nice okay believe me and he has really nice flawless skin. He’s so tall and always just a little bit warmer than I am and I just want to curl up into his arms and stay there forever where I feel safe. He has a really beautiful accent and his voice is always just gruff enough to make me want to melt. His smile is so heart-warming and sweet and I like the way he looks at me. I used to hate how he treats me like I’m small… but I think I might be a bit into it??? He just makes me feel so protected and safe and I like how he takes care of me and seems so concerned about me, is that really weird? I literally don’t even feel normal in my own clothes anymore because his clothes are just so nice and they remind me of him. And omg he smells so nice._

Thomas felt his heart melt as he looked at the text. The message was from over a month ago. Has he really felt that way all this time? “He… loves me…? Like, actually loves me? From all the way back then?” Thomas mumbled.

Eliza smiled and nodded.

Thomas looked back down at the texts and kept reading, but the high from the texts declaring Alexander’s love quickly escalated as he came across the heartbroken texts from when Thomas told Alexander he hated him. He always knew that what he said must have hurt Alexander, but now that he actually had some kind of idea of how much he destroyed him.

Thomas shook his head and motioned to the texts, “This. This is why I can’t be with Alexander. Look at how much I hurt him. I’ve hurt him so much. He needs to be with someone who doesn’t hurt him. I can’t believe I made him feel like this. Why did I have to hurt him? This is why I’ll never be enough for him.” Thomas choked and took a deep breath.

“You want to stop hurting him? Tell him you love him. You only hurt him because he thought you didn’t love him. Every way you’ve hurt him can fade into history if you just fess up, don’t you see that that’s the problem here? The problem isn’t you, every single problem has been that you’re too reluctant to just admit how you feel.” Eliza argued.

Thomas opened his mouth to make an excuse, but John interrupted with “Just keep reading.”

The next texts were from a month after the last. It was from the day when Alexander broke the coffee machine and Thomas admitted to Alexander’s friends that he didn’t hate Alex.

Thomas couldn’t help but blush because that was the first time any of the texts mentioned him by name. As he scrolled through the messages he couldn’t help but give a quick glance to John, because how the hell did he figure out as much as he did? And although it made him feel slightly guilty, something was very reassuring and gratifying about Alexander being paranoid that he was getting back together with Martha.

The messages after that were from after everything seemed to fix itself. Things were so optimistic at that point. Alexander’s friends were asking if Thomas definitely wasn’t using Alex. And Thomas couldn’t blame them for questioning it in the slightest. It had never once crossed his mind to actually use Alex, he loves him too much and always has. But no wonder after everything that happened Alex’s friends were suspicious. Jesus, they must hate Thomas. He was starting to have some faint idea of how much he should have said to Alexander when he had the chance. Made it clear that how he felt about Alexander was real and talked through their problems instead of running away from them at every chance.

The last few texts were very recently.

Alex: thomas doesnt want a relationship

Laurensisacutiepie<3: wait what???

Alex: I asked him to be my bf and he turned me down

Hercules: im gonna kill him

Alex: I was rlly starting to think he actually wanted to be with me like that

Alex: I feel like such an idiot

Alex: am I still just fooling myself?

BestOfFBStalkers: no of course youre not

BestOfFBStalkers: don’t beat yourself up over this

Alex: everything was going so well as well

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: don’t worry just yet. Give it some time, maybe he’ll come around

Alex: fuck

Alex: okay

Alex: if things get awkward between us though im going to spam this chat just so you know

Just as he said, Alex spammed the chat with his concerns right up until yesterday. So that’s what he was doing on his phone all this time. He felt like such an idiot. This whole time he really was just messaging people because Thomas wouldn’t grow the fuck up and admit how he felt. But the one message that really killed him was the most recent one from Alexander, which was sent yesterday morning. 

Alex: okay guys im really really scared hes started getting really cold oh my god oh my god I don’t know what to do. Did I do something wrong? Im so scared I don’t want to lose him I really don’t want him to leave me. Why did I have to open my fucking mouth this is all my fault I just need him so much how do I apologise to him what do I do? oh my god im so stressed. im so so scared

As Thomas reached the end of the messages, he put the phone down on the desk and rested his face on his hand as he wiped his wet eyes.

“So, what do you think?” Eliza asked.

Thomas took a deep but calm breath to compose himself, “Everything he put. Is that really how he feels?”

Eliza gently confirmed “It is.”

Thomas let out a deep breath and said “God, I love him so much.”

“We know,” Eliza said.

Thomas stared at his fingers for a few seconds, “John, you’re blunt and honest. I know you want us to work out, but for just a second I want you to put aside all feelings and emotions and answer me honestly. If – theoretically – I went back to Alexander and begged him to be mine, am I going to hurt Alexander again?”

John thought about that for a second, before genuinely and honestly answering “Not unless you let yourself hurt him.”

Thomas nodded slowly. His thoughts were distracted when he felt his phone vibrate. He picked it up and any part of him that was uncertain or in doubt was decided by the immediate warmth the text gave him.

Alex: Please come home. I miss you. xxx

Thomas smiled and felt a comfort he was really missing. Was it really possible to miss someone this much after just one day? For the first time, he decided he was going to actually let himself fight for Alexander.

He quickly sent back:

Thomas: I’m on my way. I’ll be home soon xxx

He stood up and declared, “I have to go.”

John raised his eyebrows, “Go? Where?”

Thomas quickly packed his things away and answered, “Home.”   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the thing with the texts might have been a little bit anti-climactic. A few people were guessing what the texts were gonna be and the guesses were way more exciting than what I actually did so haha sorry if it's disappointing. I love you guys!


	48. Talk To Me

Thomas stood in front of the door of the apartment, taking slow breaths and slowly reaching to open the door. Everything seemed way too silent, and he was in a peculiar state where he felt numbingly calm and nervous at the same time.

As he walked into the apartment, he noticed something different. The apartment had been pristinely cleaned, with fairy lights hung around the room. Did Alexander do this? Thomas was at least half convinced that Alexander would torch his things, like after the time Thomas told Alex he hated him. Instead, his things had been sorted out and the apartment looked beautiful.  

He walked through the apartment, rubbing his hands together nervously, the corridor lit by fairy lights along the walls, pausing outside his room as he saw Alexander inside.

There were fairy lights hung on the wall above the bed and candles on top of the drawer and on the bedside tables. Alex was laying across his bed on his stomach, wearing a long shirt and nothing on his legs, rubbing his feet against each other and reading the law book Thomas gave him. As he noticed Thomas standing just outside the room, with a hand on the doorframe, he quickly put the book to the bedside table and scrambled to his feet. Alex stood up and Alexander and Thomas looked at each other for the first time in a day. It was like in that moment all bad feelings slipped away. They stared at each other without a word for a few seconds, waiting for the other to move or speak first.

“Alexander…” Thomas finally whispered.

“Thomas,” Alexander whispered back.

A second later, they both gave in, going over to each other to meet in the middle and hug. They wrapped their arms the other to hold each other in a tight embrace, Alexander’s face buried in Thomas’s chest.

Alexander was hit by such a strong sense of relief that he felt himself starting to cry again. Jesus, why was he so damn sensitive? He lightly sobbed and held onto Thomas tighter, muttering “please don’t leave me alone for a whole night ever again.”

Thomas shushed Alex, holding onto him like his life depended on it. “I’m here. I’m sorry. I’m here now.” He quietly reassured with his mouth pressed against Alexander’s hair.

A few seconds later, Alexander noticed something and pulled away abruptly. Staring at Thomas’s chest and muttering in a worried voice “This isn’t your shirt…” Thomas scowled, not understanding Alexander’s concern until he continued with “Wh-Whose shirt is that…?” Alexander started panicking and stuttering as he looked up to Thomas’s face in fear and asked in a light abandoned voice, “Did you spend the night with someone?”

“What? N-no of course I didn- Wait, are you jealous?” Thomas couldn’t help but smirk a tiny bit. He hated to admit it, but after getting so jealous about Alexander, it would be kind of reassuring if Alexander got easily jealous too. As an offended look came across Alexander’s face, Thomas quickly snapped out of it and shook his head, trying to explain himself, “Shit, n-no I’m sorry. God, how is this already going so wrong? This is Aaron Burr’s shirt.”

Alexander’s eyes widened, “Burr!?”

Thomas shook his head, “No, shit, no. Not like- Fuck, I didn’t sleep with Burr! He offered me some clothes because I really did stay at work all night. I haven’t been with anyone since I _met_ you, I swear. I couldn’t even accept someone’s number because I couldn’t stop thinking of you.”

Alexander slowly nodded, breathing “Okay,” but still staring at his chest. His eyes were still transfixed on the shirt as he asked “Can you get changed? I hate seeing you in anyone else’s clothes.” He spoke quietly, ashamed of himself for being so bothered by it.

“Uh, s-sure,” Thomas responded. He walked over to his drawers and took out some clothes, Alexander stared down at his hands and quietly asked, “Can I stay here?” He’d been so stressed out by the last day that he really didn’t want to even leave the room Thomas was in.

“You can do anything you want,” Thomas replied. Alexander smiled and turned around, giving Thomas some privacy whilst he got changed. He listened to the rustling of clothes as he stared at his fingers.

After a few seconds Thomas asked “better?”

Turning around to face Thomas and seeing him in his own clothes again, Alexander nodded and responded with, “better.”

There were a few moments of awkward silence. Knowing that now they had a serious talk to have, neither were really sure what to do. Eventually, Thomas slowly walked closer to Alexander.

“Listen, Alexander, I need to tell you something. I’m so s-“

“Wait,” Alexander interrupted, he straightened himself trying to present himself in a firmer way. “I need to say something first. And I don’t want you to speak until I’m finished. Okay?”

Thomas looked at him apprehensively but nodded.

“Okay,” Alex mumbled and tried to compose himself. He’d been thinking over what he was going to say all day, but it was a lot harder to actually say it aloud. First things first, he thought going over to grab the pack of cigarettes he put on the side table. He went over to Thomas and opened it, showing him the contents. “See. I was telling the truth, I really did only have one. I wasn’t lying. You can throw them away if you want.”

Thomas looked inside, and there really was only one missing. He nodded to accept his explanation, reaching out to take the packet which Alexander was offering him, brushing his hand against Alexander’s as he took them. Once he took them, he walked over to put them into the bin, passing a quick look to Alexander to make sure that was alright.

Thomas opened his mouth, but Alexander quickly interjected with, “I’m not finished.” Thomas closed his mouth and motioned for Alexander to continue.

Alexander took a few breaths. “Okay. So… here it goes. This time last year I wasn’t doing great. I was on some… _stuff_ … like, urm, drug stuff. I thought they were just helping me through my school work, but I ended up getting kinda hooked. And I was just starting to realise I was gay and I just… really didn’t want to be. It wasn't because I was worried about what anyone would think, it was just because _I_ didn't want to be gay. I really, really didn’t want to be gay. But I just couldn’t love Eliza, so I tried to convince myself that it was just Eliza, so I started seeing a girl called Maria as well. She was having some problems with her boyfriend so I just…” Alex squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.”

Thomas interrupted with, “Alexander, you don’t need to tell me any of this. You don’t owe me any kind of explanation.”

Alexander scowled, “Shut up. I know I don’t have to tell you anything. I want to. Okay, so then… I don’t know… everything just went wrong. I’d been helping out at my dad’s work and I started to become meddling and annoying, everyone hated me. Burr hated me, Adams hated me, Madison _definitely_ hated me. I told Eliza I’d been cheating and every single one of my friends turned on me. That’s why I was so hurt when you said everyone hated me. Because you were right. One day I overheard Madison on the phone with someone, and he was talking about how I screwed him over on a piece of work we were meant to work on together. And he was right. I really did screw him over. I felt so guilty about everything and I just snapped. That night I accidently overdosed. I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t trying to hurt myself or anything, I swear. It was an accident. I just kept thinking I’d be alright if I took a little bit more, and I wasn’t… After that I woke up in hospital, and my dad was crying and saying it was all his fault, and I swore I’d never do anything like that again.”

Alexander awkwardly rubbed his arms, “So, urm, that’s the story.”

Thomas blinked, he’d been caught completely off guard by his story. In particular one aspect of the story. There’s certain moments in people’s lives where they don’t realise it’s importance until long after the event. And there was one phone call he never thought would be necessary to remember until now, when Madison called him up and told him about how someone had hijacked his work. And it was shortly after that phone call that Alexander was hospitalised.

“Alexander… I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I had no idea.”

Alexander looked at him confused, “Why are you apologizing?”

“I was the person Madison was talking to… I swear if I had any idea…”

Alexander quickly interrupted, “Oh, no it’s okay. It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known and neither did Madison,” he said to reassure Thomas. “I don’t blame you. I don’t blame anyone. It was all just a horrible situation. It wasn't anyone's fault.” Alexander smirked slightly, “It’s actually kind of funny, I guess. Who’d of guessed I’d fall in love with the man that I heard Madison on the phone with a year ago.”

Thomas smiled solemnly at him.

Alexander slowly reached out for Thomas’s hand. “I really do love you. I know for some reason you don’t believe me. But I really do love you. I have for a while now. You make me feel more safe and cared for than pretty much anyone. I love you and I need you to believe me. If you don’t love me back, that’s okay. I can live with that. Really, it’s alright. If you can never trust me enough to love me, that's fine. But please believe me.” He didn’t say anything about the audio clip. If Thomas was going to say anything at all, he needed him to say it without being prompted. “You were there to catch me when I couldn’t hold myself up and you made me feel loved, and I’ll always be grateful for that, no matter whether you love me or not.”

Alex took a deep breath, _this_ was going to be the hard part. “But… I can’t keep doing this. I love you so much and I want you to stay with me, but it hurts too much being around you all the time never knowing how you feel. I’m tired of wondering whether deep down you hate me or-or-or are just using me until someone better comes along. So, I need you to either tell me how you really feel – no matter what that is – or I need you to just leave and break my heart and be done with it. Because this hurts too much.” Alex’s eyes had gone watery and red, and as he finished he sniffled and nodded to Thomas to show him he was done.

Thomas looked at Alexander lost, he was so far in love with him that he couldn’t believe it, but saying it was still hard. “I…” Thomas slowly said but he couldn’t get any further. He tried again with, “I…” but gave up, sighing and simply asking “Why?”

Alexander tried to disguise his annoyance, but not exactly very well. “Why? Why what? What the hell does that mean?”

“Why would you love me?” Thomas asked, the pain in his voice obvious.

Alexander looked at him confused, “Are you seriously trying to quiz me on my love for you? Why are you acting like _I’m_ the one who’s been hiding something from you?”

Thomas shook his head, feeling so ashamed with himself, “That’s not what I meant. That’s really not what I meant. It’s just…”

Alexander, fed up, walked straight to the bedside table to pick something up. “You either feel something or you don’t. I’m not keeping you here anymore. If you want to leave, go. I’m serious this time. Talk to me like a person or get out.”

Alexander took a deep breath, calming himself down. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t lose his temper in this conversation and say something he’d regret like he usually does. He smiled gently and reached out a hand to Thomas which contained his passport. “It’s okay. I’ll understand. If you want to go home, then that’s alright. I won’t hate you. I won’t be mad at you in the slightest. It’s your decision entirely. If you want me, I’m yours. But I need you to really mean it this time. So… it’s your choice.” Alexander was staring at the passport. It was a dangerous ultimatum. If Thomas said no it would break his heart. But he really hoped he’d pick him.

Thomas raised an eyebrow, “You stole my passport?”

Alexander admitted “Yeah” with a faint blush of embarrassment.

Thomas thought for a second and gently said, “I want to go home.”

Alexander felt every emotion in him shatter to an unbelieving numbness. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn't how the conversation was supposed to go. But he was a man of his word, so he leaned up to give Thomas a soft and meaningful kiss on the cheek and took his hand, placing the passport in it. “I love you. I hope you have a great life in Virginia,” he said in a small, vulnerable voice.  

He went to walk out of the room, but Thomas called out “Wait.”

Thomas placed his hands on Alexander’s waist and turned him around. Alexander didn’t know how to react other than a confused, surprised look. He waited for Thomas to do something, as Thomas said. “That’s not what I meant... My home isn’t in Virginia anymore, because you’re not there. I want you. My home is wherever you are. That is, if you still want me here…”

A small smile slowly made its way to Alexander’s face and he reached up to pull Thomas down to kiss him, a silent way of saying ‘I’m yours.’ As he broke away from him, a smile on his face and looking deep into his eyes, he said, “Welcome home.”

Thomas smiled and kissed Alexander again. He used his fingers to push some hair behind his ears, taking a deep nervous breath and saying, “I love you, Alexander Hamilton.”

Alexander smiled and fell deep into his eyes, “You love me?”

Thomas nodded, “I love you.”

“How long have you loved me?” Alexander slowly asked, trying to contain his erratic joy.

Thomas awkwardly looked away, that was by far the worst question that could arise. “Do you remember when you were in your room and I asked you how old you were?”

Alexander nodded, his smile slowly dropping.

Thomas motioned awkwardly, to signal ‘yeah, then.’

Alexander’s eyes widened, “That was months ago. You only met me a _week_ before that. You knew _nothing_ about me.”

Thomas coyly shrugged, “I don’t know what to tell you… That’s when I fell in love with you.”

The initial shock subsided, and Alexander started to get mad and frustrated. All this time. All this time. Thomas loved him _all this time._ He pulled away from Thomas’s touch. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve loved me for months? So everything that happened between then and now, you did all of that when you were in love with me? You made me think you hated me. I thought you didn’t care about me. I thought you were using me. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me? Do you have any idea how many times I thought that just maybe if I looked a little better, if I was a bit nicer, if I knew when to shut my damn mouth, if I was somehow different, that maybe then you’d love me? I thought you didn’t love me and that killed me!”

Thomas took a deep breath, turning his stare shamefully to the floor. Alex had said how he felt, now it was time for Thomas to be honest “Alexander, everything you said about me yesterday is right. I’ve already been through a divorce, I have no prospects, I get ridiculously jealous and I couldn’t even man up enough to tell you how I feel. And you? You’re smart, beautiful, young. You are the best thing in my life. Do you want to know what the difference is between you smoking a cigarette and me doing much worse than you when I was your age? The difference is that my life was already fucked. I’d slept around before I was ready and I hated myself for it, my friends were assholes, I had no ambition, so what did it matter if I dug my hole a little deeper? But you have potential. You’re going to do so much in life. You could change the whole damn world. So, of course I fucking love you. But why the hell would you love me?” Thomas stuttered and swallowed.

“Jesus, Thomas! Fuck you. Fuck you and your bullshit complex. Are you seriously trying to tell me you broke my heart because you thought _I was too good for you_? Do you really not realise how ridiculous that is? Feeling bad about yourself isn’t a good reason to hurt me, you could have talked to me about it. You could have been honest. You didn’t have to hurt me.”

Thomas broke into tears and sat on the bed, “I know, I know. I’m so, so sorry Alex. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. Looking back, I regret way more of my life than I don’t. But if I could fix just one thing, every childhood mistake, having sex before I was ready, every career which went nowhere, my failed marriage, all of that… If I could fix just one thing in my life, I would have done this right. I would have told you I loved you the moment I saw you for the first time, I would treat you right and I’m so sorry I didn’t do that the first time round and I will never forgive myself for ever causing you pain. You have no idea how much I wish I could go back and do this all right.”

Alexander still looked angry, but sighed as he let out his frustrations and sat next to Thomas. After a few seconds, Alexander slowly reached out to touch Thomas’s arm, “Well, I wouldn’t.”

Thomas looked at him through his tear filled eyes, not understanding what he meant.

Alexander elaborated, explaining “If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t do anything differently. Sure, a lot of things sucked. But the bad stuff, the mistakes, that's the kind of things we can learn from. And there was a lot of good things as well. I wouldn't change anything that happened between us for anything.”

“Really?” Thomas quietly asked. Alexander smiled and reassuringly nodded. Thomas buried his head in Alexander’s neck, holding him tightly, begging for pity and forgiveness.

“I just feel like such a creep,” Thomas admitted through his tears. “I don’t feel like I’m supposed to love you. Do you have any idea what people would think about me? What they’d say about me? And maybe they’re right. Maybe you are way too young for me. And what if I hold you back? You could go so far on your own. You shouldn’t be tied to your overly jealous, divorced, unambitious twenty-eight year old boyfriend when you could do so much better. I am _not_ a good person in relationships, you have no idea how terrible I can be. How controlling I can get…”

Alexander sighed, pulling Thomas away slightly to wipe his tears away. “Thomas how don’t you get it? I love _you._ You’re not going to hold me back from anything. Why are you focusing on all the bad things about yourself? Tommy, you’re handsome, educated, well-travelled, you’re romantic and impulsive – you’re _perfect_ to me. You’re so romantic that you married your college girlfriend and followed her across the ocean to be with her, even if it didn’t work out. I don’t care about your past relationships or the mistakes you made in them. Like I hope you can move past the mistakes I’ve made in my relationships. Most people spend most of their lives praying to meet someone like you. Every night when I felt abandoned and lonely, you’re the exact type of person I dreamt about meeting. You make me feel hopeful when I’m feeling cynical. Maybe you don’t have your entire life figured out, but what twenty-eight year old does? I will never see you as a creep, and no one who knows you ever will.”

“But you-“

“What about me? I’m not perfect either. I’m loud, way too opinionated, I rely too much on raw ambition, I’m terrified of everything. I’ve made so many enemies, Thomas. But everything people don’t like about me, everything I hate about myself, you’ve accepted. And that’s part of the reason I love you so much.” Alexander sighed, admitting, “And it’s not like I’m innocent. I froze you out, I tried to make you feel like shit just because I was mad at you, I basically emotionally blackmailed you into staying in the city, I destroyed your clothes and dropped coffee on you on purpose out of spite. Then there was that time I put your email on all those really sketchy sites. I haven’t exactly been perfect.”

Thomas couldn’t help but get briefly distracted and note “Oh, so _that’s_ why I’ve been getting all those weird emails…”

Alexander frowned and looked at Thomas’s hands, and said in a sincere, gentle voice “Thomas, I am so sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t enough for me. I know I haven’t always been the nicest to you, when we met I know I was cold and belittling and I made you feel like you didn’t belong. But I swear, I never thought you were below me. You’ve _always_ been more than enough for me.”

Thomas sighed and slowly laced their hands together, speaking carefully in a hesitant voice, “So, let’s review. I’m a jealous, controlling coward with low self-esteem. You’re opinionated and stubborn with separation issues and, no offense, but kind of a worrying attitude about a lot of things. And for some reason, we can only see the good in each other and can only see the bad in ourselves. We’ve hurt each other, and there’s probably a billion things wrong with our relationship. Do you really think there’s any way to move past all of that?”

Alexander nodded and whispered, “I do.” A second later adding, “Sure, we have our issues. But I love you. I think you’re handsome, you make me feel warm inside, you stop me from doing things you know I’ll regret, when you had the chance to use me and you knew I wasn’t ready, you held me and made me believe everything would be okay. So, now I’m promising you that everything will be okay. If you can just trust me.”

Thomas smiled, rubbing his hand against Alex’s hand. “And you’re beautiful, you always speak your mind, you’re a genius, you work hard and nothing in life is given to you, I love holding you, I love listening to your insane rants, you act tough but deep down you’re the most adorable person I’ve ever met, I like how I feel when I take care of you. I love you and every aspect of you, even if sometimes you can drive me a little insane. I do trust you. I love you and… I’d really like to try and make this work.”

Alexander smiled and nodded, he leant in to kiss him, but suddenly stopped and snapped “But we can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing. We need to start being honest with each other. And I mean _really_ honest with each other. I can’t take anymore lies.”

Thomas nodded in agreement, “Total honesty. I like it.” He then pecked Alexander on the lips. “I love you,” he said again after.

Alexander smiled brightly, radiating everything wonderful in life. “Say it again,” he whispered.

Thomas leaned in and whispered “I love you,” against his lips. He kissed him again, pausing after a moment to repeat “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Alexander smiled into the kiss. He decided there wasn’t any three words in the English language as beautiful, and no one in the world could make it sound as sweet as him. Thomas scowled and broke the kiss as he brushed his hand up and down Alexander’s waist and gripped the fabric as he noticed something.

“Is this…?” Thomas whispered with his forehead pressed against Alexander’s and looking down at the green shirt he was wearing.

Alexander bit his lip and nodded shyly.

Thomas raised his gaze as he took low breaths, “I thought you destroyed all of my clothes from back then.”

“Not this one.”

Thomas raised a hand to graze the shirt collar, “I still think you look beautiful in it.”

Alexander smiled and pushed himself further into Thomas, wrapping his arms around Thomas’s neck and kissing him again. Alex rubbed his hands around Thomas’s shoulders and down Thomas’s chest. Thomas pulled Alex in by the back of his legs and slowly slid his hands up his thighs. When they broke the kiss, they looked deep into each other’s eyes.

Thomas hesitated before quietly saying, “If I’ve screwed everything up too much for this, then I’ll understand. But if it’s not too late, do you maybe want to be my boyfriend?”

Alexander smiled softly, “No.”

Thomas felt his heart skip a beat, “Oh. Okay, I understand.”

Alexander burst into a grin and laughter, “I’m just fucking with you.” He pulled Thomas into a deep kiss, “I’d love to be your boyfriend,” he said as he broke the kiss with a wide grin on his face.

“On one condition,” he said putting his finger on Thomas’s lips.

“Anything,” Thomas said with a small reassuring smile.

“Tomorrow I want you to stay in with me all day and I want you to listen to me telling you all about my life. Some of it’s interesting, but most of its just sad, or ugly and I’m deeply ashamed of some of it. But… I want you to know all of it. I want you to know me. And then I want you to tell me about yourself. If we really want this to work, we can’t keep holding secrets from each other. So, what do you think?”

Thomas leaned in, whispered “That sounds perfect,” and kissed him again. He looked him in the eyes again, placing his hands gently on Alex's cheek and promising, “I’m going to fight for you this time round, baby.” Thomas gave Alex a gentle and slow kiss.

Thomas's eyes floated to the candles and fairy lights, and he mumbled, "I like what you did with the place."

Alex shrugged, "I thought they looked romantic," he confessed. 

Thomas smiled in agreement, kissing him again. 

Remembering something, when Thomas broke the kiss he quickly admitted, “Oh, but if we’re being honest, I should probably tell you that two of your friends came to my office and showed me all your messages on a group chat.”

Alexander's eyes widened, “Oh… that’s embarrassing. Well I should also tell you that I wrote you this letter that Madison destroyed, but then he sent me a clip of you confessing that you loved me so… I already knew you loved me.”

“Oh…” Thomas muttered and scowled. Did that mean… Madison was coming around? Why would he destroy that letter and then straight after try to help him? He shook his head, he’d spent way too much time thinking about Madison recently. He wasn’t important right now.

Instead he moved along asking “Would you mind if I went to have a shower quickly? I haven’t showered in like two days.”

Alexander giggled a little, “Sure. Afterwards, can we have a nap together? I didn’t sleep last night. I got a bit of sleep this morning but… well, I sleep better with you.”

Thomas kissed Alexander on the top of his head, “Sure, baby.”

He started walking out, but paused and looked back to Alex, “I’m going to be good to you. I promise.”


	49. New Year

Thomas walked out of the bathroom topless and in sweatpants, drying his hair with a towel. He walked into his room and smiled down at Alex, who was lying in bed, half covered in a blanket and half asleep.

“Hey, baby,” Thomas said.

Alex gave him an adorable sleepy smile and mumbled, “Hey.” Thomas continued to just stand looking at him, taking a moment to really absorb that this beautiful and captivating person was really his. After a few seconds, Alex scowled and asked, “What?”

Thomas just smiled at him softly and shook his head, “I just love you so much.”

Alex smiled and sat up, reaching over to him to make him lean over for a long kiss. Alexander placed his hands on Thomas’s chest, moving them slowly over to his shoulders and circling them round to hold him by the nape.

“You’re so hot,” Alex breathed against his lips as he broke the kiss.

Thomas smirked, “Talking about my body temperature again?”

“No,” Alexander replied with a malicious smile, kissing him again.

Thomas chuckled, trailing his lips down to kiss Alexander between his neck and shoulder.

Alexander combed his fingers through Thomas’s wet hair, “Can I dry your hair?”

“If you’d like to,” Thomas responded with a smile and shrug.  

Alexander smiled brightly and sat behind him, picking up a hairdryer and drying his hair as he remarked, “You have a lot more hair than I thought.”

“It’s the curls. It makes it look like there’s less than there is. If you straightened it, it would probably look a lot longer,” Thomas responded.

Alexander kissed him on the neck, “I love your hair. It’s perfect.”

Thomas turned around and took the hairdryer out of his hands to put it on the floor, “I think it’s dry now.”

Thomas brought Alexander into his arms, who bundled himself into Thomas’s touch. Alexander smiled and muttered, “You’re my boyfriend…”

“That’s right,” Thomas mumbled, pecking his lips softly. “I’m all yours. My beautiful boyfriend who still wanted to be with me after seeing how crazy jealous I get.”

Alexander laughed and put his forehead against Thomas’s, “You know it.”

“You know it’s new years eve…” Thomas mumbled.

Alexander hummed “mmhmm.”

“Did you have anything planned?”

Alexander shook his head.

“Well, do you wanna do something with me then? There’s a work party if you wanna do that, or we could just hang out here just the two of us, or you know, whatever you want to do.”

Alexander bit his lip, “Would I seem totally lame if said I just wanted stay inside with you?”

Thomas smiled, “Absolutely not.”

“Anyway, for now you promised me a nap,” Alexander said pushing Thomas to lie down.

Thomas laughed and obliged, lying down and letting Alexander clamber on top of him to rest his head on Thomas’s chest. Thomas wrapped one arm around him and used the other to stroke his fingers through Alexander’s hair.

“I love you, Tommy,” Alexander mumbled as he started drifting off.

“I love you too, Alex.”

An hour later, Alexander’s eyes fluttered open and he frowned. A warm body wasn’t pressed against him like when he fell asleep. He sat up and looked around, but he was alone. Alex felt his breath get caught, this couldn’t be happening, Thomas promised. Thomas said he was his, he couldn’t just leave. Alex scrambled up, looking for anything to prove Thomas had been there. He wrapped his arms around himself and walked out of the room, taking shaky breaths.

As he saw Thomas in his sweatpants and a t-shirt preparing food, he let out a deep breath. He was still here. Everything was alright. He walked over to Thomas and wrapped his arms around Thomas from behind, resting his cheek against Thomas’s back.

Thomas stopped what he was doing, putting his hands onto Alexander’s arms, “You’re awake,” he noted.

“mhmm,” Alex hummed.

Thomas turned around and held onto Alex, “Are you alright? You look upset.”

Alex nodded, “Yeah. I just kinda freaked out when I woke up alone,” he admitted.

“I’m sorry, baby. I thought I’d be back before you woke up. I woke up like half an hour ago and you were still fast asleep, so I thought I’d make dinner for when you woke up.”

Alex smiled and Thomas cupped his face, “I’m still here. You don’t need to worry. I’m not going to leave.”

Alexander nodded and wrapped his arms around Thomas’s neck. “I know,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, I just worry about things.”

“I know,” Thomas whispered back. “You don’t have to apologise. It’s okay that you get a bit nervous about things.”

Thomas wrapped his arms around Alexander’s waist and pulled him into a kiss.

They ate together and then washed the dishes together, splashing soapy water on each other and messing around. By the end of the night, they were cuddled up on the sofa looking into each other’s eyes. “I’m so happy,” Alex mumbled, and that made Thomas happier than he thought was possible.

The perfect moment was interrupted by a phone buzzing. Alexander reached over for his phone and picked it up, “Hello.”

“Hello, Alexander, I just wanted to check up. Are you doing alright?”

Alexander’s expression faltered ever so slightly, “Oh, hi dad.” He felt Thomas’s arms stiffen and Alexander panicked slightly. Thomas may have agreed to be his boyfriend, but at the end of the day if his dad told Thomas to go, he would go. And considering Thomas’s flightiness and lack of confidence, Alexander couldn’t help but worry that if his dad gave Thomas a hard time, Thomas would get cold feet and change his mind about everything.

Alexander responded to his dad, “I’m fine. Thomas is back…”

His dad was silent for a second before saying, “Oh.”

Alexander felt himself shrink under the obvious distrust of his voice. “Dad, please, everything’s fine now. We just got into a fight but we’ve talked it out now.

“Is he there with you now?”

Alexander looked down at Thomas’s arm which was holding him, “Yes.”

There was a pause, before his dad calmly admitted, “I don’t know how I feel about all of this, Alexander. I already wasn’t sure, but now after all of this…”

Alexander squeezed Thomas’s arm, “I know. But please dad… I know you don’t really have any reason to, but please just trust me.”

His dad sighed, “I don’t know… If after everything that’s happened he still hurts you and I know I let it happen, I would never be able to forgive myself.”

“Please, dad. Please.  I think everything’s starting to work itself out. For real this time.”

His dad sighed in defeat, “Well, I can’t say I’m exactly happy about all of this. But… just be careful Alex. I need you to be safe.”

Alexander smiled, “I’m safe. I promise. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Alright, just take care of yourself. Call me if you ever want to talk. Happy new year, Alex. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, dad” Alex said as he hung up.

He turned around into Thomas’s arms and they held each other. It was obvious that Thomas was dismayed by what he heard of the phone call. Thomas had almost forgotten about George, he’d been so absorbed by what was happening with Alex that he forgot about that one problem…

After a couple of seconds Thomas stated, “Your dad hates me.”

Alexander rolled his eyes, “Come on, he doesn’t _hate_ you.”

“Yeah, he does. And I can’t blame him. He’s my boss and was my friend, and when he showed me the hospitality of letting me stay in his house, I fell for his much, much younger son. It’s kinda hard to believe he has no right to hate me. I mean, how would you react if we had a kid and John started dating them?”

Alexander smirked and blushed slightly, “If we had a kid?”

Thomas’s eyes widened and he awkwardly tried to explain, “I-I-I didn’t mean like, that urr, we’re _going_ to. I just meant _hypothetically_ if we did for this example.”

Alex laughed, proud at himself for making Thomas embarrassed. Before going back to a more serious note and saying, “My dad will come around. Just give him time.”

Thomas looked uncomfortable and unconvinced. Alexander gave him a desperate look and asked in a solemn voice, “You’re not changing your mind about us, are you?”

Thomas held Alexander closer and assured, “No. No. Absolutely not. I’m all yours. Nothing will change my mind about you.”

Alexander smiled and kissed Thomas. 

Later, they were watching TV in the background when Thomas realised Alex had fallen asleep. He smiled and turned the volume down so it didn’t disturb him. Alexander was clinging to him, and his face looked so peaceful. Thomas watched him, his amazing boyfriend.

In that moment, Thomas decided that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for Alexander. He was going to do everything in his power to give Alexander the best life that anyone could possibly have. He once thought that meant having to stay away from Alex, but now he was going to love him for as long Alex wanted his love. He was going to show him as much kindness and love as was possible and protect him from anything he possibly could.

Thomas remembered a conversation he had with his step-dad not long before leaving for college. He told his dad that he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, and his dad told him everything would be okay. He told him that one day he would find something which he could dedicate his life to, it would just take a little time to find out what that was. Maybe it would be a cause, or belief, or career, or even a person. Alexander was his thing. Alexander was the person he was meant to dedicate the rest of his life to. Maybe it took him a little while to find him, but he was here now. And Thomas planned to hold onto him and never let go. If Alexander decides one day that he doesn’t want Thomas’s love, then he’d let Alex go. But until that day – if that day ever comes – Thomas was going to be there for Alex, and hold him and protect him. Alexander’s happiness would be the main concern in life.

This time, he was going to do it right. This time he was going to try as hard as he could to do everything right. He had to. Because if he screwed this up again, he knew he probably wouldn’t get another shot.

 

Luckily, he wouldn’t need another shot. This time, he would get it right.

 

As the countdown to midnight began, he pushed some hair behind Alexander’s ear with a single new year’s resolution in his mind: to do right by Alexander. He leant down and softly pressed his lips to Alexander’s. Alexander’s eyes fluttered open and he raised a hand to Thomas’s cheek as he kissed him into the new year.

This had been the year Thomas got a divorce. It was the year he found himself homeless. It had been the year he got punched. The year he fell out with his best friend. But it was also the year he met the love of his life. For that single reason, that year was by far one of the best of his life. And he couldn’t wait to start the first year of the rest of his life with Alex.

As Thomas pulled away he whispered, “I love you.”

Alex smiled sleepily, and mumbled back only half awake, “I love you too.”

They softly kissed on the sofa. Now that it was dark outside, the fairy lights illuminated the room. It was romantic and peaceful and calm. Thomas’s fingers gently moved up and down Alexander’s skin. Everything seemed perfect.

Alexander sleepily mumbled, “Can we go to bed?”

Thomas nodded and stood up. Carefully picking up Alex to carry him bridal style. Alexander was already half asleep again, with his head nuzzled against Thomas’s chest. “Can I take you to my room?” Thomas asked. Alex nodded and hummed.

Thomas walked into his room and slowly lowered Alexander onto the bed. Thomas then crawled in to lie next to him. Alexander immediately cuddled up next to him, and Thomas was so grateful to fall asleep next to his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meep, I love you all. The comments on the last chapter were so sweet I cried thank you :') I didn't really proof read this chapter that well because I'm tired so I hope it's okay.


	50. How I Became An American

Alexander slowly opened his eyes the next morning, his head resting on Thomas’s lap as he listened to the quiet sound of tapping from the keys on a laptop. Thomas had one arm around Alex and the other arm reached over to type on his laptop, being careful to not disturb Alex.

As he woke up, he fluttered his eyes and leaned up to kiss Thomas’s neck. Thomas stopped typing and pushed his laptop further to the side to place all of his attention on Alex, “Morning, baby girl.”

Alex smiled, damn he liked Thomas’s nicknames for him. He went to kiss him on the lips mumbling, “Morning.” After the sleepy, soft kiss, Thomas asked, “Do you want me to make you some coffee?”

Alexander smiled brightly and nodded. Thomas pecked him again and stood up to leave the room. Alexander raised his knees to rest his cheek on them as he watched Thomas leave. Thomas… _his boyfriend._

Thomas had promised him they could spend the day telling each other about their lives. He truly did want Thomas to know everything about his life, and he too wanted to know all about Thomas's. Secrets were overrated; keeping things from people had only ever caused him trouble. But in all honesty, he wasn’t exactly looking forward to explaining the darkest parts of his life aloud.

Thomas came back into the room with two mugs of coffee, placing one on each bedside table. Alex picked one up and lightly blew on it, taking a small sip. Thomas sat next to Alexander, facing the opposite way to him. Alexander gently asked, “So, you remember what I said I wanted to do, right?”

“You wanted us to tell each other about our lives,” Thomas remembered.

Alexander smiled and nodded.

“Do you want to go first, or should I?” Thomas asked.

“I’ll go first,” Alexander replied, slowly moving to put his mug back down and looking at his hands a bit nervously.

“Okay… Here it goes. Well, I was born in Nevis. My mother was Puerto Rican, her name was Rachel, and my father… as in my _birth_ father, was Scottish, his name was James.”

Alexander awkwardly glanced up to make eye contact. Thomas was waiting patiently and listening to every word politely. Alexander gave a quick, coy smile.

“Urm, anyway,” Alex said going to look back down to his hands. “My dad – my _birth_ dad – drank a lot and gambled and yelled. That kind of thing. He was quite a rough person, especially after he’d been drinking. There was this one time when he was drunk and grabbed my wrist really hard and it left a really dark bruise. I don’t think he meant to, he was so drunk that I’m not sure if he realised how hard he grabbed me. He never physically hurt me after that and it really seemed like he was starting to get things sorted out, but then when I was ten he just…” Alex shrugged, “left. He didn’t give any reason why, and all that was really left of him was a lot of debt. That put me and my mom in a really difficult financial position and…”

Alex trailed off, looking down blankly. Recalling all of this stuff was hard. Thomas lightly touched his hands, “Are you okay?” He asked. Alexander looked up to Thomas’s concerned face. He let out a deep breath and smiled, slowly nodding. He was okay. He could do this.

Alex turned back to the story, wanting to get this over with as quick as possible. “So, when I turned twelve, me and my mother started to get really sick. I got through it alright, but my mom just kept getting worse. They didn’t think she’d make it, and we didn’t have enough money to buy the medicine she needed. And…” Alex stopped, looking down ashamed.

“Are you sure you love me?” Alex asked out of nowhere.

Thomas put a hand on his cheek, tilting his face gently to look into his eyes. “Baby, I love you so much. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.”

Alexander nodded, confessing “I’m scared you won’t feel the same way about me once I tell you everything.”

Thomas held Alex close to assure him, “Nothing will change my mind. I promise.”

Alexander took a deep breath, he really hoped Thomas was right.

“I really needed money. My mother was dying and I needed money for medicine quick. And… th-there was this man. And… Urm… he looked at me kind of funny, and whenever we passed him my mom would tighten her grip on my hand and start walking quicker. So… I had this really stupid idea and I guess I figured it was worth a shot. I…” Alex paused, a wave of shame going through him. “I said I’d have sex with him if he gave me the money I needed.” Alex felt Thomas stiffen up slightly, as his touch became a little firmer.

“We went up to this hotel, and he told the people at the reception that I was his son to avoid any suspicion. I followed him up to the room; he pulled me by my wrist and I really hated it. He started unbuttoning his shirt and he told me to take my clothes off. But I just couldn’t do it. I freaked out and I left. My mom died the next day.”

Alexander’s eyes were watery, reminded of how helpless he felt to the people around him. The way he felt like he didn’t have any say over his own body. How vulnerable and guilty he felt.

Thomas slowly asked, “So, you didn’t have sex for money?”

Alexander shook his head, “No. But I almost did.” Alexander choked a couple of times over his next words, “I-I-I wish I did though. I know I’m not supposed to say that. I know. But if I could’ve just done it and sold my body, let him use me and just take the damn money, would my mom still be alive now? Is it my fault she’s dead?”

Alexander burst into tears and Thomas wrapped his arms around him and held him as tight as he could, lightly hushing him. “No, Alex, no. Listen to me, this isn’t your fault. No one would expect you to do those things. And I know I didn’t know her, but if I was in her position, I would rather die a hundred times then let anyone do anything like that to you. It wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault.”

Alexander whispered into Thomas’s neck, “Please tell me you still love me.”

Thomas stroked a hand through Alex’s hair, “Of course I still love you. I love you so, so much. I’m so sorry that happened.”

Alex took a few minutes to stop crying and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself with his face going bright red and puffy. Thomas hated seeing him like this, he wished he could just take Alex’s pain away. He tilted Alex to look up to him and said, “Alexander, none of that was your fault. None of it. That man tried to take advantage of you when you were a vulnerable child. And I swear, if I ever see that man, I will kill him myself.”

Alex rolled his eyes, “Come on, don’t say that.”

“I’m serious. I’d kill him. No one has the right to hurt you. Absolutely _nobody._ _”_

Thomas looked dead serious, and that probably shouldn’t have made Alex feel as safe and protected as it did. For some reason the picture of Thomas threatening anyone who tried to hurt him made him happy. Alexander gave him a firm and passionate kiss, perhaps only very slightly ruined by the fact that Alexander was kind of a wreck.

Thomas held onto the sides of his face, brushing the hair that was sticking to his face out of the way and wiping away the tears going down Alexander’s face. “Do you want to stop?”

Alexander shook his head, “No. I’m fine. Urm, I’m fine. Just give me a minute.” Alexander took some deep breaths to readjust himself, “Right, so then I moved in with my cousin, Peter. He was nice, but kinda weird. He acted sort of strange, pacing late at night, whispering to himself, that kind of thing. At the time I had no idea why.” Alexander started fidgeting with his hands again, “One day I came home and I found him lying on the floor of his room. He’d… He’d stabbed himself and there was _so_ much blood.”

Alexander started fidgeting even quicker. Whenever he talked about it, the picture of Peter lying in his own blood came flooding back. He’d gotten into an odd habit of covering his ears whenever he started to visualise the things from his past, he wasn’t really sure why, it wasn’t like it actually did anything. It’s just something he started doing when he was little that he never really stopped doing. He was getting a strong urge to do it again now, but he was trying really hard to refrain from doing it now. Thomas would probably think it strange if half way through their conversation he just put his hands over his ears and shut his eyes.

“After that, I hid under the desk in the study. I’m not really sure exactly how long it was. But I was just crouched under this desk with my hands over my ears while my cousin was dead in a pool of blood in the next room. I was so scared.” Alexander gave in as the images started coming back too vividly, and he very abruptly put his hands over his ears and scrunched his eyes shut. It was as if there'd been an explosion right in front of him.

Thomas didn’t entirely understand what just happened, but immediately pulled Alex into him. He quietly hushed Alex and very, very gently ushered his hands away from his ears. Alexander slowly opened his eyes, his hands being held by Thomas’s, who rubbed gentle circles into his skin and was giving a consoling look. “You’re safe, Alex. Everything’s alright. You’re here with me.”

Alex nodded and moved closer to Thomas. Burying his face into the skin of his neck and breathing him in so he knew this was real. Eventually he pulled away slightly, feeling a lot better and assured.

He stayed close to Thomas as he kept going, “Okay, okay, so then, I don’t know how long I was there, but the next thing I knew, I was being taken out of the house by some people and I was put into the care system. I wasn’t really doing that great, I was starting fights with everyone, I kept running off and hiding, I hadn’t really developed any social skills so I couldn’t communicate well, and this is kind of embarrassing, but I kind of regressed and had some childhood habits I thought I’d grown out of. Like, I still sucked my thumb and occasionally I still accidentally wet the bed…”

Alexander blushed from embarrassment, but Thomas didn’t look at all fazed or judgmental. “I was kind of a problem child, which would usually mean I’d never stand a chance at being adopted. But, well, evidently I was. My dad was in the building as a prospective adopter, and apparently he found this silly short story I wrote about a hurricane. I’d been told that I should try to get out my feelings in a creative way, so I’d been doing a lot of writing. Apparently, that was why he decided to adopt me. I moved in with my dad, and at first I was terrified. I really didn’t trust him. I know it’s stupid and really sexist, but because all the people who hurt or abandoned me were men, I just really didn’t trust men anymore. I kept wishing I’d been adopted by a woman, and I kept thinking it was only a matter of time before he expected something from me,” Alex cringed remembering the way he used to think. It was odd to think there was a time when he thought his dad would even think about hurting him.

“I really wasn’t adjusting, and after one day when I got into this really big fight with someone at school, I heard my dad telling someone he wasn’t sure whether he could keep me. I freaked out so bad, as scared as I was of my dad back then, I was way more scared of being put back in the system. So I tried to run away, but my dad found me after not too long and brought me back. I started screaming and crying and begging him not to send me away. He told me he wouldn’t and he hugged me until I fell asleep, and I kind of decided I was okay with my new life. I accidentally called him dad when I was falling asleep, and after that I never called him anything else."

"Things started to go up from there, I met all my friends, I kicked my childhood habits, my grades started to go up. Over the next few years, everything was mostly alright, well... until everything from last year happened with the cheating, getting everyone to hate my guts and the overdose… After I came home from the hospital, I started to recover and I turned my life around. My friends all forgave me, I talked things out with Eliza and everything was starting to look up again. Before this school year began I was starting to get kind of stressed about work and stuff again. Not as bad as last year, but still pretty bad. That's why I was so cold to you when you first moved in. It was nothing to do with you, it was just me, I swear. Anyway, one day my dad came home and told me that one of his employees was going to move into the spare room for a little while.”

Alexander smirked, “And, well… you know the rest.”

Thomas held Alex close, damn, that’s an intense life. Thomas had guessed that Alexander’s upbringing couldn’t exactly have been happy. I mean, he was adopted and had some obvious emotional consequences from losing his parents. But he couldn’t have guessed just how emotional it was.

It was obvious that having to explain everything had been emotionally draining on Alex. He let Alex huddle up into his arms and held him in a tight embrace.

“Don’t ever leave me,” Alex said against Thomas’s neck.

“I’m never going to leave you.” Thomas said, leaning down to kiss him.

They cuddled for a while, and Thomas really didn’t want to break physical contact for even a second. His story explained a lot of things. Alex’s constant fear that Thomas was going to leave, his troubling attitude towards intimacy, his worries about always saying the wrong thing, sometimes not understanding the way he was supposed to act in situations.

“Why don’t I make you some food?” Thomas offered, kissing Alex on the top of his head.

Alex sniffed a couple of times and nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Thomas said.

He got off the bed, lightly pulling Alexander to stand up too and holding onto his hand. He held his hand as they walked into the kitchen. Alexander hopped onto a stool, and as Thomas needed his hands back, he kissed the back of Alex’s hand and let it go.

“Why don’t you ever ask me to cook?” Alex asked, trying to lighten the mood slightly as Thomas cooked some food.

Thomas smirked, “Well, do you even know how to cook?”

Alex blushed and lowered his head, “No…”

Thomas chuckled and kissed Alex on his forehead, “Exactly.”

They ate a late breakfast, sitting close together. After they were done, Thomas placed a hand reassuringly on Alex’s thigh and asked, “Are you feeling alright?”

Alexander drank some water, then smiled and nodded, “I’m fine. I mean, I feel kind of drained. But I’m glad I told you everything. Everything feels a little lighter now, like I don’t have anything to hide.”

Alex paused and smirked, “You know, I’ve told you all the sad parts of my life, because that tends to be the parts that really stand out. But that wasn’t everything. My life wasn’t just a list of tragic events. When I think about my life back then, as hard as it can be after everything that’s happened, I remember a lot of good moments too. I remember reading with my parents, and them making up little stories to convince me to go to bed. I remember my mother taking me to this river and singing this song whilst I dipped my feet in the water, I remember my birth dad trying to explain sports and local customs to me, and how he would just joke around when I didn’t really understand it. I remember every weekend going to this café with my parents and sitting on the same outside table every time, my parents would get coffee and talk about politics whilst I was filling out whatever kid’s puzzle I had that week. I remember a couple of friends I had that lived down the street and how we’d play games on the street outside our house. I remember the buildings, I remember how green all the nature was, I remember how hot it can get…” Alexander bit his lip, “Thomas, if we last, can we go to Nevis one day?”

 “I would love to see where you were when you were a child,” he softly responded. He leant in to give Alexander a loving kiss.

Alexander smiled and suddenly jumped up excitedly, pulling Thomas towards the sofa. Thomas laughed and let Alexander lightly push him to make him sit down. Alex then sat on Thomas’s lap sideways, Alex draping one around his shoulder and the other on Thomas’s chest as Thomas dragged his fingertips up and down Alex’s legs.

“Your turn,” Alex whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried to write the backstory rip. I actually started writing about their lives before they meet as like its own story, if I ever finish it I might upload it maybe? Anyhow I love you all and I hope you have a wonderful day.


	51. Self Made Men

Thomas nodded in agreement. He hadn’t talked about his life very much, and he wasn’t really sure what Alex would be expecting. “Okay… my life’s been pretty dull to be honest,” He admitted.

“Boring’s fine,” Alex said with a kiss on his cheek.

“Okay then, well I was born in Virginia…” Thomas slowly began.

Alex shrugged, “Well obviously, I already knew that.”

“My mom's called Jane and my dad's called Kevin. They got married and I was their only kid together. When I was four, my parents separated and my mom married Peter, my step-dad.”

Alex interrupted with, “Well that makes sense. First marriages usually end in divorce.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, “Anyway, I would stay with my mom and step-dad over the week, and then I'd spend the weekend with my dad. When I was sixteen, for some reason my mom decided she didn't want me seeing my dad at all anymore. She never told me why, but I didn’t see him for five years straight and I was so mad at her for it. I still have absolutely no idea why it happened.”

Alex scowled, “I’d never let anyone stop me from seeing my kid if I had one. How was your dad okay with that? Did he ever try to take your mom to court? Because that’s what I’d do.”

Thomas laughed, “Okay, I love you, babe. But could you maybe not interrupt my story every five seconds?”

Alex blushed, “Oh, sorry. You know I suck at shutting up.” He then motioned to zip his mouth shut.

Thomas kissed Alexander and gently squeezed him, “Anyway, we sorta reconnected, but five years is a lot of time to make up for. I always just sort of saw my step-dad as my dad. He was the one who raised me and gave me advice when I needed fatherly guidance. So I always just called him dad and I never really saw him as anything else. Urm, so my step-dad and my mom had another five kids together.”

Alex’s eyes widened, “Five?” He then slapped his hand over his mouth when he remembered what Thomas just said about interrupting.

Thomas laughed, “Yep five. So there was six of us altogether. The oldest of them is my sister Mary, then there’s Elizabeth, then Lucy, and then there’s the twins, Anna and Randolph. I got on really well with my siblings, I gave a lot of advice to them as they grew up and I helped my parents a lot with the younger ones. We were super close.”

Alex smiled and nuzzled Thomas’s skin, that was what he wanted… a big, close family.

“At school I was part of a load of sports teams and I was super popular. My friends were such jackasses though. Since I was kind of shy and impressionable, I mostly just went along with what they thought was cool.” Thomas laughed a little, “You would’ve hated me so much..."

Alex placed a small kiss on Thomas’s neck as he mumbled, “Not possible.”

“And my dating life, oh god, it would take a while to sum that all up… When I was thirteen I had my first girlfriend, Jasmine, and that lasted four months. I didn’t even like her that much, but all my friends had girlfriends, so I thought why not. Urm, when I was fourteen I had a girlfriend called Molly, she was the first person I had sex with…”

Alex raised an eyebrow, “Wait a second, you lost your virginity when you were fourteen?”

Thomas looked down awkwardly, “Yep. It was awful, neither of us had any idea what we were doing and neither of us were ready for it, but everyone at school was starting to talk about that stuff so… It was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. I was so not ready and I was depressed about it for a while after. I had pretty conservative feelings about sex, and I really wanted to have my first time with someone special, but I didn’t love her and we broke up not long after. I had, like, another five girlfriends in high school. Every single time, I ended up having sex before I was even sure about how I felt. Then there was Alison…”

Thomas paused, he glanced down at Alexander and swallowed. Alex looked up at him completely innocently and unjudgmentally. “Alex, if anything I say changes your mind about wanting to be with me, I’ll understand. Please don’t pretend to be unfazed by the things I tell you just because you think you should be.”

Alexander straightened up a little and looked Thomas in the eyes, “Sure… But I can’t imagine anything changing my mind.”

Thomas smiled and took Alex’s hand, looking down at it as he continued talking gravely. “So… Alison was the first girl I think I actually started to fall in love with. But, as you know, I have a bit of problem with getting jealous. And I was so scared of losing her… I became  _terrible._ I couldn’t stand the idea of her having feelings for anyone else, so I got really controlling. I hated it when she even talked to other boys. I tried to stop letting her talk to some of her friends, I got mad when she went out without telling me, and I made her show me all the messages on her phone to prove she wasn't cheating. I was so manipulative and awful. When I realised how awful I'd been, I tried to apologise, but I’d already screwed up way too much and she left me – obviously.”

“I still feel so guilty about it. I hate that it's even possible I could've been like that,” Thomas admitted. There were uncomfortable seconds of silence, and Thomas felt like his chest was about to cave into itself. Alexander was painfully quiet. This revelation had led to break ups in a couple of relationships in the past, usually because the person he wanted to date had already been in a troubling relationship and didn't want to risk a repeat. Thomas never thought ill of them for breaking up with him over it, even though he would never let himself be like that again. Alexander had already seen that he got jealous, and now he knew just how bad it got in the worst scenario. Thomas felt frozen, if  _this_ was what destroyed his relationship with the love of his life, then he really would never forgive himself. "Please say something," Thomas said when he couldn't stand the silence anymore. 

"I thought you didn't want me interrupting any more," he plainly responded. 

Thomas looked up to his face, damn Alexander was beautiful. He slowly asked, "Do... you still feel the same about me?"

Alexander smiled softly and tilted Thomas’s face towards him to peck him on the lips, “Yeah. I mean, you made some horrible decisions in a past relationship. But I’m not going to cling onto your past.”

Thomas placed his hand just below Alex’s jaw to pull him into a long kiss. Jesus he was glad that that wasn’t going to destroy his relationship. Alexander really was the love of his life. When he broke the kiss he looked at his eyes, rubbing his thumb over Alex’s cheek.

“Anyway,” he said going back to talking about his life. “When I finished high school, I was starting resent how wealthy my parents were. I have all these ideas about people gaining status and wealth through merit and hard work rather than birth, and I really wanted to live up to that idea. So I decided to be self-reliant and provide for myself rather just depending on my parents. At first it worked out okay, straight after high school I got a job, and I spent the next three years trying to find a good career. But nothing was right, I kept switching jobs and I could never stick to one. When I realised how clueless I was, I decided to go to college, but I was so scared. That’s when my dad gave me that law book and gave me this long talk to convince me I’d be alright.”

“I’d known for a long time that I wasn’t straight, but I was really starting to come to terms with being bisexual when I began college. I was too scared to tell my parents, so I told them through an email. Luckily, they were totally okay with it. That’s around the time I met James. He was the first person I told, and he helped me draft the email and everything. College was great, I made a lot of really great friends, I became a lot more confident, I started to pick up my own fashion sense, I had a couple of really good relationships and when they ended it was on good terms. My love life still wasn’t exactly perfect, though. Between the relationships I slept around, even though I regretted having meaningless sex every time I did it. I stayed at college for six years, and towards the end of college, I met Martha. I thought I really, really loved her. The only problem was that she had to go back to France when she finished college. So, I proposed to her. She said yes and we moved to France together. James on the other hand got a job for your dad and made me swear that if France didn’t work out, I’d move to New York for at least a year. It quickly became clear that me and Martha weren’t going to last. Once that early romantic infatuation began to wear off, there wasn’t all that much left. I got insanely jealous, we started fighting all the time, I hated that she smoked, and she hated that I drank so much.”

Thomas paused for a second, thinking of a delicate way of putting the next problem, “What really put the nail in the coffin though was that we just wanted different things,” he decided on. He didn’t want to explicitly say that one of the most important reasons for their divorce was that Thomas wanted kids and Martha didn’t. He thought that saying that would put Alexander in an awkward position, it was way too serious to make him think about for just now and he was too young to start thinking about that stuff.

“After the first four months, there really wasn’t any feelings left to hang on to. We tried to work through it, but after a while we just both realised it wasn’t going to last. I stayed for another month to figure stuff out, and then I got on a plane to come back to America. I planned to just go back to Virginia, but James had even convinced Washington to give me my job after John Jay quit to spend time with his family and try his luck with politics. The only problem was James didn’t have any spare rooms, and I couldn’t find the money to get my own place without getting money from my parents – which I was definitely not willing to do. I was five seconds away from just breaking my promise with James and running back to Virginia, but then your dad said I could spend some time in his house. And, okay, he probably didn’t mean for as long as I’ve been here for…” Thomas laughed a little, “But I’m glad all of that happened. Because that’s how I met you. And, well you know the rest.”

There was a minute or so with no words spoken, pure silence. They just smiled at each other, all cards were on the table. Of course, there was still so much they had to learn about each other. You can’t learn every aspect of someone’s life in a day. But they now had a rather good understanding of each other.

Alexander then leaned in to kiss Thomas again. Thomas put one hand under Alex’s knees and used his other arm around his back, pulling his body closer. They made out for a while, pausing every so and then to whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears. Thomas eventually broke the kisses, and used two of his fingers to comb through a strand of Alex's hair. 

“Let’s go out,” Thomas said.

“What? Now?” Alex asked, confused at his sudden statement.

“No, I mean like tomorrow. I want to take you out on a date.”

Alex smiled and blushed lightly, “Oh.”

“Well, I mean I just realised we haven’t had a single date. I was serious when I said I wanted to do things right this time. First, I want to take you out for coffee, and then in a week or so I want to take you out for dinner. You know, like a proper relationship. Are you doing anything tomorrow?”

“I’m getting coffee with you,” Alex replied with a smirk.

“It’s a plan then,” Thomas said, kissing Alex on his cheek.


	52. Coffee Date

The next morning, Alexander and Thomas spent most of the morning in bed. Once they eventually convinced themselves that they would have to get up eventually, they both started getting ready to go out. Thomas made sure that Alexander was dressed in something warm and at least relatively fashionable before they left the apartment.

Thomas would be lying if he said he wasn’t at least slightly nervous. This was the first time he’d ever been out in public with Alexander, and he was kind of worried about what people would think of him. Alexander very obviously looked a lot younger than him, and what if people could somehow tell? It was a silly fear, it wasn’t like people would actually just look at them and judge them. I mean, this was _New York,_ there was definitely more interesting and unusual things to gawk at.

They went to a nice coffee shop, not too obscure but just out of the way enough to mean it wasn’t too loud or busy. As they brought coffee, Thomas without thinking twice went to pay for both of them.

“Hey, I can pay for myself,” Alex whined.

Thomas smirked, “Come on, I always pay for at least the first couple of dates. I’ve got southern manners, what can I say. Just let me pay for your coffee, please? Feed my ego this once? Pretty please?”

“Fine,” grumbled Alex. “But only this once.”

Thomas smiled gratefully and handed the money over, picking up the coffees and carrying them to follow behind Alex to sit wherever he wanted.

They went to sit on a table by the window, it was nice spot and had a view of the street. Sure, it was a pretty bland view, but it still looked beautiful in its modesty. They told each other little anecdotes which couldn’t fit into short summaries of their lives or general narratives, and they joked around about random subjects which came to mind. Thomas took out his phone to show Alexander all the pictures of his family and he told him about what each of them were like. Whenever there was a picture of when he was very young, Alexander would snatch the phone and look at it with wide eyes and say “Woah, you’re tiny!”

They touched hands over the table and had an amazing first date. Everything felt right. The scenery fit the mood perfectly, with snow falling gently outside and the café obtaining a perfect comfortable lighting. There was the smell of coffee and faint sound of the coffee machines. It was the kind of immersive atmosphere that you knew you’d remember in the future.

Eventually, they headed back to the apartment. Alex stifled a laugh as they went in, “The end of a first date is kind of weird when you already live with the person you went on a date with. Like, we can’t have a good bye kiss, because we aren't leaving each other. And I can’t ask you if you want to come up because… ya know, you live here.” Alex giggled a little and Thomas rolled his eyes and pulled Alexander into a kiss.

Thomas held onto Alex and gently asked, “So, first date. Did I do good?”

“Perfect,” Alexander replied and pecked him on the lips again.

They then sat together on the couch, cuddling for a few minutes before separating to do their own things because surprisingly they still have lives to maintain.

“Would you mind if I went out with my friends tomorrow?” Alexander asked.

Thomas lightly squeezed Alex’s legs, “Of course you can. We’ve spent like two days straight with each other. You don’t need to ask me.”

“Thanks, Tommy,” Alex said, going back to his phone to tell John he still wanted to meet up. Alex thought for a second and looked at their group chat, he still hadn’t told his friends what happened and none of them had asked. They probably didn’t want to ask just in case worst came to worst and Thomas broke up with him, and Alex was just too upset to talk about it.

He opened up the group chat and asked Thomas, “You don’t mind if I tell my friends about us, right?”

Thomas smirked, “You’ve always done it before.”

“True. But if we’re being honest with each other now I feel like I should ask you.”

Thomas gave him a reassuring smile, “Go ahead.”

Alexander opened the chat and paused biting his lip, “Actually... pick up your phone.”

Thomas scowled in confusion but did as Alex requested without question.

Alexander looked back down to his phone, open on their friends group chat.

 

_Alex added Thomas_

Alex: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

 

Thomas looked up from his phone and smirked, “Really?”

Alex shrugged, “You’re my boyfriend now. I guess since it was a chat made to talk about you, it makes sense if I add you to it.”

 

Laurensisacutiepie<3: ELIZA WE DID IT

BestOfFBStalkers: OH MY GOD WE DID IT

Angelica: I cant believe im saying this, but im actually happy for you two

Stfuyoufrenchfuck: Yayy, welcome to the chat thomas you handsome fellow

Hercules: welcome to the chat

Hercules: Also hurt Alex ever again and you’re dead ;)

 

Alex looked over to Thomas and gave him a gentle nudge, “Well, say something.”

Thomas looked a little nervous and admitted, “I’m kinda scared. Pretty much all they know about me is all the ways I’ve screwed you over and upset you.”

“Then change that,” Alex said with a reassuring smile.

Thomas swallowed and nervously typed down,

 

Thomas: hi, I’m the boyfriend

Alex: be nice he’s shy

 

Thomas glared lightly at Alex and grudgingly mumbled, “Thanks for that.”

Alex gently nudged Thomas with his foot, “Don’t worry, they’ll love you.”

 

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: Hello alexs boyfriend

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: pls don’t make any more relationship drama

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: pls

BNicePeggsOrIllTellDad: no more

Angelica: I’m with peggy on that, no more drama

 

Thomas looked over to Alex, trying to think of something he could say that would convince Alex’s friends to trust him. He smiled gently as he realised he could only think of one thing to say.

 

Thomas:  I won’t ever hurt Alex ever again

Thomas: I love him

 

Alex looked up to Thomas and smiled, instead of texting a response he leant over the sofa to kiss him, “I love you too.”

Alex and Thomas spent a little time on the group chat talking to Alex’s friends. Alex was so excited for his boyfriend and his friends to get to know each other, it really felt like everything was falling into the right places.

After a few minutes, they put their phones down and tried to get some work done. It was so much easier to just stay calm and get things done when he sat next to someone who made him feel so comfortable. The only problem is that they were each other’s worst distraction. Every so and then they’d lose their train of thought and just stare at each other, and a couple of times they got distracted and ended up kissing. They both just figured it was early relationship romance, it would become easier to focus on everything else once the whole relationship thing was a bit more familiar.

The next day, Alexander was back at school and wouldn’t come home until late since he’d agreed to meet with his friends. Thomas went back into work, feeling far more confident than before.

Aaron saw him in the break room, and when he noticed how overly friendly Thomas was being with everyone, he smirked remarking, “Someone looks happy. I take it things turned around?”

Thomas was so ecstatic he was basically bouncing, and he replied, “You have no idea. Me and Alexander talked everything out. I told him how I feel, and he told me how he feels. And, well, he’s my boyfriend now.” He was so happy he honestly didn’t care that he was acting like he’d never been in a relationship before.

Aaron smiled, “That’s great.”

Thomas noticed something, a slight melancholy note to that smile. “Really? Your face doesn’t seem to believe that.”

Aaron shook his head dismissively, “No, it’s not that. I’m happy for you. Really. It’s just…”

“Theodosia?” Thomas guessed.

Aaron awkwardly nodded. “I’m supposed to meet her in a few days. But now that her husband’s back in town, it just feels wrong. If things were the other way around, I’d want Mark dead. I hate being just the person she’s with when her husband won’t know.”

Thomas gave him a consoling look. “Well, I know considering how I’ve been until very recently I’m the absolute worst person to give advice on communication, but why not just tell her that? Tell her you won’t be her side guy any more. Tell her to just make a choice.”

Aaron frowned and crossed his arms uncomfortably, shaking his head.

“Why not?”

Aaron lowered his eyes to the floor, admitting, “Because I don’t think I’ll like what her choice is.”

Aaron tried to turn away so Thomas wouldn’t see him because he felt like he was starting to cry. Thomas touched his arm reassuringly and Aaron broke into quiet tears. Thomas held him whilst he cried, waiting with him until he composed himself enough to leave. Thomas thought the whole thing was so strange, it was odd being on the other side of this.

Later in the day, Thomas felt his blood go cold when he saw James. James noticed him and awkwardly walked over to him. “Hey, Thomas.”

Thomas was silent for a minute, he didn’t want to lose his friendship with James, but he was still hurt from what James tried to do. When he saw him, the first thing that came to his head was a nagging voice that told him ‘if things went his way, you wouldn’t be with the love of your life.’

“I don’t want to talk,” Thomas said gently.

James looked down ashamed, “Alright.” Thomas moved to leave, but James grabbed his wrist. “Hang on a sec. Before I forget…” He looked for something in his pocket, pulling out a shredded letter which had been messily stuck together. “I tried to hide this from you. I’m sorry.”

Thomas nodded, accepting the letter. James went away and Thomas smiled at the letter without reading it. Alexander’s handwriting was beautiful, even if how quickly it was written and the way it was stuck back together made it slightly illegible. In a weird way, he was glad he never received the letter. He already knew what it said. And as much as he loved reading Alexander’s words, hearing them was so much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're all beautiful cinnamon rolls of perfection and sweetness and I hope you have a wonderful day. I have no idea how long this is gonna go on for, I have pretty much their whole lives mapped out so its just a matter of where I want to stop it aha. I'm definitely at least going to go up to when George comes back which still isn't for a little while. Tbh I don't want to end it because writing it and having people read it just makes me happy.


	53. Workplace Secrets and Dinner

A few days later, Alexander and Thomas had plans to get dinner. Thomas was at work, trying to get some work paperwork finished when he got distracted and smiled down at his phone.

 

Alex: what time will you be done with work? x

Thomas: probably about 5:30 to 6ish x

Alex: cool do you want me to come to your office? I figured we could just walk from there x

Thomas: sounds perfect x

Alex: so hows your day been? X

Thomas: alright. A lot of work is all. what about you? x

Alex: Ive been pretty alright. Would be better if you were here x

Thomas: aw youre such a damn flirt x

Alex: yeh but im your damn flirt x

Thomas: damn straight x

Alex: whatcha doing right now? X

Thomas: paperwork x

Thomas: well, at least im supposed to be x

Alex: I can think of something better you could be doing… ;)

Thomas: I swear to god if you’re about to say you

Alex: urm… no?

Thomas: god damn it Alex

Thomas: luckily I love you x

Alex: I love you too x

Thomas: see you later, I gotta get back to work x

Alex: alright see ya x

Alex: but for the record doing me would be a lot more fun then work

Alex: just saying

 

Thomas laughed and shook his head. Later Alex texted him to tell him he was in the building and Thomas quickly left his office to find him.

Alexander smiled when he saw Thomas, and Thomas couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed. He guiltily looked around, nervous that someone in the room might notice what was going on.

He walked over to Alex, “Hey, Alex.”

“Hey, Tommy,” Alexander said sweetly.

Thomas knew he should have embraced Alex and kissed him, but everyone was here. Everyone he worked with could see them. All the people who still whispered about his supposed relationship with George. He couldn’t stand the thought of the ideas that would go through their heads if they found out about them.

Thomas treated him with unfamiliarity, simply saying “Come to the office for a moment?” in a detached tone and placing a hand on his arm to lightly pull him towards Aaron’s office – where he was still working. As they got closer to the door and out of sight, Thomas slid his hand from Alexander’s arm to his lower back, but still with a certain cold attitude. As he led him inside the office and shut the door, Alexander looked at him confused over how he was acting.

“Hey, sorry I just need to finish this one tiny thing. Wait here with me?” He asked, going back to how he normally acts with Alexander. He hoped Alex wouldn’t notice how he was acting a moment ago so that he could get away with pretending it didn’t happen.

Alexander nodded uncertainly, “Sure.” Before a second later asking, “What was that about?”

Thomas sighed, going over to finish writing in a few final details on a form. He had half a mind to insist it was nothing, but he quickly dismissed the thought. He knew how important honesty was in their relationship, and he was determined to maintain his promise to not keep secrets or lie anymore. So he admitted, “No one around here knows about us. I’m kind of scared about what they’ll say when they find out.”

Alexander non judgmentally noted, “You’re ashamed about being with me.”

Thomas went to Alex and took his hands, “No, no…”

“No, it’s okay,” Alexander insisted. “I get it. I’m young, and most people around here don’t like me, and I know how much you care about what people say about you.”

Thomas squeezed his hands reassuringly, “I’m sorry… It’s just, there’s been some weird rumours going around that I’m sleeping with your dad…”

Alexander raised an eyebrow and almost burst out into laughter. That was the first he’d heard of any rumours like that.

“And people were just saying horrible things about me and your dad and I hated it so much. I’m scared about what they’d say if people knew I was with you. Not because I’m ashamed of you, I swear. If the circumstances were different I’d be boasting about you to everyone here. But you’re just so young, and you’re in high school, and you’re my boss’s son… I’m just scared.”

Alexander looked down and nodded, “Okay.”

Thomas let out a deep breath, “Oh god… I’ve upset you haven’t I?”

Alexander smiled weakly, “It’s fine. It’s just, I was so excited to tell my friends about you. It kind of hurts that you don’t even want your co-workers to know about me.” He honestly admitted.

Thomas hated doing this to Alexander. He looked around lost and gave him an apologetic look.

Alexander gave him a soft kiss on the lips, “But it’s okay. Really. I’m not just saying that. Take as much time as you need to tell people about us. I don’t want you to feel forced to do anything.”

Thomas pulled Alex into a hug, mumbling “Thank you. I just need a little bit of time, I promise.”

They held each other for a minute. They heard the door open and they pulled away, Alexander quickly trying to act normal but not really knowing how.

Aaron walked in with an eyebrow raised, “Hey, Thomas. Hey, Alexander. I haven’t seen you in so long.”

Alexander awkwardly stuttered, “Uh, y-yeah. Hi, Aaron. I was just…” He looked around awkwardly.

Thomas laughed and gently said, “It’s okay. Aaron already knows.”

Alexander let out a deep breath, “Oh.”

Aaron smirked and laughed a little, “Oh yeah, I know about you guys. I spent many days putting up with Thomas moping about you.”

Alexander gave a mischievous smile and playfully hit Thomas on his arm, he was so going to bring that up constantly.

Aaron smiled, they both looked so happy. “Oh how the tables have turned…”

Thomas tried to give him a comforting smile. It can’t be great seeing him and Alex together just when things are starting to suck for him. Aaron picked up his bag and put some files in it, “Anyway I need to go.”

Thomas nodded. He knew that once Aaron left he was going to be meeting with Theodosia, and he looked conflicted to say the least.

Aaron briefly faltered his movements, pausing to ask, “Am I doing the wrong thing?”

Thomas shrugged, “I don’t know. I can’t tell you that.”

Aaron sighed and picked his bag up. “Well, have a lovely evening together. I’m happy for you both.”

Aaron left and Alexander took Thomas’s hand, “What was that about?”

Thomas replied, “I’ll tell you later.”

They went to the restaurant and held hands over the table. Thomas told Alexander about what was going on with Theodosia and Aaron. Apparently Alexander already knew that they’d been having an affair; they started seeing each other back when Alex got along with most people at the office. Alexander was one of the only people Aaron told back then. So Thomas figured Aaron wouldn’t mind if he filled him in.

Alexander hummed, “I hope they work things out.”

“Me too,” Thomas agreed, rubbing his thumb along his hand.

Alexander awkwardly asked, “Does Aaron still hate me?”

“Of course he doesn’t. He likes you now. Actually, when I first told Aaron and James that I was in love with you, Aaron was really helpful,” Thomas assured.

Alex smiled, “So who does know about us? I mean, people you told.”

Thomas thought, “Urm… well there’s Aaron and James. There was this woman at a bar. Oh, and Martha was the first person I told.”

“Wait, you told your ex-wife you were in love with me?” Alex asked with a smirk.

Thomas nodded, “Yeah, I know it sounds weird. But we separated on good terms and we wanted to stay friends and she just felt like an easy person to talk to about it.”

Alexander nodded and Thomas remembered, “Oh yeah, and I also sort of told John about how I felt.”

“John Adams?” Guessed Alexander.

“Urm… no. John Laurens.”

Alexander tightened his hand, “Wait, what?”

“Remember that day when you broke the coffee pot and stayed at home? Your friends came over whilst you were asleep. They were wondering why I told you I hated you even though I didn’t, and I told John that I thought you could do better,” Thomas explained. “I could see in his face that he knew exactly what I meant. He knew I loved you. There was a couple of times when I was so terrified I almost left, but each time he reminded me of that.”

Alexander smiled, he would have to thank John for all of this at some point.

“Oh, and I know your dad told John Adams. I don’t think he told anyone else, though.” Thomas added.

Alexander hummed in thought. Even now he wasn’t a hundred percent sure of what his dad did and didn’t know.

They spent the rest of dinner talking about other things. When the bill came, Thomas offered to pay but Alexander scowled at him until he relented and they both paid for half.  

They went to bed together, Alexander’s head resting on Thomas’s chest. Thomas had his chin rested on Alexander’s head. God, Thomas loved him so much. Listening to Alexander’s quiet breath and feeling Alexander’s warm body pressed against him made him feel content. He hoped that Aaron was as happy as he was…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people, thank you for reading :) xxx


	54. Wait for it...

Aaron awoke in the early hours of the morning. He’d spent the weekend with Theodosia, and it was amazing and dreamlike. But now Monday came around like a dark cloud to submerge his life back in dullness. What Thomas had told him kept ringing in his head, but he spoke none of his words. He just kept waiting. Meaning Theodosia would still only be his when she had a moment to spare every so and then…

Aaron watched her as she got dressed. She quietly put on her underwear and her bra, highlighted by the light streaming in from a gap in the curtains. She was sitting on the bed with her back to him, and he admired her skin with a small smile on his face. Trying to cherish this moment whilst she was still his. He sat up to kiss her on her bare shoulder.

She looked over to him and smiled, “Morning, I didn’t know you were awake.”

“When do you have to be back?” Aaron asked.

“I have a couple of hours. Maybe a few.” She replied.

Aaron stroked his fingers through her hair as he admired her. She smiled tenderly at him, before pulling on a shirt and turning to face him with a more serious expression, “Actually, I’m glad you’re awake. I need to talk to you about something…”

Aaron raised an eyebrow, she looked really serious. He tried not to get worked up over what it could be about. If he got anxious, that wouldn’t solve anything. And he didn’t want to get hopeful because, well, because every time he started to hope for something, reality crushed it. He tried to put any expectation aside so that he could just wait for it. 

Theodosia looked at her hands awkwardly. “Okay… this might sound kind of weird but… are you… how do I put this… Are you safe?”

Aaron scowled, he’d tried his best not to have expectations, but even then that was definitely not what he was expecting to hear. “What are you talking about?”

“Is anyone… trying to hurt you?  Because if someone is, you could tell me. We could get you help.”

Aaron looked confused and shook his head, “What the hell are you talking about?”

Theodosia sighed, “What I’m asking is… has your boss ever hurt you in any way…? Or tried to take advantage of you? Or anything like that?”

Aaron straightened up in shock, “What? Of course not. Washington's one of the kindest, most charitable people I've ever met.”

“I know, I know,” Theodosia mumbled, genuinely concerned. “But I’ve… heard things.”

“Heard what?” Aaron carefully asked.

Theodosia gave up, admitting, “Fine, I'll tell you. You know how Mark has some connections with people who work for the news?”

Aaron nodded slowly.

“Well, one of his friends sent him this news article they were working on. It’ll be released to the public tomorrow. I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. And… well… it said some things about Washington. I was so, so scared that he did something to you.”

Well, this couldn’t be good… “What did it say?” Aaron asked.

Theodosia went over to her phone. “Hang on a second, when Mark wasn’t looking I took a quick photo of it.”

She handed Aaron the phone.

Aaron looked down and let out a deep breath, “Oh hell.”

 

George Washington Involved In Abusive Relationship With Employee

Sources from within George Washington’s company have brought to light allegations that the major New York businessman has been involved in a homosexual relationship with an employee over the last few months. Information suggests there had been rumours regarding a sexual relationship between Washington and an unknown male employee for some time, but that it came under heavy scrutiny after certain details led to accusations of manipulation, domestic violence as well as mental, physical and sexual abuse. Washington allegedly began taking advantage of the victim whilst he was in a financially turbulent time, guaranteeing job security in return for sexual favours. Whilst the exact nature of their relationship has been unconfirmed, an anonymous source from within the company informed us that the abusive nature was revealed when the victim was attacked in Washington’s own office. Accusations have also been made that Washington offered the victim higher roles in the company in exchange for allowing his advances.

 

The writing was shoddy, and it was clear it was a very early draft of an article. But its contents were clear as day. “What the hell is this? Firstly, this isn’t about me. This is about Thomas.”

Theodosia went white and interrupted asking, “You know him? Why didn’t you do anything to stop this?”

“Because it’s not true! This got it so, so wrong.”

“So… he didn’t do any of these things?”

“Well, he did help him in a difficult housing situation. And he did hit him and then give him higher up work the next day. It got those parts right.”

Theodosia opened her mouth, but Aaron quickly followed up with, “But they’re not in any kind of relationship and never have been.”

“How do you know? What if this Thomas just never told you?”

Aaron looked around awkwardly, he couldn’t find any way of dissuading her other than just telling the truth. “Look, Thomas isn’t sleeping with Washington. He’s dating Washington’s son. _That’s_ why he hit him.”

Theodosia’s eyes widened, “Wait, what? Isn’t his son meant to be like sixteen?”

“He turns eighteen in less than a week now.”

Theodosia blinked a few times “Oh.”

Aaron sighed, “You need to come with me into work.”

“What? Come on, people know I’m married to someone in an opposing company. They’ll kill me.”

“I need you to show this to some of the people there, we need to do something about this.”

Theodosia looked apprehensive.

“Please?”

Theodosia gave in, nodding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all very much. I feel graced to have you reading my story thank you so much :) 
> 
> Also, I made a really teeny note about this chapter on my tumblr


	55. A Slightly Unconventional Meeting

Aaron and Theodosia quickly got dressed, moving to leave the room before Aaron quickly wrapped his arms around her waist to hug her from behind, giving her a kiss on the neck before they went out into public. They rushed into the office, Aaron pulling a far more reluctant Theodosia behind him.

A series of odd looks went there way, wondering why the hell one of the opponent’s wives were in the building. Aaron might have been more bothered on most days, but at the moment his brain was on autopilot, only concerned with protecting his friend from a major scandal. He looked around for someone, _anyone_ he could talk to for a solution.

He saw Thomas and rushed over to him. “Thomas!” He called out.

Thomas looked over to them, confused at his unusual level of enthusiasm. “Hey Aaron,” he paused briefly on seeing the second person, “and… Theodosia?” He guessed.

Theodosia awkwardly smiled and nodded, clearly wishing she was anywhere else. Aaron quickly said, “Yeah, yeah, this is Theodosia. We can talk about that later. We have something way more urgent to deal with first.”

“What do you mean, are you alright?”

Aaron looked uncertain, “Yeah… but you might not be.”

Thomas straightened up a little at those words, Aaron looking around cautiously and motioning for Thomas to follow him. Thomas followed them through the building towards Washington’s office, knowing there they’d probably get some privacy.

They passed by John, who was talking something over with Philip Schuyler. Aaron double took and stopped him, “John Adams! You’re kind of like proxy Washington at the moment, right? We need to talk about something.”

John frowned, “Is this important? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

“That depends, do you want this company involved in a massive scandal?”

There was a moment of silence, before John let out a dreading sigh, “Oh Jesus Christ. Fine. Philip, go get Benjamin Franklin? He’s normally good at dealing with this kind of thing.” Philip nodded and left.

Aaron, Theodosia, John and Thomas walked into Washington’s office.

“Okay can you tell us what the hell is going on?” Thomas asked.

Aaron sighed, looking to Theodosia. Apparently Theodosia got the message, rooting through her bag to find her phone and bringing up the picture. She gave a shy and awkward explanation of how she came across it before showing the picture to them.

Thomas felt completely frozen to the core, his body so stiff that he felt his bones were about to shatter. This was the worst accusation he could think of. It was a lie and it would damage Washington’s reputation worse than ever. It would definitely bring a spotlight onto Washington’s life, and both Alexander’s and his by extension.

When Philip came back with Benjamin, they were shown the texts too. Thomas felt so ashamed and raised his hand to his mouth to half shield his face. Even though it was a downright lie, he felt like everything in his life was about to be exposed.  

“Maybe we can get it retracted?” John suggested.

Benjamin shook his head, “I’m afraid it’s far too late for that. All that will do is make it look like Washington has something to hide. Rumour of a cover will just bring further attention to it.”

“Well we can’t just sit by and let these people slander him. Especially when we know none of this is true. There has to be _some_ way of stopping this.” John responded.

“We have to be sensible and think about this for a moment,” Aaron insisted trying to calm John down. Aaron thought and rubbed his hands together, “We need to come to terms with the fact that tomorrow morning, this story will be printed for everyone in the city can see. The question isn’t how do we stop it, it’s how do we deal with the resulting storm?”

Everyone looked around at each other in silence. All terribly aware that absolutely no solution here would be good. John sighed in defeat and rubbed his face, “Damn smug bastards. All the people who work for George are just his puppets.”

Theodosia tensed and crossed her arms defensively, “Hey, that’s not fair. I know George sucks, but he’s a terrible boss to his own people too. His employees aren’t puppets, most of them are well intended people. The only reason Mark didn’t shut down the article was because he had no reason to believe it was false.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, “Of course you’d defend him,” he said with a very obvious passive aggressive tone.

Theodosia turned to Aaron and bitterly said, “Can we talk about this later?”

Aaron rolled his eyes and looked back to Benjamin, “What if we just ignore it? If we can’t say anything that will fix this, maybe the story will fade away if we leave it.”

Benjamin sighed, “Silence won’t bode well,  the people will take it as an admission of guilt. Everyone will be demanding a response.”

“Okay then, we make Washington give a clear and firm denial of any accusation.” John suggested.

“Then the media will tear it apart and find the slightest faults with it to revive the story,” Benjamin said.

Thomas finally spoke up saying, “Well if we can’t deny the accusations, and we can’t ignore them… what can we do?”

Philip Schuyler, who had been silent up until this moment shrugged and said in a cool tone, “You’re all missing the obvious solution here. There is one way we can shut down this accusation for good.”

“What?” John asked.

Philip gave Thomas a pointed look and said, “You can tell the truth.”

Thomas paused with his mouth half open and gave a look to John and Aaron. Was he really implying what it sounded like?

Philip smirked and calmly explained “Mister Jefferson, I have three daughters who are close friends with Alexander and consistently forget that the walls of our house are not soundproof. I likely know more about your situation then just about anyone here.”

Thomas lowered his head, nervously opening and closing his mouth with no idea on what to say.  

Benjamin blinked a few times and shook his head in confusion, being the only one in the room who had no idea what was going on. “I feel like I’m missing something…”

The people in the room gave each other looks, silently asking who was going to be the one to explain it.

Eventually John sighed and quickly summed it up, “Thomas is sleeping with Alexander Hamilton. That’s why Washington hit him. Washington’s never been with Thomas.”

“Hey, I’m not _sleeping_ with anyone,” Thomas quickly corrected.

Benjamin looked confused for a few seconds, before just shaking his head in bewonderment and saying, “I will never understand the youth of today.”

Thomas wiped his mouth to try and compose himself, so it was really going to come to this. He had to speak the truth or George’s reputation would be ruined.

“I need to call George,” Thomas said picking up his phone. Everyone nodded and went silent.

“Hello… Thomas?” George asked from the other side of the phone, obviously confused and distrustful about Thomas calling him.

“Sir, we have a situation… Th-there’s this article that’s coming out tomorrow. I-it…-” Thomas stopped, swallowing so that he could speak with some clarity and stop stuttering. This was probably the most difficult thing he had to break to someone. I mean, how do you tell someone they’re being wrongly accused of being a violent rapist? “It has some… ridiculous accusations about you. It says that, urm, that you’ve been in an abusive relationship with… urr… _me._ ” There was a pause, and George was still silent, not revealing his emotions. “It says stuff about sexual abuse and violence and, urm, manipulation… It’s pretty brutal. And…urr…” Thomas sighed and shook his head to himself, weakly admitting “I don’t know what to do.”

There was a silent moment, and Thomas felt so guilty about what must have been going through his head. Processing this kind of thing can’t be easy. George spoke up, in a way Thomas definitely didn’t expect, “Leave it.”

“What?”

“It’s a stupid allegation with no evidence, and there will never be any because it isn’t true. I don’t want you to do anything, just leave it alone.”

Thomas looked around, lost, “But sir…”

“Listen to me, Thomas. You’ve somehow managed to continuously do the exact opposite of what I’ve wanted you to do. Every single time I’ve tried to let it go because I love Alexander and you matter to him. But let me make myself entirely clear here, if you drag my son’s name into this I will never forgive you.”

Those words really struck with chord in Thomas, he felt completely trapped as he weakly tried to say, “But if I say nothing…”

“I can put up with my name being slightly tarnished. Gossip, rumours… none of those things have ever stopped me before. I’d rather have people whispering about me then whispering about my son. Leave this alone. That’s an order as both your boss and Alexander’s father.”

Thomas couldn’t think of what to say, he stuttered a few times before letting out a defeated breath and quickly saying, “Okay, yeah, sure… I’ll talk to you later. Urm, bye.” He quickly hung up dropped the phone, wiping his face.

John creased his forehead, “So you’re not going to do anything?”

Thomas blankly said, “I don’t know.” Staring towards the ceiling.

Philip shook his head, “I’m sorry, but Washington’s wrong. I think he’s a great leader, and usually he has great judgment, but he’s wrong on this one. This isn’t just going to go away. You need to speak out and stop these malicious rumours now.”

Burr immediately objected, “No, no, no. You heard Washington. Now is not the time to take presumptive action. We need to just wait for this to pass.”

Philip raised an eyebrow, looking between Aaron and Thomas, “So what’s it going to be? Do nothing, or take some damn action?”

Thomas looked around at all the faces, now was definitely not a good time to be an undecisive person. “I guess… I’ll wait until tomorrow. I’ll see how the world reacts. And then I’ll make a decision.”

Everyone in the room solemnly nodded, agreeing somewhat with this compromise.

They all departed solemnly, Thomas feeling a massive weight dropped firmly on his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are the best people ever. I love you very much, all of the comments are so sweet and nice and appreciated. I usually don't respond to comments (bcos i suck what can i say) but I really really do appreciate them so much and they make me so happy :) <3


	56. Calm Before The Storm

As they left the room with stoic, thoughtful faces, John came over to Thomas and put a hand on his shoulder, “Are you okay?”

Thomas only found it in him to mutter “I don’t know” blankly.

“You should spend the night at my house,” John suggested warily. “Tomorrow morning people will probably surround Washington’s apartment wanting answers. It will look bad if you’re there.”

“You’ve got a wife and kids, I couldn’t do that,” Thomas insisted.

“It’s fine. Really, Abigail will be fine with it. And my kids will think you’re great,” assured John. Before jokily adding, “Just, like, don’t try and date my kids as well, alright?”

Thomas rolled his eyes and John laughed, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Really, it’s alright.”

Thomas nodded, “Okay…” Everything that was happening was bad enough, but now he also had to spend the night away from Alexander? All he wanted to do is hold Alexander and make everything fine, but he couldn’t do that…

A couple of hours later, Thomas couldn’t take the crushing pressure on his own anymore. He picked up his phone and texted Alexander as he left the building.

 

Thomas: I really need to see you

Thomas: can I meet you outside your school?

 

A few minutes later he got a text back.

 

Alex: I’m in the middle of class is it important?

 

Thomas stopped, maybe he shouldn’t put this whole thing on Alex. Maybe he should just deal with it himself…

When Thomas took a little too long to respond, Alex seemed to understand and sent another text.

 

Alex: Never mind, I’ll get out of lesson don’t worry. See you in a minute

 

Thomas smiled, glad that Alex could understand how serious this was to Thomas without him saying anything.

When Thomas arrived at Alex’s school, Alexander was standing against the wall of the school and gave him a smile, taking his hand to silently lead him to an area where they wouldn’t be interrupted.

“I’m sorry I made you leave your lesson,” Thomas apologised.

Alexander took his hands and stood close to him, “Don’t worry about it. I know you’d do the same for me. I love you.”

Thomas traced his fingers over Alex’s hands, “Something’s happened.”

Alexander looked at him worried, “What is it? Tommy, talk to me.”

Thomas dropped Alex’s hand, instead placing his hand on his waist to keep him close. “There’s going to be an attack article accusing your dad of sexual assault and domestic violence. It doesn’t name me… but the article seems to be talking about me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stay silent but if I say something…”

Thomas felt so stressed out that tears were starting to fall down his face, “I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do.”

Alexander wrapped his arms around him and shushed him, “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“Tell me what to do,” Thomas sobbed, begging for an answer.

“I don’t think I can tell you that,” Alexander admitted.

“I know what I think I _should_ do. But I’m scared. I’m so scared. I can’t take people looking at me and judging me. I can’t take people thinking bad things about me. I’m so terrified about everyone. I can’t do this, it’s too much. God, damn it. I wish I didn’t care so much about what everyone else thought of me. I want to be able to scream to everyone how I feel, but I just can’t.”

Alexander placed his hands on Thomas’s cheeks to reassure him and wipe tears away. “It’s alright. It’s alright. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Your dad told me to do nothing, I don’t know what he’ll do if I tell the truth.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to” Alex repeated.

Thomas felt nothing in the world was more reassuring than Alexander at this moment.

“You have an opinion about everything. Please tell me what you think I should do,” Thomas begged.

Alexander looked apprehensive, “I can’t tell you that.”

Thomas took a deep breath, gradually bringing himself to stop his tears and asking, “What would _you_ do?”

Alexander shrugged and coyly admitted, “I value the truth. I’d rather live with a damaging truth than a lie. But don’t worry about me and what I think. I think you need to do what you think is right.”

Thomas sighed, “I love you so much.”

They stood there in silence for a minute, before Thomas told him, “I can’t come home tonight. John was worried that the press would flood your dad’s apartment so he told me to spend the night at his house.”

“It’s that bad?” Alex asked. Thomas nodded.

“It might be worth seeing if there’s any friends that will let you sleep over,” Thomas advised, moving some hair behind Alex’s ear.

Alexander shook his head, “I’ll be fine. No one will think it weird that I’m in my own house. Don’t worry about me.”

Thomas nodded, not wanting to press him about it. He held Alex in a silent for another minute.

“So what are you going to do?”

“I have no idea.”

Alexander kissed him softly on the cheek. “Whatever you do, you have my full support.”

After a few more moments together, they said goodbye and left each other, Thomas going back to work and Alexander getting his books for next lesson. He stopped by his locker and John saw him and came over, “Hey, why did you leave half-way through lesson?”

Alexander filled John in, and John raised his eyebrow, “Wow, that’s a difficult situation.”

“Damn right,” Alex agreed.

John paused for a second, “What do you want him to do?”

“I told you. He has my support no matter what.”

John rolled his eyes, “What do you really think?”

Alexander sighed and admitted, “I want him to tell the truth. I want him to be willing to love me without apologising or feeling ashamed.”

“Why didn’t you tell him that?”

“Because I love him. He needs to come to his own conclusion rather than doing something because it’s what I want. I know Thomas. He would burn the world down if I asked him to. I love him too much to make him do something he isn’t ready for. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so scared of anything. If he tells the truth, it needs to be on his own accord.”

“Wow, dearest Alexander is actually keeping his opinions to himself for the good of someone else. You’ve come along way from last year when you never hid how you felt even when it hurt,” John said. He threw an arm over Alex’s shoulder, “Come on, let’s go to our next lesson.”

\------------

At the end of the day, Thomas went back with John. He slowly walked into John’s house, and only a few steps into the door, a young boy about four years old came up to John and jumped up to hug him.

John let out an “oof” from the sudden impact and laughed. “Hello there, Thomas. Thomas, meet my youngest son, Thomas Boylston Adams. Isn’t he just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”

Thomas smiled at the young boy. He forgot how great kids can be. “Hey there Thomas,” he said to the young puzzled boy who was staring at him, wondering who this stranger was that dared to have the same name as him. Thomas raised a hand and cooed “High five, buddy.”

He looked at him confused for a second before raising his hand to slap his tiny hand against Thomas’s as he giggled.

A sophisticated woman walked out of the room she was in and took Thomas Boylston from John, “Go see your sister for a moment, I need to talk to daddy and his friend for a moment.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and put him down, as he scurried down the hall.

She turned to Thomas and her husband with a bright smile, reaching out to shake Thomas’s hand, “Mister Jefferson, I presume?”

Thomas nodded, “Urm, yes. It’s nice to meet you, Senator Adams. How’s Washington DC?”

“Busy as always. And you can just call me Abigail.”

Thomas nodded and Abigail turned her attention to both of them, “Well now that the formalities are over, is the article really that bad?”

“It’s reporting’s bad and its claims unchecked. But a claim like that against Washington of all people… yeah… it’s that bad.” John replied.

Abigail sighed, “Well if its really that untrue, the flaws will eventually become more telling than the article itself. Anyway, make yourself at home.”

“Thanks, I really hate to impose…” Thomas admitted.

“Don’t you worry, we’re a very friendly family,” Abigail assured.

Abigail was right. Their family was welcoming and warm.

He talked to their oldest daughter, Abigail and she told him about her PhD. He helped Charles and John with their homework, a little way of saying thankyou to Abigail and John for letting him stay in their house.

As it got late, Thomas slowly looked out of the window to the dark night sky, Alexander burnt permanently in his mind in a way that no scandal or night could possibly extinguish. The closer the night got to morning, the more he grew to accept his circumstances. His fears faded away with the falling sun. The midnight sky seemed natural and passing and it offered a clarity and stillness. Adam’s house was further away from the city centre than Washington’s, there wasn’t the usual bright lights and traffic he’d gotten used to hearing outside the window. It felt like he could think for once, but he didn’t feel like there was anything else to think about. Perhaps it was that he wasn’t used to the stillness and this was all just an illusion of silence, but Thomas felt like he could see everything in his life with clarity for the first time. A certain sense of quiet; the calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I don't update again before the 25th then Merry Christmas you wonderful people


	57. Living With A Scandal

Thomas woke in a world different to the one he fell asleep in. He knew the article would cause a scandal. But he could hardly fathom just how much of an affect it would have on just about everything.

The subject was trending on social media, painting Washington as a sexually depraved monster that hid behind sheep’s clothing for far too long. The company lost support and partners, and there was a frantic search to find out who this anonymous employee was.

Thomas sat on the couch he woke up on, scrolling through the havoc on his phone, he felt tense and terrified. John Adams walked out of his room scratching his head, “Well fuck.”

Thomas groaned and wiped his face. “This is the worst. I can’t do this. People at work are going to know it’s about me.”

John went over to sit next to him, “Don’t worry about what they think. They’ll think a lot less if you walk into work with your head held high.”

So, Thomas did as John advised. That day he walked into work as if nothing was wrong. But the moment he walked into the building, he was all too aware that everyone slowed down what they were doing to look at him. A couple of them whispered to the person next to him, and Thomas just wanted to scream at them. Did they really think he wasn’t noticing?

Thomas tried to ignore them, but it wasn’t exactly easy. This was by far his worst nightmare. A couple of people at some point in the day came over to him, saying things intended to be comforting and helpful but that only made Thomas more frustrated. He felt like he was constantly on the verge of screaming or crying.

When he went to get coffee, there were a few people whispering and staring at him. In that moment, he felt whatever was left of his self-restraint fall away. He shouted, “None of it’s true,” across the room, causing the people whispering to jump and stare at him like deer caught in the headlights.

He went to Adam’s room across the building and leant on the door frame. As John looked up to see him from the papers he was tending to, he offered an awkward, strained smile.

“How are you coping?” John asked.

Thomas shook his head, “I’m not. I think I’m about to lose it. How are things on your end?”

John looked hopelessly at the pieces of paper in front of him, “Not much better. I think our company went from one of the most loved in the country to the most hated in less than twelve hours. The story caught fire even worse than I thought. We’ve lost partners, there’s been a series of resignations and we’ve lost a _lot_ of business.”

Thomas felt so much shame wash over him. He hated that something to do with him was creating the appearance that Washington would do anything so depraved. “You can’t even really blame any of them I guess,” Thomas admitted. “If someone did do something like that – something like what Washington’s being accused of – people should respond like that. But he didn’t do it. He’s paying for a crime he never committed, and how can I live with myself when I know for a fact it’s a lie? Especially when this kind of thing really does happen. What does a highly publicised lie say to them?”

John just sighed and shrugged, “I wish I knew.”

At the end of the day, Thomas went back to John’s again. Since the world still hadn’t calmed down, it seemed unwise to go back to Washington’s place. Pretty much the moment he stepped into John’s house, he excused himself and dialled Alex’s number.

“Heya, Tommy,” Alex said as he picked up.

Thomas sighed in relief at the sound of his voice, “Hey, baby.”

There was a moment of silence, not really sure what to say first.

“So the article was published…”

“Yeah, I noticed…” Alex responded.

“Has the press been really bad?”

“There were some people outside the house, but it wasn’t too bad. I didn’t answer any questions or anything like that so don’t worry.”

Thomas nodded, “Alright.”

“And I kinda got into a tiny fight at school.”

“What!?”

“Don’t freak out. People were just saying stuff and I kinda snapped. It wasn’t serious, I just hit him and he hit me back, but then Laf pulled me away and convinced me to leave it.”

Thomas let out a breath and wiped his eyes, “Jesus, Alex. You can’t start fights like that, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

There was a brief pause before Alex said in a smooth, teasing tone,“You’re cute when you worry.”

Thomas smiled for a second, before dropping it to ask, “What did you get into a fight over?” Even though he already knew where this was going.

There was a slightly longer pause this time, before Alexander said, “Some people were calling my dad a rapist.”

Thomas scrunched his eyes shut, “God, Alex I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t publish the article. It’s just… I’m used to people saying stupid shit about me. But to say something like _that…_ and about my _dad…._ ”

There was a long pause.

“Alexander, if I told the truth, it would put all of that attention on me and you. You might say you’d be fine with it, but would you really be okay with everyone scrutinising everything about you? Because I can’t stand the idea that anything I say could hurt you.”

Alexander hesitated for a moment, but in less than a heartbeat responded, “I can’t say I’m exactly thrilled with the idea of people trying to figure out everything about my life. But I don’t mind all that much. I’m more worried about you…”

Alexander was silent for a minute before saying, “Thomas, I’ve been thinking… this is a really difficult ordeal, and no one could have seen it coming. I hate that you’re in this position, I wish I could do something to make it just go away. I know how much this must terrify you. So… if I was to offer you a way out, a way of calling it quits… calling _us_ quits… If I said we could just leave it now with the memories we have and move on, would you take it?”

Thomas didn’t know if there was any way of explaining how he felt in that moment except the word ‘drowning.’ “What? Of course not,” Thomas immediately responded, not even considering Alexander’s words. Absolutely the only thing that could make all of this worse was losing Alex “This is all really hard, I know. But I would go through it a hundred times for you. I can’t lose you. I would rather go through this then everything I went through before this point, because as much as it sucks, it’s a lot easier knowing I’m not alone.”

Alexander let out a breath in relief, “Okay. I’m glad, I probably would have burst into tears if you said yes.”

Thomas smiled, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“I miss you so much. This past day has been impossible without you, baby.  All day I just wanted to kiss you and feel your skin and hear your voice.”

“Me too. I could barely go to sleep without you in the house. It’s hard enough not being in the same bed as you, but knowing you’re not even in the next room is even worse.”

“Just one more night and I’ll see you, I promise,” assured Thomas.

“I don’t think that people will be over all of this by tomorrow, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Thomas sighed, lowly saying “If people are going to know about us and are going to constantly judge me over how I feel, I better at least get to see you.”

There was a long pause, far longer than any of the awkward pauses before this moment. “Wait… you’re really going to do this?”

“If I did, would you mind?”

“Not one bit. I’m not ashamed of us. Whatever you do, I’m on your side.”

“Thank you so much. I can’t believe how much I love you, I need to go and just think about all of this for a minute.”

“Alright, I love you. Bye.”

Thomas hung up and held his phone to his lips and scowled in thought. A little while later, Thomas was sitting by a window, staring up at the sky. John came to sit next to him, handing him a drink. “So today was pretty intense, huh?”

Thomas scoffed, “If I never saw another scandalous headline again, it would be too soon.”

John chuckled and nodded in agreement.

Thomas looked at his drink and turned his attention back to John, trying to get his mind off of the whole affair by asking, “How do you and Abigail make it work when she’s in Washington so often?”

“It’s been difficult,” John admitted. “The kids miss her a lot whilst she’s away. But we love each other so we work through it.”

John was silent for a second, before gently explaining, “We actually used to live in Washington DC together, I was kind of a house-husband. After our first child was born, Abigail got sick and couldn’t work for a while. She wasn’t fit to go back into politics until a few years ago. So, we all moved to New York where I got the job working for Alexander's father. This was just when the company was starting up so dropping everything to take the job was a massive risk. Luckily it worked out. But I only made so much. Barely enough to support an entire family. Then my oldest daughter was diagnosed with cancer, and I needed money I didn’t have. My daughter made a full recovery, thank god. But it was only because when Washington found out about my situation, he offered me a massive raise which meant I had the money I needed for the treatment and for supporting my family. He still denies that that’s why he gave me the raise, but it was.”

John took a slow breath and continued, “Washington may be one of the most understanding people I’ve ever met. Of course he still makes mistakes, he’s human after all. But if any human on this world will understand where you’re coming from with this – if there’s _any_ parent that will understand your situation - it’s him. And whilst he’s understanding and generous to most people, those words don’t even begin to explain what he’s like with Alexander. There is absolutely nothing in this world he wouldn’t do for Alexander. Even if George wants you dead in a ditch, if Alexander loves you and you make him happy, then to him you’re untouchable. Whatever you choose to do, don’t do it because you’re scared of George. Do it because you love Alex.”

Thomas slowly nodded, looking towards the sky for a few seconds before looking back to John to ask, “Can I borrow your laptop?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you had a great christmas and I hope y'all have a good 2018 (pls just be better than 2017 thats all I ask) :)


	58. The Hamilton Pamphlet

Thomas stared at Adam’s computer, that damn blinking cursor staring at him. He was usually a competent writer, but he had no idea how to write something this personal or sensitive. Well, this was it. This was his last chance to just back down and let this whole thing go, if he really did this, there would be no way of going back. Taking a deep breath, he finally forced himself to start typing something down.

THE HAMILTON PAMPHLET

A recent newspaper article has charged my employer, George Washington, of engaging in an emotionally, sexually and physically abusive relationship with myself. In the midst of these slanderous allegations, which entirely misrepresent Washington’s character, I would like to bring certain information to public light.  
Washington and I aren’t, and never have been, involved in any kind of sexual or romantic relationship, and he has never engaged in abusive, manipulative or otherwise criminal actions with myself. In actuality, the only real crime to be committed has been my own romantic connection with his son.  
I had for some time entertained affections for him, which gradually grew into a turbulent yet romantic and chaste relationship. This relationship developed over a considerable time in Washington’s own house, where I have resided for some time due to Washington’s charitable tendencies. I had made several attempts to suppress my emotions in respect for Washington and his family, but these attempts consistently proved futile and failed to dissuade both his and my own emotions. My attempts to force distance between us only led to hurt, pain and tears, and eventually it became apparent that embracing my feelings for him would be the only way of pursuing our happiness, regardless of the obvious prevailing problems.  
The article bended partially true events to fallacious and downright malicious conclusions. My work proposals were rejected, not in an attempt to manipulate me in an abusive relationship, but as a consequence of Washington becoming aware of my affections. And the bruise on my lip, which many take as proof of abuse, was the result of a fight between myself and Washington regarding his son, with his action being more than understandable. The advanced workload I was given was nothing more than Washington attempting to put his trust in me and put our differences aside.  
Washington is a charitable, understanding and kind man who loves his family and the world, even if at times his dedication to work may disguise these qualities to those not well acquainted with him. He loves his son more than the rest of the universe combined; enough to not completely crucify me for our relationship. And had it been his choice, this confession would never see the light of day to avoid putting any negative attention on his son. But I cannot stand by and allow the name of one of the most respectable men I know to be tarnished by malicious rumour and speculation when I, the alleged victim, know it to be false. So, consider this my public confession that I, Thomas Jefferson, am in love with Alexander Hamilton. This, and only this, is the crime that has been committed in this mess. I realise that once this comes available to the public eye, my personal life will be put under intense scrutiny. I can only hope that I haven’t brought too much shame to my friends and family, and that one day Washington will understand and forgive me. But I can’t honestly profess that I regret anything; neither publishing this article nor falling for Alexander. My beautiful, intelligent, darling boyfriend, Alexander. I love Alexander Hamilton with all my heart, and any shame I felt towards that fact has never been and never will be enough to take my feelings away. I refuse to be ashamed of being in love anymore.

 

Thomas stared at the words he typed. He scanned over every single word, sure he’d made at least one mistake and far too conscious that every word would be torn to shreds if it was presented by the public. Thomas was usually a good writer, but he had no idea how he was supposed to write about his own life without it being awkward and stiff. Alexander would probably be better at writing this kind of thing… Thomas took a deep breath and swallowed.

He pressed his finger down on the send button.


	59. Have You Read This?

Aaron Burr walked out of his room the next morning, going over to the kitchen to get some coffee. James Madison, who had already woken up, was standing by the counter looking down at his phone with an alarmed expression.

“What is it?” Aaron asked tiredly.

“Have you read this?” James asked pushing the phone towards Aaron.

Aaron took it and looked down, wiping his eyes so he could actually see the words. As he saw the words ‘THE HAMILTON PAMPHLET,’ he immediately knew what it was. “Woah, I can’t believe he actually did it…”

“Wait, you knew about this? How come no one told me? And why did no one try to stop him?”

Aaron shrugged and handed the phone back, “I guess Thomas never got around to telling you. Are you really that surprised? And for the record, I did try to stop him.”

“I guess I'm not surprised; considering everything that's happened” James conceded. “It’s just, he used to tell me about this kind of stuff all the time.”

“Oh? He’s published a lot of relationship scandals then?” Aaron joked.

James laughed and shook his head, “You know what I mean.”

A second later, James asked, “Is Thomas really still _that_ mad at me?”

Aaron made a quiet hum, “I don’t think so. I'm pretty sure he’s over everything now.” There was a few seconds of silence, before Aaron built up the courage to confess, "By the way, you know Prevost's wife was in the office yesterday? Well, I've been seeing her for some time now."

James stared at Aaron and blinked a couple of times, "Wait, what? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why are you telling me _now._ "

Aaron looked around awkwardly, "Well, when I started seeing her, I knew how you felt about marriage. I thought you'd be offended if you found out I was seeing a married woman. Then recently everything with Thomas happened, and I was kind of scared you'd act the same way with me. I guess I decided to tell you now because if Thomas can confess how he feels to the world, then maybe I should be able to as well."

"Oh, well thanks for telling me now, I can't say I'm thrilled that you're seeing someone who's married. But... well," James let out a breath and admitted, "I think I'm starting to realise that I shouldn't get involved in people's private lives."

Aaron glanced at the phone in James's hand, leaning against the counter as he wondered aloud, “I wonder if they’ll make it work."

 James considered the question for a moment, before saying “I hope they do,” which surprised even himself. “I know Thomas, and absolutely nothing terrifies him like this kind of thing. If he wrote this, no matter how stupid it may or may not be, it proves he must really love him.”

* * *

 Theodosia sat civilly with Mark at their kitchen table, scrolling through the article on a tablet.

“Wow, so this is what had really been happening this whole time,” remarked Mark.

Theodosia hummed in agreement.

Mark looked through it, feeling slightly ashamed as he asked, “If I’d known, I would’ve told my friends not to publish the article in the first place. You do know that, right?” 

“I know, I know,” insisted Theodosia.

Mark shut the tablet down and turned back to the small pile of papers in front of them. “Anyway, we should really finish getting through these. The sooner we get this finished, the sooner you can tell your new boyfriend.”

Theodosia nodded, and they turned their attention back to the papers; the words ‘Uncontested Divorce’ written at the top.  

* * *

Thomas's oldest younger sister, Mary, was with her husband in Texas. They were working on his campaign to keep his seat in the House of Representative in the next election. Mary was holding the newspaper and had her legs across the sofa on his lap. 

"This article won't look great on you. Having your brother-in-law engaging in this kind of behaviour will be seen as a contradiction to your campaign. It would probably be worth investing in more material to make your stance on family values clear, maybe even consider publicly declaring that his actions in no way reflect our own family," Mary said in her cool analytical voice. 

"I don't know, you already know how I feel about this stuff, but it feels like I'd be throwing your brother under the bus," her husband admitted. 

"You need to separate yourself from him to protect your reputation. It's his own fault for dating a high school student, he should have known better." 

"But, I mean, Thomas is your brother... Maybe you should call him? You haven't talked to him in so long."

Mary held the newspaper back up to her face, "I don't want to talk about him anymore."

* * *

Elizabeth Jefferson sat at an Argentinian café, the most recent place where she decided to work for a short period of time. She scrolled through twitter, trying to ignore the tweets about a drama she couldn’t be bothered to look into right now.

She went back to looking for plane tickets to get back to Virginia, but just as she was about to buy them, one of her friends sent her a message linking her to a news article. She clicked on it and read through it, immediately shaking her head and laughing to herself.

“And they say _I’m_ the crazy one,” she mumbled. She went back to the site to finish buying her ticket and paused. In a brief impulsive decision, she changed her mind and muttered to herself, “On the other hand, it’s been too long since I’ve been to New York.”

* * *

Lucy woke up to her college roommate prodding her face, "Pssst, pssst, Lucy... your brother's a slut."

Lucy groaned and turned over, "I already knew that and it's none of my business, let me go back to sleep."

Her roommate threw the covers off of her to force her to sit up, "No, no, you don't understand."

Lucy tried to protest, but her roommate kept talking, "You know how there were those articles about a New York businessman sexually assaulting an employee? Well, it turns out that the employee was your brother, but wait for it, he wasn't being abused he was really just dating his boss's son. He just published an article confessing to it. Isn't that crazy?" 

Lucy laughed tiredly, "Oh my god, that is so Thomas. Well, good for him."

"Do you wanna know what the best part is?"

"What?"

"The boy he's dating? He's only one year younger than us."

 "Wait, seriously? " Lucy started to laugh a little harder, "That's so weird. He used to pick me up from elementary school, and now he's dating someone even _younger_ than me?" She put a hand over her eyes, "Oh, Thomas."

* * *

Anna and Randolph sat in a Virginian private school, quietly doodling on each other’s work. One of their friends leaned across from another table to tap on Anna on the arm.

“Hm?” Anna hummed as she looked up.

Her friend pointed her phone towards Anna and Randolph, asking, “This isn’t your brother, is it?”

Anna squinted at the words and took the phone from her.

“Hey, I didn’t say you could take it,” their friend protested but Anna just shushed her.

Anna and Randolph stared at the article together. As they reached the end, Randolph whispered, “Who the hell is Alexander Hamilton and why is this the first time we’re hearing of him?”

* * *

 Jane arrived at work early, giving quick greetings to her work colleagues and intern before going to sit by her desk. As she drank coffee at her desk and brought up some work on her computer, her phone rang.

She looked at who was calling her before picking up. “Hey, honey. Is everything alright?”

“Hi,” Peter responded. “So, urm, are you at your desk?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I don’t suppose you’ve checked the news…”

Jane lodged her phone between her ear and shoulder, muttering “What?” as she went on the computer and clicked on the internet to get onto the news.

“What am I looking for?” She asked as she scrolled through the articles.

“There should be an article called… oh wait, what was it called again? The something pamphlet…? Harrison? No… Harold? No that’s not it…”

Jane rolled her eyes as she found the article, “The Hamilton Pamphlet?” She checked.

“ _That_ was it,” Peter confirmed.

Jane read through the article carefully, “Oh my. That son of ours does find a way to get involved in all kinds of ridiculous things, doesn’t he?”

Peter laughed, “Well at least now we know why he didn’t come home for Christmas.”

Jane smirked, “When he said he couldn’t come home because he had to take care of his boss’s son, this was _not_ what I thought he meant.”

“I wish he told us about him before he published it for the world to see,” Peter confessed.

Jane chuckled, “Yes, well, Thomas always had a flare for the dramatic. It wouldn’t be our son if he did anything else.”

Peter laughed in agreement, “I guess you’re right. But I did a little bit of digging because, ya know, I wanted to know who our son was dating. And apparently Alexander turns eighteen tomorrow... meaning our son's dating a seventeen year old." 

With a short sigh, Jane admitted, "I can't exactly say I'm happy about it, but it's his decision either way. I just hope he knows what he's getting himself into."

* * *

 Charles Lee and some of his friends were standing around the bike racks. Completely out of nowhere, one of his friends burst into a unexpected, surprised laughter, “Oh my god. Jesus, Lee, you gotta see this.”

Charles and a couple of others gathered round the phone to see what it was. Charles’s eyes lit up as he stared at the screen with a sense of wonderment, “This is gold _._ Hamilton’s never gonna get into Princeton now. His future's in fucking flames. He’ll never recover from this.”

* * *

 Hercules and Lafayette sat in class, Lafayette sitting on the middle row and Hercules at the back row. It was a typical class with a pretty boring teacher who decided to just let them do book work.

Lafayette was trying to finish his work when he felt something hit his back. He tried to ignore it at first, but then heard a ‘psssst’ from the back of the classroom. Lafayette turned around in confusion to see Hercules, who was looking at him and motioning to a piece of scrunched up paper on the floor.

He leant down and picked it up, unfolding it to see written on the crinkled paper, ‘CHECK THE NEWS RIGHT NOW.’

Lafayette took his phone out and used it under the table, finding the article Hercules must have been referencing. He audibly gasped and a few people in the classroom – including the teacher – gave him a disapproving look. Laf ignored them and looked at Hercules, mouthing ‘Oh. My. God.’

* * *

Alexander stood by his locker with John. People were giving him odd looks and it was starting to get… _weird._ And it was completely different to the looks he was getting yesterday, so that wasn’t it.

He tried to ignore it, but that proved impossible when Charles Lee wolf whistled at him as he walked past.

“Okay, it’s not just me, right? This is weird,” Alex remarked.

John scowled as he watched everyone walk along, “You’re right, there’s definitely something going on…”

Alexander noticed another small group staring at him, and the moment he made eye contact with them they looked away. “This is getting ridiculous. Do I have a sex tape I don’t know about or something?” He asked jokily.

His thoughts were put to an end as Lafayette and Hercules came running up to him, calling “Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex…”

As they reached him, Hercules said “There’s something you should probably see,” swallowing and handing him the phone.

“Everyone knows,” Lafayette said hesitantly as Alex took the phone and looked down at the article.

Alexander looked through the article carefully, John reading over his shoulder. Alexander had a smile on his face as he read through it. He did it, he really did it. A big part of Alex didn’t think he’d actually do it, no matter how much he said he would.

“Woah…” John mumbled.

“I know,” Alexander agreed, unable to stop the smile which was spread across his face.

Hercules noticed his smile and looked at him strangely, “Why are you smiling? Your name just became associated with a major scandal, people aren’t gonna forget this quickly. This could seriously damage your future career. Why aren’t you upset?”

Alexander shrugged, still smiling, “This means Thomas isn’t ashamed of being with me anymore. For the moment, that’s all I care about. I can deal with everything else later.”

* * *

A couple of days following the publication of the article, a man was walking down the streets of Edinburgh, passing a brief glance towards the newspaper stand. He stopped as he noticed something and walked back, looking at the corner of the front of gossip magazine. He looked at a name with scrutinising intensity, quietly muttering “Alexander Hamilton…”

* * *

George was preparing to go into a meeting. He was nearing the end of the business he had to attend to, and this meeting was important. After that, he'd be able to go back to New York and finally see his son again. He really didn’t feel like he was in the best state. The allegations were making him sick, this was the first time in his life when a little part of him just wanted to die. Knowing that people were thinking of him as an abuser or a rapist were upsetting to say the least; by far the worst blow to his reputation he'd ever received.

But he was coping. Rumours never got to him too much, so he swallowed it and moved on. Besides, he would much rather take the blame then leave own son in the spotlight. All of this felt like a small price to pay in comparison.

He went to grab the folders for his meeting, and the moment he walked in the room, his temporary assistant stood up, a scared look on her face. The last time she looked like that was yesterday when she first told him about the accusation.

“Urm… Mister Washington. Have you read the news?”

He hadn’t. He was so busy preparing for the meeting he didn’t have time. “What is it?” He plainly asked.

“Maybe you should sit down,” she kindly suggested.

George didn’t, and he insisted, “What is it?”

She reluctantly turned the laptop on the desk to face him.

The moment George saw the title he knew what it was. Damn him. Damn him. George's mind went through every harsh word that could apply to Thomas right now. How could he do this?

George briefly skim read it and looked hopelessly up, “I’m going to murder him.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urrmm okay so this is like some people's reaction to the pamphlet reading through it made me cringe like hell but ah well here we go anyway XD


	60. Friends Again?

The instant Thomas's eyes snapped open in the morning, his hand was already reaching for his phone. Within a second of being awake, he was on the news with his eyes transfixed on an article...  _his_ article. Thomas could feel his heart in his throat and it was suffocating. All of his secrets were out for the world to see, and now he could only wait for the rest of the world to come to a judgement on him. Thomas Jefferson: conflicted, in love, scandalous, controversial, and very much exposed.  

Around about now, all of his co-workers would probably be finding out about the article. They'd open their phones and computers, or walk by a newspaper stand, and then they'd talk to other people in the office about how unexpected it was. Alexander would find out in not too long. God, Thomas was praying like hell that Alexander wasn't given a hard time, that the wider world would show him mercy and spare him from their scrutiny. How far would this news go anyhow? Was it just a New York thing or would it also reach his family in Virginia? Would anyone outside of America hear about it? And then there was George... Thomas didn't even want to think about how he'd react. 

When John walked out of his room, he was staring at his phone too and could only let out a monosyllabic "Wow."

Thomas got ready to go to work as quickly as he could, mostly in an awkward, tense silence. John didn't say a word directly addressing the article until just before they left, and John stopped him briefly by the arm to say, "For the record, I think you did the right thing."

As they got back into work, Thomas paused and it felt like time slowed down, allowing him to notice every detail of the atmosphere around him. Everyone was staring at him, but this time there was no curious whispers. Because this time, everyone knew exactly what was going on. Every single one of them knew the scandalous story about how Thomas fell head over heels for Alexander, engaging in a romantic relationship with him even as rumours circulated regarding him and Alexander's father. 

Thomas felt like it was all too much just a few steps into the building, going straight for the toilets. He wanted to cry and felt like he was about be sick. He shut the toilet door behind him with a bang and leant against the door, thinking for a few moments that he was about to vomit before the feeling eventually passed. He used the bottom of his palms to wipe his wet eyes and sniffed. This day was not going over well.

“Thomas?” A voice called from outside the door.

Thomas immediately recognised the voice, and stood up to unlock the door and open it.

James was stood just outside the door looking concerned, “I thought I heard you being sick, are you okay?”

Thomas didn’t know how to respond, instead he just scrunched his eyes up, raised his hands to his face and started crying. It made him like such a child; crying in the bathroom like this. But this was so hard, just as hard as he anticipated. Without another word required, James wrapped his arms around him and Thomas put his head on James’s shoulder to cry on.

Thomas gradually recollected himself with the help of James's reassuring words, his eyes staying a sore red. Then they went back to their office, closing the blinds to try and get some privacy.

After some minutes of no spoken words, James admitted “I’m glad you’re back here, I've really missed you. It sucks working in here alone."

Thomas smiled weakly, but gave no verbal response. He figured James would know from his look that the feeling was reciprocated. Damn he missed James. 

After another brief second, Thomas rather abruptly asked "Did you know Alexander almost died last year?” It was out of nowhere and bringing up old problems, and he wasn’t sure how Alexander would feel about him telling James at all. But at the same time, it was the kind of thing he’d never get over if he didn’t ask. If he was going to manage going back to being one of James's best friend, he needed to know the answer. 

At James’s alarmed expression and sudden change in posture, Thomas quickly came to the understanding that he had no idea what he was talking about. “No? What are you talking about?”

“Last year, Alexander had a drug problem. Remember when you called me to complain about how he screwed you over on a proposal? Well, he overheard that conversation, and not long after he was sent to hospital for accidentally overdosing,” Thomas quickly and carefully explained.

“Oh my god... Thomas, I swear I had no idea. I mean, I knew he was going through some stuff. But not...  _that_. If I'd known I would've handled it totally differently." James numbly responded.

“Ever since I found out, this tiny part of my mind sometimes goes back to that, and every other painful moment of his life he's told me about. I can’t stand the idea of him ever getting hurt or being put in danger. I wish I could just take away all the pain he’s ever been through, and it hurts that I can’t do that. The idea of any version of my life not including him terrifies me,” Thomas shook his head, stopping himself from going on, “Sorry, I have absolutely no idea why I’m saying all of this.”

James gave him a sympathetic look, reaching over to gently squeeze his arm, "That's love my friend." 

"The more I think about it, the more sure I am that I'd do anything for him. Hell, that pamphlet, that stupid fucking pamphlet... I would publish it every day of the week for Alexander." Thomas looked down and smirked to himself, "He makes me so happy. Sorry, I'll stop talking about it now. I know out relationship doesn't exactly make you feel comfortable."

James shook his head and gave a reassuring look, "Don't worry, it doesn't matter how I feel. If you're happy, I'm happy."

Thomas asked, "So... we're friends again now, right?"

James smiled, "We're always gonna be friends."

With that matter settled, Thomas felt comfortable enough to go on his phone to see just what people online were saying about him - in spite of his better judgement. He immediately wished he hadn't, but he also couldn't remove his eyes from the words. There were all kinds of brutal responses, calling a pervert, a creep as well as far, far  worse. It completely broke his spirit down. And whilst Thomas the target of the most criticism, he definitely wasn't the only one. Alexander was painted as a naive victim at best, and a slut embodying everything wrong with the youth of today at worst. And there were all kinds of accusations that George, rather than an abuser as originally accused, was guilty of negligence and being a poor father, evidenced by his long business trips and for allowing their relationship to continue. 

Apparently James caught on to what was going through his head, as he snatched the phone out of his hand saying, "Nope. No, no, no. You're torturing yourself."

Thomas reached up to get it back, "What? Come on you can't keep my phone from me." 

"It's for the best and you know it." James insisted, still refusing to hand back his phone. 

Thomas gave up and leaned back in his chair, "This sucks." 

“Would it make you feel any better if I offered to go make us some coffee?” James offered.

Thomas declined with a quick shake of his head, “Nah, I’ll do it. I can’t just hide in here all day.”

Thomas reluctantly departed from the office and headed towards the break room. As he was making coffee - trying to ignore the looks he got on the way there and the way he could hear his pulse in his ear - Seabury came to stand next to him. Thomas grabbed his mug tight, making sure he didn’t grant Seabury any of the attention he so obviously wanted.

“Gotta admit, I’m surprised, Thomas,” Seabury said, very obviously trying to start something.

After a couple of seconds passed it became clear Thomas wasn’t going to respond, and Seabury continued with, “Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean I’m not impressed. This whole time I thought you were doing it with Washington to keep your job, but turns out you managed to keep your dick wet with a cute little thing like Hamilton _and_ keep your job.”

Thomas so badly wanted to hit those smug words out of his mouth, he clenched his jaw and his grip on the mug was so hard he was hoping he wouldn’t break it. The words 'piss off' were on the tip of his tongue and he was only just managing to refrain from saying them aloud. 

“Who knows, maybe one day I’ll get to try him out too. I bet he’s easy. I’d probably just have to whistle at him like a dog to get him on all fours.”

Nope. That does it. Thomas snapped and grabbed the fabric of Seabury’s shirt and pushed him hard against the wall, “Say one more word about my boyfriend and I will end you,” he warned in a low, grave tone.

Seabury raised his hands in defence with an amused smile, happy at warranting a reaction from him. “Alright, alright, come on I was just trying to fuck with you. No need to be so protective. Damn, who'd have guessed how possessive you can get.”

“Yeah, well I _am_ possessive. And damn right I'm protective of him. So if you say one more word about Alexander... Hell, if you even say his name, _I will bury you._ ” Thomas warned. Thomas paused for a few moments as something suddenly hit him. He abruptly let go of Seabury, before saying, “Oh my god, was this you?. Are you the source the article was talking about?”

Seabury scowled, “What? Of course I didn’t do that. I know I say a lot of shit, but that's just because it’s fun to annoy you. I never thought any of that stuff was true in the first place.”

Thomas looked at him sceptically, a part of him really thought it had to be him. But he looked genuine in what he was saying, not the usual voice he used when he was lying to start something. 

“Look, I know I’ve said a lot of shit, nine out of ten times it would have been me. Someone must have went out of their way to get you or Washington in trouble, but surprisingly it isn’t me.” Samuel then gave Thomas a teasing look and pushed passed him to walk out of the room.

Thomas let out a breath and wiped his eyes, finishing the coffees and taking them back to his and James’s office.

“Heya,” he said as he walking in and placing a mug in front of James.

“Thanks, Thom,” James said. “So, was it as bad as you expected?" 

“I think if people stared any harder their eyes would fall out of their faces. Then I threatened to kill Seabury, so…”

“Oh, so normal day then,” James said with a smirk.

Thomas smiled and let out a short laugh.

James looked down at Thomas’s phone, “I found something I think you’ll wanna see.”

At Thomas’s dreading expression, James immediately assured, “Don’t worry, I think you’ll actually like this.”

Thomas took his phone and looked down, it was a reply to a tweet about him. He smiled immediately when he saw it was a series of tweets from Alexander's account about him - the most recent one saying 'I love my boyfriend with all my heart. hes beyond perfect to me and i dont give a fuck what yall have to say about him'. 

Thomas shook his head and lightly laughed, “Goddamn it, I love him.”

Thomas sighed and put his phone away, “Anyway, we should try and get at least a little bit of work done today.”

James chuckled lightly, “Yep, let’s try and do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo, I love you all. I've been updating a little slowly lately because i want to try and get rough drafts of future chapters done, just so you know. I hope this doesnt suck and I hope you have beautiful magnificent days.


	61. Fairytales

Alexander could barely sit still all day. He spent half the day with his eyes transfixed on the clock, and the rest of it getting involved in twitter arguments. Desperately trying to get through the school day so that he could see Thomas. 

A significant part of Alexander didn't believe Thomas would ever own up to their relationship in spite of what he said. And he especially didn't envision him being so public about it. He was under absolutely no illusions about just how difficult this was for Thomas. Actually, he reckoned that he probably had a much better idea of what Thomas was facing when he submitted that article than most people whose eyes fell onto the headlines. Would anyone else really understand just how terrifying that was for him? How it forced him to confront his biggest fears and paranoia?

The whole thing made Alexander feel so loved. Within a couple of days, Thomas went from not being able to tell any of his coworkers about his relationship to publishing it for the entire world to see. And if he was really willing to face all of those fears for Alexander, then that must really mean Thomas and him were meant to be. Who else would willingly put their whole reputation on the line for the sake of the truth and his family? 

He couldn't wait to see Thomas so he could comfort him; let him know how much it means to him and how happy it made him. Being away from each other -even if it was for like two days- felt like way too long, and he couldn't wait to kiss him, hold him, hear his voice and feel him against his skin. The moment the teacher said the class could go, he was already out of the door and rushing down the halls. 

He was brought to a halt when someone by a locker grabbed his arm, stopping him so abruptly that he almost fell over. "Woah, slow down, Alex," said Hercules, who saw him rushing away down the halls. 

"I need to see Thomas," Alex hastily explained, like it should have been the most obvious thing in the world. 

Hercules reached into his locker, "I know. And so does the press, they're gonna be outside your dad's workplace waiting for something to happen. Wear this," he said taking a hoodie out of his bag and handing it to Alex. 

Alexander looked at him confused, "What? Why?" 

Hercules rolled his eyes, "It'll make it easier to hide your face, duh. And it has my name on so no one will think twice. I had a quick look on google maps, as well. There's a side door to the building that you can get to by going down an alleyway," he said showing Alex on his phone. 

"Woah, thanks. How do you know all this?" 

Hercules shrugged, "Well, it was either plotting your love life or doing maths. This sounded better." 

Alexander gave Hercules a quick but grateful hug before departing from the building, pulling on the hoodie as he went around the corner. He looked for the side of the building that Hercules was talking about, impressed by how reliable his information was. He only passed a couple of people on his way there, and neither of them looked at him twice because of the name emblazoned on his back.

As he entered the building, he pulled the hood down and began walking down the hallway to enter the main open office. People in the room started to pass looks towards him before realising who it was and staring at him more pointedly. The way people were staring at him didn't bother Alexander in the slightest, he'd gotten used to it long ago. So, he continued to walk through the building, completely unfazed by curious onlookers, with the sole purpose of finding where Thomas was. 

Alexander scanned the room before he noticed James Madison photocopying something. After pausing for a second, he slowly diverted his direction to slowly walk towards him. 

"Urm... Hi, Madison," Alexander said shyly, fidgeting uncomfortably with his hands. It had been a long time since he actually spoke to him, and it really didn't go down well. And if there was absolutely any doubt about what Madison thought about him, it was made abundantly clear by certain recent events.   

James flickered his eyes up to him, briefly looked back at the photocopier, and then turned all of his attention back to Alexander as if it took him a moment to decide how to react to him. "Hello, Hamilton."

Alexander awkwardly looked down to his feet as he rocked back and forth, before asking, "How are you?"

"I'm alright," James responded stiffly, "how are you?"

Alexander nodded, "I'm fine."

James was standing awkwardly with the pieces of paper in his hand, clearly as uncomfortable as he was with this interaction.

Alex sucked on his bottom lip before saying, "I, urr... Just wanted to say I'm sorry for everything I did last year."

James gave him a reassuring look, a little bit of the tension fading away. "It's alright. I'm sorry too, for everything that's happened. You're a good kid."He glanced awkwardly towards his office and motioned with his thumb towards the door, "Thomas is in there if you're looking for him."

Alexander looked towards the door and awkwardly slapped his hands to his side, "Thanks. Well, see ya, James."

James paused as Alexander walked away, putting the files he was photocopying down to ask Alexander, "Wait, can I ask you something?"

Alex paused and looked back, "Yeah?"

James asked in a delicate but straightforward voice, "Why did you never tell me that you're the reason Dolley talked to me at Jay's wedding?  I would've forgiven you for absolutely everything in a heartbeat if I knew." 

Alexander shrugged and looked around to avoid eye contact, "I don't know... I guess... Well, here's the thing. I never used to believe in fairy tales. I never believed in those stories of destiny and soulmates, or catching someone's eyes in a crowded room, or love at first sight, or any of that stuff really. I thought it was all naive and stupid... But I could tell that you did. You're a textbook romantic, and you had this beautiful story about how you and Dolley met at a wedding, catching eyes in a crowded room and falling in love instantaneously like it was meant to be. I didn't want to take any of that away from you. I wanted you to keep your story."

James nodded slowly, "Wow, I was really not expecting that." There was another short pause before James sighed and said, "Well, for whatever it's worth, I think I like the real story more." 

Alexander bit on the inside of his mouth awkwardly, before saying, "Yeah, urm, so I'll see you around?"

"See you around, Alex," replied James. Alexander briefly smiled, James used to call him Alex back when they still got along. Does that mean James was really alright with him again? 

Turning around again, James stopped him once more saying, "Hang on a second, just one last thing."

Alexander paused again, and James gently asked, "You said that you didn't _used_ to believe in all of that stuff. Does that mean you do believe in that stuff now?"

With a gentle shrug, Alex replied, "I'm not really sure... I used to be so sure that it was all nonsense. But when I met Thomas and we eventually got together, it really did feel like everything fell into place. Like no matter what it just had to happen. I can't say I'm totally sold on the whole thing, but... I dunno... maybe." 

James smiled and gave him a polite nod, letting him go this time. 

Alexander turned around again and walked towards Thomas's office, knocking on the door twice before opening it. 

Thomas was hunched up by his desk, filling in files with a pen. As he glanced up to the door, he expected it to be one of his co-workers, and as he saw Alex, his expression completely changed and his eyes lit up. "Oh my god, Alexander. Baby..." he said in a voice of clear relief and desperation, standing up as fast as he could and walking round the desk to kiss him on the cheek and embrace him in a hug. 

"Hey, Tommy," Alexander mumbled in satisfaction, as Thomas wrapped his arms around him and rested his cheek on the top of his head. Alexander buried his face into Thomas's neck, loving how tightly Thomas was holding him, and gave him a firm kiss on the nearest skin, which happened to be on his neck.

After a few minutes of holding each other in a silent embrace, Alexander raised his head to look up at Thomas's eyes, putting his hands on Thomas's neck to try to raise himself closer to his level. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered. 

Thomas smiled and closed his eyes, putting his forehead against Alexander's, hoping he would understand how much that simple statement meant to him.

After another few moments, Alexander pulled away slightly and moved his hands from Thomas's neck to his cheeks as if subtly inspecting his face, "So... everyone knows about us now. How do you feel?"

There was an obvious hesitance as Thomas began his reply, "I'm a little nervous...  _very_ nervous, actually." He then added slightly more confidently, "But I have no regrets. A part of me's just happy that I don't have any more secrets." A light worried expression now went over his face as he asked, "What about you? I'm so sorry about the way some people have been talking about us. I knew that people would react badly, but I had no idea how big it would get. I hate that I've dragged your name through this. I was so worried. Are you feeling alright with this all?"

"I feel fine. Honestly." Alexander promised. "Actually, I was kind of hoping you'd tell the truth. I don't feel like I'm something you need to hide or be ashamed of anymore."

"Darling, I was never ashamed of you, I swear. I couldn't be more proud of you," Thomas assured as he brushed some of his hair with his fingers. "All of this shame and embarrassment, it was never to do with you. It was about me and my stupid fears. You're not the problem, I promise. It's just my own head."

Alexander leaned up to give him a soft kiss on the lips. He felt like everything would really be okay, and he wanted Thomas to feel that too. Thomas loved him and he said he's proud of him, that's what he needed. Oh, the things he would say if he could go back to Jay's wedding and talk to himself. He would tell himself that he really would fall in love, that there was someone for him, and to stop being so damn cynical about love and just realise he's gay already.

Standing by Thomas after everything, with their faces inches apart and Thomas's arms wrapped around him... There was absolutely nowhere else in the world he would want to be. He wished he could tell himself that sure, love isn't like how it is in the stories. It was harder for sure. But that in many ways, it was just as good if not better. This really did feel like his real life fairytale. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually so annoyed because when I first wrote the bit between James and Alex, it was so, so good and then my computer lost it and I had to rewrite it and now it's nowhere nearly as good. ;-;  
> Also I just realised that I've now been writing this shit for over a year, and it's longer than any of the first three harry potter books... Jfc I need to get a life. If you managed to read this far than wooooo you get a gold star from me!


	62. PDA

After the initial heartfelt reunion following each other's short absence, Thomas and Alexander pulled two chairs close to each other so they could sit together and catch up. Thomas sent a quick text to James asking if he could give them a few minutes alone, and James quickly texted back assuring that it was fine and he was happy to give them space. After a minute or so of comfortable silence in each other's presence, Thomas placed his hand on the top of Alex's thigh.

"You look nice today," Thomas noted lightly.

Alexander flushed slightly and looked down in embarrassment, "I look like shit, I didn't sleep that well last night."

"You look wonderful." Thomas assured squeezing his thigh lightly, before adding, "But me too. It's really hard to sleep with how stressful everything's been." Thomas brought a hand up to Alexander's face to inspect it carefully for marks, "You have a slight bruise. Is this when you got in the fight?" 

Alexander nodded but pulled his hand away to hold it in both of his, "Don't worry, it was barely anything. You can barely even see it." 

Thomas nodded slowly, "So, have many people at school been giving you a hard time? How have most people at your school been? What about your teachers, have they said anything? Have you been harassed by the press?" 

"Calm down, calm down. One question at a time please," Alexander said motioning for Thomas to chill. "Don't worry, most people haven't been that bad. It's only really been like one or two people giving me a really hard time. For the most part, people at my school just act kind of weird, they keep staring at me and saying odd vague things. But it doesn't bother me. Personally I think it's just because they're jealous because my boyfriend's so much hotter then theirs," Alexander said with a teasing smirk. 

Thomas chuckled and pulled Alexander's chair closer to his.

"The press have been pretty bad, but I'm a sneaky guy so I get by," Alexander continued. "My teachers haven't said a word about it, not to me anyway. And..." Alexander cut himself off, about to note the fact that his dad hadn't called him since the article was published, but deciding it would be wise not to mention that right now.

Alexander shook his head and smiled, "Anyway, none of that matters. I love you, if some people think that's weird then that's their problem."

Thomas nodded in agreement and pecked him on the lips. Alexander frowned and went a step further, climbing onto Thomas's lap and pulling him into a deep passionate kiss. He'd done the polite, cute and sensible hugs and small talk, now he really wanted the real kind of kiss that he'd been missing over the last couple of days. Thomas kissed him back and held him close, pushing hair behind his ear and keeping his hand on the side of his face with the other on his waist. 

After a few seconds, Thomas pulled slightly a way from Alexander's lips, whispering in laugh, "Baby, I'm at work."

Alexander groaned a little, "Sorry, I've just missed you a lot." He stroked a couple of fingers down Thomas's face and admitted, "I wasn't entirely sure whether we'd still be a thing once the dust cleared."

Thomas held him tight, "Don't worry, doll. We're gonna get through this. I know I might freak out at times, but that doesn't mean I feel any differently about you. Breaking up has never even crossed my mind."

Alexander smiled, "I don't want to even think about breaking up, I love you too much." He paused for a second and then the hopeful gleam in his eyes faded for a second. He just couldn't keep it at the back of his mind anymore, "What about my dad?"

Thomas didn't reply for a minute, "Well, worst case scenario he can kick me out of your house and fire me. There's places I can crash... Other jobs I can get... I dunno what I'll do, but I'll figure something out. I promise."

Alexander didn't look completely sure, but took Thomas's hands to give assurance (mainly to himself), "My dad won't do anything too ridiculous. When he gets back, he'll see how happy you've made me and he won't make you leave me. He can't."

"I god damn hope so..." Thomas agreed. "I just really, really don't want to cause any kind of conflict between you and your dad. If our relationship caused any kind of strain on your relationship with your own father, and I knew it was my fault, I don't know if I could live with myself." 

Alexander shook his head, "You won't."

With that matter put aside for now, Thomas paused for a few seconds, before asking "Alex, what if what I did falls back on you in some way? You never can know if a news story will fade in a day or if it'll stick around. Everyone does a google search before hiring these days, and I'd rather die than let doors close on you because of my stupid actions."

Alexander raised his hand to straighten out Thomas's collar, "It's not like it'll damn my whole future. I'm in a relationship with an older boy. Big whoop. If someone would really think twice about hiring me because of us, I don't want to be there anyway."

Thomas smiled and hugged Alex again. He felt so blessed to have him in his life.

Just as they were embracing each other, someone knocked twice and very suddenly opened the door to the office. 

John Adams let out a little unexpected, "Oh, sorry," as he walked in. "Am I interrupting?" he uncomfortably asked standing by the door. 

Alexander quickly scrambled off of Thomas's lap and stood in a composed manner, "Not at all," he calmly replied. "I just came to see how Thomas was doing."

Thomas awkwardly moved his chair back to his desk, finding it a lot more difficult to compose himself after that uncomfortable moment than Alexander did, "Urm, hey John. Sorry about that. Do you need something?"

John hesitated before admitting, "I don't know how to say this... you're not gonna like it."

"What?" Thomas asked apprehensively, Alexander also beginning to exhibit a tense posture and expression. 

"Mister Washington sent me an email..." John slowly began, "He told me to inform you that you've been suspended without pay."

Thomas mouthed 'oh', expecting something like that to happen at some point or another.

Alexander immediately jumped to his defence, "Wait, no, I'll call my dad. I'll try to get him to change his mind. I'll tell him-" he started but Thomas quickly interrupted him, moving over to put a hand on his arm. 

"No, no, Alex it's okay. Really. This is pretty much the best scenario we could have realistically hoped for. Suspended means he hasn't yet decided to completely fire me, and..." Thomas paused and quickly turned his attention back to John asking, "Did he mention anything about his home?" 

John shook his head, "He never mentioned anything like that."

Thomas looked back to Alex, "See. He hasn't even told me I have to immediately move out or anything. For now at least, this is the best we can do."

Alexander moved to object but John walked further into the room and quickly agreed with Thomas. "Thomas is right. This is the best scenario that anyone could have expected. Thomas still has a home and even a job, well, at least for now."

Alexander very reluctantly let it go. Mainly because Thomas reassuringly put his arm around Alex's waist, and Alex was too happy over how easily Thomas was showing him casual affection in front of someone else to ruin it. 

John smiled and noted, "You guys seem like a nice couple. Even if it maybe isn't so... conventional shall we say." 

"Hell yeah we are," Alex mumbled, his eyes locked on Thomas. 

John laughed a little and went to leave the room, but Alexander's eyes quickly snapped away from Thomas and towards John to quickly call out, "Oh, Adams... Urm... I'm sorry about that time I called you... urr... a fat motherfucker... then burned all your work."

Thomas gave an alarmed look at Alex, "Wait you did what?"

John smirked, "It's alright Hamilton, sorry about that time I called you a creole bastard." 

Thomas blinked a couple of times in confusion as John left, but Alexander just smiled and pulled him into a quick kiss. 

"Anyway, does that mean we can go home now?" 

Thomas smiled and nodded. 

They left the way Alex got in, and made there way back to the apartment. They paused around the corner, as people from the media were visibly surrounding the apartment. 

"So, what's your plan?" Alex asked.

"No idea," Thomas responded. "If we walked into the apartment together, our faces would be all over newspapers," Thomas noted, tired of all this hiding. 

"I don't even care. So whatever you think would work, I'll do it," Alex admitted. 

Thomas thought for a minute, there were probably ways they could sneak into the apartment without anyone noticing, or at least minimising attention. But Thomas slowly admitted, "I don't care either."

They looked at each blankly for a second, wondering if they were thinking the same thing. Building up as much courage as he could, Thomas took the initiative and lightly took Alexander's hand to lead him out closer to the apartment. He was hyper aware of the fact that the press had noticed them, and how they flocked over to them to take photos.

He paused just in front of the apartment and faced Alexander to ask, "Are you okay with this?" Alexander smiled and nodded. 

Thomas affectionately moved strands of hair behind Alexander's ear, and Alexander stood on his toes as Thomas leaned down to give him a firm kiss. They could hear the cameras in the background taking photos, but Thomas could hardly find the energy to care anymore. After they pulled apart, they smiled brightly at each other and Alexander took Thomas's hand this time, pulling him more roughly towards the apartment and screaming, "Move!" at the reporters that were in the way. 

Thomas tried to suppress his laughter until they got back into the apartment and they both burst into laughter, Thomas saying in a light amused voice, "I can't believe you," before pulling Alexander back into a loving, passionate kiss.


	63. Moments of Reflection

Once they got back inside the apartment, it was almost like absolutely nothing changed. They went through their regular routines together, Thomas making dinner, both of them doing the washing up, finishing up some work, watching a bit of television and arguing over recent events. 

At the end of the night, Alexander looked towards the balcony door and stood up, picking up a blanket and taking Thomas's hand. "Come outside and look at the sky with me," he said as he gently pulled him outside. Thomas smiled and went along with him, sitting down next to Alexander as he draped the blanket over the both of them. It was freezing outside, so they sat tightly together to keep warm. 

"This is nice," Alexander mumbled as he rested his head on Thomas's shoulder. Watching the way he could see his breaths against the cold air.

"Yeah," Thomas agreed. He reached for Alexander's hand under the blanket, and Alex smiled as a memory came back to him. 

"Do you remember when we watched that movie with my dad?" 

"You mean The Shawshank Redemption? Yeah, of course I do." 

Alexander ran his thumb along the back of his hand, "You know how a lot of couples have a song, and they're like 'this is 'our song' '? Well, I like to think of that movie as 'our movie.' I can't think about it without remembering how amazing I felt when you touched my hand. It made me so happy... I kept trying to get myself to make some kind of skin contact with you but I was too scared, I had the worst crush on you."

Thomas smiled, raising his hand briefly to kiss it, "It's really weird thinking back then. I can't believe there was a time when even the slightest skin contact was the high point of my day. I would've never believed we'd get here. I was a hundred percent sure at the time that you didn't like me."

Alexander laughed, "Well, back then I still thought you were straight. God, for ages I was in a weird place where I had no idea whether you liked me or not. I think a part of the reason I was so distraught when you said you hated me was that I kept building up my hopes over how you felt, and I was constantly wondering if we were just friends or if we were more than that. I felt so wrong and foolish when you said you didn't like me as either. It felt like I was still the stupid kid I was last year when I did ridiculous things and caused everyone to turn on me."

Thomas squeezed Alexander's hand, "I'm sorry about all of that."

Alexander quickly pecked his lips, "It's fine. It's all water under the bridge now. Especially since I now know why you said all of those things." Alexander sighed happily and said, "Considering everything, it's kind of a miracle we actually ended up together."

There was a cold gust of wind, and Alexander moved in closer to Thomas, Thomas tightening his embrace to keep him warm as he moved some hairs that were blown around out of his face. 

Thomas paused for a second before asking, "That night, do you think that was before or after your dad realised we were in love?"

"God knows. I think my dad knew something was going on for longer than either of us think. And I think he definitely knew we were into each other before either of us realised. He tried to get me to admit it to him, and he was so upset with me for lying that he rejected your proposal... Whoops." Alexander smirked and raised his head from his shoulder  to lightly put his face against his.Thomas could feel Alexander's eyelashes against his cheek as Alex said, "Ya know, my dad once told me I'd know you didn't hate me if I could see the way you looked at me."

Thomas chuckled lightly, sarcastically responding, "Well, it's good to know that I was even more obvious then I thought. Damn I must be oblivious as fuck."

With a smile and laugh, Alexander kissed him on the cheek before resting his head back on his shoulder. 

Thomas let out a breath after a few seconds passed silently and everything sunk in, "I feel so bad. It must have taken everything in him to accept us and leave us alone for so long. He trusted me with you even after everything, and he could have kicked me to the curb at any second and he didn't. And I took that trust and shot it to the wind. I betrayed him, plain and simple." Thomas took his hand away from Alex's, sitting upright and putting his hand against his face, "Fuck, what if I've screwed up? What if I just made the biggest mistake of my life? Fuck, what if George never forgives me? Fuck, fuck, fuck."

Alexander quickly sat up too, alarmed by the sudden change in his expression, trying to lightly convince Thomas to pull his hands away from his face, "Thomas, Thomas, Thomas please don't say that. You did the right thing, you really did. Please trust me. Please? Pretty please? Please calm down."

Eventually, Alexander managed to pull Thomas's hands away from his face, holding them both in his hands. Slowly assuring him back to composure as he leaned back and tried to relax. 

"Sorry... Sorry... I'm just so scared." Thomas said with his eyes closed tight. Alexander turned his face towards him, slowly leaning in to kiss him, and Thomas let his eyes float open, giving Alex a soft smile thankful smile.

On a lighter note, Alexander went to move back to his normal position and looked up at the sky, simply stating "The sky looks nice."

Thomas smiled, "Yeah," he agreed looking up. "Problem with cities though is that you can barely see any stars. Back at my home town in Virginia, you can see really beautiful bright stars in all directions. I know you're not really a country person, but I still think you'd like it."

Alexander smiled as his eyes carefully scanned the landscape, "Yeah... I remember some really nice starry nights in Nevis, but honestly I can't remember it all that well." He looked up to Thomas and asked, "Do you think your family would like me?"

Thomas wrapped his arms around Alex again, "Oh yeah, they'd love you. They might be kinda surprised by your age, but that's all. My mom and step-dad have really liked everyone I've been in a relationship with. Most of my siblings would like you too, there's just a couple that might not be so sure, but they'd come around. We're a very close, friendly family. You don't need to worry, the moment they see you they'll act like you're part of the family. I'd like to visit Virginia and my family with you - I mean, only if you'd want to, obviously."

Alexander smiled and nodded. He would absolutely love to meet Thomas's family. He then nuzzled himself closer to Thomas again, deciding to bring up, "It's my birthday tomorrow."

Thomas smiled, "Yeah I know. You'll be eighteen... Got any plans?"

"I was thinking about inviting a few friends over this Friday and having a small get together."

"That sounds good. I can make myself scarce if you just wanna see your friends alone?" Thomas offered. 

Alexander scoffed, "Hell no. I want you there with me. This will be the first time we hang out in a group as a couple, I really want my friends to get to know you."

Thomas looked uncertain, "Are you sure?"

"Hundred percent," Alexander replied. 

"Well if you insist..." He said, a clear note of uncertainty in his voice.

Alex kissed him on the cheek, "You have nothing to worry about. Don't get me wrong, they're judgemental pricks a lot of the time, but by the end of the week I'm sure you'll be friends with all of them." 

Thomas patted Alexander's legs a couple of times, "Well, it's getting late. Wanna go to bed?" 

Alexander nodded and went to stand up, but instead made a squeak as Thomas picked him up bridal style. Alexander burst into laughter, "Are you kidding me?" 

Thomas walked inside with him and led him to the bedroom, "Got a problem, babydoll?" He teased.

Alexander laughed as he said, "I'm so gonna get you back for this."

Thomas dropped him on the bed and Alexander pulled him down, they playfully wrestled for a moment before collapsing besides each other and taking each other's hands, both laughing for dear life. 

"I love you, baby," Thomas said as he laughed. 

"I love you too. Fuck what twitter says," Alexander agreed. 

Alexander took off his trousers and crawled under the covers, and Thomas did the same, stripping down to his boxers and lying besides Alex. They went to sleep quickly after, Thomas managed to stay away for a few moments longer than Alex. He took Alexander's hand and rubbed his fingers against it lovingly, feeling his skin and his small fingers. Two nights without him was too long. 


	64. Birthday Wishes

Alexander's eyes slowly opened to the soft lighting from a bedside lamp and the quiet sound of pages turning. He felt Thomas's warm body against his, and an arm wrapped around him. It was all so serene and calming; a part of him just wanted to press pause and feel like this forever. Alexander looked up slowly, Thomas must have woken up earlier than him because he was sitting holding a book. Thomas realised Alexander was awake when he felt his eyelashes flicker against his skin, asking “You awake, darling?” 

Alexander in a tired sarcastic voice replied, “No, I’m still asleep. I’m just pretending to be awake.”

Thomas laughed silently and gave Alex some room to sit up, “I made you some coffee. It should still be hot.”

Alexander nodded and reached for the mug on the bed side table, taking a small sip. It was the perfect drinking temperature, “Thanks.”

Thomas leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, “Happy birthday, babygirl.”

Alexander smirked as he noted, “I’m eighteen now.”

“Yes you are.”

Alexander turned to face Thomas and gave him a soft kiss, the slight taste of coffee on his lips.

“I got you something,” Thomas said as he broke the kiss and lingered a few inches away from Alexander’s face.

Alexander drew away slightly and gave a disapproving look “You really don’t understand the meaning of ‘no presents’, do you?”

“Nope,” Thomas replied nonchalantly, getting up and quickly walking towards the drawers to take a little jewellery box out. “I’m sorry, but I just love buying people things. And I thought of this and I just couldn't resist,” Thomas explained, sitting on top of the covers.

Alexander scrambled on top of the blankets and took the box, “Thank you,” he said begrudgingly.

He opened the box, and there was a thin silver necklace with the letter ‘A’ on it, surrounded by small green gems. “Oh my god… this is amazing,” Alexander said sincerely. It was so elegant and nice, and the 'A' looked way too similar to how he wrote the letter in his signature for it to be a coincidence. He only hoped that it didn’t cost Thomas too much.

Thomas was looking at him expectantly, hoping he liked it but worried that he might not. "U-urm... So I know a guy that makes custom jewellery... and I know how much you love your writing and how much it means to you, so, urm... I used that letter you wrote me, ya know from before we got together that James tried to hide from me? And I thought your handwriting was beautiful, so I asked them to make a necklace from the way you wrote the first letter of your name. And garnets are your birth stone... so urm... I thought they'd be nice. And since green's your colour I thought I'd see if I could get some green garnets." Thomas bit his lip and awkwardly asked, "So... do you like it?" 

Alexander held it to his chest, he couldn't believe how thoughtful this was, sincerely replying, “I love it.”

Alexander leant up onto his knees, handing Thomas the necklace and requesting, "Put it on for me?" He turned away as Thomas put the necklace around his neck and did it up from behind. As the metal touched Alex's bare skin, he shivered slightly from the touch, but it was oddly pleasant. All he wore was his underwear, one of Thomas’s expensive soft button up shirts and the necklace. And since the shirt was buttoned up quite low, the silver of the necklace rested perfectly against his skin. Alexander turned back towards him and showed himself off, brushing his hair behind his shoulders so he could see the necklace clearly.

Thomas initially looked just at the necklace on his chest, but quickly diverted his look quickly over the rest of his body with a smile and loving, interested eyes. He was too much of a gentleman to do it too overtly, and he was far too concerned about Alexander’s comfort and their relationship to be obvious about it, but Alexander could tell there was a slight gleam in his eyes which held a more amorous affection. Alexander blushed at the look, he’d never really thought of himself as an attractive or sexual person. But the way Thomas looked at him made him feel more comfortable in his skin then he’d pretty much ever been before. It made him feel bolder, confident and sexy. He absolutely loved the feelings he got when Thomas looked at him like this.

“Does the necklace look nice on me?” Alexander tentatively asked.

“It looks absolutely beautiful on you.” Thomas gently replied, putting any feelings which were less than innocent aside.

Alexander smiled happily and moved to sit on Thomas’s lap and give him a deep kiss.

After that, Thomas made them some breakfast. Thankfully, Alex had no morning lessons that day, which was why he was able to spend most of the morning with Thomas. And thanks to Thomas’s suspension, it wasn't like he had all that much to do either.

Once he finally did have to go into school though, Alexander went over to John’s locker, “Hey, John.”

John greeted him with “Hey, happy birthday buddy.”

“Thanks,” Alex replied. “Are you still cool with coming over on Friday?”

“Of course,” John said, just as Lafayette and Hercules were walking past.

The moment Lafayette noticed him, he wrapped his arms around him saying, “Happy birthday my beautiful, wonderful, smart friend.”

Alexander smiled and briefly gave him a hug back, “Thanks, Laf.”

As Lafayette pulled away, he noticed the necklace on Alexander’s chest and gasped. “Woah, what’s this? A present from someone special?” He asked with a wink.

Alexander smirked and blushed slightly, holding the silver ‘A’ between two of his fingers, “Yeah, Thomas is so thoughtful.”

"Wow, I wish the people I fell for could've loved me this much," Lafayette joked. 

All three of them rolled their eyes and John said, "Laf, everyone loves you." 

"Not everyone. And not  _that_ much," he said pointing at the necklace. 

Hercules whistled as he stared at the necklace, “That looks super expensive. Well, he’s a keeper.”

“Damn right." Alexander said as he protectively put his hand over the necklace. "You’re both coming over on Friday too, right?”

Lafayette and Hercules both nodded and gave little words of agreement.

Later on Alex asked Eliza, and she said she could and promised she’d bring Peggy with her, as long as Alexander promised to not give her alcohol. Angelica on the other hand sadly couldn't as she was going to be travelling back to England tomorrow. 

As Alexander was walking home at the end of the day, his phone rung and he looked down to see it was his dad. No doubt his dad called him precisely at this point because he knew Alex walked home at this time and wouldn't be around his friends - or more significantly - Thomas. 

Alexander picked up, "Hi, dad."

"Hello, Alexander. I just wanted to call you to wish you a happy birthday and tell you I love you." 

Alexander smiled, walking down the pavement slowly, "Thanks... I love you too, dad. It's been a while since you called."

"Sorry... I've been busy," his dad responded, but it was obvious the real reason was that he just didn't know what to say with everything going on. "How has your day been?" His dad asked, but it was evident from the sound of his voice that this all felt quite strained to him. Making small talk was kind of difficult when there was so much big talk to get through still. 

"It's been great. I'm having some friends over on Friday," Alexander said. 

"That sounds nice. And have you been alright recently?" He asked. 

Alexander replied with, "Yeah, I really have been..." hesitating before riskily adding, "Thomas really helped with that. He's okay too, in case you were wondering." 

There was a long painful silence.

"Alex, please don't hate me." 

"I don't," Alex immediately responded, stopping abruptly which caused a man to walk straight into him. Alexander gave the man an apologetic look as he walked around him and Alexander continued walking slowly. "Why would you say that? You've been great. And nothing you could do would make me hate you." Alexander walked to the side of the street so he could pause for a second to quietly beg, "Dad? please don't send Thomas away when you get back. Please don't." 

There was another pause, but the silence itself was pretty damning. 

"We can talk about this when I get back," his dad replied. 

Alexander opened his mouth, but closed it again and replied "Okay." 

"Don't worry about any of that stuff now, just focus on having a good time. I'll be back soon now. Take care of yourself. I love you. Happy birthday." 

"I love you too," Alexander responded, hanging up and holding his phone to his lips for a second before putting it away.

Just as he put the phone back in his pocket, he passed by a newspaper stand and noticed pictures of him and Thomas kissing plastered on each and every newspaper. Alexander put a hand over his face in embarrassment, but brought the paper anyway, wanting to keep it for sentimental value if nothing else. A little part of him couldn't help but be thankful that at least the editors decided to use a nice picture of them. Oh god, his dad had probably seen those stupid pictures. Alexander felt his stomach drop a little, it can't be fun for his dad having to see those pictures everywhere. Especially since his dad hadn't seen much affection between them, and had barely even come around to the idea of them being together at all. The idea that his dad was in another state feeling disappointed and ashamed of Alex made him slightly want to cry.

The walk home set some kind of urgency in Alexander, he started to feel like his whole home situation was a ticking clock. He tried to put that aside for the moment, especially since there was nothing he could do at the moment. He put his hand to his necklace, using it as a source for reassurance.

Once Alexander got home, he smiled brightly when he saw Thomas had lightly decorated the apartment. Nothing too excessive, and likely because Thomas had little else to do that day with his suspension. But it was still beautiful and Alex appreciated it, there were flowers placed in vases on several surfaces, and there were candles set out throughout the apartment. Alexander walked further into the apartment and stared in amazement at some of the flowers, barely noticing as Thomas came over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. 

Alexander giggled slightly, before saying, "So is trying to make our apartment look as cheesy as possible part of our relationship now?" 

Thomas replied "Damn right," into his ear.

They spent the evening with each other, ordering food out so they could just relax. It was nicely intimate and comfortable. They started talking about Thomas's plan, the one his dad rejected a while back. Thomas had decided to use his suspension to finish that to be as good as it could be, since now he had so much spare time. They had some mild arguments about what the contents of the plan should be, but whenever Alexander tried to get mad over it, Thomas said something which caused him to smile or laugh. 

As it started getting late, they went to bed, and started kissing. It slowly got more passionate, with Thomas topless and Alexander with no pants on. Alexander was straddling Thomas, and Thomas raised a hand to scrunch all of Alexander's hair up in one hand. His other hand made its way to the back of Alexander's thigh to hold him close, spinning him around so that Thomas was on top of him, and Alexander was grabbing Thomas to keep his body pressed against his own. This would normally around the time when Thomas would tell them they should calm down. But Thomas had always insisted on waiting until Alexander was eighteen, and now he was eighteen. With no reason to not go through with taking this further anymore, Alexander realised that there was a good chance that this could really happen. And suddenly it all felt like too much. 

Even before Alexander and Thomas began any kind of romantic relationship, he found himself thinking about what a physical relationship with Thomas would be like. But these thoughts had never manifested in the best ways... At the beginning of the relationship, Alexander kind of had a subconscious idea that sex was just bound to happen, and that it was just something that happened when you were in a relationship. Almost like an obligation. So he never really thought twice about whether he was ready for it or how he felt, he just assumed it would happen eventually anyway. He never even thought about all of this stuff until recently. And suddenly Alexander started to feel a little scared and uncomfortable about what was going on. Every instance of him almost getting into the wrong kind of sexual relationship came back to him, from that man in Nevis pulling his wrist towards a hotel room, to sitting on his knees begging Thomas to stay with him even if that meant rape.

They were only kissing, and it seemed unlikely it would really lead to much more in this moment, but the prospect of it going much further felt like way too much anyway. Especially when Thomas put his hand on Alexander's wrist in a way he probably didn't think twice about, but which gave Alexander a horrible feeling of familiarity. 

Alexander pulled his wrist away and withdrew slightly from the kiss, turning his head away and whispering, "Thomas, please can we stop?" 

Without another word, Thomas sat up and gave Alexander some room. Alexander sat up and took a few deep breaths, as Thomas gave him a worried look. 

"Are you okay? Was I being too intense?" Thomas asked gently, his eyes trying desperately to figure out if he was alright or not. 

"Just a little," Alexander admitted as he calmed himself down, reminding himself that this kind of relationship was different to the ones he almost got into in the past. "Sorry, it's not your fault. You're a perfect gentleman. I just started to freak out a little. Sorry..." 

Thomas cautiously reached out to touch him to assure him, "You don't need to apologise. It's fine. It's all fine. We can just go to sleep now if you want?"

Alexander nodded gratefully, lying down and motioning that it was okay for Thomas to lie down and cuddle him. Thomas laid down and put an arm around him, saying "I love you."

Alexander smiled and leaned up to kiss Thomas's cheek, "I love you too." 

Thomas then reached to turn the light of and they went to sleep, whispering "Happy birthday, baby," for the last time that year. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeerrreee we go. Published at 2 am so if editing is shoddy thats why ;) Love you all very much. Have a good day you gorgeous people.


	65. Two Letters

When Alexander woke up the next morning at the crack of dawn, he crawled out of Thomas's arms with much reluctance and silently sat up. Despite his efforts to let him sleep, Thomas opened his eyes and made a groggy sound as he was about to get up too, but Alexander leant down to kiss him on the head, whispering, "Shh... go back to sleep. You don't have work, so you might as well get some more rest." Thomas smiled sleepily up at him and didn't object, whispering something incomprehensible.

Alexander got up and got dressed in the dark before walking out of the room to make himself some coffee. With his mug of coffee in his hand and still half asleep, Alexander went to the door to pick up a bunch of letters. He flicked through them, most of them for his dad which he put to the side. Although, there were two letters addressed to him, which he initially thought unusual since he never got letters. One was from Princeton, and the other a regular letter.

He felt his heart drop as he saw the Princeton letter, already figuring what it would say. He walked to the counter, put his mug down, and ripped the letter open immediately. Deciding to just open it now without a thought instead of letting his fears on its contents grow. As he scanned over the letter, it said exactly what he was expecting – ‘Dear Mr. Hamilton, we regret to inform you that after reviewing your application, we have decided to rescind our offer…”

Alexander didn’t need to read the rest, folding the letter in half and holding his hand to his face. He dropped the letter down onto the counter and felt despair wash over him. What the hell was he going to do now? He was counting on that offer. One factor that definitely wasn't easing his feelings was that he knew exactly why he was rejected at this exact moment…

He picked up the other letter. This one looked completely unfamiliar, and it was of a more personal style with no return address on the envelope. He scowled as he couldn’t think of anyone he knew that would be interested in sending him letters. Opening it, he saw that it was a handwritten letter on plain A4 paper. To try and see what the mysterious letter must be regarding, he looked at the first line.

Alexander’s face went completely blank, and though there was no one there to tell him for sure, but he was pretty sure his face must have gone ridiculously pale. His mind went completely numb, not exactly knowing how to process what he was seeing. Without reading a another word in the letter, he folded it up and put it back in the envelope. He grabbed both the letters and put them on a shelf underneath a book so no one would accidently find it. His expression was still completely blank and unbetraying.

Before leaving for school, he quickly went into his room to kiss Thomas on his cheek before quickly leaving the apartment.

He finished one lesson, and as he left the classroom he noticed John walking through the halls and ran to walk besides him.

“Hey, John wait up.”

John slowed down slightly, waiting for him to catch up so they could walk down the halls together, “Hey, Alex. How was the rest of your birthday?”

“Good, good. Urm… can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure.” John said as he reached his locker and they both stood by it, John opening his locker to get some books. 

“So, urm, I got a couple of letters today. And I don’t really know what to do…” Alexander bit his lip and looked down with a hint of shame, “I got rejected from Princeton… They revoked my offer.”

John gave him a sympathetic look, “Oh, Alexander I’m so sorry. That sucks..." To try and reassure him, he forced a smile and said "But I mean, that's their loss. There’s still loads of places you could go that are just as good.”

“Don’t worry about it… I know there’s other places. I’ll get over it. But, urm, the thing is… I don’t know what to tell Thomas.” Alexander said as he leant against the lockers.

John scowled in confusion, “I don’t understand, why's telling Thomas an issue?”

“Do the maths John. I just so happened to get rejected just a few days after Thomas’s article was published.”

John rolled his eyes, “Come on, you can’t prove _that_ ’s the reason why you were rejected.”

“They revoked my offer  _the moment_ I was involved in a scandal. They obviously don’t want my name associated with the university. I don't mind all that much, because I wouldn't want to go to college anywhere that thinks my love for Thomas is wrong.” Alexander rubbed his face, “But I really don't think Thomas will see it that way... When we first got together, he had this irrational fear that he’d hold me back in some way, and that I could do better in life without him. It was the root of half our problems and the reason we didn’t get together way sooner. If I tell him about Princeton, he'll completely freak out. It will make him think that everything he was afraid of is right and warranted. He'll say he’s holding me back, and I’m too good for him, and better off without him…” Alexander shook his head as he trailed off.

Letting out a groan he continued, “But I can’t hide this from him either. And I certainly couldn't lie to him. We had this whole thing about communication and honesty, so I have to tell him the truth. Hell, I _want_ to tell him the truth. I want him to know everything about my life.”

John shrugged and gave him a sympathetic look, “Well, I guess you have no choice but to tell him and just deal with the consequences then. I wouldn't worry too much about it, he’ll get over it if he really loves you. You guys have gotten through way worse.”

“Is there anyway I could tell him _and_ avoid him freaking out?” Alexander hopelessly asked.

“Sorry, buddy. I think you’re both just going to have to go through it. All you can do is make it clear that you don't blame him for anything.” He then shut his locker and thought about what he said, raising an eyebrow to ask, "You... don't blame him, right?"

Alexander shook his head, "Not at all. I wanted him to publish the article, after all. I'd do the same thing in his position. Obviously I'm upset that I won't be going to Princeton, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't kinda want to hit someone over it, but I'm not mad at Thomas." He made a slight moan and closed his eyes as he said, "I just want him to comfort me and not make a big deal about it."

Alexander took a second and opened his eyes, and wrapped his arms around John to hug him, “Anyway, thanks John. You’re the most awesome friend ever.”

“It’s alright,” John said, patting Alexander on his back before pulling away.  They started walking down the halls again to go to their next class, before John asked, “So, what about the other one?”

Alexander blinked a few times, “What?”

“You said you got a couple of letters. What did the other one say?”

“Did I say that?”

John looked confused and nodded.

“Oh, my mistake. I only got one letter.”

“Oh, okay then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is more ridiculous and convoluted than a soap opera, and if you think im gonna add even more bs to this then youre 100% right. Love you all very much you fabulous human beings ;)


	66. Proposals

Thomas woke up shortly after Alexander left for school. He stayed in bed for a while, just laying there and putting one hand under his pillow, and using the other to hold the other pillow and trace it with his fingers. It was difficult to build up the motivation to get up without his job or his boyfriend around, but he had to admit it was kind of nice to sleep in for once. Eventually, he forced himself to get up, throwing on some comfortable home clothes. 

He sat by a counter, not really sure what to do with his time. Something felt so depressing about having nothing to do whilst everyone else in his life was busy. He resolved to accomplish something with his spare time, getting some coffee and doing some work on his computer, under the admittedly uncertain assumption that he might get a chance to go back to work.

He was so relieved when he heard his phone ringing, picking it up then less than a heartbeat, “Hello?”

“Hey, Thomas,” James said on the other side. “I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch? I kinda wanted to talk to you about something, and I figured you must have a lot of free time now."

“Oh my god, yes, that sounds perfect,” Thomas agreed with a clear sound of relief in his voice. They decided to meet at a café near the workplace, and Thomas headed there as quick as he could.

When they arrived, they got coffee and ordered some food. It reminded him of their college days, when they practically lived in one of the cafes near the University of Virginia. It was strange seeing James in his professional work clothes when he himself, but at the same time he felt so relieved to see him.

“I think I’m going to go stir crazy being suspended,” Thomas said wiping his face and taking a long drink of his coffee. “I might use the time to finish that stupid proposal. Did I ever tell you the real reason it got rejected? Apparently Washington did it to try and break me and Alex up, how crazy is that? Anyway, I ended up neglecting it after George left because I got so busy, but now that I have more time on my hands I might be able to actually get it finished.”

James shrugged, “Well, if it was only rejected because of your relationship with Alex, I doubt there’s really anything wrong with it. You could probably just submit it as it is and this time it would get through.”

“Yeah, probably. I just want to make it as good as it can be.”

Suddenly getting reminded of something, James added, “Oh, and Dolley wanted me to ask you if you and Alex are free any time soon.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow, “huh?”

“She will not stop talking about that damn pamphlet,” James said with a nervous laugh. “Kept saying how brave it was, and how romantic it was. Something tells me she saw it a lot differently to most of the world. Anyway, so she really wants me to convince you to go on a double date. You think you and Alex would be down with that?”

Thomas uncertainly replied, “Well… I guess? I mean, it might be a bit awkward. Especially since he’d be the only one not old enough to drink.”

James assured, “it will be fine. Besides, Dolley doesn’t drink so it’s not like he’d really obviously be the only one who couldn’t drink.”

“If you think it’s a good idea, I’m sure Alex would agree to it.” Thomas said.                           

Thomas paused and gave a perceptive over James, he was practically shaking and had a look on his face that showed he really want to say something, but didn't know how to bring it up. “Are you okay? You look really nervous.”

“Urm… yeah,” James said looking down at his hands. “It’s just, urm, I really want to tell you something but I’m kind of scared. It’s big.”

“Well is it ‘good’ big, or ‘bad’ big?”

“Hopefully good big,” James replied, cautiously optimistic. “I wanted to tell you ages ago, but since we haven’t really been hanging out recently I couldn't really. And I really wanted you to be the first person I told.”

“What is it?”

James paused for a second, before reaching down into his bag to take something out. He opened a small black box, putting it on the table to show him a diamond ring. “I’m going to ask Dolley to marry me.”

Thomas smiled immediately, raising his hand to his mouth in disbelief, “Oh my god, that’s so amazing, James! I’m so happy for you.”

James smiled too but a little more coyly, saying, “Well, she needs to say yes or no first.”

“Yeah, but she’s gonna say yes. You guys are so perfect together,” Thomas responded ecstatically, before pressing him further. “I need details. How are you going to do it? Where are you doing it? When?”

“Well, we’re getting dinner tonight, I was going to ask her then.”

“That’s so awesome,” Thomas said. He didn’t even know how to put in words how excited he was for James, feeling like they’d been waiting for this kind of moment since they were in college.

“But, urm, I know it’s a long way off, and she still needs to actually say yes or no first. But if she does say yes, I was wondering if you and Aaron would be my best men?”

Thomas immediately nodded, “I would absolutely love to be your best man. I love all this wedding stuff, you know me.” He paused for a second before asking, “So, urm… I know me and Alex have only been dating for less than half a month and the wedding probably won’t actually happen for some time, so I’m being pretty optimistic. But do you think I could bring Alex as a date to your wedding?”

James assured him with a smile, “Of course. Alexander was the reason I talked to Dolley for the first time, he’s the reason all of this was possible. So, he’s more than welcome.”

Thomas gave James a sympathetic and thankful look. Thomas kept staring at that gorgeous diamond ring, so happily that passers by would probably assume he was the one being proposed to. 

James looked at him plainly for a second, noting how much this seemed to elate him, before asking, “I know it’s probably way too early to ask this kind of thing. But do you think there's a possibility that you and Alexander will get married one day?”

Thomas hesitated, not wanting to say anything too soon or overly committal, before admitting, “I really hope so.”

They ate together and talked about little details of how he planned to propose as well as reminiscing on their friendship. 

Afterwards, Thomas started heading back to the apartment, staring at the ground daydreaming. He always loved weddings. They were so exciting, always marking the height of romance and letting you see relatives you hadn’t seen for year. He loved everything from the clothes people wore to weddings, to the beautiful decorations and flowers, to the sappy vows.

“Thomas?”

Thomas looked up, not hearing the voice at first before seeing it was Theodosia. “Oh, hi Theodosia.”

Theodosia was walking in the opposite direction, and now stood awkwardly in front of him not really sure what to do, “I heard you were suspended. I just wanted to say I’m so, so sorry. If there’s anything I could do-“

Thomas interrupted her with, “Actually,” in a strong authoritative tone, “Could I speak to you for a minute?”

She nodded shyly, and Thomas dragged her to the side for some privacy. Having published his relationship for the entire world to see, and with the buzz of James telling him about his possible future engagement, Thomas gained a certain level confidence. And he didn't feel okay with being despondent anymore. “Look,” he began in a confrontational tone, “I have no idea what’s going on between you and Mark, or you and Aaron. But you’ve got to figure it out and make up your damn mind. You might not care, but what you’re doing is destroying Aaron, and Mark deserves to know the truth too. So you need to just make a choice and leave Mark for Aaron, or stop seeing Aaron and just cut it off. They both deserve better.”

Theodosia stood there shocked and not entirely knowing how to respond, simply letting out the words, “I’m divorced.”

A couple of seconds later she stuttered over herself as she said, “My divorce went through yesterday. Me and Mark talked about it ages ago, when I first told him about Aaron. But we wanted to wait until he got back from Georgia to fill in all the paperwork. I didn’t want to tell Aaron any of this until it was all finalised. It went through today… I was just on my way to tell him.”

Thomas stood there blankly, “Oh.” After another tense second he said, “Well, that’s good. For you and him.”

Theodosia smiled softly and nodded with a more friendly look. “It’s nice to know Aaron has a friend like you he can count on,” she said kindly before leaving, giving him a friendly wave as she walked away. Thomas stood there shocked at how well that turned out, smiling at the floor in disbelief before getting himself to continue walking home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely people :D Reading through comments and seeing every time I get a kudos honestly makes me so happy. That probably goes without saying but yeh I just want you all to know I how much I really appreciate it.


	67. School Steps

At the end of their school day, Alex stood with his three friends just outside at the entrance steps of the school. It was freezing cold, and as they stood around, Alex was rubbing his hands together trying to stay warm.

“I still don’t understand why Princeton would reject you over something like this,” Hercules said after everything was explained to him.

Alexander shivered as he shrugged, “I guess the scandal went over pretty badly in the academic world.”

Lafayette gave an unimpressed, “Meh. I’m European. In France you’re basically not eligible to become an educated professional unless you’ve had a sex scandal,” he joked.

John playfully hit Alexander’s arm, “Hey, it’s alright. I just got accepted into Columbia. You should apply there too. I can get my parents to put in a good word for you.”

Alexander tilted his head in thought. He’d never thought about Columbia before, “Columbia, huh? Maybe I will…” There was a breeze, and Alexander shivered again and wrapped his arms around himself.

John rolled his eyes at how cold Alexander was and took off his scarf to wrap it around his neck, “Dude, you need to start wearing more layers when you go out in this weather. I really thought you were starting to learn how to dress more appropriately for this kind of temperature.”

Alexander huddled into the scarf gratefully, “Well, Thomas usually makes sure I’m wearing the right kind of clothes before I leave the house. This morning I let him sleep in, so I had to pick my own clothes. Turns out I may not have the greatest common sense in the world when it comes to things like this…”

“I swear to god, Alex. You would die if you lived on your own,” John said.

Hercules raised an eyebrow and noted, “Things seem to be going really well with Thomas."

Alexander had a conflicted look on his face as he replied, “Yeah, it’s going so great… But I’m so terrified of what my dad’s gonna do when he gets back. With the click of his fingers, he could compromise our entire relationship. And I’m pretty sure he won’t approve of how I got rejected from Princeton because of our relationship.”

“I’m sure your dad will come around,” Hercules assured.

“Yeah,” agreed Lafayette. “Your dad’s amazing, and he really does love you more than anything in the world.”

Alexander than added onto his list of concerns, “And I hope Thomas doesn’t take the Princeton thing too hard. He’s gonna blame himself for all of it, I just know it.”

Lafayette furrowed his eyebrows in thought for a second before asking, “Well, do you even need to tell him? I mean, is it really any of his business?” As if it should have been an obvious conclusion to come to.

“Of course I need to tell him. I probably got rejected because we're together, so I'm pretty sure it is his business. I think he ought to know,” Alexander simply replied.

“But I think it's okay to hide things from people if it's for the right reason,” Lafayette said as he crossed his arms, something oddly defensive about his manner.

Alexander shook his head, “No way. We promised to tell each other everything and I don’t want to hide this from him.”

“But I mean, if it’s just going to hurt him and cause a strain on your relationship…” Lafayette said, trying to make sense of Alex's logic.

“It doesn’t matter. We tell each other everything – the good and the bad,” Alexander insisted.

Lafayette paused to process this new information. “So, you really think people should always tell each other the truth, even if you don’t know how they’ll take it? Even if they might be happier not knowing?”

Alex nodded, “Absolutely.”

“Well, I mean, would _you_ want to know the entire truth? Even if the truth really fucking sucks?”

“Of course,” Alex replied. “The truth might be awful at times, but at least you can do something with it. You can’t do fuck all with lies or secrets.”

Lafayette fell silent in thought, only giving a short hum.

Hercules glanced towards John to see if he had any clue what Lafayette was on about, but John only gave an equally puzzled look to him. He gave Lafayette a look and asked, “Why so many questions, Laf?”

Lafayette shrugged, looking back at him as he came out of his thoughts, “No reason... I’m French. French people are weird. I don’t need a valid excuse.”

John looked  a little confused and just said, “O…kay," before shaking his head. "Well, I’m gonna go now. Good luck, Alex.”

“Thanks, I’m gonna start heading too,” Alex said, taking off the scarf and handing it back to John. Alexander and John departed, leaving Hercules and Lafayette alone for a few moments.

“Are you alright?” Hercules asked Lafayette, still utterly baffled by his sudden attitude.

Lafayette nodded, giving a very convincing ignorantly happy look, “Why do you ask?”

Hercules shrugged, letting out a huff and letting it go, “Never mind.”

Lafayette was silent for several seconds, before asking, “But… hypothetically, if you knew something, and you knew it could really help a friend out… but you were also worried about telling them because you’d be breaking a promise, and you didn’t know how they’d react. Would you tell them?”

Hercules scowled, “I don’t know… What’s going on, Laf? If you tell me, I might actually be able to help you.”

Lafayette shook his head, “It's nothing anybody needs to know. It's silly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there was a plotline I'd been planning to put in this from really early on, but for ages I wasn't really sure if it was a good idea. There's a couple of allusions to where this is going if you really squint, but I wasn't really sure if I wanted to commit to it. But I kinda decided I just wanted to write it so it's happening because I said so ;)


	68. On a Balcony

Thomas opened the apartment door, and Alexander was already home. He was sitting anxiously on a chair, standing up the moment the door opened. Thomas excitedly ran over to him, “Alex, Alex, you’re not gonna believe this …–“ Thomas cut himself off as he noticed how sad Alexander looked. “Alex? What’s wrong?”

Alex avoided eye contact, as he picked up a piece of paper he laid on the table, handing it to Thomas. “I got rejected from Princeton.”

“Oh, Alexander I’m so sorry.” Thomas said sincerely, only looking at the paper for a couple of brief seconds.

“I wasn’t sure whether or not I should tell you…” Alexander cowardly admitted, not wanting to look Thomas in the eyes still.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” Thomas asked in confusion, having not grasped what the problem was yet. He looked at the paper for another couple of seconds as Alexander gave him a helpless look, before it suddenly hit him and a horrified expression quickly went across his face. “Oh... You didn’t want to tell me because it’s my fault. This was me. I’m the reason you were rejected from Princeton.”

Thomas turned away from Alexander and started pacing, his hands immediately going to his head, “Oh god. Oh god. I’m such an idiot. This is my fault. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck was I thinking?”

Alexander immediately went over to him, desperately trying to stop him from spiralling. He did  _not_ go through all of this just for them to be put back to square one. “Thomas, please, please, please don’t freak out. Just look at me,” he begged trying to lightly turn Thomas around.

Thomas kept his body facing away from Alex so he didn't see him. It was obvious he was really struggling with this, and there was a pained, guilty sound in his voice as he kept rambling. “This is all my fault. Why did I publish that stupid fucking article? Fuck. Fuck. Why am I such an idiot? This is exactly what I was afraid of. I knew if we got together I’d hold you back, and now I really have.  _I’m_ the reason you got rejected from Princeton. God, why the hell are you even with me?”

Alexander tried to keep himself from shaking, putting his hands on Thomas's face to try and turn him to look at him. “Thomas, please don’t talk like that. I love you, I love you, please calm down.”

Thomas slowly stopped trying to pull away from Alexander's touch, but still wouldn’t take his hands away from his face or calm down. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Alexander. I know I shouldn’t be like this. I know I shouldn't be making this about me. But this is just...” Thomas trailed off, not finishing his sentence. He slowly allowed himself to turn in his boyfriend's direction, revealing how scared and distraught he looked. But Thomas was still refusing to look Alexander in the eye. “Look, I love you and absolutely nothing can change that, but I just really need a minute on my own to think about things.” He said, motioning towards the balcony. “I’m so, so sorry,” he repeated one more time, before excusing himself to leave and walking off- in spite of Alexander reaching after him. 

Alexander stood there for a second. Well that went… just about as tragically and dramatically as he’d expected. He took a deep breath, going to walk towards his room. Thomas asked him for some time alone, so he’d give him that. But then as he reached the corridor to their rooms, he put his hand against the wall and looked back towards the balcony. He gave it a moment of consideration, trying to put himself in Thomas's shoes, before changing his mind and standing up straight to walk confidently towards the balcony instead.

Thomas was sitting outside, bent down with his elbows rested on his legs and his forehead in his hands in painful contemplation. Without any explanation, Alexander opened the balcony door and walked out, sitting next to him and plainly saying, “No.”

Thomas raised his head and lowered his hands, giving him a confused look.

“I know we’ve only known each other for a few months, and we’ve only been officially together for less than two weeks. But I think I know you pretty well. I know what you’re like. I know how you think. And I know that if you’re alone when you’re feeling like this, it will just make everything worse. Your brains gonna mess with you and you’re going to keep overthinking things, and then you’re going to end up talking yourself into hating yourself, or running away, or breaking up with me… and I can’t risk you talking yourself into any of them. So no. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to leave you alone. Not now. Not while you’re feeling like this.” Alexander gently said.

Thomas didn't protest, but let out a deep breath. Instead resisting Alexander's company by just staying silent, thinking at some point he was bound to give in and go inside. There was a solid five minutes of no one saying anything. Just sitting next to each other, Thomas trying to isolate himself as much as he could with Alexander sitting right next to him, and Alexander just staying put, letting him know he was there. Eventually, Thomas admitted defeat and started talking.

“It’s just… when I first met you, and I fell completely in love with you, I was just so sure that you could do better. I was so much older than you, and I was at my life’s lowest point- with my divorce and my living situation and everything. And then you were there, and you were just so beautiful and smart and confident, and you had your whole life figured out. I was so afraid of dragging you down to my level, or preventing you from doing everything you're capable of. My proposal getting rejected just seemed to prove everything I’d already thought. I wasn’t good enough to pass a damn proposal when that was supposed to be part of my job, and thinking you rejected it just made it so much worse. The only reason why I changed my mind and decided to just let myself love you was because I convinced myself that I was just being paranoid, that I wouldn’t hold you back from anything. But now I have. You aren’t going to be able to go to the college of your dreams because of me. I  _am_ holding you back. If I was right about my biggest fear, what the hell does that say about me?”

Alexander sat there patiently listening to him, and when Thomas seemed to have ran out of things to say, he gave him a soft kiss on his cheek and took one of his hands to lace their fingers together. “Thomas, we’ve been through all of this before. This isn’t your fault. Yeah you published that article, but otherwise everyone would be calling my dad a rapist, you weren’t given a great choice. And I’m not ashamed of what that article says about us. We’re awesome. Fuck Princeton. Anywhere that would change their mind about wanting me because of our amazing relationship isn’t somewhere I want to be. You haven’t held me back. And – I can’t believe I’m saying this, I’ve never said this to anyone in my entire life – but you’re just as smart as me. Some of your opinions are wrong, but you are really smart. Hell, I think you might be even smarter." Alexander smirked and added, "Not to mention you’re, like, really hot.”

Thomas squeezed letting out a short chuckle. He tried to smile and tenderly said, “I’m so, so sorry about Princeton.”

Alexander put his head on Thomas’s shoulder, “It’s alright. It sucks, but there’s other places just as good. I’m thinking maybe Columbia. It’s a really good college, and it’s closer so we wouldn’t have to worry at all about travelling at all to see each other. And who knows, maybe this one won’t mind my scandalous relationship.”

Thomas kissed his forehead, “And sorry about the meltdown.”

Alexander raised his head to wipe a tear away from his cheek, “It’s alright. Lord knows I’ve been there.”

Thomas still looked like something was on his mind, and Alexander raised his head and scowled to say in a hushed voice, "Hey, it's okay. You can talk to me," he pointed a finger against Thomas's temple and said, "What's going on up there?" 

Thomas shook his head dismissively and held tightly on to Alexander as he said, "It's nothing really, it's just, when everything first went wrong with us, I had this really vivid image in my head. I imagined that I moved back to Virginia, and ten years from now I was just a nobody whilst you were really successful and famous. And I would keep seeing your name and picture in the newspaper, knowing that you didn't even remember my name. Because whilst I'd spent all my life in love with you, you moved on and met someone way better than I could ever be. I was just that guy that briefly stayed in your house a million years ago. I know it's completely ridiculous. I swear I'm trying really hard to get over the whole thing where I think you're so much better then me, and for the most part I am. But every so and then I just re-imagine it, and every time it really fucks with my head."

Alexander assured, "Well,if you whenever you think like that, just tell me and I will shower with so much affection that none of those thoughts will even cross your mind." He rested his head against his shoulder again and admitted, "But I get it. I sometimes feel like I'm way out of my league too; like any second you'll just change your mind about me and leave. Sometimes I honestly don't believe how lucky I got."

Thomas smiled and said into his hair, "Bitch please, you're never getting rid of me."

Alexander laughed lightly and got a sudden idea. "Give me a second," He excused as he quickly got up and went back into the building. Quickly grabbing something off the table, he went back out with the newspaper he brought. "Besides, you thought that the only way I could get on newspapers is if you weren't there to distract me?" He said motioning towards the newspaper which showed them kissing on one of the pages, "Well, it seems you were wrong about that. All our relationship means is that whenever I'm on the paper, you'll be there right by my side." He said as he lightly wacked Thomas with the newspaper. "And when you accomplish amazing things, which you will, even if you haven't realised you will yet, I will be there right by your side too."

Thomas chuckled lightly, "You're so sweet."

"Yeah. If you tell anyone I'm being nice though I'll hunt you down," Alexander replied jokingly. 

After another second, Thomas kissed Alex on the top of his head, “Thank you for not leaving me”

“Don't worry about it. I’m not going anywhere,” Alexander said as he ran his thumb over Thomas’s hand. “There’s nothing you can say to make me go away, not now and not ever.”

Thomas pulled Alexander in to give him a tender kiss and embrace him. 

As Alexander pulled away, a couple of seconds passed before his face’s expression slowly changed to an emotion Thomas couldn’t quite put his finger on. He then awkwardly looked forward to look out to the sky. “Urm… Thomas, there’s something else… This morning I got a lett-“  

Thomas was distracted from the moment when he heard his phone buzz. He picked his phone up and saw a text from James. Thomas gave an apologetic look to Alex, “Sorry, can I quickly-“

Alexander smiled reassuringly and nodded, “It’s fine. Go ahead.”

Thomas gave a grateful look and opened his phone.

James: She said yes!!!!

Attached was a photo of James and Dolley -both of them looking so, so happy- with Dolley showing off an engagement ring on her ring finger.

“Oh my god,” Thomas said as he put a hand over his mouth.

“What is it?” Alexander asked trying to peak at what was on the phone.

Thomas showed him the picture, “James and Dolley just got engaged.”

“That’s amazing,” Alexander said ecstatically with a bright smile. “I so knew they’d get married from the moment I saw them. You should have seen the way James looked at Dolley at Jay’s wedding.”

“I think I have some kind of idea,” Thomas said as he looked at Alex with deep, loving eyes, brushing some hair behind his ear as Alexander blushed. 

“Anyway, I totally interrupted you. What were you about to say?”

Alexander looked forward and blinked a couple of times, letting out a forced laugh and saying, “Aha, I don’t remember. It wasn’t important anyway.”


	69. Party

The next day, Alexander and Thomas prepared to have Alex’s friends over, which mainly consisted of putting breakable things where they couldn't get damaged. As Alex had no trust for his friend after they'd been drinking. 

Thomas was hanging around the kitchen, feeling at least slightly terrified about what this was going to be like. Alexander came up behind him and took his hands, going on his toes to whisper, “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. My friends are your friends.”

Thomas nodded, but he still felt the undeniable way his nerves were controlling him right now.

“It’ll be a lot easier than you think. Remember, it’s always worse in your head,” Alexander assured and wrapped his arms around him.

Thomas hummed in agreement, but it didn't come off as totally convincing. Alexander frowned, feeling bad about how difficult this seemed to be for him, sympathetically conceding, “But… if you really need to leave at any point, I’ll understand.”

Thomas turned around to face him, getting a slight pang of anxiety because he really didn't want to let Alex down. And at the end of the day, he really did want to get to know Alex's friends since they mattered so much to him. “No… No, it’s fine. I want to be here with you.”

Alexander smiled thankfully, and leaned up to give him a kiss. “They’ll love you. I promise.”

At that point there was a few knocks at the door, and Alexander excitedly ran to the door to open it. He greeted all of his friends and gave them hugs, whilst Thomas hovered around awkwardly, pretending he wasn’t older than everyone in the room by a decade.

John and Eliza came over to give him a familiar greeting, made only a bit uncomfortable by the fact that the last time they saw him, he was incessantly crying over Alex. He gave shy greetings to Hercules and Peggy, having only briefly met them before. On the other hand, Lafayette’s more flashy character meant that there was little discomfort with him. He pretty much came over, immediately gave him a happy, friendly hug and said, "Nice to see you, you handsome fellow."

They put on music and danced and messed around. Alexander was having fun, but often found himself looking towards Thomas to make sure he was alright. He figured it would get easier once the night went on a bit.

Hercules mentioned in passing that he had an apprenticeship for a clothing company, and Thomas remembering his younger sister was planning to go into fashion started talking about that with him. He felt himself starting to relax into the environment a lot more.  Alexander smiled and came to sit next to Thomas, kissing him on the cheek and whispering “You’re doing great,” in his ear. 

Satisfied that Thomas was doing alright and didn't need his constant observation, Alex stood up to spend time with the rest of his friends. Not even two steps away from the couch, Lafayette took his arms and announced, "Dance with me, you fabulous creature." 

He took Alex's hands and span around with him, when he let go, Alexander took a second to stop the world spinning, "You're so crazy, Laf."

"Well, you know that's my style, my lovely friend," Lafayette replied with a wink.

Alexander gave Lafayette a friendly hug, "You're so great. I miss when you used to come around all the time, you haven't been over in ages."

"That's because I used to be the weird foreigner who was friendless and had nowhere else to go. But now I don't need to bother you all the time." Lafayette replied jokingly poking Alex on the nose. 

"You're never a bother," Alex lightly replied. 

Lafayette's face straightened slightly, and he looked over his shoulder before saying "Alex... I need to tell you something."

Alexander got distracted when he caught sight of Eliza over Lafayette's shoulder, who was sitting on the balcony. "Sorry, can you hold that thought?"

Lafayette opened his mouth and shut it again before saying, "Yeah, of course."

Alexander smiled thankfully and headed towards the balcony. 

Lafayette let out a sigh and went over to Hercules and Thomas. "You doing alright?" Hercules asked him as he came over. 

Lafayette nodded, "Yep. I need to get drunk," he said as he took a drink out of Hercules's hand and downed it, before heading over to get another drink.

Meanwhile, Alexander opened the balcony door and walked out to see Eliza, “Hey Eliza. What are you doing out here?” 

“Hi, sorry I just wanted to get some air quickly,” Eliza explained.

Alex nodded, “Cool, cool…” he said as he came to sit next to her.

“Urm… Actually I kinda wanted to talk to you. To apologise… about how I handled our relationship,” Alexander awkwardly said.

Eliza gave him a look with an eyebrow raised, “Really? Alex, we’ve had this talk. We don’t need to talk about that stuff anymore. We’re good.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just…” Alexander sighed, “Before I met Thomas, I don’t think I’d ever really been in love with anyone. And I really wanted to love you like that, I really did…”

“I know. You told me all of this stuff – last year.” Eliza reminded him gently, not quite understanding why he was bringing all of this up when it all happened so long ago.

“It’s just… Now that I do love someone the way I love Thomas, I think I’m starting to really understand how much I must have hurt you. If Thomas couldn’t love me the way I loved him because he realised he was straight, that would completely destroy me. And I’d be way more hurt if rather than just telling me, he tried to hide it or went behind my back like I did with you. You loved me and I didn’t love you back, and I really screwed you over instead of talking to you about it. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you back, and I’m sorry about how I handled it. I’m so sorry about it all. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

Eliza smiled, “It’s okay, thanks for that. That’s real sweet of you.”

Alexander laughed for a second to himself before saying, “For whatever it’s worth, you’re the best girlfriend a gay guy could possibly hope for.”

Eliza laughed and leant her head against his arm, “I’m not unhappy with how things turned out in the end. Maybe you weren’t right to be my boyfriend, but at very least now you’re my closes friends. And that’s just as good.”

Alexander laughed in agreement, “I’m so, so glad we’re friends. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Without you and John, who would I have to fix my boy problems?”

Eliza leaned up a little to quietly say, “Speaking of boys, can I tell you something?”

Alexander gasped melodramatically, “Yes?"

“I’ve been talking to someone,” Eliza said with an amused little smile.

“What? Who is it? Do I know them?” Alex asked widening his eyes.

“His name’s… John Andre. He’s a couple of years older than us. I met him in England when I visited my sister a little while ago and we’ve been talking since,” Eliza explained, playing with her hair.

“That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you,” Alexander said.

Eliza got her phone, “Yeah, and he’s super cute too.”

He showed her some pictures and Alexander raised his eyebrows. “Damn. He’s hot. Well done, Eliza. Just make sure this one deserves you.”

Eliza smiled and put her phone away, “Also, I’m like, at least eighty-five percent sure he actually likes girls this time.”

Alexander laughed, "Fingers crossed."

Eliza smiled brightly, “I just need to go pee, I’ll be back in a second.”

Eliza ran off and Alexander walked back inside the apartment. He looked over at Thomas and smiled, he looked like he was really starting to get on with his friends. This all felt so good and right. They played some silly drinking games, danced around like idiots until they were too tired to stand. And a little bit later, Alexander was leant back on the sofa with John right next to him, feeling a bit tipsy and speaking in hushed voices with each other.

They started off just gossiping about Charles Lee and talking about university and what not, but after a while John gave him a suggestive look and asked, “So… have you and Thomas… _ya know…_?”

Alexander blushed lightly and looked down, “No… not yet.” John was the only person he’d told about some of the earlier more worrying attempts at intimacy between the two of them. He suspected that most of the others would’ve just assumed that they must have had sex by now, but John and Eliza were the only people who knew about his issues and that Alex had never had sex before. “I’m eighteen now, so I don’t think he has any reservations about it anymore, it just hasn’t happened yet.”

“Well, do you wanna?” John whispered.

Alexander shrugged, “Yeah, at some point. I think I’m still kinda caught up on some stuff though.” He then smiled a little mischievously and said, “But, like, he’s _really_ hot. He just wears his underwear when we go to sleep and… Oh. My. God.”

John and Alexander burst into laughter, and as Alexander began to recover, he noticed Thomas was watching them from the kitchen, looking away the moment Alexander looked back. He rolled his eyes to himself when he recognised the kind of look that was. “Give me a minute, John, I’m just going to go see Thomas.”

Alexander got up and walked over to him by the kitchen, slightly separated from the others. “Heya sexy,” he said lightly as he wrapped his arms around him.

“Hey, why are you over here? You looked like you were having a good time,” Thomas noted.

“Yeah, but you’re not there with me.”

Thomas shrugged, “I didn’t want to interrupt…” lightly looking over to John still

Alexander used a finger to tilt his face away from John and towards him, “I know that look, don’t try to hide it from me. John’s just a friend. I know we act really close, but it’s just in a friend way. You don’t need to be jealous.”

Thomas looked slightly embarrassed and caught, “I know, I know. And I believe you, I swear. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I get like this.”

“It’s fine,” Alex assured.

“It’s not though,” Thomas whispered and averted his gaze.

“I’m not gonna blame you for how you feel,” Alexander insisted. “Come over and me to talk with my friends?” He suggested.

Thomas nodded and apologised again, but Alexander wasn’t listening, already pulling him towards the sofas. Thomas sat down and Alexander sat on his lap. They talked to their friends for a little bit, but eventually Alexander just drifted off and started watching Thomas's eyes. Thomas smiled at him and Alexander leant over to give him a passionate kiss, not caring that all his friends were there. John gave a wolf whistle, to which Alexander responded by just holding his middle finger up to him.

Thomas offered to get some drinks and Alexander followed behind him. Thomas paused between making the drink to push a few strands of hair behind his ear, saying, “Hey… this is fun. Your friends are really great.”

Alexander smiled and kissed him, before letting Thomas go back to making the drinks.

Out of nowhere, Lafayette stumbled in and wrapped his arms around Alex in a far too tight embrace, “Alex, my darling beautiful friend,” he slurred.

Alexander laughed trying to hold him up straight, “Laf, how much have you had to drink?”

Lafayette loudly whispered “A lot.” He then tried to stand upright and said, “Alex, Alex, Alex… I have to tell you something.”

“What, Lafayette?” Alex.

Lafayette leaned in as if he was about to say something serious, but then seemed to get distracted, and after a few seconds completely forgot what he was going to say and instead scowled to note, "My tongue feels weird."

Alexander lightly laughed and looked to Thomas for help. 

Lafayette pinched his tongue, "Are tongues supposed to be like this?"

“Okay, okay, you’ve definitely had enough to drink. Maybe you should have a little lie down,” Alex suggested.

“Oooh, that sounds nice,” Laf said enthusiastically.

“Come on, you can sleep over in my room,” Alexander said.

“Where are you going to sleep then?” Laf asked for a second confused, before melodramatically gasping and yelling, “Oh, are you and Tommy going to do the frickity frack!?”

Alexander tried to stop himself from bursting in laughter,  “No, and keep your voice down, we have neighbours.”

Thomas offered, “Hey, this is your party. Why don’t you just go hang out with your friends, I’ll make sure Laf doesn’t fall down or something."

Alexander smiled and kissed him on the cheek, “Thanks, just take him to my room and make sure he doesn’t die.”

Thomas helped keep Laf stood up as he led him to Alex’s room, rooting through Alex’s clothes to find something he could borrow for the night. “Do these look okay?” He asked as he handed them Lafayette.

Laf nodded and took them, “Merci. I heard you spent some time in France, back when you were married?” Lafayette asked.

Thomas nodded, “Urm, yeah that’s right.”

“I came here from France a few years ago now, I started the year below from what I am though to make up for the language barrier, meaning I’m nineteen. So I know what it’s like to feel older than everyone in the room if that makes you feel better. Even if its not to the same extent.”

Thomas nodded, not really sure how to respond to Lafayette’s little ramblings.

“You and my dear friend Alex are so sweet together. You better not let him go, he really, really loves you. You two are meant to be. Anyone could see that. George will too.”

Thomas stood there awkwardly and stiffened up a little, not entirely sure what he was supposed to be doing, “I hope so,” he muttered.

“He will,” Lafayette insisted. “He won’t risk doing anything that could lead to him losing Alex. Alex has told you about everything that happened last year, right? Well, when he overdosed, I was the person he called. No one else was picking up. He was so hysterical, it was fucking terrifying. I took him to the… the… urm…” Laf paused trying to remember the word.

“Hospital?” Thomas guessed.

Laf clicked his fingers, “Yes, yes that was it. I took him to the hospital. George was in a meeting so it took me ages to get a hold of him, but eventually he picked up. At that point the doctors hadn’t told me anything, so I didn’t actually know if he’d pull through or not. George was so distraught, he was crying and blaming himself. Apparently that morning George found out about everything that was going on and he told Alex he was disappointed in him, and he thought that Alex was trying to hurt himself because of it. I’d never seen him like that before. Man, it was heart-breaking. After that, no way would he risk pushing Alexander away from him. He came way too close to losing him before. So, don’t worry. You and Alexander will be just fine.”

Thomas shyly responded, “Thanks, Laf.” Not really sure what else to say to that.

“And worst-case scenario, you’ll have leverage.”

Thomas scowled, sitting on the edge of the bed, “Leverage? I don’t understand.”

Lafayette paused for a second, before saying, “I’m saying that I know something about George Washington. Something that in the wrong hands could really hurt him. Something that not even Alex knows. And I'm going to tell you everything." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so half way through my final edits for this chapter I lost everything. So I quickly tried to fix everything I could remember but I'm too tired to do it with as much effort as I did first time round. So sorry if its really clunky and awkward in parts. Also I dunno if Eliza and Andre is a really weird pairing but I read on her wikipedia that she might have had a childish crush on him. I have no idea if any of that's true or not, but I thought it was adorable that I decided to roll with it.


	70. Truth Will Out

Thomas awkwardly sat there, not really sure how to deal with what Lafayette was saying before quietly saying, "What... What could you possibly know that Alex doesn't." It wasn't posed as a question, more a doubtful statement.

Lafayette didn't answer his question and simply responded with, "I promised I wouldn't tell him... Alex would be so mad at me if he knew. But the end justifies the means, right?"

Thomas shook his head and stood up, “No, no, don’t tell me. You’re drunk and I don’t want you saying anything you can’t take back. Anything you tell me, I have to tell Alex. I can’t keep secrets from him, and I don't want you regretting something or blaming me for telling him something you don't want him to know.”

“Just shut up, alright?" He said grabbing Thomas to make him sit back down. "This isn’t a total heat of the moment thing, I’d thought about saying something for a while."

Lafayette was silent for a second before adding, "Besides, aren't you scared of Washington? Wouldn't you just love to know there's nothing he could do to split you up. For Alex?"

Thomas looked apprehensive, really not liking this situation he was in. But Lafayette gave him a knowing look, well aware that this idea struck a chord with Thomas, because he really would do anything to be with Alex.

Thomas absolutely hated himself as he conceded, "Go on," in an unhesitating deep voice. 

Lafayette looked triumphant, before he thought for a second and began speaking. "Okay, so where do I start? Alright, so when I first came to America, I was sixteen, almost seventeen. My parents promised me I could leave France before I turned seventeen, and I was so excited. I didn't really get along with my parents or people from my home town, so I couldn't wait to get out. But I was also really scared. I didn't know anyone in America, I had no life skills, my English wasn't too great, and I didn't really have any friends either. Alexander was kinda my saviour. For like a year I spent most of my time at his house, because he was one of the only people that made me feel safe. I also slept over a lot, but ever since I came to America I started to have trouble sleeping, so I often got up in the middle of the night. It was like clockwork, at exactly the same time every night I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. George often had trouble sleeping too, so I often bumped into him when I went to the kitchen in the middle of the night. So we talked, a lot. I got to know a lot about him."

"Did... he tell you something?" Thomas asked slowly as he tried to understand where this was going.

Lafayette shrugged, "Nothing in particular, nothing that bad."

Thomas blinked a few times, "How is any of this bad then?"

"Oh, it isn't. I haven't gotten to that bit yet."

"Then why are you telling me all this?"

"I'm creating context," Lafayette whined motioning with his hands. "Context is important."

Thomas rolled his eyes and stood back up, "Yep you're definitely too drunk for this. Just go to sleep."

Lafayette objected, "I'm getting there I'm getting there. Sit your beautiful ass back down." 

Thomas sat back down, and suddenly Lafayette seemed to sober up a little in less than a fraction of a second as he began to move on to the relevant part of the story.

"So, this went on for a year. Right up until just over a year ago, when Alex had a big falling out with everyone. The next time I saw George was when we were waiting for the doctors to tell us whether or not Alexander would make it. And... there was this moment.”

Thomas looked at him blankly, “A… moment?”

Lafayette took a second to figure out how to put it delicately. “People don't act like themselves when they're scared or sad. That's what you need to understand about this. George thought he was about to lose his son. That's enough to make anyone do things they wouldn't usually do. And there was this moment... And he... kissed me,” Lafayette said, staring off into a wall.

Thomas had no idea what to say to this as his eyes widened, opening his mouth and closing it again before murmuring, "...What?" 

“Immediately after he apologised and begged me not to tell Alex. I didn’t tell anyone for over a year, so pretty good for someone who talks as much as I do, eh?" He said, trying to joke to make the conversation less awkward, but it was obvious from his expression that he was quite upset over this. "It was just because he was feeling lonely and guilty, and he was scared for his son. He looked so mortified straight after, like he murdered someone.” Laf looked down at his hands for a second before admitting, “It was actually kind of insulting. And he kept asking me not to say anything, saying that because I was his son’s friend we had to just had to pretend it didn’t happen. Especially since Alexander already had so much going on.”

Thomas sat there blankly, not really sure how to respond. “Oh my god… Wait, how old were you?”

Lafayette answered "Seventeen. Sound familiar?" 

Thomas uncomfortably adjusted his position, not replying to that.

Lafayette hesitated for a second before adding in a trance like state, “You want to know what the worst part is? I kept fooling myself into thinking that maybe it meant something. It was my own fault, I shouldn’t have expected it to lead to anything. I was just being naive and stupid. I dunno… maybe I’m just a little in love with him.”

Thomas moved closer to him, trying to find the right words to comfort him, “Laf, I’m-“

Lafayette quickly dismissed the thoughts in his head and brought himself back to reality with a shake, “It’s over and done with. Point is, you and Alex are now, and you’re destined to be together. And now, if George does try to end you two, you have the tools to guarantee your existence.”

Thomas tried to figure out what he meant by that, and when he realised he was implying blackmail he blinked a couple of times and said, “I can’t use this against him…”

“And it probably won’t come to that. But if you need to, you can do what you need to do to keep Alex." Lafayette sighed and reluctantly confessed, "I dunno, more than anything I think I just wanted to tell someone.”

Thomas nodded, “Urm… well, I guess I’ll leave you to sleep now. If you need absolutely anything, just come and find me.”

Laf nodded and laid down, and Thomas walked to the door and turned the light off. He briefly looked back at Laf before walking out, not entirely sure how to feel.

He walked back out to the living room, smiling as he saw Alexander having fun with his friends- completely ignorant to what happened in the next room. He walked over to hug Alexander from behind saying, “I love you.”

Alexander smiled up at him, flushed from the alcohol. He turned his head around to kiss him on his jaw. “I love you too.”

Thomas noted, "Lafayette sure talks a lot."

Alexander giggled, “Yeah, he does that. Sorry, I should've warned you. Are you okay?”

“Yep, Laf said something… I’ll tell you tomorrow when you’re sober.”

A little while later, they were saying goodbye to the friends, and Thomas went to start cleaning up, but Alexander put his arms around his neck and mumbled, “Dance with me.”

Thomas smiled and held him close. They swayed back and forth to a slow love song, and it felt so perfect.

“Maybe I’m only saying this because I’m a tiny bit tipsy… But you’re the most beautiful human being ever and we’re going to get married and live in a big mansion with lots of puppies and beautiful babies.”

Thomas laughed and held him close, “You’re so great. I would do anything for you, I love you.”

Alexander kissed him, before nestling his face in Thomas's neck. Thomas put his face against Alex's hair, completely in love with the way it smelt, and how soft and silky it was. 

Once Alex started to feel tired and drowsy, they got ready for bed and laid down. Alexander gave him some butterfly kisses on his neck before falling asleep in seconds, and Thomas looked down at him with his arm wrapped around him. All things considered, this night was pretty amazing. He passed a look towards where Alex's bedroom was and sighed, now what the hell was he gonna do about that?


	71. Just a Kiss

Thomas woke up the morning after the party, his eyes lazily flickering open as Alexander remained fast asleep. He was completely still for a moment, giving Alexander a sleepy, adoring look and listening to his deep breaths. After a few content seconds, he gave Alex an affectionate kiss on the head and gently pulled his arms away so that he could stand up, Alex making an unconscious cut off moan in protest.

Walking out to the kitchen, he filled two glasses with water and grabbed some painkillers. He'd been through this routine so often that he knew all the steps off by heart. In a methodical fashion, he left a glass of water and two pills on the counter for Lafayette, taking the rest back to his room. He placed the pills and water on Alexander’s bedside table before trying to quietly crawl back into bed without waking him up. Thomas laid down, cuddling up against his boyfriend to get some more rest.

Thomas started to drift back to sleep until Alexander stirred awake, letting out a slight whine and raising a hand to wipe his forehead. Thomas chuckled warmly and asked, “How's the hangover, sweetheart?” 

Alexander made a slight moan, “Not as bad as I was worried it would be. My head hearts though. And bones don't usually feel like they're made of glass do they?"

Thomas gave him a tender kiss on the cheek, sitting up and motioning towards the bedside table, “I got you some painkillers and water.”

Alexander groggily forced himself to sit up, taking the pills with a long sip of water and giving a grumbled note of appreciation. He then noted in a tired, worn out voice, “Been through this a lot I see?”

Thomas smirked, “Oh yeah,” he replied, having helped many people through hangovers in his life. “Some of my sisters would get really bad hangovers. I was often the one that had to get them water and hold their hair back while they threw up and that kind of thing.”

Alexander rubbed his eyes, “Okay, I love you. But please shut your mouth now.”

Thomas laughed silently, putting a hand against Alex's face and tracing his thumb against the skin under his eyes, whispering, “Do you need some more sleep?”

Alexander nodded and laid back down, and Thomas turned the light off again and laid next to him. Alex buried his face into Thomas, trying to hide away in his skin.

They slept for another hour or so, and this time when Alexander woke up, having had more sleep and the painkillers having kicked in, he felt a lot better and more awake. Usually Thomas woke up before him, so Alex took a moment to watch his sleeping face. He looked so precious and handsome; a perfect picture. He traced his finger around his lips waiting for him to wake up.

As Thomas’s eyes began to slip open, he looked up to him with an amused grin. Alexander leaned in, his hair falling down around Thomas’s face as he took his thumb away to kiss him.

“I like your lips.” Alexander said sweetly with his lips less than a centimetre away from Thomas's.

“Is that why you’re touching them while I’m asleep?” Thomas teased as he pulled Alexander into a long kiss. Alexander laughed, repeating, “I really like your lips.”

Thomas hummed quietly. “I love everything about you,” he muttered. Thomas pushed some of Alex's hair out of the way to get a good look at his face, “Especially those beautiful eyes. Every time I look at them I feel like I’m falling in love all over again.”

Alexander laughed with a bit of embarrassment, “You’re so damn sappy.”

“Like you’re any better than me, sugar.” Thomas mumbled and pecked his lips again. “Anyway, wanna get some coffee?”

Alexander nodded and crawled off the bed, pulling on some pyjama bottoms. Thomas quickly remade the bed and pulled on a shirt and sweatpants, before joining Alex in the kitchen. He walked up to Alex from behind, who was pouring coffee into two mugs, wrapping his arms around him, “Have I ever complimented you on your ass? Because if I haven't, shame on me. You have a really good ass.”

Alexander laughed and picked up one mug, turning his head to kiss Thomas on the cheek as he picked the other mug up. Thomas went over to lean against the counter and Alexander motioned towards the glass and pills, “Those for Laf?”

“Yeah…” Thomas responded, trying not to stiffen up too visibly.

Alexander smirked, “He drank so much yesterday, I’m almost surprised he isn’t dead. He’s the most ridiculous drunk ever.”

Thomas was silent for a second, letting out a breath and nervously tapping his finger against the counter surface. “Yeah… Alex, about that… I need to tell you something.”

Alexander immediately knew from the tone that this wasn’t going to be good, he scowled with his mug pressed to his lips and said in a deep fed up tone, "What?"

Thomas moved away from the counter and swayed nervously from one feet to the other, not really sure what to do with his hands. “I don't know how to say this… I have no idea how you’ll react.”

Alex put his mug down and his eyes widened with murder as he asked, “Wait, he didn’t kiss you or anything like that right? Because if he did I will kill him.”

Thomas smirked slightly but forced himself not to laugh, “No, no, nothing like that.” He thought about it for a second before admitting, “Well, he didn't kiss _me_ anyway…”

Alexander looked at him sceptically. "Where is this going?"

“Maybe you should sit down,” Thomas suggested.

“Just tell me what the hell it is,” Alexander insisted, giving no sign of softening until he told him.

Thomas gave in with a sigh, knowing there was no way he’d let it go now and the only option was telling the truth. “Alright, fine. So… you know when you were in hospital?”

Alexander blankly responded with, “Yes. Obviously I remember that. Get to the point, Thomas.”

“Okay, okay. Well, whilst they were waiting for you in the hospital, your dad...” Thomas paused looking for the right words, "Your dad... I mean, Laf... they..." he said stumbling over himself, looking for the right way to phrase it. Thomas paused and took a deep breath, simply saying, "Your dad kissed Lafayette."

There was a long drawn out silence as Alexander processed these words, with his facial expression completely detached from his emotions as he slowly checked, “…Kissed?”

Thomas nodded awkwardly, “Yeah.”

"My dad? Like, the man that's raised me since I was twelve?" Alexander slowly said, like he couldn't quite believe it.

Thomas nodded uncomfortably, "Yup."

"And one of my closest friends that cried in our science class because he felt bad for a dissected frog?" 

Thomas put his hands in his pockets, "I guess."

"They... kissed?" 

Thomas had no idea how to respond about this, "Apparently so." 

Alexander now took Thomas’s advice and sat down, “Oh.”

Thomas had no idea what Alexander's reaction really was, he just looked confused but otherwise expressionless. Thomas looked around not sure what to do, before sitting next to him and trying to explain, “Apparently your dad was really upset about you and scared, and it just happened. From the sounds of it, your dad really regretted it. He didn’t want you to know.”

Alexander just let out a blank, “Oh wow.” Thankfully he didn’t seem to be responding nearly as dramatically as Thomas feared he would.

“Are you… okay?” Thomas asked after a moment.

Alexander shrugged and responded “Well, I’m really surprised obviously. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. It really weirds me out. I mean that’s my _dad._ " He thought about it for a second before calmly saying, "But, I mean, I get it. People do stupid things when they’re upset.”

Thomas bit his lip, before saying, “Urm, there’s one more thing… Lafayette said he’s… that he’s in love with him.”

Alexander looked confused, like he didn’t understand what he meant as he asked, “Wait… Lafayette’s in love with my dad?”

Thomas didn’t know how to respond other than a blunt nod.

“Oh,” said Alexander. “I can’t believe he never told me.”

Alexander paused to really think about it for a second, everything slowly falling into place in his mind, before saying, “I can’t believe I never noticed…Before everything happened, Lafayette got on really well with my dad. Most of my other friends thought he was really intimidating, so they usually didn’t want to come over, but not Laf. I guess I always assumed that since he didn’t really have any parental figures in America, it would just make sense that he got on well with other peoples’ parents. If he really felt that way, and that happened, well I guess that would explain why after I got out of hospital, Lafayette suddenly never wanted to come over. I never thought the reason would be anything like that...”

Thomas paused, not really sure what words would reassure him, instead just repeating, “Are you okay?”

Alexander nodded and opened his mouth to respond, but just before he could say anything, the door to his bedroom opened. Alexander gave a look to Thomas, and Thomas quickly understood what it meant and nodded, excusing himself with, “Urm… I’ll go take a shower.” Alexander smiled gratefully and Thomas walked towards the bathroom, passing by Lafayette.

Alexander stood up, hovering awkwardly by the counters, putting his hands on the counter and leaning on it. “Hey,” he said gently.

Lafayette walked over rubbing his face, slightly resembling a zombie. “Never let me drink again,” he murmured.

Alexander moved the water and pills over to him, “Here, these should help.”

“Thank you very much, friend,” He responded, taking the pills and drinking some water.

After Alexander waited a couple of seconds to let Lafayette adjust himself, he looked him up and down and said, “Thomas told me what you said yesterday… About… you and my dad.” He was purposely trying to avoid going into any detail or using words like 'love' or 'kiss', because he was too unsettled by the whole thing to say it aloud. 

Lafayette made a quiet groan, “If you’re gonna yell at me, can you do it later when I’m not dying?” He was looking downwards avoiding eye contact.

“Laf, I’m not mad at you,” Alexander said gently. “I'm just annoyed that you didn’t tell me earlier. I mean, with everything going on recently, I’m hardly one to judge.”

Lafayette shrugged and awkwardly replied, “When could I have told you? I couldn’t tell you just after you got out of hospital, you were so fragile and I couldn’t do anything to push you over the edge. Later than that, it just didn’t seem to matter anymore.”

Alex sympathetically nodded, trying really hard to hear him out, and asked, “Have you talked to anyone about this? Does Hercules know?”

Lafayette shook his head, “I was too embarrassed.” He paused and quietly said, “I’m so sorry, Alex. I'm so, so, so sorry. It was just a stupid kiss…”

Slowly taking his arms, Alexander promised, “You know I don’t feel any differently about you as a friend? Even if you do have feelings for my dad, and even if that does really weird me out.”

Lafayette just laughed slightly and dismissively said, “Feelings? I don’t have feelings for him.”

Alexander confusedly asked, “Thomas told me you said…?”

Lafayette just shook his head, evading eye contact and avoiding showing a semblance of sadness, “Oh, you know what I’m like. When I’ve had too much to drink I think I’m in love with everybody.”

Lafayette just laughed it off. But Alexander could tell that he was lying.

Alexander didn’t really know what to say, instead wrapping his arms around him in a gentle hug and just saying, “It’s okay.” Hoping those simple words would be of some reassurance to him. “It’s all okay.”

Lafayette was still for a second, before hugging him back. Emotions had always made Lafayette kind of uncomfortable, he was the kind of friend where if someone brought up an uncomfortable subject, he’d just make jokes. But Alex just wanted him to know that he was here for him.

Once Alex pulled away, he said, “You can stay until your hangovers gone if you want?”

Lafayette nodded, “Thanks, Alex. You’re a good friend.” He gave him a smile and took the glass of water back to Alex’s room. Alex let out a deep breath and went back to Thomas’s room, feeling like he handled that as maturely as he could.


	72. Intimate Conversations

Alexander walked back into Thomas’s room (which might as well have been his own room at this point considering how much time he spent in it) and sprawled himself out on top of the made up bed. He stared up at the ceiling, his eyes slowly tracing each detail on the paint as he listened to the distant sound of water from the shower.

He wasn’t mad. He didn’t think he was mad anyway. Honestly, he wasn't all that sure about how he felt. There was no way he could be mad at Laf for it, because it was obvious how much he was suffering over it. Could he be mad at his dad? He couldn’t quite make up his mind on that. He hurt one of his friends and purposely withheld information from him which was kind of important to know with everything going in. At very least it made it difficult for Alexander to take his dad’s concerns over him dating a much older man seriously.

I mean, yeah. A seventeen or eighteen year old dating a twenty-eight year old was risky. He knew that. But Lafayette would have been seventeen too, and his dad was a fair bit older than Thomas. Quickly doing the maths in his head, Alex figured his dad would’ve been thirty-two. His thirty-two year old father would have kissed his then seventeen year old friend. Suddenly the age difference between Thomas and himself didn't seem so bad. Ten to eleven years was quite a lot, but fifteen years was definitely more. Christ, Laf would've been just over half his dad's age. If he knew about this before he started seeing Thomas, he would have flipped out. 

But he also had a lot of sympathy. Finding out about this made him beyond thankful that Thomas and him actually got together, he couldn’t stand the idea of being in Lafayette’s situation. He wondered if anything for them played out similarly as it did for him and Thomas. Were there any strange tense glances across the house that Alexander was just too naïve to notice? Did Lafayette’s feelings develop the same way his own had? Only, unlike Alexander, Lafayette couldn't have relied on the same supportive network of friends, because the one person that would be really offended by his feelings was one of them.

But there was one question that nagged at his mind relentlessly...

Alexander heard the shower stop, and it snapped him back to reality. He sat up and tried to continue with what he was doing… What was he doing again? He shook his head lightly to himself to pull his thoughts together. He grabbed a hairband to tie up his hair in a ponytail and took off his sweatpants, deciding to put some moisturiser on his legs since they'd been getting really dry recently.

As he brought the bottle of moisturiser over and sat on the bed, Thomas entered the room topless, only wearing sweatpants and drying his hair with a towel.

“Hey beautiful,” he said with a tender glance as he  went over to the drawers to pick out a t-shirt he could wear.

Alexander smiled over to him as he put some of the moisturiser on his hands, “Heya.”

“Is everything with you and Lafayette okay?” Thomas asked after giving it a couple of moments.

Alexander nodded, “Yeah… we’re fine. I just feel really bad for him. I still can’t believe I never knew…” Alexander started rubbing the moisturiser into his legs, passing a look over to Thomas. There was something so domestically satisfying about the state they were in, which prompted Alexander to continue mindlessly rambling. “It makes me realise how lucky I am to have you. I mean, were we a few sentences away from falling apart? Would I have spent years upset over losing you if things hadn't gone this way?” 

Thomas shrugged, "I don't think so. I think somehow or another we would have ended up together either way. Anything's that's meant to be will work out in the end. It's fate."

Alexander let out a little laugh and rolled his eyes dismissively, "It's so adorable that you believe in all that stuff." Though he did confess to himself that there was a tiny part of him that was beginning to reconsider that kind of thing because of Thomas. Because it felt too right to be anything less than fate or divine intervention. 

Letting out a deep sigh, Alexander said, “Anyway, thanks for telling me what Lafayette said. I’m not sure I’d ever have found out if you didn’t tell me.”

Thomas shrugged and gave him a big reassuring smile from across the room, “It’s no big deal. I meant what I said when I promised to not keep secrets from you.”

Alexander paused for a few dragged out seconds, looking blankly at the wall as some guilt began to seep in. “Thomas?”

“Hm?” Thomas mumbled as he was pulling on a shirt.

“There’s something I've been hiding from you…"

Thomas looked over to him with concern.

"I got something in the post a few days ago. I haven't said anything to anyone yet," Alex continued. "I really hate that that I've been hiding it from you. But it's just, I'm not really sure how to tell anyone because, well,  I don’t think I entirely understand it myself yet. I just… don’t think I can talk about it to anyone until I’ve had time to process it... Are you mad at me for not being completely honest with you?”

Thomas sat on the bed to give him an encouraging look, leaning over and turning his face away from the wall and towards him in an attempt to get rid of the guilty look on his face. “It’s alright, Alexander. Being completely honest doesn’t mean you have to tell me about everything right away. Taking time to process something isn’t the same as hiding something. You can tell me when you're ready. So, whatever it’s worth, you have my permission to take as much time as you need.”

Alexander's whole expression illuminated with that weight of guilt lifted off his shoulders. He put a hand on the front of his t-shirt to pull him into a gentle kiss, before whispering in a gentle and soft tone, “Thank you for understanding.”

They sat on the bed, a few inches away with their hands leaning against the mattress right next to each other. Alexander felt so deeply in love that it was ridiculous. He held onto his necklace and smiled. How could anyone feel this way and manage to supress it? Before they got together, trying to push down the way he felt was so painful. How could anyone deal with that for over a year? No one deserved to force down feelings that strong...

He watched Thomas for several seconds, before asking, “Do you think my dad’s in love with Lafayette?”  

That definitely wasn’t a question Thomas was expecting him to ask, and it led to a short silence. Thomas just presumed the answer must have been no, but the fact that Alexander was even posing the question suggested it was least a possibility in Alex's mind.

“I guess… I assumed he didn’t. Why? Do you think he does?”

Alexander shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe? A part of me thinks there’s no way. But it would kinda make sense? If he did love him, then it would make sense why he gave us so many chances. I mean, if he knows what it's like to have feelings for someone he doesn't think he can be with, then that would explain why he was so reluctant to put me in the same situation. But it would also explain why its so hard for him to be totally okay with us, because he forced his own feelings down for me and now has to watch me being happy with someone in a similar situation.”

Alexander shook his head and laid down on his back, “Anyway, this is really weirding me out. Let’s stop talking about it now.” Alexander waved his legs around in the air, trying to get the moisturiser to dry quicker. He glanced over to Thomas and noticed Thomas looking at his bare legs. It made him smirk instantly; he really loved it when Thomas looked at him like that.

Alexander very suddenly sat up onto his knees, “Do you wanna fuck?”

Thomas opened his mouth and froze, looking around awkwardly. Well this conversation took an unexpected turn. “What… like, right now?”

Alexander tilted his head to the side and looked Thomas over, finding it cute how much of a reaction that exerted from him. “No, I just mean at some point.”

Getting distracted, Thomas scrunched his face up and noted, “I hate the word 'fuck' when describing sex. It just sounds so crude.”

Alexander rolled his eyes, “Of course you'd be a snob about this kind of thing. Well what do you call it?”

“I dunno.” Thomas leaned across the bed to stroke his cheek affectionately, “What about ‘make love.’ Keep it classy.”

“Ew, no. What are we, French? Making love sounds gross,” Alexander said giving a face of disgust. “What about screw?”

“That’s even worse than fuck. Screwing is what you do when you hook up with a stranger at a bar, not when it’s with someone you’re in a loving committed relationship with.” Thomas firmly objected.

Alexander sighed and said “What about ‘sleep with’, that’s like a good half way point?”

“Yeah but that’s confusing. We actually _do_ sleep together. We’d be spiralling towards a massive misunderstanding.”

Alexander rolled his eyes and jokingly snapped “Look, do you wanna put your dick in me or not?”

Taken back by his outburst and choice of language, they both looked at each other before bursting into laughter.

As Thomas recollected himself, he put a hand on Alex's and tried to straighten his expression to say, “Well, sure. But not before you’re ready to do anything.”

Thomas paused looking over Alex's expression for a second, before gently and attentively asking, “Have you… ever done anything with anyone before?”

Alexander shook his head, shy and embarrassed about the subject, “No I haven’t done anything, urm, physical with anyone. I'm still a virgin...” He slowly brought his knees to his chest, admitting “I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. Imagining what it would be like and how it would feel. It really annoys me because I just can't seem to get myself to a point where I'm ready to do it, even though I really want to be. I want to do all those things with you. I have no idea why its all freaking me out so much.” He put his hands up his head and screwed up his hair, letting out a frustrated groan, “This is so stupid. I feel like something in me just isn’t wired right. Things like this should not be that hard. What's wrong with me?”

Thomas quickly put a hand on his knee to comfort him and quickly assured, “Baby, nothing is wrong with you. You’ve gone through a lot of stuff and you’re still very young. We can wait for as long as you need, it’s no problem, really.”

“Isn’t it? You’re my boyfriend, I want to be intimate with you without these worries. And you’re twenty-eight years old. You shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not your boyfriend wants to put out,” Alexander grumbled.

“I’m absolutely fine with not having sex,” Thomas insisted. “I don’t expect you to 'put out' and I never have.”

Alexander thought about it before asking without a shred of judgment, “Can you honestly say that it hasn’t been frustrating staying abstinent for so long? You can be honest, really. I mean, you’re used to being able to have sex when you want. I reckon that now's the longest period of time you've gone without sex since your first time. So it must get frustrating. You haven’t been able to do stuff with me, and we’re monogamous so you haven’t been with anyone else…” Alexander blushed slightly and bashfully added, “And, I mean, it’s not like I haven’t noticed how you sneak off to the bathroom in the middle of the night…”

Thomas looked embarrassed and a little caught, “Oh, you noticed that?”

Alexander bit his lip and nodded.

Thomas hesitated before honestly admitting, “Well, I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been frustrating. You’re right, I’m not used to going this long without being physical with someone. But that’s not your problem. I love you, and I couldn’t even dream about hurting you or cheating on you. So, I’m fine with taking care of myself in the bathroom late at night while you pretend to be asleep. If it keeps you safe, then that’s fine. Take as long as you need to decide what you want and need. I’m perfectly alright waiting until you’re ready – if you’re ready one day.”

Alexander smiled gratefully, “You’re the best…” he mumbled and pulled Thomas in to a kiss. “I’m so damn lucky to have you. I don’t know how anyone else would deal with this. Even if you are a tiny bit snobby.”

Before Thomas could object to being called snobby, Alexander gave him another thankful kiss. Alexander bit his lip again, his face was probably bright red by now because this was such a personal conversation, “Tommy? Do you think about me when you… urm… ya know?”

Thomas laughed a little bit by how shyly he asked it, “Every single time.” He bluntly answered.

Alexander looked at the sheets and smirked proudly, “I like the idea of you thinking about me in that way…” He moved closer to him, his hands on his collar bone and tracing the skin above his neckline. "I will be ready some day," he quietly said, and Thomas gave a nod to show he believed him.

There was a couple of minutes of silence, as Alex just looked at him and traced his finger over his skin, daydreaming about all the scenarios as he mumbled, “When we do start having sex, I think we’ll be really good at it.” 

Thomas grinned and agreed, "We'll be amazing. Our first time will be magical, I promise."

Alexander checked just one more time, “So you’re definitely okay with not being intimate for just a little while?”

“Absolutely.” Thomas replied. He brushed a strand of hair behind Alex's ear as he said, “I know we don’t like talking about how much older I am than you, but the truth is that it does mean we need to be careful. I’ve had more experience with this kind of thing than you’ve had, and it’s important to move at a pace you’re comfortable with. Forcing yourself to do stuff before you’re ready can really suck. When I had sex before I was ready, it made me miserable. I really want it to be different with us. I don’t want you regretting your first time.”

Thomas shrugged and added, “Anyway, I think we have been intimate. We might not have had sex yet, but we sleep together, I’ve told you all my secrets, I tell you all about how I feel, there’s no one I’d rather hold at night than you. That’s intimacy if you ask me.” 

Alexander nodded, “I guess you’re right. I’m glad we talked about all of this… I feel less weird over how I feel now that I’ve talked about it out loud."

Thomas kissed him on his forehead, “I love you.”

Alexander smiled vibrantly and wrapped his arms around him, giving him a dedicated and loving hug, "I love you so much." 


	73. Lovers, Co-workers, Friends and Family

By the afternoon, Lafayette finally recovered enough to make his way home. “Thank you so much for letting me stay over,” he said and hugged Alex at the door.

“Anytime, Laf. I miss having you round,” Alex assured.

Lafayette smiled and went to leave, but Alex as a last thought quickly grabbed his wrist, “Wait…" He thought for a couple of seconds, wishing that he could just find a simple solution to make him happy. "What if I talk to my dad? Maybe if I can talk to him I can...” 

Lafayette’s eyes widened and he sternly shook his head.

“But what if he-“

Lafayette then lightly pulled his wrist away, “I know you want to help, but you can't. It’s best forgotten. Everything.”

Alex then reluctantly let it go and watched him leave, putting his head against the door frame. He just wanted to help somehow, and it was killing him that he knew there was nothing he could do.

As he slowly took his head away and shut the door, a gentle voice called, “Are you alright?”

Alex turned around and smiled at Thomas, walking over to let himself be embraced, “Everything’s fine.”

He let out a breath of relief. Thomas's hugs were always so reassuringly warm and compassionate. As he began to pull away, he noticed some papers in Thomas’s hand, “What’s this?” He asked taking them.

“Urm... Well, it’s the second draft of my proposal. I was actually wondering if you’d be willing to look through it for me. I've, urr, made a lot of changes to the original.”

Alexander smiled, “You really want me to? After what happened the first time around?”

Thomas diffidently nodded. Alexander skimmed over it, immediately noticing the difference in size. “This is… a lot bigger than it was before,” he cryptically noted.

“Yeah, I added quite a lot.”

“It’s… ambitious.”

Thomas felt his chest drop in disappointment and he shyly asked, “Is it too much?”

“No, no. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised is all. I thought it would just be a modest proposal like your original one, but with some minor changes. But this proposal would completely change the structure of the company.”

Thomas awkwardly stumbled over his words trying to explain himself. “W-well, I was thinking about how much John Adams has had to do, and how even when he spread out the work to a few more people it was too much. And it got me thinking that there's no way your dad could handle it all on his own. I realised that the reason why he has such an impossible workload is because the company didn’t change to meet how quickly it was expanding. So if we were to just make a few dramatic changes to the delegation of work, the whole company could become way more efficient.”

Alexander’s expression was difficult to read, so Thomas felt the stress gradually building up as he waited for him to say what he thought. After a few moments which were beyond tense for Thomas, Alexander simply said, “You’re really smart.”

Thomas blinked a couple of times, “W-wait. Really?”

Alexander looked up from the paper to look him in the eyes, “Yeah, I think this is a really good idea. There are some sections I’m not so sure about, and the wording in some parts is a little weird, but other than that I think it’s a really good and bold idea.”

“That’s awesome! Honestly, I thought you were going to tear it to shreds,” Thomas admitted.

Alexander shook his head and put him arms around Thomas’s neck, “It could use improvements, but it’s good. I see why my dad was so determined to keep you in your job now.” Alexander got an idea and proposed, “What if I helped you with it? I could be, like, its co-author. We have pretty strongly opposing opinions, so I could help moderate the bits that might seem a bit extreme. And I totally promise I won’t hijack it like I’ve done with people before.”

Thomas smirked, “Are you sure working together won’t make you want to cut my throat?”

Alexander shrugged, “You might start to annoy me a bit. And I know like hell I will piss you off. But we’ll get through it. Plus, this would totally save our reputations. If we can prove how well our relationship works by creating some truly amazing work, so many less people will doubt us. Not to mention how good it would look with my dad, especially since this proposal was originally used to stop us getting together. Working together on it would prove how serious we are.”

Thomas smiled and whispered, “Let’s do it,” motivated by the optimistic look on Alexander’s face. He gave Alex a firm kiss on the lips, before giving gave each other an excited, hopeful look.

Alexander then made them some coffee as Thomas set up the document so they could both start amending it. They worked hard for a few hours straight and managed to get through large sections of it. As predicted, they frustrated each other beyond belief. Raising their voices more than once in trying to add something or protesting against removing things. It didn’t help that Alexander really struggled give way on his ideas, and only after incessant arguing would agree to a compromise. 

Eventually, feeling mentally exhausted and wound up, Thomas raised his arms above his head to stretch. “We’ve done a lot, we should take a break.”

Alexander looked over to him and looked back and forth for a moment, his tough hard-lined approach beginning to fade away. He said in a voice which was far softer than it'd been over the last few hours, “Sorry… I know I’m not the easiest person to work with. I can be a bit… intense.”

Thomas smiled and leant over to kiss him on the cheek, “You’re fine. I still love you,” he said in a playful tone.

Alexander smiled sweetly back, “Should we have something to eat now?”

Thomas nodded and offered, “I can go out and get us some food if you want? Pay you back for all your help.”

Alexander kissed him again, “That sounds great. Thanks, Tommy.”

Thomas picked up his coat saying, “See you in a minute, sweetheart,” as he left.

Alexander laid down on the sofa, putting his knees up and going on his phone to pass the time. Five minutes later there was a knock on the door, and Alex turned his head towards the door. He was pretty sure he wasn’t expecting anyone.

He got up and went over to open the door. As the door opened, there was a woman leaning against the wall with her hand. She was completely fabulous, wearing excessive amounts of jewellery. There was something oddly familiar about her, but Alexander couldn’t figure out where he could have recognised her from.

He opened his mouth to say hello, but before he could get a word in she said, “Stripper for Alexander Hamilton?”

Alex’s eyes widened and he could only make out a “U-uhhh… w-w-whaa-“

At his reaction, she burst into laughter, “Oh, your face. Don’t worry, beauitful. I’m just kidding,” she said teasingly as she hugged him, much to Alex’s confusion. She then let herself into the apartment, “So, is my brother here?”

“W-what?” Alexander asked.

She turned around and asked, “You are the one that's dating my brother, right?” She then realised that she hadn't actually introduced herself, and reached out a hand, “Oh right, I'm Elizabeth Jefferson.”

Alexander blinked a couple of times, _that_ was why he recognised her. She was in all the pictures Thomas showed him. “Oh right, yeah… Sorry I didn’t realise who you were. It's really nice to meet you, but, urm does Thomas know you’re here?”

Elizabeth shook her head, “Nope, just thought I’d drop by.”

She put her bag on the sofa and sat on the arm rest as she looked him over, “You know, you’re super pretty for a boy. Is that a weird compliment? I don’t think it’s weird. You’re a lot smaller than I expected though. How old are you?”

Alexander awkwardly responded, “Eighteen…” Guessing that she was one of the very few people who didn't immediately google his age out of curiosity upon finding out about them.

She made a whistle, “Oh, wow. Thomas always finds a way of shocking the family. I guess asking if you want to go clubbing isn’t an option then. Oh well. Anyway, I’m so excited to meet you, I want to know all about the boy that led my brother astray headfirst into a scandal. Gosh, I can’t wait to see Thomas. I haven’t seen him for so long. I’m not scaring you am I?”

Alexander shook his head, a little dumbfounded, “No, no, you’re fine. I’m just surprised. You don’t seem… _like_ Thomas.”

She laughed lightly, “I get that a lot. Thomas was always super polite and shy, and I was very… well, not that. At least he was until all of this happened. I think everyone assumed that if a Jefferson got into this kind of scandal, it would be me. Anyway, tell me about yourself. I want to know all about how you managed to steal my big brother’s heart.”

By the time Thomas arrived, Alexander and Elizabeth were already deep in conversation like they were best friends. He opened the door and his eyes immediately widened, “Elizabeth!” He put the bag of food down and went over to hug her, “It’s so good to see you. I thought you were in Spain.”

“I was. Then I was in Peru, then Mexico, then Argentina, and now I’m here!”

“But w-what are you doing in New York?”

“Well, I was going to go back to Virginia to see the family, and I thought I’d pass by. I’m staying in a hotel not too far from here for a couple of days.”

“Do you know how the family is? Is everyone doing alright? Are they… okay with me?”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, “They’re all fine. Don't be melodramatic. They miss you is all. And they’ll all be fine with you and everything going on in your life. Our youngest siblings might have a bit of trouble dealing with it, but they’ll come around. And you know our parents will automatically love whoever you’re dating. But you do know that when you said you couldn’t come home for Christmas because you promised to look after your boss’s son whilst he was away, this was really not what they had in mind?”

Alexander gave Thomas a look because why did he think it was good idea to phrase it that way.

As an afterthought, Elizabeth noted, “Course, Mary’s quite a different story. Have you heard what she’s been up to recently?”

Thomas made a groan, “Oh god.”

Alexander scowled looking between them, “Mary?”

“The oldest of my younger sisters,” Thomas explained.

“She’s like a proper hardcore traditionalist,” Elizabeth explained. “We had this joke in our family, that in comparison to Mary, Thomas is a communist and I'm an anarchist,” she said with a laugh.

“Where is she these days anyway?”

“Texas. Her husband's a Republican representative now. Anyway, so I take it you haven’t heard about her husband’s campaign?”

Thomas scowled and gave her a confused look.

“Well, after the whole pamphlet thing, apparently he came under fire for his connections to you by the religious right. Then his campaign very suddenly became very focused on ‘traditional family values'.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, “Because apparently family values are all about throwing family under the bus the moment they’re inconvenient.”

Alexander looked confused, clearly not understanding the bad blood. So Elizabeth explained for him, “Mary and Thomas have never seen eye to eye. They were always fighting when we were little about something or another. She was always super judgemental of his relationships, and her politics never sat well with Thomas.”

Thomas added in his defence, “I love her, don’t get me wrong. I just wish she wasn’t as ice cold about it.”

“I take it it’s different with you two?” Alexander guessed, motioning between Elizabeth and Thomas.

Thomas smiled and took Alex’s hand, “Yeah, we were always super close. We always confided in each other and we told each other everything.”

Elizabeth smiled, “Hell yeah we did. And Thomas was always the perfect big brother. The number of times he helped me through hangovers.”

Alexander stifled a laugh and smiled. 

“He also helped walk our youngest siblings home all the time. He’s so good with children, you'll see. If you guys have kids he’s gonna be a great dad.”

Thomas’s eyes snapped to Elizabeth and he gave her a 'why would you say that' look with his eyes. 

But Alexander was oblivious to this look and simply squeezed his hand, lightly saying, “I know he will.” Causing Thomas’s heart to rise a million miles as he smiled at him.

They talked for a while before Thomas suggested he just put the food in the fridge so they could all go out instead. Alexander agreed but said he quickly had to get changed, kissing him on the cheek and saying, "I'll see you in a minute, Tommy," before walking towards his room. 

Elizabeth turned towards Thomas and gave him a teasing look the moment they were given some privacy. “Tommy, eh? I thought you hated that nickname.”

“Shut up,” Thomas replied as he looked away in embarrassment. “It’s different when he says it.”

“For sure, he seems special,” she said lightly. “Just… I don’t mean this in a bad way, I’m genuinely asking. But you aren’t just rebounding from Martha are you?”

“No.” Snapped Thomas.

“Just asking,” she said holding her hands up defensively. “He seems to make you really happy, so I’m happy for you. I hope you guys last.”

They went out for food, and then dropped Elizabeth off at her hotel. Thomas and Alexander walked back to the apartment holding hands. Alexander looked up to him and smiled, looked away, then looked back at him, and away again.

“What?” Thomas asked with a chuckle.

Alexander shrugged and let out a satisfied sigh, swinging his hand back and forth. “You’re just very lovely. So is your sister. Your family must be really nice.”

As they got back, Alexander quickly excused himself and ran to his room. He came out with a book and pulled Thomas over to the sofa to sit on his legs. “So, I was thinking about how open you are about your family and how reassuring you’ve been about the idea of welcoming me into your family… and how you gave me that book. When my mom died, there were some complications with the will, so it was really hard getting anything passed down to me. A family friend felt bad about it so they tried to get as many family books as they could to me.” He pushed the book to Thomas, “This is one of them. It’s just a children’s book that I read like five times when I was little. I want you to have it.”

Thomas reluctantly took it, “You don’t need to… I have plenty of things, so giving you some sentimental book was fine. But this…”

Alexander shook his head at his refusal. “You insisted I take your book, so now you’re taking mine whether you protest or not. Think of it as a really late Christmas present.”

Thomas didn't look entirely certain, but accepted it with a smile and kissed him on the cheek, “Only if you’re absolutely sure. I’ll treasure it, I promise.”

Alexander adjusted his position on Thomas’s lap so he could take a picture out of his pocket, he rested his head on Thomas’s shoulder and showed him the picture, “This is a picture of my family. I’m… eight in this I think? That there’s my mom. I always used to call her mama. And there’s my dad. I know you can’t really ever meet them. But I just want you to know that you’re welcome in my family too.”

Thomas stroked some hair behind Alex’s ear, “Is this because you’re worried about your dad coming home soon?”

“A little,” Alexander admitted. “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about family a lot recently.” Alex traced a couple of fingers around his collar, putting the photo down before burying his head into Thomas’s neck to breathe him in.

They sat there in silence for a while, just being content in each other's company. Eventually, Thomas decided to check his phone. There were a bunch of new messages on the group chat he was added to- most of them Alex's friends giving their official approval of Thomas now that they'd actually spent time with him. He chuckled lowly, it was adorable how protective his friends were.

Thomas looked at the messages and then back Alexander a few times, before he bit his lip to ask, “Can I ask you something kind of weird?”

Alexander nodded, “Ask away.”

“Just so you know I’m not asking this because I’m jealous of any of your friends or anything, I’m honestly just curious. But did you ever have, like, a crush on any of your friends? I-I’m just asking because I was genuinely wondering, I promise I won’t go totally crazy if-“

Alex shut him up by pressing his lips against his. “Shush, you. It’s fine, I trust you to trust me. But no, I didn’t. I met John and Hercules when I first moved to America. I was only twelve and I hadn’t really developed romantically or sexually, so I couldn’t really see them as anything other than friends. And when Lafayette came to America, he was really lost and alone so I ended up basically just acting like his brother.” Alexander cringed a little remembering all the days he spent round the apartment with him and his dad because he didn’t know anyone else in the city, all those memories felt a little tainted now that he knew Lafayette didn’t view his dad in the way he thought he did. Alex shook his head to himself, “What about you? Did you ever have a crush on any of your friends? Like James, or Aaron, or anyone like that?”

Thomas shook his head, “No one I’m in touch with now, and no one you’d know. In the past I’ve had some friends I developed feelings for, mostly girls. There was once a guy that I was friends with in school that I had feelings for, he was how I realised I was bisexual. I kissed him when we were drunk at a party. He didn’t feel the same way but he promised he wouldn’t tell anyone. Other than that, I haven't really had feelings for any guy friends. Since I’m pretty used to being the token guy in my friendship groups that isn’t straight, it was easy to condition myself into not developing feelings for any friends.”

Alexander chuckled to himself as he remembered something, “Okay, if I tell you something, do you promise not to get judgy or anything like that? And you can’t laugh at me either.”

“Sure, what is it?”

Alexander covered his face with a hand and said in embarrassment, “I used to have a bit of a crush on James Madison.”

Thomas couldn’t help it, he burst into laughter, “Wait, wait, what?”

Alexander playfully hit him, “Come on you promised you wouldn’t laugh at me.”

Thomas raised his hands in his defence, “Laughing is a natural reaction and I can’t help it.”

Alexander crossed his arms, “It was a childhood crush. I was super lonely when I was sixteen, I would have gotten a crush on any moderately good looking guy that were sort of nice to me.”

Thomas tried to stay calm, but started laughing again, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But the idea of you two is so ridiculous.”

“You’re so mean,” Alexander lightly whined as he buried himself in Thomas’s skin in embarrassment. Although, he had to admit this reaction was preferable to jealousy. 

Still laughing, Thomas said, “Love you.”

Alexander grumbled back, “Love you too.”

“Oh that reminds me,” Thomas said, stopping himself from laughing but unable to get rid of the smile around his face. “Dolley and James wanted to go on a double date with us.”

“Really? When?”

Thomas shrugged, “I don’t know when. He didn’t say. I can arrange a time if you want?”

“Is it too late to ask if they’re available tomorrow?” Alexander asked, tracing his fingers against Thomas’s palm. “It would just be less complicated to go out before my dad comes back.”

“I’ll ask. I reckon they’ll be fine with that, though,” Thomas responded.

"Cool," Alex breathed. He put his forehead against Thomas's. 

There was a beautiful moment, before Thomas ruined it when he snorted and burst out into laughter again. Alexander playfully hit his arm, "You're the worst," he moaned. 

Thomas just pulled Alex close and said, "Yeah, yeah. You love me really."

Alexander smiled sweetly and conceded, "Yeah. Yeah I do."


	74. When Tomorrow Comes

The next morning, they spent a while just talking and messing around in bed. They knew that after this, there would only be one more night before his dad got back. And they were well aware that once his dad was home, it would become almost impossible for Alexander to sneak into Thomas’s room like he had done up until now. So they were determined to spend every single moment they possibly could in each others company before then.

Thomas held Alexander in a tight embrace as he stroked his fingers through his hair, adoring the the way it soothed Alex into making little hums of approval. Alexander smiled sleepily and listened to Thomas mumbling about something or another as he traced his fingers over his chest. When a few moments passed, he leaned up to kiss his neck and then interrupted whatever he was saying by tilting his head down to kiss him on the lips.

Thomas was more than willing to kiss him back, and just as the kiss was becoming more intense, Thomas’s alarm on his phone went off. He made an annoyed groan and forced himself to lean over and turn the alarm off. The alarm signalled that he had to start getting ready to see his sister, because he'd promised to see Elizabeth away at the airport that morning.

Alexander offered to come with him, but Thomas insisted he didn’t need to. Besides, it would be nice to spend some time alone with his sister after so long. So Alex laid back down and watched Thomas as he got dressed, a smile on his face as his eyes traced his body. Thomas noticed him and laughed lightly, “You know, you have all the subtlety of a punch in the face.”

In response, Alexander just gave him a wide smile and sat up to pull Thomas into a kiss. Eventually he let go off him and whispered, “Tell your sister I said hi."

Thomas went to get breakfast with Elizabeth, and then took her to the airport. As they said goodbye to each other, Elizabeth kissed Thomas on the cheek and reminded him, “And remember, if you ever need anything, you have an entire family just a little down south who are always ready to accept you with open arms. You _and_ your boyfriend.”

Thomas smiled and hugged her, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

After he watched her head off through the airport barriers, he headed back to the apartment. When he got back, Thomas and Alex worked for a while longer on his proposal, arguing endlessly and drinking inhuman amounts of coffee until it was close to finished.

Towards the evening, they stopped working and started getting ready to see Dolley and James, who they’d agreed to get dinner with.

As they got to the front of the restaurant, Alexander mumbled, “Is this gonna be really weird?”

Thomas quietly replied with, “No… I mean, I don’t think so?”

Alexander playfully slapped Thomas’s arm, “I’m blaming you if this sucks.”

Thomas snickered slightly lightly pushed him to walk onwards.  

They met Dolley and James inside and came to sit opposite them on a table. Dolley excitedly greeted them and enthused about how much she’d being hoping to have a double date with someone. They ordered drinks- whiskey for James and Thomas and soft drinks for Dolley and Alex, and then they ordered food and talked. Dolley had always been a good conversationalist, so she naturally led the conversation, talking in length about the engagement and showing off the ring to both of them.

Thomas and Alexander exchanged a smile as she talked, glad it wasn’t nearly as awkward as they worried it would be. Thomas put a hand on Alexander’s knee, and Alex put his hand on his.

“So, we’re thinking a wedding in a couple of months. We know it isn’t much time, but we just really want to be married as soon as possible. And the place we had our hearts set on was available, so we figured why not.”

“Wait, where is it you wanted to get married?” Alexander asked.

“Oh, right, I totally forgot the best part. So you remember the church where Jay got married? Where me and James met? We’re getting married there. Isn’t that amazing?”

James gave an adoring look to Dolley and added, “We wanted to tie the knot where we started.”

Alexander smiled and mumbled, “Woah.”

“Well, I can’t wait for your wedding,” said Thomas. “There can never be too many nice things in the world.”

“Yeah,” agreed James. “Oh but before that we’ve got our bachelor and bachelorette parties. I need you there obviously,” he said motioning towards Thomas. “Alex, as much as I’d love for you to come…”

“I’m not legally old enough to drink or get into most places? Yeah, don’t worry I got that. No hard feelings.”

James smiled and let out a chuckle, “Yeah, okay. That’s good.”

They continued to ramble on about their wedding happily. Alexander caught a glance of Thomas’s face, and he thought it was so adorable how excited he looked. He was such a hopeless romantic, and unlike Alexander, he didn’t feel the need to hide it from absolutely anyone. It was one of the things Alex loved so much about him.

Alexander casually reached out to take the drink out Thomas’s hand and took a slow sip of his whiskey, putting it back in his hand. Thomas looked over to him and stifled a laugh, letting go of his whiskey and taking his hand.

“Oh but you guys are just such a cute couple,” Dolley remarked. “And I thought it was so sweet that you published that article to keep Alex’s father’s name clean.”

Thomas made an uncomfortable hum and said, “Yeah, well, I don’t know if he’ll see it that way.”

At Thomas’s obviously worried expression, Alexander explained to Dolley and James, “My dad comes home tomorrow.”

Dolley gave a look of understanding “Oh, well I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Thomas didn’t look so sure, and Alexander tightened his hold on Thomas’s hand.

“I’m hoping so… It’s just, I dunno. It’s probably going to be really awkward living with Alex _and_ his dad after everything that's happened…”

James had some kind of realisation as said, “Oh right. Dude, I totally forgot to tell you, you don’t need to for that much longer.”

Thomas scowled, “What?”

“Once me and Dolley are married we’re going to need our own place. Meaning Aaron’s gonna have a spare room where I used to be. You should totally ask Aaron for the room.”

Thomas considered it, “That’s a good idea. I’ll ask him.”

Alexander couldn't help but look slightly dissatisfied with this, he hated the idea of not living with Thomas. No matter how necessary it might have been. 

“Also, last night, Aaron brought home his _girlfriend_ Theodosia,” James said. Putting a strong emphasis on the word ‘girlfriend’.

Thomas smiled, “So they’re together now? Like, properly girlfriend and boyfriend together?”

 James nodded, “Yep.”

Thomas smiled, glad that everything seemed to be working out in everyone’s lives. After they had dinner, they split the check and started heading back. 

When they got home, they went back to working on Thomas’s proposal. They finally finished it and printed it out, this time with Alexander Hamilton’s name added to the front. They then spent the rest of the day cleaning up the apartment so everything was clean for Alex’s dad coming home. They washed all of the sheets and clothes, tidied up, tried to make it look like Alex hadn’t been living in Thomas’s room all month.

Thomas was progressively feeling more anxious, and he could feel his heart in his throat as he cleaned the counters for the third time. Alexander came up to stand behind him with concern and gently said, “I think you’ve already cleaned this.”

“Have I?” Thomas asked, pretending that he wasn’t as terrified as he was.

“Yeah,” said Alex, watching Thomas carefully.

“Oh… Well there was still a slight mark. I just want to-”

Alexander put his hand over Thomas’s to stop him from obsessively wiping the counter with a cloth. “Tommy,” he whispered.

Thomas slowly let go of the cloth and turned to face Alex, “Sorry… Sorry… I’m just really…”

Alex shushed him and brought him into a hug, “It’s alright, it’s all gonna be alright. Let’s just sit down for a moment, okay?” He said. Thomas nodded and Alexander led him to the sofa and sat next to him. He tried to gently soothe Thomas, who was quite evidently feeling anxious and agitated.

“Just take deep breaths,” Alex said, lightly stroking his fingers up and down his arm. He tried to remember one of the breathing exercises he read about and recited it to him slowly.

Thomas nodded, having already known most breathing exercises in the book. But he wasn’t sure how Alexander knew, especially considering how clueless he’d been that time he had a panic attack. “How do you know that?”

Alexander shrugged and admitted, “After you had that panic attack a while ago, I looked things up online because I want to be able to help you whenever you feel anxious.”

Thomas smiled as those words completely melted his heart, he leant over to kiss Alex and said, “You help just by being here.”

Alex smiled back and brushed his fingers through some his hair. “I just… want to be there for you like you’re always there for me.”

Thomas hugged him and assured, “I’m fine, really. I’m just a bit nervous. That's all. How about we watch some TV?”

Alexander nodded and Thomas reached for the remote to put something on. He was mostly able to get himself to relax. But every so and then, he was reminded of their situation and had a horrible moment where he stiffened up and had to slowly calm himself down again. Each time, Alexander would kiss him on the neck and nuzzle his skin to reassure him.

When they went to bed, they knew that it would most likely be the last time for a while that they’d be able to sleep in the same bed without a massive hassle. Alexander sat under the covers with his knees up.

Thomas sat on top of the covers and put a hand on his knee, “You doing alright?”

Alex nodded, “Yeah.” He put his hand on top of his, and with reluctance added, “But… like, I don’t think he would do this…But just in case, I think we need to figure out a strategy on what to do if my dad tries to force us to break up. Or forces you to leave New York, or… something like that.” He hated the idea of making Thomas even more nervous and stressed then he already was, but he also really needed to plan for the worst case scenario. 

Thomas let out a breath, and averted his look to say, “I don’t really know… I won’t break up with you no matter what he tries though, I promise you that.”

Alexander opened his mouth, but closed it again, and did the same thing a few times, before finally getting himself to say, “I’m not sure you’re telling the truth. You almost left so many times. What if you freak out again? My dad has a way of getting people to do what he wants. And I don’t want to come home one day to find out he’s convinced you to skip town.”

Thomas moved closer to Alex, “Not this time. I swear, darling. I know that I don’t have a super good record, but it’s different now. I love you so much in a way my stupid paranoias could never compete with. I’m all yours.”

Alexander coyly asked, “So, you think we’ll be okay?”

Thomas moved close to him and said, “We managed to stay together despite everything going against us. We got through our politics, our friends who didn’t want us together, the press, and even ourselves. So, yeah, we’ll be okay.”

“And if my dad makes you leave?”

“I’ll figure something out. I can get a new job, I can find somewhere to live.”

“Tommy, my dad’s really clever. And he’s got a lot of connections. He could get you blackballed from every company in the state if he wanted to.”

“You don’t really think your dad would do that, do you?”

Alexander shook his head, “Nah. But I wouldn’t put it passed him either. If the last few days have taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know for sure anything about my dad.”

Thomas thought for a second about this scenario, “Well, I guess if that happened I’d have to leave the state for a while… Maybe go back to Virginia until I could sort something out.” Neither Alex or Thomas seemed happy with this idea, and suddenly uncomfortably avoided making eye contacted. They were both painfully aware that long distance relationships rarely worked. After all, there was a reason Thomas decided he’d rather marry someone before he was ready than risk dating someone in a different country.

Alexander was quiet for a moment before mumbling, “I could run away with you...”

Thomas gave Alexander a confused look at that suggestion. He couldn’t really mean that.

“We could quietly elope in a small chapel, head out of state with whatever we can afford to bring. We could go south towards Virginia, maybe stay with your family until we know what to do next. I could go to your university, you could work for a new law firm. Maybe you could even make your own firm, you have it in you.”

Thomas smiled and put a hand on his knee to lightly say, “We’re not doing that.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because you love your dad way too much to turn your back on him. And you love New York and all your friends are here, you’d hate leaving it all for Virginia.”

“I could do it,” Alexander lightly insisted, but he didn’t even seem that convinced himself.

“Besides, I would never want you throwing everything in your life away for me.”

Alexander thought for a second, looking for another solution, before he remembered, “Thomas… that thing Laf told us. Would you use it?”

Thomas stiffened up slightly, “I don’t think I could. Could you?”

Alexander shook his head. It would make their situation so much easier, but at the same time he knew he just couldn’t do that to either Lafayette or his dad.

Looking at the ceiling for a second, Alexander instead optimistically noted, “Anyway, I believe in my dad. I think he’ll come around to understanding us.”

Thomas nodded and brought Alexander into a kiss.

 Alex unbuttoned Thomas’s shirt and tugged it off, making a moan to push Thomas to hurry up and get into bed. Thomas got the hint and broke the kiss to take his trousers off, “You’re so impatient,” he said with a laugh. Alexander nodded as Thomas threw his clothes to the side and climbed into bed next to Alex.

They laid next to each other facing each other, just looking at the other’s face in silence.

“I love you, Tommy,” Alex whispered.

“I love you too, baby girl.” Thomas whispered back.

Alexander reached over to stroke his jaw, “You’re the most beautiful man in the world.”

Thomas smiled, “So are you.”

After that they just went back to looking at each other in silence, moving closer to put their foreheads against each other. Happy and very much in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo you beautiful folk.  
> I'm going to have to go on a brief pause because next month I have all my exams (killme) But after that I should be able to update as normal again :D  
> Thanks to everyone who's read this so far because, like, there's so much now?? Aha. Knowing that some people are actually willing to read as much as I've written is kind of an incredible feeling and I'm so, so thankful.


	75. Pro et Contra

George sat on the plane, tapping a pen anxiously against his forehead. He’d devised two lists on different pages of a notepad, describing the pros and cons for how to approach his son's relationship. The first page had ‘Letting them stay together’ written at the top and underlined, and the second ‘Making Thomas leave’.

On his month away, every time he thought he came to a conclusion on what to do which gave him peace of mind, something else happened that completely threw him off and changed his mind. He flicked threw both the pages, reading through the reasons.

 

Making Thomas Leave

-Thomas has hurt Alexander before and he might again

-He's way too old for him

-Their relationship is inappropriate

-Thomas is reckless and ruined Alexander's reputation

-He consistently ignored my advice

-Alexander will get over it in time

-It would be better for Alex in the long term

-Alex might forgive me. One day. maybe.

 

Letting them stay together

-It would make Alexander so happy

-They might really love each other

-Thomas has been a hardworker and was once a good friend

-Alexander would hate me if I made him go

-They might go behind my back if I try anything

-They might do something ridiculous like eloping in protest

-Alexander can't take another heartbreak

-Thomas has been the only thing stopping Alex from having a breakdown

-I have no room to judge

-I'd be a hypocrite

-Not being with someone you love is more pain then I'd ever want for them

-If Alexander hurt himself because of something I did I would never forgive myself

 

His reasons obviously leaned more heavily on one side than the other. But every single time he considered letting them be, he was reminded of something wrong and made instantly mad. Just as he looked away from the notepad, he noticed an article on the newspaper the person next to him was holding. One of the article’s revolving around his son and employee. George had to take a breath and bite his tongue to prevent any public outburst, frustrated that their relationship had become the new fascination of the American public. Every single day there was a new story trying to unveil the nature of the relationship, and he was so sick of it.

The only thing that made George more mad than the press was how oblivious and stupid Jefferson was being about the whole thing. He should have known better than to be so openly affectionate after he released that god damn article. What the hell was he thinking? Kissing Alexander in front of a camera, walking down the street holding his hand, embracing him in the middle of the street. Could anyone be that stupid? He should have known at very least to keep their relationship on the down low after doing something as insanely stupid as that article.

George was probably about five seconds away from putting a picture of Thomas on a dart board. But of course Alexander didn’t feel that way. Alexander was probably over the moon about it. Obviously George had only unconditional love for Alex, he was his father after all, but that didn’t change the fact that Alex was still young and not exactly streetwise. He probably had no comprehension of just how serious all of this was.

The person holding the newspaper noticed he was staring at it and asked, “Do you want it?”

George got distracted from his thoughts and shook his head to them.

Looking at the article he’d been staring at, they noted, “Pretty crazy, huh? Makes me worried about my kids. They wouldn’t have gotten away with this stuff in our day, I don’t know how the hell his father’s okay with it.”

George distantly just mumbled, “Yeah.”

“Do you have kids?” They asked.

George nodded, “I have a son.”

“How old is he?”

“Eighteen.” He was silent for a second before saying, “He’s been acting out recently. I’m scared I’m losing him.”

They let out a hum and said, “All kids that age go off the rails a bit. He’ll come around.”

“I think it might be too late.”

They looked at the newspaper again and said, “Well, look at it this way. You can’t have done worse than this boy’s father.”

George didn’t respond and just looked forward. They were trying to be reassuring, if only they had any idea how insulting that was.

He looked back down at his list. When they reached New York and began their descent, George let out a deep breath and closed his notepad to put it away, just as clueless as when he opened it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back and my a-levels are officially finished wooooooo! I missed all of you very much and love anyone who's reading this. <3


	76. Welcome Home

The next day, Alexander skipped school for family reasons, wanting to see his dad the moment he got back. This left Thomas and Alexander waiting in the apartment anxiously for his return- Alexander sitting on a counter, swinging his legs back and forth with his eyes fixed on the door.

“Are you excited to see your dad again?” Thomas asked, coming over to to put his hands on his knee, snatching Alex's attention away from the motionless door.

Alexander stilled as he turned his attention to Thomas and put his hands on his shoulders, giving him a soft smile. “Yeah, I really miss him." He paused and sucked on his lips for a second before admitting, "I’m also kind of scared though, with everything that's been happening I’m not sure what kind of reunion this will be.”

Alex opened his mouth to ask Thomas how he felt but immediately decided better; he already knew exactly how Thomas was feeling. He was absolutely terrified.

Instead, Alexander wrapped his arms and legs around Thomas to bring him into a tight embrace. “We’re gonna be alright,” Alex whispered to reassure him.

Tightly pressed against Alexander to keep him grounded, Thomas replied, "I know."

After another minute of just silently hugging each other, there was the sound of the door opening. In less than a second, Alexander was jumping down from the counter and rushing over to the door to see his dad.

George opened the door and was almost thrown over as Alex rushed over to him and gave him a hug. As George steadied himself, his facial expression brightened more than it had all month as he wrapped his arms around him. “Hello, Alexander.”

“Welcome home, dad. I really missed you,” Alexander said.

“I missed you so much,” George said with a hint of relief in his voice as he slowly let go of Alexander.

The reunion was slightly ruined as George caught sight of Thomas in the corner, his facial expression switching from compassionate to ice cold in a second. “Jefferson,” he slowly acknowledged.

“Mister Washington,” Thomas slowly responded.

Alexander’s eyes darted between the two men, trying to find a way of diffusing the situation. “How was your trip?” He asked, putting a hand on his dad’s arm to try to distract him.

George reluctantly let his eyes fall away from Thomas and back to Alex. “Fine, I got everything sorted out that I needed to. I missed you a lot is all."

Thomas awkwardly suggested, “Would you like some coffee?” Deciding that doing anything would be better than just standing there. 

George nodded but replied in a distrusting tone, “Sure.”

For the most part, George refused to even look at Thomas. But every so and then he would give him a piercing sharp glance to say 'I know everything you've done.' Alexander took a deep breath and wondered if it was too late to let the ground open up and swallow him. God this was the most uncomfortable situation in the world. He was so relieved to see his father, but he would give the world for him to stop giving his boyfriend death stares.

Thomas made them coffee in a horrible tense silence, whilst Alexander kept trying to talk to his dad to ease the tension.

Eventually Thomas must have realised that his presence was making the situation even more impossible, as he grabbed his jacket and excused himself. “Urm… I think I’ll head out and give you some space, if that’s alright."

Alexander didn’t object, knowing that it was probably for the best. He stood up and walked over to him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek not wanting him to leave without some type of assurance. He then whispered, “I’ll see you in a bit. I love you.” Hoping it was quiet enough for his dad to not catch onto what he was saying.

Thomas smiled and whispered back, “I love you.” He then headed out, only staying for just enough time to notice that George definitely wasn’t happy at witnessing even the slightest affection between them.

Alexander turned back to his dad as the door closed and smiled, “I'm really happy you're back.”

“I’m happy to be back,” George said.

Alexander came to sit besides him and was silent for a second. “Dad… About Thomas- ”

His dad cut him off, saying, “Alex, let’s not talk about all that now. I’m just really happy to see you, we can deal with that later.”

Alexander thought for a second before slowly nodding.

They spent the day talking and catching each other up on everything that had happened. Well, omitting certain important details since Alexander was avoiding mentioning Thomas- which proved difficult considering how pivotal Thomas had been to him in the past month.

“Have you been doing alright this past month?” George asked.

Alex nodded and smiled, “I’ve been good. Some rocky moments, but I’m good.”

George thought for a second, looking down guiltily before confessing, “Alex, it’s been really hard being a good father when I haven’t been in the same state. I know I didn’t call as often as I should’ve, things have just been… hard. And I regret how I’ve been reacted to everything going on… especially after whatever the hell happened between you and Thomas when you got into a fight.”

“It’s fine, dad,” Alex said lightly.

George brought a hand up to his cheek to watch his face as he asked in a gentle but firm voice, “But I have to ask. And I promise I won’t be mad. Are you on drugs again?”

Alex batted his hand away lightly and insisted, “No, no, dad I’m not. I promise. I was telling the truth, it was just one cigarette I swear. I mean, I thought about it… but I wouldn’t go back there.”

“Okay, I just had to check,” his dad said. “Have you been sleeping alright?”

Alexander nodded, “Oh yeah. I actually have. I think I’ve actually been sleeping better than I think I ever have before.”

His dad looked at him sceptically, because that really did seem too good to be true. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Alex confirmed. “I mean there were a few nights I didn’t sleep so well. But those were just the nights Thomas wasn’t home.” Alexander fiddled with a loose thread on his clothes as he added, “He’s really good at making sure I go to sleep at an alright time, and I sleep really well when I’m with him.” He knew mentioning Thomas at all would be risky since his dad told him not to, but it wasn’t until he already said it that he clocked how stupid what he just said was. He felt his heart drop a million miles and he wanted to hit himself. He looked back up to his dad, hoping he wouldn’t have realised what he said. But oh no, he definitely noticed.

There was a long awkward silence.

Before his dad could say anything, Alexander quickly said, “We haven’t had sex.” Immediately regretting it, because he said it far too quickly and defensively for it to sound like the truth.

His dad looked uncomfortable to say the least and not wholly convinced. George tried to find something to say, and Alexander quickly mumbled, “W-well we haven’t. We’ve slept in the same bed but w-w-we haven’t… I mean…”

“Alexander, stop talking,” George warned. Alexander quickly nodded and shut his mouth, knowing that every single word coming out of his mouth was making it worse.

After a few seconds of tense silence, George apparently decided that was a subject he didn’t want to touch right now, instead slowly asking, “How’s school?” Alexander let out a breath of relief that he was letting it go for now.

Once they’d spoken for a while, both trying very hard to ignore Alex’s slip of the tongue, George gave Alexander everything he brought him for Christmas and his birthday. Just as Alex predicted, his dad felt bad for not being there and brought him way too much to compensate. He brought him books and clothes as well as an expensive fountain pen. Alexander smiled, tracing his finger against the nib of the pen and thanking his dad a million times.

George hesitated before asking, “Did Thomas buy you anything?”

Alexander smiled proudly and nodded, “He gave me this really nice book, and he got me this,” he said putting a hand to his necklace. “Isn’t it nice?”

George let out a sigh and forced a smile, “It looks lovely, Alexander.”

Alex traced the ‘A’ with his fingers, “I thought so too… he’s very thoughtful.” He looked forward blankly for a second, hearing his heartbeat in his ears. “My friends thought it was really nice. Especially Lafayette. He said he wished someone loved him enough to do that kind of thing for him.”

Apparently George didn’t pick up on the hint Alex was trying to drop; either that or he was just playing ignorant. Because he simply replied, “It’s really something."

Alexander hesitated with his fingers holding tightly to his necklace, but he couldn't keep everything he felt for Thomas in any more as he turned to face his dad to more seriously and desperately say, “Dad, I know you don’t want to talk about this right now. And we don’t have to. But I just want you to know that Thomas is really, really important to me. I need you to know how much I care for him.”

George simply reiterated, “Alexander, I don’t want to hear it right now.” 

Alexander was quiet for a moment before he whispered, “He loves me.”

“I know.” George replied with little sense of emotion in his voice.

“And I love him.”

“I know.” George repeated.

Alexander then fell silent. Not really sure what to add.

At that point, Thomas came back. He opened the door cautiously and walked in hesitantly, immediately sensing the atmosphere. “Is this a bad time?” he asked quietly and shyly. Feeling uncomfortable when there was only a lingering silence in response he quickly added, “If this is a bad time I could spend the night somewhere else. It’s no problem.”

Alexander looked to his dad, and George exchanged a look with him before reluctantly standing up to say, “Actually, I was wondering if you’d mind making dinner tonight.”

Thomas blinked a couple of times, “Oh, y-yeah of course I will.”

“Okay… that’s good.” George replied with a certain level of withdrawal in his voice.

Alexander gave a sweet thankful smile to his dad, mouthing “thank you” to him. His dad smiled back, albeit more uncertainly.

Thomas made dinner and they ate together. It was a lot less tense than before, but still not completely relaxed and comfortable yet either. After that, Thomas offered to do the washing up, not really caring if it made him look like he was just trying to suck up.

After that, he picked up his proposal, and hesitating a few times, finally got himself to actually go over to George, “Urm… Mister Washington?”

George looked up with a sigh and said, “For the last time, you don’t need to call me that. I think we’re long past those kind of formalities.”

Thomas awkwardly flicked his eyes around, “Urm… anyway… I know this is a bad time, and I don’t even really know if I have my job anymore, but urm… I’ve redrafted the proposal. The one that was rejected.”

George raised an eyebrow, “You are aware that the only reason I rejected it was because I thought you were sleeping with my son, right? You really didn’t need to rewrite anything.”

Thomas shrugged, “I just… wanted it to be better.” Thomas carefully reached out the papers to George.

George slowly took them, and looked at the cover page. He didn’t look entirely impressed as he read out, “Thomas Jefferson and… Alexander Hamilton.”

Thomas looked over briefly to Alex, who was sitting ready a book completely unaware, as Thomas crossed his arms and replied, “Yeah… he helped me a lot.”

After a silence which was just long enough to be painful, and a couple of awkward glances as George looked up to him, he said, “I’ll have people look at it in the next meeting.”

Thomas smiled and nodded, “Thanks, that’s all I can ask.”

Once it was getting late, George said, “I’m going to bed now. You both should too,” he gave a stern look to both Thomas and Alexander, adding, “In your own beds.”

Thomas’s eyes widened slightly and he looked caught and embarrassed as he shot a look to Alex.

Because they didn’t want to create any kind of wrong impression, they didn’t even make any kind of physical contact before going to their bedrooms, only giving sweet mumbled goodnights.

As Alexander got into his room, it felt strange and unfamiliar. In only a short period of time, Alexander had grown attached to sleeping in the spare room with Thomas. His own room now felt cold and lonely. He crawled under his covers and shivered at how cold it was waiting for himself to warm up. He didn’t really know what to do with his arms, as he didn’t have anyone to wrap his arms around.

He let out a huff and took out his phone.

Alex: :(

Alex: I miss you

Thomas: Im just in the next room

Alex: but I miss you

Thomas: I miss you too…

Alex: I don’t know how to sleep without you

Thomas: I don’t know how to sleep without you either

Alex: pleeeaasse can I sneak into your room?

Thomas: baby you know that’s a bad idea

Alex: pretty please?

Thomas: im sorry but no

Alex: I can just make sure im back in my room when my dad wakes up in the morning

Thomas: and risk your dad finding us in the same bed when hes wondering why youre not in your room? sorry but I need to be alive to be your boyfriend

Alex: fine.

Thomas: Are you mad?

Alex: No.

Thomas: Is it me?

Alex: No.

Alex: maybe

Alex: yes

Alex: I know youre right… but still

Thomas: aw darling

Thomas: weve just gotta keep our distance at night for a while. That’s all.

Alex: I know

Thomas: I love you <3

Alex: I love you too, Tommy

Alex: sorry for being like this

Thomas: Its alright.

Thomas: you're so precious

Thomas: you mean the world to me

Alex: Thank you

Alex: goodnight

Alex: :) <3 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My loves, my precious, my beautiful rainbows. Have a lovely day.


	77. Complex and Complicated

Alexander woke up and let out a deep breath, missing the warmth of Thomas beneath him and being wrapped up in his arms. After a couple of seconds of tracing his fingers against the blank space next to him, he forced himself to get up and emerged from his room rubbing his eyes. He immediately caught sight of Thomas sitting against a counter with a mug of coffee, and as Thomas raised his eyes to look at him, his expression immediately brightened.  

Alex went over to him but hesitated and stopped himself to look towards the bathroom door, “Is my dad in the shower?”

Thomas nodded, “Yeah, he left a second ago.”  

Alexander let out a breath of relief, saying “Oh thank god,” quickly closing the distance to kiss him and hold him. Thomas was blown back for a second by the impact, but steadied himself and let out a laugh as he kissed him back and held him in a tight protective hug.

“I love you,” Alex whispered as he pressed his face into his neck.

“I love you too,” Thomas whispered back.

“This is actually kinda harder than I thought it would be,” Alex confessed.

“Yeah, but we’ll be alright,” Thomas assured, pressing a kiss to the side of Alex’s head.

“I know” Alex replied.

They continued to embrace in a tight but tender hug until they heard the shower turn off. Thomas gave Alexander a look to make sure he was okay, and when Alex nodded they pulled away from each other.  

Standing at some distance, they smiled at each other reassuringly until George came out dressed in a suit.

Alexander grabbed his bag and said goodbye to his dad, giving him a kiss him on the cheek and shooting Thomas a quick smile which would have to suffice for a goodbye for now.

Thomas watched Alex leave and uncomfortably swallowed when he realised that his absence meant he was left alone with George.

George sorted things through his briefcase as he asked, “So what are you going to do today?” Trying to keep a semblance of civility.

“Urm… actually, I have no idea.” Thomas answered. “Sir, about-“

George interrupted and said, “I’ll have people look at the proposal today. I can’t promise anything more than that. And I’ll consider letting you come back to work once everything’s calmed down.”

Thomas awkwardly responded, “Actually… that wasn’t what I was going to say.”

Knowing exactly that what he meant to say regarded Alex but not entirely wanting to, he responded, “We can talk about this some other time.” He picked up his things and paused, “Friday. Seven PM. Same bar where we used to meet up.”

Thomas nodded, “Yep, yep… That sounds fine.”

George gave him an uncertain look, “Right… well, I should go.”

Thomas slowly nodded.

George left the apartment and walked past the luckily now thinned out group of reporters. He kept a stoic and cool expression, completely ignoring the people who were asking for him to comment his son.

The moment George got into the building, John Adams immediately came up to him and gave him a dramatic hug. “Oh thank god you’re back. Never leave me with your job ever again,” he cried melodramatically.

George chuckled lightly, “Well, it’s good to know someone’s happy to see me back.”

“I don’t know how you do it,” John moaned.

“I don’t either,” George confessed.

John filled him in on everything that had happened round the office, giving him everything he needed to continue his job as usual.

“What’s the time?” George asked as he filled in some forms which had been waiting for him to sign off on.

John looked at the clock on the wall, “Twenty minutes to twelve.”

George stood up and rubbed the back of his neck, “Okay, I need to go out to buy something. I should be back before the meeting.”

“Right,” said John as George began to walk out. “Oh, and George?”

George paused and turned around.

“Everyone’s very happy to have you back.”

George smiled and left.

As he said, he arrived back just in time with a couple minutes to spare. He took a moment in his office to stand by the windows, looking off into the distance and tapping a receipt against his hand.

“Well you look wistful,” Philip Schuyler said at the door as he caught him. 

George half chuckled and stood away from the door, discretely throwing the receipt in the bin. “Well, a lots changed since I left New York.”

Philip walked into the room, “Full disclosure, sir. I was the one who first suggested that Jefferson publish the article. I don’t pretend to know exactly what the situation is between any of you. But as far as that article goes, I take full responsibility for putting the idea in his head. And I have no regrets.”

George hummed in an unamused voice, “I see.” It was just like Philip to be so matter of fact and forward about it. “What about everyone else who knew? What did they have to say about it?” He asked, well aware that Philip would tell him the whole truth.

“Myself, Franklin and Adams all believed Jefferson took the right actions. Burr was initially sceptical but ultimately came to support him too.”

George sighed, “Of course…”

Philip took a step closer, delicately saying, “Sir… I know it’s not my place, but I think you’re just too close to all of this to see what happened objectively. This was never going to be just your reputation or your sons. If the original article against you got enough traction, then it wouldn’t have just damaged you, a lot of people working here could have been severely damaged by it.”

George let out a breath and rubbed his face. “What… What do you think about their relationship? I know you don’t really know them all that well, but just based on what you know about them.”

“Now that _really_ isn’t my place to comment on,” Philip replied.

“Can you just indulge me with this?” George pushed.

Philip let out a breath and admitted, “I think it’s extremely inappropriate. And I think both of them should know better.”

“What if… What if…” George looked completely lost and complexed, trying to navigate all the difficult and deeply complex questions in his mind. “Okay, but what if you liked someone who was, say, my son or your daughter’s age? What would you do about it?”

Philip was starting to look confused, they always had a purely work relationship, he should know that he’s the last person he should be asking about this. “Well, I’m married, so that shouldn’t ever become a problem. Why are you asking anyway?”

“I’m just…” George looked outside of the window and shook his head to himself, “trying to put myself in Thomas’s shoes, okay?”

Philip thought for a second and replied, “I wouldn’t do anything. I can’t help how I feel, but I can control what I do, and I would never do anything so inappropriate.” Clearly sensing the dissatisfaction with his answer, he said, “Maybe I’m not the best person to talk to about this. I’m pretty rigid about this stuff and not exactly the most sympathetic to their situation.” He looked at his watch and said, “Anyway, we have a meeting now.” Probably just wanting to get out of the uncomfortable situation.

“I’ll just be a minute,” George said. Philip left and George looked out of the window for a moment longer.

Everyone else was already sitting around waiting for the meeting to begin, so George slung his blazer onto the back of his chair and sat down.

George set out the agenda for the meeting as a few people gave awkward looks to people around them, unsure about whether he’d address the obvious transgressions of the past month. But he avoided any discussion of the recent revelations and remained cool and matter of fact as usual to avoid giving anything away.

When it came to the point when he asked them to look through Thomas’s new proposal, every single person in the room immediately took notice of the two names on the front. The next shock came when they actually opened the document, and saw that the contents were over three times the size of the original and with a much larger scope. Even George was surprised by proposal, but begrudgingly had to admit it was brilliant. As much as he hated to admit it, his son and Thomas obviously worked well together.

No one immediately raised any major objections. The proposal underwent numerous amendments, as the scale of it meant there were bound to be areas which required small changes, but other than that it passed without too much protest. Even Seabury was mostly silent, obviously deciding that getting on Washington’s bad side at the moment was a bad idea.

The proposal only put George into a further predicament. Because the amount of effort put into it was obvious. He could basically sense the desperate plea on the pages, every word so carefully and precisely chosen. It frustrated him, because he could feel himself softening towards Thomas, but he wasn’t so sure he wanted to.

But it did give him some clarity of mind. Because now, regardless of his own personal feelings, he was pretty sure about what he needed to do. He just had to get himself through the day without changing his mind...

* * *

 

Alexander went to school, and for lunch him and his friends decided to go to a small diner. Alexander, John and Eliza sat on one side of the booth, and Laf and Hercules on the other side.

“Nah, I think things will be alright. It’s just very awkward at the moment,” Alex said.

“Gotta admit, I’m not envying your situation,” Hercules said in response.

Eliza asked, “So you really think you guys will get through it alright? I mean, couldn’t your dad really mess things up for you?”

Alex shook his head, looking at his straw as he bobbed it up and down, “We’ll be fine. As long as Thomas doesn’t lose his nerve, but he promised me he wouldn’t.” Alex looked over to Laf, who was sitting opposite him and quickly said, “Anyway, let’s talk about something else.”

Lafayette, however, didn’t go along with Alex’s attempts to divert the conversation to be sensitive to him. “Your dad won’t be able to do anything and you know that,” he quietly said to Alex leaning across the table.

Alex leaned across and quietly whispered back, “Laf, no. I’m not doing that.”

Hercules, John and Eliza all exchanged confused looks.

“Alex, if you just-“

“No. Laf, I can’t do that to you.”

“But what if you need to-“

“Let it go.”

“It would make everything easier.”

“Laf, no. Stop.”

Hercules shook his head and snapped, “What the hell are you two talking about? We can hear you. You guys suck at whispering and being secretive doesn’t work when we’re _right here._ ”

Laf gave Alexander a look. Alexander just sat back and quietly responded “Nothing.” Which nobody seemed particularly satisfied with.

At the end of the day, Hercules was driving Laf home.

“Laf, what’s going on? You tell me everything, how haven’t you told me what’s going on?”

Lafayette just looked out the window, “Because it’s honestly nothing. Just let it go.”

“I don’t get it, why can’t you tell me?”

“Because I don’t want to.” Lafayette replied bluntly.

Hercules shut up and let out an annoyed sound. “You’re impossible. Why the hell can’t you ever just say how you feel? You’re always super open about everything in your life except the serious things. You always keep it inside until it kills you and I don’t know how to be your friend when you do that.”

“Can you just let it go? It isn’t important.”

“So Alex can know but I can’t?”

“I didn’t say that. Look, it’s complicated, okay?”

“No. It’s not okay.” He protested. Annoyed at Lafayette and tired of wondering what was being hidden from him, he pulled up and said, “Look, we’re like five minutes away from your apartment, can you just walk the rest?”

Lafayette gave him a look which said, ‘are you kidding me?’ Before he picked up his bag and left the car, scoffing and mumbling “va te faire enculer” under his breath.

He walked the rest of the way to his apartment staring at the ground in thought. He had a tiny studio apartment, just big enough to live in, and as he walked in he almost stepped on a tiny package at the door. He leant down and picked it up.

It looked like a normal delivery, but instead of having his full address on it only had his name on it. And not even his full name; just his first name ‘Gilbert’- which no one called him anymore. His confusion immediately subsided his anger because someone must gone up to his door to deliver this.

He opened it, and inside there was no note or return address or anything like that, just a thin silver necklace with the letter ‘G’ on it.


	78. A Matter of Escalation

As the sun was beginning to set, George walked back to his apartment, having some clarity of mind. He’d managed to gain a semblance of peace with the situation he was in and felt like he was coming to accept it. He loved his son more than anything else in the world and would do anything to keep him happy, so as long as he was safe and well, maybe somehow he could force himself to be okay with Alex pursuing his relationship...

He took a deep breathe before he opened the door, trying to make sure he could control how overwhelmed he was bound to feel before he went in. He’d half gotten used to opening doors and seeing Alexander and Thomas together- looking uncomfortable like he interrupted something. It was a sight which never failed to give him this sinking feeling that they wished he wasn’t there and it always made him want to disappear. But instead, as he opened the door, he saw Alexander was calmly sitting on his own with his laptop.

Alex looked up to his dad and smiled and George smiled back.

“Hey dad,” Alex casually greeted.

“Hey there,” George responded. It was nice to see Alexander looking so comfortable and unbothered. He glanced around the room, “Is Thomas here?”

“I think he’s in his room,” Alex replied.

George nodded, “What are you doing there?” He asked walking over to him.

“Just some research for my history class. How was work?”

George kissed Alex on the top of his head, replying, “Alright. I had people look at you and Thomas’s proposal.”

Alexander looked up from his screen with wide eyes, “And?”

“It looks like it will pass,” George replied, and Alexander smiled hopefully. George smiled, gaining a lot more confidence with how happy Alex looked.

George hesitated before continuing, “And… I’ve been thinking about everything. About you and Thomas...” Alexander’s eyes lit up at the mention of Thomas’s name, and he watched him with careful optimism and hope.  

“And I think that maybe with some conditions…” George slowly continued.

He inadvertently completely cut off what he was saying, getting distracted when he noticed that next to the computer was a prospectus for Columbia University. Apparently forgetting everything he was about to say, he went to pick it up, “Why are you looking at Columbia?”

Alexander’s face went white in less than a second, and as casually as he could explained “Oh, urm, because I applied to go there” as if it was nothing. He quickly added, “they have a really good law school, and the campus is really nice.” Hoping that maybe his dad would just let it go at that.

George had a bad feeling about this as he sceptically asked, “I don’t understand, you’re going to Princeton. You had your heart set on going there and you were already accepted.”

Alexander looked down to his fingers, “Oh, well, I guess they changed their mind. I was rejected.” He could feel his heart beating on every part of his body, and he so wished his dad could let this god and stop pushing.

There was a short pause as his dad processed what he was being told and put everything together in his head. George, starting to understand exactly what happened, asked, “When was this?” In a voice which clearly indicated that anything less than the whole truth was not an option.

Alexander opened his mouth to reply but had no idea how to answer him. This felt like he was being asked to sign his own death warrant. Knowing that his dad wouldn’t accept any other answer, he took a shaky breathe before reluctantly replying, “I got a letter a few days after… Thomas’s article came out.”

George dropped the prospectus back on the counter, inhaling a deep sharp breath. He already was barely coping with their relationship after everything Thomas had done, but this one pushed him over the edge. His sense of acceptance and forgiveness completely obliterated.

“Dad…” Alexander slowly said.

Just as he was about to try and convince his dad that it was alright, Thomas walked out of the spare room and George turned straight to him and without even a shred of hesitation said, “You have to go. Right now.”

Thomas looked at him lost and confused, not understanding what had just happened.

“Dad!” Alexander shouted out, his heart immediately tightening.

“I’m sorry, Alexander but Thomas can’t stay here anymore.” George said not even glancing in his son's direction.

“Dad, you can’t be serious,” Alex cried out becoming more and more distraught by the second. Thomas just stood there in complete shock.

“Get your things. You have thirty minutes and then I want you and your things out of my apartment.”

Thomas blinked a couple of times, looking at George’s stone cold look, then at Alexander’s desperate upset eyes. He had no idea why this was happening, but he didn’t exactly have any options. He then slowly said, “Okay, I understand.”

“What? No, you can’t do this. You can’t make him go,” Alexander kept protesting, not wanting Thomas to leave without a fight.

“Alex, it’s fine,” Thomas calmly said.

“No it isn’t, dad you can’t do this.”

George didn’t show any sign of weakening his resolve despite his son’s pleas, “Pack your things, now. If you aren’t out in thirty minutes I’m calling the cops.”

Thomas nodded and went to walk back to his room to get his things, but as a last cry Alexander shouted “If Thomas is going I’m going too.”

This time Alex’s cry caught his dad’s attention, to which George widened his eyes and sternly rebuked, “Don’t think for a damn second that you're going anywhere.”

Thomas, taking a different route- because he knew Alexander wasn’t making an empty threat by any stretch of the imagination- just came over to him and put his hands on his arm to gently say, “It’s alright, Alexander. It’s alright.”

Alexander shook his head, refusing to accept this. He couldn’t stop a few tears from starting to fall down his face.

Thomas just weakly said, “We’re alright.” He turned to George and respectfully said, “I’ll get my things and then I’ll leave.”

George nodded and didn’t show any sign of compromise.

Thomas kissed Alexander on the forehead and went back to his room. Alexander made brief eye contact with his dad, but as his dad opened his mouth to say something to him, Alex quickly followed on Thomas’s heels.

Going back to his room, Thomas threw his suitcase open and started throwing his clothes in it.

Alexander shut the door behind him and completely burst into tears. “This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair,” he said, openly sobbing.

Thomas immediately took him into his arms, “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s all okay.”

“I don’t want you to go,” he sobbed.

Thomas lightly hushed him, pulling away and taking his face into his hands to make him look at him. “It’s alright. Listen to me, baby. It's alright. I can just crash as James and Aaron’s for a while. We’re going to be fine. I love you and I promise I’m not going to step away from us for even a second. You got that?”

Alexander nodded, but in a sceptical way that said he still wasn’t okay with this. Thomas gave him a quick kiss, gliding his hands down his arms to take his hands and give them a squeeze. He gave Alexander a smile, and Alexander weakly smiled back.

Alexander took his hands away and wiped his eyes, trying to snap himself back into reality. “Urm… I guess I’ll help you pack.” Going over to the drawers, he started taking clothes out and putting them into the suitcase.

“You can put aside any clothes you want to keep,” Thomas said, and Alexander nodded, creating a small pile of clothes he’d gotten used to wearing and couldn’t bear living without anymore.

Once everything was in the suitcase, Alexander walked over to him and Thomas put his hands on his arms, lightly rubbing them.

“Are you good?” Thomas asked.

Alexander nodded but didn’t verbally respond to avoid crying again.

“Do you have everything you need?”

Alexander tilted his head to the side and looked him over, before putting his hand on the front of his shirt and lightly pinching it, “Can I have this?” He asked in a very small voice which was all he could manage.

Thomas smirked, “The shirt I’m wearing?”

Alexander nodded, “It will smell like you.”

Thomas smiled and laughed gently as he pulled off his shirt, handing it to Alexander who gave him a bashful but grateful smile. Alexander flickered his eyes over Thomas’s shirtless body, not even using a shred of discretion to hide it. Thomas on the other hand stared at the door praying George didn’t open it before he got another shirt on, pulling on the most similar shirt he could quickly find hoping George wouldn’t notice it was different.

Alexander looked up to him and he went on his tiptoes as Thomas tiled his head down so they could put their foreheads together.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” Alex whispered.

“I’ll only be a little while away. We can see each other all the time. I swear, whilst there’s a breath in my body, I won’t give up on you. We’re getting through this,” Thomas promised.

Alexander smiled, “I know.” They looked in each others eyes for a moment, before Alexander quietly said, “We could do it you know… Just leave together, head out of state and never look back.”

Thomas let out a short breath, his all-consuming feelings towards Alexander almost making that seem like a good idea. “Babe, we can’t do that, and you know it. You love your dad so much and if we did leave you’d hate me for the rest of your life for letting you do it.”

Thomas thought for a second as he inspected Alexander's face before tenderly saying, “I need you to do something for me. I know you’re probably really mad at your dad right now, but I need you to promise me you won’t try to freeze him out or start a feud with him or anything like that. Your dad really needs you, and you need him. Can you do that?”

Remaining silent for a second, Alexander slowly nodded. “Alright… I guess I’ll try. But I’m not making promises. I love you so, so much.”

Thomas smiled, “I love you, angel.”

Alexander let out a stifled laugh, “I’m no angel.”

“You are to me,” Thomas gently replied.

Alexander slowly put a hand to Thomas’s face and drew his finger down his cheek, “I know you’re only pretending to keep it together right now for me. So, thank you.”

Thomas took a deep breath, feeling caught out because he was right. He was trying really hard to be rational about this because he knew that if he fell apart, so would Alex. If he lost it for even a second, he could really lose any chance of getting on George’s good side and would risk putting Alex into a terrible predicament of having to choose between them. “You noticed?”

“Of course I noticed,” Alexander replied tenderly. “You’re my soulmate.”

Thomas smirked, “I thought you didn’t believe in that kind of thing.”

Alexander shrugged, completely overcome, “Maybe I can make one exception.”

Thomas smiled and stood there for a few seconds more, taking in Alexander's remarkable and unreplaceable presence. 

Feeling about as ready as he’d ever be to leave this place, Thomas sighed and eventually said, “I guess I should go then…”

Alexander nodded and pulled away, taking his hand and holding it as they walked out.

George watched them as they walked out with unforgiving and unrelenting eyes. Alexander let go of Thomas’s hand and stood by the counters.

Thomas tried to smile at George, “Thank you for everything.”

George didn’t smile or show any obvious feelings towards him, but there was a certain flicker of vulnerability in his eyes like he was having second thoughts. He put out his hand, plainly saying, “Key.”

Thomas could hear Alexander audibly muffle a cry as he shuffled through his pockets to take out his key and put it in George’s hand.

“I truly am grateful for everything you’ve done. I guess I’ll see you later.” He said and walked towards the door.

As he placed his hands on the door, Alex called out, “Wait.”

Thomas stopped and took his hand off his suitcase as Alexander ran over to him and wrapped his arms around him. Alexander pulled Thomas into a long passionate kiss, both as a way of saying goodbye and as a way of saying ‘fuck you’ to his dad.

Once it started going on for too long, George snapped, “Alright, you can go now.”

Thomas pulled away, pushing a strand of hair affectionately behind Alex’s ear and moving his lips close to his ear. “Can I say one thing before I go?” He whispered quietly, making sure George couldn’t hear.

Alex nodded curiously, not understanding what was so important that it had to be whispered to him five seconds before being forced out of the door under his father’s watchful eye.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Thomas whispered. Now probably wasn’t the best time to tell Alex some sweeping declaration of lifelong commitment, and it was probably still far too soon to say anything even remotely similar to that. But it was something he felt he needed to say, and that he needed Alex to know.

Alexander smiled softly, deeply appreciating the simple statement. “I’ll see you later,” he said sweetly back.

Thomas kissed Alexander on the forehead and passed a brief glance to George before leaving. The door shut behind him and there was a long, still silence.

After several moments of silence, Alexander went to walk back to his room feeling like all emotions had been extracted from the room.

As he passed, George put out a hand to touch Alexander on the arm, softly saying “Alex…”

Alex just pulled his arm away and harshly said, “Don’t you dare fucking touch me.” And without another word walked to his room and shut the door.


	79. Keeping and Not Keeping Secrets

Alexander didn’t come out of his room for the rest of the day, in silent protest of his dad’s decision.

He knew everything was fine. Thomas would just spend some time living somewhere else and they’d still be together. It wasn’t a big deal. Its not like couples usually live with each other after such a short period of time anyway. But he was still inexplicably mad at his dad for the way he handled the situation and was desperately upset that Thomas wasn’t here with him.

He sat on his bed, his eyes watering as he sniffed every so and then and wiped his eyes. The only solace he could find was the shirt he took from Thomas that was almost enough to pretend he was still there. Key word ‘almost’.

He texted his friends for consolation, and got a series of frustrated texts from Lafayette trying to convince him to use the kiss against his dad to get Thomas back which he opted to ignore- not understanding why Laf was so keen to have his ‘secret’ exploited.

Thomas also sent him a text to let him know that Aaron and James were more than willing to let him sleep on their couch, so he promised Alex he didn’t need to worry. It helped put his mind at ease to an extent, but not completely. After all, living on a couch was fine for a short period of time, but it wouldn’t work for the month long periods until James and Dolley could get married and get their own place.

As he started to get exhausted from being upset and his eyes were becoming sore, he got a phone call from Thomas. He picked up as quick as he could, barely even checking the name because he knew exactly who it would be.

“Tommy. Thank god, I miss you.”

“Hey, sweetie. I miss you too.”

“Is everything alright? Are you absolutely sure Aaron and James are okay to let you stay there?”

“Yep, everything’s good. You don’t need to worry about me, I promise. Things are a little crowded since it’s only a small apartment, but it’s fine for now.”

Alexander sighed and put a hand to his forehead, “I’m so, so sorry about my dad. I had no idea he would do that.”

“It’s fine, baby. Have you spoken to him at all?”

Alexander shook his head before remembering Thomas couldn’t see him and coyly saying, “No.”

“Alex…” Thomas said tiredly.

“I know, I know,” Alexander said exhaustively. “I just don’t want to talk to him right now.”

There was a slight pause before Thomas asked, “You sound upset, are you still crying?”

“No,” Alex answered. He sniffed and wiped his eyes. “Maybe.”

“Darling…” Thomas slowly said. “Everything’s gonna be alright. You just need to trust me.”

Alexander nodded, “I trust you,” he said, a few more tears streaming down his face. “I just don’t like being away from you.”

“I don’t like it either,” Thomas gently said. “I think your dad just needs some more time. With everything I’ve done I can hardly be surprised with how things turned out. Remember that this is hard for him too.”

Alexander let out a muffled sob, using the shirt to stop himself from being too loud and mad at himself for still being so upset over this. “I just hate that he did it like that. I’m so scared.”

Thomas lightly hushed him to try to calm him down. “It’s alright. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Alexander nodded, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. “I love you more than anything in the world.” 

There was a long silence as Alexander tried to recollect himself. Eventually he calmed down enough to start feeling tired. “Stay on the phone with me until one of us fall asleep?” Alexander asked.

“Of course,” Thomas tenderly replied.

Alexander closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep, happy on knowing that at very least Thomas was on the other side of the phone.

Every so and then Thomas asked something or said a sweet nothing to see if Alexander was asleep, and Alexander would mumble back a response. Eventually, when he asked a question and Alex just made a mostly asleep hum, Thomas smiled and said, “Goodnight mon amour.” Before slowly taking the phone away and hanging up.

* * *

 

Alexander woke up in the morning still tightly holding his phone. He smiled to himself and texted Thomas ‘youre the best. I love you’

Alexander started getting out of bed and smiled down at his phone as he got another text. ‘Love you, it’s cold today remember a coat xxx:)’

With that, Alexander got dressed and left to go to school. As he walked out of his room, his dad was sitting by the table waiting for him.

“Good morning, Alexander.” He quietly said.

Alexander just evaded his eyes and said, “I thought you’d have left.”

“I thought I’d stay around for a while so we could talk.”

“I need to get to school.”

“I can take you in later if you want,” George tried.

“I’m good.”

“Alex, please. I want to talk.”

“You mean like how you talked to Thomas before kicking him out on the street?” Alex dryly responded. “You might as well just go to work. Because I have nothing to say to you,” he said and walked straight out. Not letting his dad get another word in.

Alexander stormed into school and harshly opened his locker as if to say ‘look at me, I’m mad’ to anyone who didn’t know.

“Woah, someone seems angry,” John noted as he came to stand next to Alex with Eliza.

“I’m pissed,” Alex simply said.

“Really? I couldn’t tell,” Eliza joked lightly.

Alex didn’t respond and Eliza just sweetly asked, “Is it really that bad?”

Alexander nodded.

“I can’t believe your dad would actually kick him out,” John said.

Eliza coyly shrugged, “Is it really that surprising though? My dad would kill me if it was me. Not to mention your dad is kind of, ya know, terrifying.”

“Whatever,” Alexander mumbled and just shut his locker and walked to class without them.

John rolled his eyes, “Our friends are so weird. Alexander’s in the middle of a civil war with his dad over a boy, Hercules and Lafayette aren’t talking for some reason, I thought we were passed pointless drama?”

Eliza sighed, “Me too.”

Alexander sat next to Lafayette in lesson, and when Laf tried to bring up the subject of his secret, Alex just snapped, “Don’t fucking test me right now.” Which for once actually managed to shut Lafayette up.

At lunch, he went outside of the school, feeling frustrated and guilty for snapping at all of his friends. On the other side of the road, he noticed Thomas looking for him and his eyes completely lit up as he ran over to him and pulled him into a kiss without a word.

“Fuck, it’s good to see you, Tommy.” Alex said as he broke the kiss and relaxed into his arms.

Thomas let out an unexpected laugh, Alex having managed to completely sneak up on him. “Well, good to know I don’t need to worry about you thinking I looked creepy standing outside of your school to see if you left for lunch.”

Alexander just kissed him again, “Want to get coffee?”

Thomas smiled and nodded, and they walked to get coffee before sitting next to each other on a bench. They sat in silence for a few seconds.

“I know you won’t like this, but I still haven’t talked to my dad. And I’ve been kind of rude to my friends recently,” Alex admitted.

Thomas sighed and put a hand on Alex’s knee, “Alex, doll, you can’t do that.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Alex mumbled. “Things are just hard without you.”

“I know, things are hard without you too. But you can’t just stop living normally because you aren’t seeing me every second of every day.”

“I know,” Alex said with a sigh. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to be less hung up about it. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to talk to my dad for a little while longer though.” He looked down a little embarrassed and asked, “Am I being really needy?”

Thomas lightly laughed and shuffled closer to Alex, “Maybe a little. But I don’t mind. I kind of like it, actually. I like how you make me feel needed.”

Putting his head against Thomas’s shoulder, he mumbled, “You are needed.”

Thomas let out a breath and kissed Alex on the top of his head, “I don’t know though, maybe it’s kind of a good thing we have to spend some time apart.” Before Alexander could shoot him an offended look, Thomas quickly continued, “Don’t get me wrong, I love living with you more than I’ve loved anything over the last five months. It’s just, couples don’t usually live with each other until way further into their relationship. You have to admit that we did enter this whole thing with an unusual amount of intensity. So, I dunno, maybe it’s good that we’re taking a step back.”

Alexander immediately shook his head, adamantly disagreeing with his conclusion. “I like our intensity. I wouldn’t want anything else.” 

Thomas gave him a shy smile and wrapped his arms around his shoulders to hold him. As a few seconds passed, Thomas remembered what he said the day before and awkwardly said, “Urm… Alex, you know that thing I said right before I left yesterday? I know that I probably said it way too soon in our relationship and I don’t want you to feel pressured on how to feel. So I’m not offended if y-”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you too.” Alexander interrupted without a hint of hesitation.

Thomas paused and couldn’t stop a smile from going across his face, “Really? Because if you’re just saying that because you think you have to-”

Alexander pulled him into a kiss, and as he pulled away he whispered, “I mean it.”

Thomas fell silent and smiled as Alexander repeated, “I mean it,” this time as a whisper.

Instead of verbally responding to this, Thomas brushed through his hair to hold him by the back of his head to pull him into a kiss. After giving each other a soft loving kiss for a few seconds, Alexander caught sight of someone over Thomas’s shoulder who was taking a picture on their phone.

Alexander pulled away from the kiss and grumbled, “I hate people.”

Thomas discretely glanced behind him to see what he was talking about and let out an annoyed noise, “Vultures. What is so god damn interesting about our relationship?”

“Maybe every single aspect of our relationship?” Alexander jokily guessed.

Thomas snickered, “Yeah, okay that sounds about right.”

Alexander took his hand and said, “Wanna head elsewhere?”

Thomas nodded and stood up as they walked away to find somewhere where no one would recognise them.

“I guess we’ll just need to get used to having some aspects of our personal life being sensationalised,” Alex groggily noted.

Thomas hummed in agreement. “That's true. But honestly a part of me is kind of glad for it in the long run. I mean, having that immediate pressure on me to properly confront our relationship and how people see me seriously helped me commit to you with no reservations.”

Alexander smiled at him, glad that something good came out of that whole fiasco. After a few more steps, he realised something and his smile dropped and his eyes widened. “Of course, _that’s_ why.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow, “Just had an epiphany?”

 “Something like that.” Alexander kissed Thomas on the cheek, “I’ll tell you about it later. I need to make a phone call before my next class.”

“I love you, Alex,” Thomas said. “Stay out of trouble and don’t start a riot, your face is too beautiful to be hurt.”

Alexander smiled and walked away. He reached the school with only a few minutes to spare before class, leaning against an outside wall as he rang up Laf. He knew he couldn't search the whole school with so little time to find him, so a phone call really did seem like the best bet. 

After a few rings, Laf picked up. “Oh, hey Alex.”

“Hey Laf, urm… you alone?”

Lafayette paused before replying, “I’m kinda busy right now, can it wait?”  

Alexander wiped his face, “It’s about that… secret of yours.”

Alex heard Lafayette’s voice turn more direct as he cryptically asked, “So you’re finally going to… _do it?_ ”

Alex rolled his eyes again and replied, “Of course I’m not.” He paused for a second, pressing his tongue against his top teeth. “But I think I know now why you want me to.”

Lafayette forced a laugh and asked, “What do you mean? I have no reason, I just want what’s best for you.”

“Maybe you _think_ that’s why you want me to say something, but I really don’t think it is. I think it’s because you’ve been keeping all these feelings and secrets inside for so long, and I think deep down you don’t want to keep it in anymore. And if I did say something and it pushed everything into the open, it would force you and…“ Alexander let out a sigh, hardly believing that he would ever be in a position of having to say this,  “ _my dad…_  to face how you feel.”

There was a couple of moments silence before Lafayette brought himself to say, “It’s not like that.”

“Isn’t it? Because I’ve never seen anyone care so much about getting their secret _out._ And if that is why, then there’s a better way of going about it. If there really is unresolved feelings, just talk to him.”

Lafayette then snapped, “Look, if you want me to stop pushing you to save your own damn relationship, then fine. But don’t you dare try to put words in my mouth or assume how I feel.” Immediately hanging up.

Alex opened his mouth and paused, “Hello?” When there was no reply he rolled his eyes and put his phone away.

He went to his last class, and afterwards as he started heading home Eliza ran to catch up with him. “Hey, Alex. I got a quick question. What were you talking to Laf about before lesson on the phone? Because he's the sweetest person ever and I’ve never seen him mad in my entire life.”

Alexander said, “Just…” he sighed and crossed his arms, “He just has some things to deal with. Don’t worry about it.”

“Is this…. anything to do with why Hercules and Lafayette haven’t been talking?” Eliza guessed.

“Might be,” Alexander responded. “Just don’t worry about it alright?” he assured her, before they went their separate ways without another word on the subject.

Eliza was left very confused, feeling like something just wasn't adding up. 


	80. When Things Don't Exactly Go As Planned

Alexander just about managed to get home at the end of the day in one piece. He was so preoccupied in deep thought about Lafayette that he barely even processed his dad as he walked through the door.

“Alexander, could you come here for a second,” his dad asked, causing him to snap out of his head.

Once again, Alex was still so mad that he completely repudiated everything Thomas had said earlier and was still refusing to speak to his dad. Instead, he attempted to walk to his room without even acknowledging him. But his attempt was cut short when his dad repeated, “Alexander, come here right now,” this time far more harshly.

Alex looked over to his dad and noticed the news website in front of him which clearly showed a picture of him and Thomas on it that he immediately recognised as the one from earlier that day.

“You saw him today?” His dad asked.

“Yeah, between classes,” Alexander awkwardly answered. Not appreciating the judgmental look on his face, Alexander quickly justified, “I don’t really think I owe you much of an explanation,” before his dad could object to their rashness or mindlessness at being openly affectionate in public.

George took a deep breath and spoke clearly to make sure he understood as he scolded, “Alexander, you _can’t_ be this oblivious about what people think about you. You’ve already been rejected from one college for it.”

Alexander opened his mouth to speak, wanting to scream at his dad for trying to even make him think of his relationship solely in terms of what others thought of him. But instead he just scoffed and turned to walk away again.

His dad slammed a fist on the table, and finally snapped, “Don’t you dare ignore me, Alexander Hamilton. Stop being such a brat right now,” causing Alexander to jump and turn back to him. His dad could be absolutely terrifying when he wanted to be.

There was a brief pause as George recollected himself, regretting allowing himself to snap like that. Alexander took a deep breath and built up the courage to plead, “Dad, I really love him. Why the hell are you expecting me to justify that to you?”

His dad without missing a beat sternly replied, “My problem isn’t that I don’t believe you think you love him, my problem is that you shouldn’t love him. He’s reckless and careless and he’s pulling you down too.”

Alexander gritted his teeth, trying to contain how angry he was by his father blatantly implying he only thought he was in love with Thomas, “I do love him. And I don’t see why I shouldn’t. Stop trying to convince me that he’s ‘bad news’. And you know what? You would understand if you’d ever felt like I do…” He clocked what he said only as he said it, and looked to the side and slowly shook his head to himself before deciding to just plainly ask, “Dad, _are_ you in love with anyone?”

He was well aware that his dad could be manipulative and secretive as hell at his worst. But there was one thing he could always count on, and that was that his dad would never look him in his eyes and lie to him.

He couldn’t lie to him.

That was what made the long silence, followed by an answer of “I don’t see why that matters,” so damning.

Alexander felt like he couldn’t breathe. He thought he didn’t care if his friend and his dad had feelings for each other, but this was too much. “It’s a yes or no question. Just tell me, Are you in love with someone?”

George could only reply, “Alexander, why are you asking me?”

Alexander’s eyes widened his eyes and covered his mouth, “Oh my god. You do. You…” He trailed off.

“I told you. It isn’t important,” George dismissed.

“Of course it’s important!” Alex cried.

 “What the hell do you want me to say?” His dad finally demanded in frustration.

“I want you to say you’ll leave me and Thomas alone or I’ll-” Alex completely cut himself off abruptly half sentence. Only just stopping the information Lafayette gave him from slipping out. Was he really about to threaten his own father? Was he really about to use Lafayette’s information and threaten his father with more social ruin? Alex shook his head to himself and quietly muttered, “Never mind. I’m going to bed.”

Alexander went to bed and put a pillow over his head and didn’t come out until morning. Whilst he fell into an uneasy sleep, he woke up feeling even worse, and it made him even more stressed that Thomas wasn’t here and he wasn’t up to talking to his dad about it. He gritted his teeth as he tried to stop himself from breathing too quickly or screaming as he tied his hair up and went over to the mirror. He knew he should probably go to bed again, he looked sick and he was feeling delirious, unable to focus on his image and keep his eyes fixed for more than two seconds at a time. But against his better judgment, he left the apartment just in time to not miss school. This time, his dad didn’t wait up for him.

He walked in and went over to Hercules, “Where is Lafayette?”

Hercules shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“I need to find him,” Alexander pushed.

“Doesn’t make me know where he is anymore,” Hercules bluntly responded, clearly about as up for his antics as everyone else at the moment.

Alexander moved on to walk around the corner, Hercules following along now curious to find out what was going on. After walking past some people, he caught sight of  Lafayette with John and Eliza and went over to tap him on the shoulder.

Lafayette saw him and let out a sigh, “What do you want now?”

“I need a favour. Can I talk to you in private? I mean it this time.”

“I’m busy,” Lafayette boredly excused. John and Eliza and Hercules all seemed confused. Lafayette was absolutely not the type to be acting like he was.

“Are you sure? Because don’t think I won’t talk about it in front of god and everyone.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Lafayette said, clearly not believing he had any intention of actually speaking about anything whilst everyone was around.

Alexander gave a brief glance to his friends, before plainly saying, “I need you to talk to my dad.”

Lafayette stiffened up, “That’s not happening.”

“Well, I need you to. And I think you need to do it too.”

“I haven’t seen him for almost two years now and I have no intention of seeing him now. Go back to bed, Alex. You look like a mess.”

“If my dad speaks to you, I think he’ll…” Alexander let out a sigh not really sure how to put it, “He’ll come to terms with _things,_ and maybe he’ll even soften up on Thomas. I have no hope of convincing him because he thinks I’m naïve. I need someone who isn’t me to do it, but someone he likes.”

“Alex, I can’t help you. Can you just drop it already? How many times can I tell you? I tried to help you but you didn’t want to do it my way, so there’s nothing else I can do.”

Alex scoffed and mumbled, “You are such a coward.”

Lafayette stiffened and raised an eyebrow, “Excuse me?”

Seeing that this was heading ugly real quick, Eliza tried to intervene, “Hey, Alex, why don’t I get you home?”

Alexander just waved her off, “I said you’re a fucking coward,” he repeated loudly. “You can’t face up to your own feelings because you’re so afraid, so you want me to do it for you. Whatever. You’re a coward. That’s your life. I wouldn’t care except from that its hurting people.”

Lafayette was clearly agitated and couldn’t be bothered with what was going on before he snapped. “Well, maybe your dad’s right about everything.”

Alexander and all of their mutual friends looked equally shocked at that statement.

“What?” Alexander said gravely.

“Alex, you have lost your college, your reputation and now even your father because of your stupid relationship. How long will it take you to realise that it just isn’t going to work. You’re throwing your life away over some stupid guy who you’re convinced loves you way more than he does. And _I’m_ the coward for not sweet talking your dad into being okay with it? Sometimes people can’t be with the people they want to be with. Maybe you should stop wondering why your dad doesn’t ‘get it’ and grow up already.”

Lafayette didn’t mean what he said. It was a simple case of projecting his problems onto someone else. If Alexander had even thought about it for even a second he would have realised this. But what he said hit every single sore spot and pushed him way past what he could put up with.

“Grow up?” Alexander asked, not even thinking about it for a millisecond before he sharply, bitterly and carelessly refuted. “At least I never tried to sleep with one of my best friend’s dad, you fucking hypocrite.”

All of their mutual friends widened their eyes in shock and confusion. Laurens did a double take, not understanding what just left Alex’s mouth, “Wait, what the fuck did you just say?”

Lafayette took a quick breathe and quickly replied, “I didn’t try to sleep with anyone. I put everything I felt aside because of you. Because unlike you, I’m not some immature brat who would rather see the world burn then not get what I want. Now _please shut up,_ ” Lafayette spat back. Hoping- likely in futile- that their friends hadn’t yet caught on to what exactly they were talking about.

Alex kept going despite Lafayette clearly wanting him to stop. “That’s not my fault. Stop blaming me for your stupid problems. I never stopped you from doing anything. Stop trying to put all of your problems on me just because you don’t want to deal with them.”

“Oh you mean like how you want me to talk to your dad and magically make all your problems go away?”

“That’s not why I wanted you to talk to my dad, you asshole.”

“Then why the fuck are you so concerned about me talking to him.”

Alexander snapped and with no sense of self-awareness shouted, “Because my dad’s fucking in love with you.”

Lafayette’s face turned slowly pale, and there was no mistake that all of his closest friends heard that. And there was no way that sentence left any room for interpretation. He looked completely mortified and humiliated.

Lafayette caught sight of his friends, and the way they looked at him made him want to disappear. In an attempt to push it away as meaningless gossip he mumbled “You’re delusional” and turned to walk away.

Alexander grabbed his arm and made him turn around again, still not realising the damage he was doing, “You know what, maybe I have given up a lot for the person I love. But at least I didn’t hide being in love with someone from my closest friends for over a year.”

He had enough and sharply pushed Alex away from him, “I hid it because I thought you might swallow a bottle of pills, you bitch.”

Alexander then practically jumped on him and a brief fight broke out. The rest was a complete blur to Alex, he just remembered his friends pulling him away and a strong feeling that this didn’t go the way he planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I edited this chapter TWICE and lost the connection so I had to edit it three damn times to get it done. So editing's probably shoddy but it's 3am now so fuck that.  
> If ur reading this I love you <3  
> I feel like I don't talk to people who read this enough or interact with you beautiful people enough, I just never know how to respond to people on this site? If you would like, I'd be very happy to answer any questions or comments or just talk to you on my tumblr please-give-me-that-pen-back. :) <3


	81. The Principle's Office

The next thing Alexander knew, him and Lafayette were sitting in the principle’s office.

He hated to admit that he was fairly used to this environment, having been dragged in there a significant number of times in the past. He was adamantly sure that this wasn't who he was anymore; he thought he’d put it all behind him. Yet here he was again, annoyed at himself and staring at the clock after getting into a fight with one of his closest friends.

They sat in silence, not saying a word to each other. Listening to the ticking of the clock on the wall and waiting for something to happen.

“I’ve never been in a fight before,” Lafayette murmured. He brought a hand to his shoulder in pain and added, "You hit my shoulder really hard against the floor."

“Well you pushed me first,” Alex aggressively mumbled back.

Laf's jaw stiffened and he looked forward intently, trying to keep himself from falling to pieces. “You started it. You just wouldn't shut up.”

“Well you kissed my fucking _dad_.” Alexander seethed through his teeth. 

“You said you didn’t care.” Lafayette said desperately.

“It’s my fucking dad. Of course I do. And what about what you said, huh?”

Lafayette didn’t respond and looked taken aback and guilty. Instead putting his focus on something small in his hands with a heartbroken look on his face.

Alexander looked over and scowled. Laf was trying to fix a small broken chain, “What’s that?”

Lafayette shook his head and put it in his pocket, “Nothing.” There was a beat of silence before Lafayette said on the verge of tears, “All of our friends know now because of you. _”_

It then hit Alexander with everything he’d done, and how he completely outed Lafayette’s secret to everyone close to him. How many people overheard him? Was it just his friends, or was it the entire damn school? As much as he tried to remember the events that just transpired, he couldn't be sure how many onlookers there were.

Just as Lafayette spoke, the principle came back in the room and sat on her chair. Just as imposing as she's always been.

“Well, Mr Lafayette I’ve contacted your parents. Your father asked me to tell you to call him once you get home. Since this is the first time you’ve gotten into any kind of trouble, I’m willing to look at this as a one time thing and let you off with a warning. But further instances won’t be tolerated. Understood?”

Lafayette nodded, and the principle said, “In that case your free to go home. Tomorrow I want you to stay out of trouble.”

Lafayette nodded again and stood up to leave, quietly mumbling “thank you.” 

Alexander let out a deep sigh, because unlike Laf, he didn’t have the benefit of saying this instance was an aberration.

“Mr Hamilton,” she started with an exhausted tone, putting on her glasses and taking out a folder to flick through his record, “I thought you were passed ending up in my office every week.”

“So did I,” Alexander admitted.

“Your records just as shocking as I remember,” she noted. “Considering how your past shows a continuous lack of regard for the rules and a pattern of violence towards other students, I should have you expelled right now.”

Alexander’s eyes widened. If he got expelled that really would make dreams of going to _any_ college impossible.

“But,” she continued with a sigh closing the folder, “Since last year you’ve shown a lot of growth, and recently you’ve been a near exemplary student. So this once I’m willing to show leniency and put it down to the trauma you’ve faced this month, but let me be clear that if anything like this happens again it will be out of my hands.”

Alexander nodded frantically, “Yes, of course. It will never happen again. I promise.”

She took off her glasses and put them down, pausing for a few seconds before gently asking “Alexander, is everything alright at home?”

Alexander opened his mouth and stuttered, not really sure how to respond, “I don’t understand.”

The principle looked him over before she supplied, “A complicated romantic relationship with someone who for a considerable time lived in your own house and a distant relationship to your father is bound to create conflict. I’m aware from whispers among your close friends what you and Lafayette were arguing about, which concerns me… It’s caused me to worry that your home environment isn’t safe anymore. I’m worried that your violence today indicates the potential for further escalation.”

There was a pause, and when Alexander didn’t object or say anything, she asked “Alexander, do you need me to remove you from the situation?”

Alexander’s eyes widened as he shook his head, “What? No, no, I’m fine. Everything at home is fine. It’s just complicated. I have a good father. And a good boyfriend. And good friends. Everything’s fine.”

She didn’t look like she even remotely believed him over that. “Well, unfortunately for me you’re eighteen now, which severely limits the action I can compel you to take.” She took out a pen and notebook, “But to give me peace of mind so I don’t feel obligated to contact social services, would you answer some questions for me so I can make sure your home is suitable and…” she paused looking for a way to put it lightly, “legal.”

Alexander stiffened up but nodded, “Sure.” He wasn’t exactly wanting to leak everything about his private life to his principle, but since he had nothing illegal to hide he figured he’d be fine.

“Your relationship with Mr… Jefferson was it?” Alexander scoffed at her attempt to make it seem like she hadn't read all of the papers about them. “When did the relationship begin?”

“That depends what you mean,” Alexander awkwardly replied.

The principle seemed somewhat thrown off by this question, not sure how to qualify what she meant. “Okay… Well… When did you and Mr Jefferson begin being openly affectionate towards each other.”

He wasn’t really sure what that was supposed to mean, but assumed that she was finding an appropriate way of asking when they started to do things like kissing, so he immediately thought of the first time they shared a kiss. “I suppose that would be a little over a month ago.”

She paused, “So would I be correct in assuming you were seventeen at the time?”

Alexander nodded.

“Alexander,” she said delicately. “Are you aware that an adopted child being in a relationship with someone residing in that home can deeply compromise the ability for that child to stay at that location?”

Alexander paused, he never thought about it like that. Could he be taken away from his dad for being in love with Thomas? “No, I didn’t know that…”

She let out a deep breath, “In that case, you were very lucky to not have it revealed until you were almost eighteen and it was too late to do anything about it. But since there’s no action that can be taken anymore we can move on.”

Alexander felt completely frozen to his core. He never even thought about it like that. Was that part of the reason his dad was so adamantly against Thomas publishing the article? Did his dad know about that?

“Anyway. Your father and Mr Lafayette. When did they begin…” She paused not sure what to call it.

Alexander cringed with every fibre of his being that he was being asked about this kind of thing. “They didn’t begin anything. It was one kiss last year and that’s it.” He replied.

She didn’t look like she entirely believed that it would have been one kiss. Presumably because in the past she would have seen a lot of students who definitely only ‘kissed’. But she decided to mostly take him at his word and asked, “And this was definitely after Lafayette turned seventeen?”

Alexander nodded, “Yep.”

Moving on she looked extremely hesitant and almost worried as she asked, “I know this may be embarrassing for you. And believe me I hate asking this. But was there any sexual relations with anyone living in your household before you reached the legal age to consent?”

Alexander scowled, very confused by the way the question was phrased. “No, I’ve never had ‘sexual relations’ with anyone. But why would you even ask that? If you saw the article you would know Thomas didn’t move in until I was over seventeen anyway.”

“And no one forced themselves on you?” She checked, ignoring his question.

“No. God no. But you didn’t answer my question.”

She paused looking uncomfortable and not sure how to respond.

Suddenly it clicked and he could only half laugh in disbelief. Asking if he’d ever had sex with someone living in his house before he was seventeen- when she was well aware that him and his dad had previously lived alone before that…  She was just trying to find a delicate way of asking Alexander if he’d ever been raped by his adoptive father. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Looking past his language, she lightly responded, “I know you don’t like me asking these questions. But I’m responsible for making sure all of my students are safe even when they leave the school. I’m just making sure there’s no chance you’re going to suffer abuse from the people you’ve surrounded yourself with.”

“Why would you even ask that, though?” Alexander asked in outrage, almost certain that she wouldn’t ask every single student questions about their relationships and family members assuming abuse or even incest.

Apparently dropping all sense of disguise through formality, she explained, “Alexander, a student has informed me that your father has an inappropriate connection with one of your school friends. And you violently confronted the same friend on the subject. That doesn’t look good to anyone. Your father’s actions combined with your past of instability which make you vulnerable to this type of abuse at very least displays a pattern of behaviours which could be a sign of something worse.”

“What? So my dad may or may not be interested in one of my friends and people somehow take that to think he fucked _me._ I don’t care whether it shows a ‘pattern of behaviour’, it’s ridiculous. I super promise I’m not being abused. Look, I’m in love with my dad’s friend and now apparently he’s in love with one of my friends. So I guess we’re one of those weird, tangled up families now. But that’s it. My boyfriend isn't abusing me. My dad's not abusing me. There’s no abuse. Can I go now?”

She looked at his face for a few seconds, “Okay… if you insist everything’s fine then I suppose you can leave. I just need to call up your dad to tell him what happened. But Alexander, I want you to know that if you ever stop feeling safe at home or need to access any resources for help, my office is always open.”

Alex nodded and said, “Sure,” standing up wanting out of the office. He only paused to briefly ask, “Oh, urm… can you not tell my dad what we were arguing about? He’ll be disappointed in me enough for fighting at all.” She still looked slightly sceptical but nodded  and allowed him to leave with no reason to hold him up anymore.

Alexander walked outside and was relieved to feel the air on his skin. “Fuck” he mumbled.

Not even a few steps out of the building, he was stopped as someone called out, “Hey."

Alexander stopped and turned around to see Hercules walking towards him, “What the fuck? So this is why Lafayette’s been acting so screwed up?”

Alexander nodded and let out a breath, too tired to talk about this. “Yeah, I guess,” he replied rubbing the back of his neck.

Hercules looked so annoyed, but not so clearly at who. “You know, Hamilton, I always thought you were a lot of trouble, but at least now I know where you get it from.”

Alexander wasn’t sure where this was going, but he didn’t think he liked it, “Watch it.”

“Watch what? All I’m doing is saying what everyone knows now. Why does your entire family have to act so fucking insane with no consideration of anyone else? I always thought it was surprising that your dad who seemed really sensible managed to raise someone as ridiculously reckless as you, but I guess what they say is true. Like father like son.”

Alexander gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, “I just spent half an hour convincing the principle that my dad isn’t an abuser. So please stop talking and be glad that I have to avoid getting into fights to stay in the school.”

Alexander then walked away with his confidently aggressive look on his face, and when his back was to Hercules so he couldn’t see his face anymore, it broke and he started to cry.


	82. Walking Out

Alexander walked home looking straight at the pavement and trying to keep himself together. He stopped at his front door and took a deep breath, hoping his dad was still at work because he really didn't want to face him right now.

As he walked in, he saw his dad against the counters with concern, waiting for him.

Alexander let out a sigh and closed his eyes as he shut the door.

“I thought you'd be at work,” Alexander mumbled.

“I came home because apparently my son got into a fight,” his dad replied stiffly. “What the hell, Alexander? Lafayette’s one of your closest friends, why would you get into a fight with him?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he said in an insincere dulled voice.

“That’s not an explanation.”

“Well, I don’t want to explain anything to you.”

“Alexander, talk to me for one second,” George said in clear frustration, on the verge of anger or tears or both. “I can’t do this anymore. You’re impossible.”

Alexander wasn’t listening and was looking down at his phone, typing out with shaky fingers, ‘I need to see you now. central park in the place we always go’ to Thomas.

“I’m going out.”

“You are not going anywhere, Alexander Hamilton. Don’t you dare put one foot outside the door.”

“I’m eighteen you can’t stop me.”

George looked completely lost, not sure what he could do to connect with his son or make him listen. As a last attempt he reached out his hand and said, “Give me your phone.”

Alexander’s eyes widened, “What? You can’t do that.”

“I paid for that phone. If your so determined to live under your own rules you can pay for your own damn phone too. Hand it over right now.”

Alexander couldn’t believe what he was saying, but walked back into the room. For a brief moment, George thought Alex was going to finally relent- but then Alexander walked straight passed him and went to the bookcase. He took something from under a book and slipped it in his bag before taking out his phone and walking straight back to George to place it in his palm.

And opposite what his dad either wanted or expected him to do, Alex walked straight back towards his door and opened it to leave.

George obviously expected that demanding his phone would be enough for him to change his mind, because he looked over to him in shock and horror. He tried one last time, calling out, "Alexander."

But before his dad could say anything else, Alexander simply stated, “I’m not coming back,” and walked out.

As he left, his head worked hard to shroud any sensible thoughts which told him how ludicrous his actions were- pretending to not know how much it would hurt his dad. It was only when he was half down the street that he realised he didn’t have anything he needed with him. No money, no phone, no clothes, he wasn’t sure what the hell he was doing or what kind of point he was trying to make.

He went to central park and just begged that Thomas had seen the message and was able to get there. He stood by the bench and looked around him trying to see if he could find him anywhere.

When Alexander caught sight of the, a slight tint of relief washed over him. But it wasn’t like it usually was. He didn’t feel the intense feeling of passion and comfort he usually felt when he saw him, because at the moment the intense guilt that was piling up on him combined with an intense numbness prevented any positive feeling from dominating. 

Thomas caught sight of him and came over confused. “Baby, what’s going on? You texted me really vaguely and now you’re not picking up and- what’s wrong?”

Thomas moved to touch him, but Alexander just backed up and sat on the bench looking down at his hands. Thomas watched him in confusion, he usually jumped to hug him when he saw him, especially when he was distressed. And now he wasn't even letting Thomas  _touch_ him. Taking note of his unusual mood, Thomas just came to sit next to him.

“I got into a fight with Lafayette. And I think I just... lost my dad.” 

Thomas didn’t know how to take that, mainly because Alexander just said it so numbly and uncaringly. “Wait, what? What happened?”

“I don't know,” Alex responded.

Thomas blinked a couple of times, he wasn't exactly giving him much to go on. “Well, is Lafayette okay? What did the school say? What was all of this about? What do you mean you _lost your dad?_ ”

Alexander’s brain had completely given up at this point, and without much thought or care he replied, “School let me off. I think I outed my dad and Lafayette to the school and me and my dad aren’t talking.”

Thomas couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “What? Why would you do that? I thought you cared about your friends and your dad. Hell, I thought you cared about your future.” He didn’t mean for it to sound that accusatory, but Alexander was acting so emotionless and blank that it was difficult to navigate how to speak.

Alexander didn’t respond because he knew if he did he’d cry.

“Do you not care?” Thomas asked very perplexed by how numbly he was sitting there.

“Of course I do,” Alexander blankly responded.

Thomas sighed, having no idea what to do with Alexander sitting there like a robot.

Alexander, noticing Thomas was obviously tired of him and feeling self-conscious pointedly asked “What?”

Annoyed with how little was being given to him, Thomas replied “You’re just being impossible. I knew that our relationship was going to be rocky at points, and I knew there were going to be obstacles. But you getting into fights with your closest friends, almost getting kicked out of school and losing your dad was never supposed to be on the table. You can’t throw away all of that for us. It’s too much.”

Deep deep down, Alexander was probably well aware that the complaint was more directed at his behaviour than any aspect of their relationship. But Alexander’s mind in his paranoid and extremely exhausted state re-interpreted those words to mean one thing. “Are you saying _I’m_ too much…? Do you want to break up with me? I thought you said you wouldn’t give up on us no matter what. Now its suddenly all too difficult?”

Thomas looked completely taken aback and alarmed, having no idea how Alexander could have possibly took his words to mean that. “What? Of course not. How did you even take it that way? That’s not even close to what I said.”

“Really? Because that’s what it fucking sounded like. If you want to break up with me just do it already. In fact, if you’re so worried about me why don’t I break up with you and save you the trouble.” Alexander snapped, his mind going a hundred miles an hour and his words coming out too quickly to mentally manage them.

Thomas was completely thrown off and distraught, “Why are you saying this to me? Of course I don’t want to break up. You’re being crazy.”

Alexander widened his eyes and obviously took offence at the simple comment, “Crazy? You think I’m crazy?”

Thomas closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, thinking over his choice of words and clearly saying, "Alex, I didn’t mean that.”

Alex nodded, “Yeah, yeah you did. It’s fine. I get it. I’m too insane for you to be with. Well don’t worry, you don’t need to be anymore.”

“Alex, stop. I didn’t say that. I didn’t say anything close to that. Stop putting words in my mouth when I obviously didn’t mean that. I want to be with you.”

He reached out to touch Alexander but Alex flinched away and stood up, shouting “Don’t touch me.” Bringing his hands to cover his face.

The suddenness of his movements made Alexander feel dizzy, and he had to make a moment to steady himself and take a deep breath, whilst Thomas watched him completely alarmed by his reaction.

Alexander then wiped his face and in an artificially light voice said, “I’m gonna go. Urm, just forget everything I said. Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you around.”

Thomas reached after him, “Alex, please, I love you, I don’t want you to leave. You’re scaring me. Please stay so we can talk about this.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Alexander dismissed, still not letting Thomas make even the slightest physical contact with him. “I get it. It’s fine. I’m fine. We’re fine.”

“Alex,” Thomas protested again, standing up to go after him.

Alexander raised a hand and just said, “Don’t follow me,” and kept walking away. Thomas was just standing there, with no idea with where any of that left him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I super duper promise it'll get better


	83. Hitting Rock Bottom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning (skip if you don't need warnings): chapter contains heavy consideration of unspecific drugs

After stranding his boyfriend in the national park, Alex forced himself to walk and walk and to just keep walking.

It wasn’t until almost an hour of walking aimlessly that he realised he had nothing to walk to. He couldn’t go home, he couldn’t go to his friends and he couldn’t go to his boyfriend, and with no money on him he couldn’t just go away. He stopped in his tracks on a busy street and looked around lost.

He sat on some street steps and bit his fingernails, staring into the distance.

“Well if it isn’t Alexander Hamilton.” A voice said behind him.

Alexander turned around and scoffed as he said Charles Lee walking down the stairs. “Of course,” he mumbled under his breath, like this day could possibly get worse. “What do you want?”

“Relax, I’m just being nice,” Charles responded.

“Yeah right,” Alex mumbled.

“I overheard you and Lafayette at school,” he said, obviously leading up to something. “Sounds like your dad’s pretty fucked up.”

“Watch it,” Alex warned.

“Relax, relax,” Charles said raising his hands in defence. “You’ve just been going through a hard time lately so I thought I’d help.” He looked side to side and reached into his inside pocket to take out a small bag with pills in it and holding it out to Alex. “These should help take the edge off.”

Alex’s eyes widened, “I don’t do that stuff anymore, go away. Besides, I don’t have any money.”

“Don’t worry. This one’s free. Consider it a friendly gesture.” He insisted.

“Last time you sold to me, John beat you up to stop you giving them to me. Really want him to find out what you’re doing right now?” Alex taunted.

“I prefer the term ‘fierce disagreement.’ Anyway, you really think any of your friends have got your back anymore?"

Alex fell silent. He honestly didn’t know. Was John mad at him? Was his other friends mad at him? He hadn’t spoken to any of them since his fight with Lafayette. Did he have anyone anymore?

Charles pushed again, "Just take them, alright. I know you want them. Do you really expect me to believe you ended up in the exact spot where I dealt to you completely by accident?"

Hamilton looked at the steps and realised this really was the place where he brought his drugs from Charles. He got so used to walking there on impulse when he was upset that he supposed the habit was dying hard. “Look, I don’t want it. Go away.”

Charles laughed a little and said, “I don’t think you understand. Do you know who heard everything you and Lafayette said? Because it wasn't many people. It was basically all of your friends, and some of my friends. So whether or not your dad’s secret stays or doesn’t stay secret pretty much depends on me and me alone. Take these and you have my silence.”

That was it.

Now Alex knew exactly why he was doing this. Last year Alex pretty much ruined his drug dealing business and started a school wide feud after John won a fight against him on Alex's behalf. And now he obviously wanted pay back. He knew that if Alex went back on drugs he would become addicted and it would ruin his life.

Alex hesitated, but he felt awful about releasing his dad and Lafayette's secret that he couldn't resist the chance to stop it getting out. He reached out and took the small bag and stared at the white pills.

“I’m not going to take them,” Alex insisted.

“Of course you’re not,” Charles said with a smirk, not believing for a second that he wouldn’t give in. He then left without another word, leaving Alex alone with the same drugs that almost killed him.

Alexander sat there and looked helplessly at the pills. He knew that taking any of them would be a terrible idea. He remembered how addictive they were, how they ruined all of his relationships, caused him to lose so much weight that his clothes stopped fitting him, how little he was able to sleep and the way they made him constantly afraid. He remembered how horrible withdrawal had been and he definitely didn’t want to go through that again. After he got through it, he was determined to never relapse or even touch those things ever again.

But with everything feeling so volatile and in flames, he couldn’t help but pause to think about it. On top of all the bad things, he could also remember how empowered he felt when he was on them. How he felt like he could take on the entire world and do absolutely anything he set his mind to. God, he wanted that feeling right now. He supposed... just taking one couldn’t hurt...

He took one pill out of the bag and put it against his mouth, tracing the smooth surface against his lips contemplating. It would be so easy to just take it. One didn’t automatically mean he’d fall back into his old habits.

Just as he was about to let it slip into his mouth and suffer the consequences later, he remembered something else. He remembered what he first saw when he woke up in hospital- his dad in tears terrified he wouldn't make it, holding on to him and blaming himself for not seeing the signs or being there for him. To this day, it was the only time he’d seen his dad cry. He remembered how scared Lafayette was when he was trying to get him to the hospital as quick as he could, having no idea how to help him through the horrible seizures he was getting. How guilty John and his other friends felt when they found out that all those phone calls they ignored out of spite were him calling because he thought he might die. And he thought about how different everything would be if that really did bring the end to him. His dad would be completely heartbroken and he’d never recover. All of the promises he made with his friends and the way they envisioned their future would’ve died with him. And he never would have had the chance to fall in love.

He pulled the pill away and dropped it back into the bag. Making himself walk across the street to the closest public bathroom, he forced himself to not change his mind or allow for second thoughts. He dropped the contents into a toilet and flushed it, immediately collapsing on the floor of the stall and bursting into tears. Everything he’d said and done that day hit him like a brick. How the hell could he possibly fix everything he broke today? Why did he do it?

He cried for a while and was so tired he could've fallen asleep right there. But instead, he tried to collect himself enough to stand up as he pulled himself out of the bathroom to sit on the sidewalk of a now more remote street. He allowed himself to resume crying as he tried to think of where he could go to sleep tonight. 

“Alex, are you okay?” A high pitched voice asked behind him.

He turned around and Eliza and John were standing there holding drinks, obviously surprised at seeing their distraught friend crying in the middle of the street.

“What’s up?” John asked sitting next to him as Eliza sat on his other side.

Alexander tried to stop the tears, but his eyes were still bright red and it would be pointless to try to hide it. He wasn’t entirely sure why either of them were even talking to him really. “I really screwed up…” he whispered.

“Is this about earlier today?” Eliza asked.

“Sort of,” Alex replied. Mentally adding, 'as well as everything else I did today.'

“You got into a fight with a friend. Don’t worry, it happens.” John said, as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

Eliza hesitated before delicately asking, “Is… what you said true? About your dad and… urm… Laf?”

Alex nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, it’s true.”

“Damn,” John mumbled. “I would not have seen that coming.”

Alex shrugged, “I don’t really care. Just do me a favour and don’t tell everyone? I had to accept drugs from Lee just to shut him up.”

Both of them gave him an alarmed look, and Alex shook his head and said, “I didn’t take them. I wanted to but I didn’t. I couldn’t do it.”

John let out a sigh of relief and Eliza took his hand and gave it a squeeze and a smile.

Alexander looked down at his hand in Eliza’s, before letting his eyes drift straight forward. “Everyone hates me.”

John and Eliza both asked, “What?”

“I’ve driven everyone away _again._ I got into a fight with one of my best friends and outed his biggest secrets. I made the man I love think I didn’t want him to touch me- and after the little stunt I pulled today no way is he going to stay with me. Oh god, I told my dad I would never come home. Why would I do that? Why are either of you even talking to me? This is just like last year. It’s happening all over again.”

“Because you haven't driven us away,” Eliza replied.

“And it’s not like last year,” John said. “I know because last year you would have accepted the drugs. And because this time I'm going to stick by your side if you need me."

“You’re just having one of your days,” Eliza said.

He nodded his head slowly, knowing exactly what Eliza meant. He sometimes had days when he got so anxious and paranoid that it became completely self-destructive. He hadn’t noticed it so much recently, because usually when he was in that mood his dad or Thomas stopped him leaving the house, so the worst he’d do is sleep all day or- in one instance- break a coffee pot. But without talking to his dad and with no boyfriend living with him to keep him in check, no one was there to stop him when he felt like the world was about to end. Turns out he was even more dependent on other people then he thought...

“Have you had anything to eat or drink today?” Eliza asked.

Alexander shook his head.

Eliza handed him a milkshake, “Here, this will make you feel better.”

Alexander smiled, “Thank you. I don’t know what I did to deserve either of you for friends.”

Eliza and John wrapped there arms around him to give him a hug and Alexander let out a laugh.

They persuaded him eventually to let them buy something for him to eat, and it actually did make him feel a lot better. As it started getting dark, Eliza asked, “Do you want us to get you home?”

Alexander shook his head, “I don’t want to go home.”

John and Eliza looked at each other not really sure what to do.

“Well, I guess I could sneak you into my house,” Eliza suggested.

“Yeah, or you could climb into my window and sleep in my room,” John added. Both looking for ways to help their friend out despite strict parents that would never let a boy sleep over last minute.

“Don’t worry about it,” Alex replied. “I’ll figure something out.”

“We don’t want you to end up on the street.” John insisted.

“Don’t worry. I have people who live really close by that I can ask,” Alex insisted.

“Well, I guess if you insist,” Eliza apprehensively relented. They hugged Alex and walked away, occasionally looking back at him to make sure he really was okay.

Alex stood up and reached for his phone before he realised, “Oh shit…”

He’d planned to just text someone he knew who could let him stay over at theirs, but with no phone he had no way of doing that. And he didn't have the money to travel elsewhere.

It was getting dark and he wasn’t sure what to do. He only knew one person in the neighbourhood he was in, and he wouldn’t exactly be happy to see him after punching him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best part about hitting rock bottom is there's nowhere to go but up. Love you all, take care of one another :)  
> Also, should i tag washette in the relationships? because i feel like i should, but i don't know if that would kind of give something away to people when they start reading it, or if it would be dishonest advertising since it takes so long in the fanfic for it to become important

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry Lin.


End file.
